Articles Posted in Wacky

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A tv? If you’re wondering how this is possible, so is The Juice. As reported by WCCO (Minneapolis):

The officer then saw in plain view that King had a large item wrapped in plastic and stuffed down his pants. It was a 19-inch flat screen television. King also had other items in his pants, including a media player television remote, power cords, a bottle of brake fluid and two Xanax pills, a Schedule IV controlled substance.

Shazam! You can read more, and see a photo of the perp here.

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Yeah, firing a bottle rocket out of your butt is never a good idea. And it’s even worse if it fails to launch! From the recently filed West Virginia case of Helmburg v. The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and Travis Hughes:

Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated … and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot a bottle rocket out of his anus on the ATO deck …

Plaintiff and his girlfriend were also present on the ATO deck.

Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rock blew up in Defendant’s rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

So, you might be wondering, what legal duties does the plaintiff allege were breached by ATO?

ATO owed plaintiff a duty … to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one’s own anus.

What about Mr. Hughes?

Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

And here’s a count for both defendants:

Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underage drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one’s own anus constitutes an “ultra-hazardous” activity which exposes