Legal Juice

Certainly it's natural to want to maximize one's real estate investment. But we are still, for the most part, a nation of laws. San Francisco landlords Kip and Nicole Macy apparently didn't care much about the law. They were trying to clear out a 6-unit building they bought in San Francisco. As reported in The San Francisco Chronicle:

When one of the tenants, Scott Morrow, successfully fought eviction, the couple allegedly told workers in September 2006 to cut the beams that supported his apartment's floor. They also shut off Morrow's electricity, cut his phone line and had workers saw a hole in his living room floor from below, prosecutors said. Morrow has since sued the Macys.

That's not all. Two other tenants paid reduced rents because they thought the Macys were charging them more than they were legally allowed to under the city's rent control laws. I think it goes without saying that the Macys did not take kindly to this.

Prosecutors said the Macys broke into the tenants' apartment last June and stole $2,000 in cash, a Gucci watch and a cell phone. The tenants, Erik Hernandez and Jason Lopez, later filed a lawsuit accusing the Macys of first changing the locks on the apartment, then illegally entering their unit and dismantling some of their furniture.

When Hernandez came home and confronted Kip Macy as the landlord was ransacking his apartment, Macy kicked him in the chest, the suit says. Threatening notes then started appearing at the tenants' door, and the water was shut off after the Macys stopped paying the bill, the suit says.

In October, Nicole Macy broke into the apartment and poured ammonia on clothes, bedding and home electronics, prosecutors said.

What became of the Macys? They were "arrested ... and charged with felony stalking, felony residential burglary, conspiracy and other counts ... They posted bail after their arrest." To read more, click here.

I don't think Michael Spillman, Jr., of Mansfield, Ohio, will be stealing anything anytime soon. He was at the home of Jacqueline Champion and Bernard Demuth when they left for a funeral. When they came home, Spillman was gone, and so was $2,200 in gaming equipment. As reported in The Mansfield News-Journal:

"[Ms. Champion] got onto his MySpace page and invited him to a cookout," the detective said. "Their plan was to call the police so we could arrest him."

Hey, plans change.

After leading Spillman to the basement, Demuth reportedly clubbed him in the back of the head with a leather-covered baton, causing his head to split open. Parrella said Spillman required six staples to close the wound. The suspects reportedly beat and kicked Spillman for some time, breaking his arm.

Ouchee! After Spillman confessed, and promised not to disclose the beating, they dumped him at the police station. He confessed to the police - and told them about the beating. Champion and Demuth were arrested and charged with felonious assault and kidnapping. Here's the source.

Daniel Ranallo can tell you, because he did it in Phillipsburg, Pennsylvania, and got busted. As described by Judge Pursel, per The Morning Call:

This is a bizarre case where the defendant was wandering around with a gun looking for someone and firing the gun in a public place.

So what do you get for that? A scolding? Community service? No such luck for 21-year-old Mr. Ranallo. He got oe year in jail. You can read more (just a tiny bit) here.

In a Fairfax County, Virginia Food Lion, a customer and a Food Lion manager got into an argument over the use of certain coupons. It goes without saying that coupon use is a very contentious issue. So perhaps it's not surprising that the manager then knocked over the customer's grocery cart. While leaving the store, the customer was pelted in the back with an egg - thrown by the store manager. Ever loyal, other store employees laughed at the customer, and refused to provide information about how to file a complaint with Food Lion's corporate office.

Perhaps not being satisfied with landing only one egg, the store manager filed criminal trespass charges against the customer. At the criminal trespass trial, since nobody from Food Lion showed, the case was dismissed. The customer then sued Food Lion for malicious prosecution and assault, and was awarded $3,800 in punitive damages, and $1,200 in attorney's fees. Alam v. Food Lion, Inc., Fairfax County General District Court.

Warning: Brushing your teeth will not be the same for a little while after you read this. As reported in the Evening Telegraph, nursing home worker Nina Strange

...dip[ped] a toothbrush into bath water, in which a patient had just defecated, before using it to brush the 75-year-old woman's teeth.

That's just the grossest of the transgressions of which Ms. Strange was convicted. Here are the others:

- hitting an 88-year-old wheelchair-bound woman across the back of the head;

- twice hitting an 81-year-old man around the head; and

- pulling an 81-year-old woman's hair as she put her to bed.

Ms. Strange has been suspended, and is awaiting sentencing. Here's the source.

So maybe it's only a little strange that 65-year-old Tad Gunter is living with his 85-year-old mother, Margery Gunter. Actually, it's really nice if he's taking care of her. What do you think, nice or strange?

Margery Gunter told deputies that her son, Tad Gunter, has been acting weird for the past month, according to an arrest report. She told deputies that her son sits in the living room and fondles himself sexually five times a day in front of her.

Shazam! I guess you could say the day was going along like any other [at least for the past month] until Ms. Gunter messed with her son's routine. She asked him to refill a prescription for her, and he wigged out, throwing a bottle of laundry detergent at her. Then, as reported by the Naples Daily News,

A witness, Ruel Montez, grabbed Margery Gunter, brought her to the kitchen and locked the door. Tad Gunter began yelling and throwing things around the room, reports said.

Mr. Gunter did not take kindly to police intervention.

When a deputy arrived, Tad Gunter told him to leave, put his hand on the deputy’s chest and pushed him, authorities said. During a confrontation, the deputy pushed Tad Gunter to the floor. When he tried to get up while swinging his arms and kicking his legs, the deputy drew his Taser.

Don't tase him, bro!

When Tad Gunter attempted to kick the deputy, the deputy deployed his Taser, striking him with a five-second jolt. During the struggle the deputy gave Gunter two more five-second jolts until one of the Taser’s probes fell out, report said.

When Gunter continued to struggle, the deputy delivered two three-second shocks by placing the Taser against his calf, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

Is this dude shockproof? Nope.

After he was handcuffed Tad Gunter apologized for his behavior.

Um. Er. Uh. Sorry. (Here's the Naples Daily News story.)

In addition to a few previously noted wacky British laws, as reported in The Daily Mirror, here are a few more that are still on the books:

A law enacted by George I states that: "The severest penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal house."

In York, it is still legal to murder a Scotsman within the city's ancient walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.

In a law passed in 1837, women are allowed to bite off a man's nose if he kisses her against her will.

A law enacted by Edward VI states that anyone found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks.

It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks.

A motorist who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.

To read more, click here.

Perhaps that's the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene:

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

So a bunch of Democrats put together a bill to bring Tennessee in line with EVERY OTHER STATE. Mr. Mumpower would have none of this. How did he kill the bill?

Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

Really? Go on.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

I wonder if he considers himself a "compassionate conservative?" Here's the source (scroll down).

Yes, Christian Haughwout, a 14-year-old student at The Morgan School in Clinton, Connecticut, was suspended for 10 days for ... bringing a camera to school that emits a mild shock! The official reason for the suspension?

"Possession of a dangerous instrument and causing a threat or danger to the physical well-being of himself or other people."

Really? Yes, and on top of that, as reported by The Hartford Courant:

In juvenile court, the boy also faces charges of possession of a dangerous weapon on school grounds, attempted assault and breach of peace.

Suspended and busted! What to do. Christian's parents challenged the suspension via a lawsuit in federal court. The case was settled, with the school letting Christian return, and his parents agreeing to drop the lawsuit. Of course that doesn't dispose of the juvenile court case. Christian is definitely an interesting kid. You can read more (a lot) here.

This is not your garden variety "babe-calling" case. Ms. Aude sued Mr. Mullaney for negligently giving her herpes. (The jury found that he did, but that she was "contributorily negligent.") Mr. Mullaney was represented by Allen Harris (and Benjamin Lipsitz). Ms. Aude was represented by Susan Green and Gary Bernstein.

At Ms. Aude's deposition, "as [she] was leaving the room to retrieve [a] document, Mr. Harris remarked that she was going to meet '[a]nother boyfriend' at the car. Ms. Green and Mr. Bernstein quickly told Mr. Harris that his comment was in poor taste and asked him to refrain from making further derogatory comments. The following ensued:"

MR. MULLANEY: It's going to be a fun trial. [Oh, and he's a lawyer, too. Very professional, no?]
MR. HARRIS: It must have been in poor taste if Miss Green says it was in poor tasted. It must have really been in poor taste.
MS. GREEN: You got a problem with me?
MR. HARRIS: No, I don't have a problem with you, babe. [uh oh]
MS. GREEN: Babe? You called me babe? What generation are you from?
MR. HARRIS: At least I didn't call you a bimbo. [have shovel, will dig]
MR.LIPSITZ: Cut it out.
MS. GREEN: The committee will enjoy hearing about that.
MR. BERNSTEIN: Alan, you ought to stay out of the gutter.

"According to Ms. Green's legal assistant, Harris's reference to Ms. Green as 'babe' continued throughout the litigation. In an affidavit ... she stated that 'in the course of her employment, [Mr. Harris] did telephone Ms. Green's office and ask, 'Is the babe in?' He also referred to [the legal assistant] as 'babe."

Ms. Green then filed a motion asking the Court to put an end to this conduct (and some other defense conduct), and requested attorneys' fees. So what do you think happened?

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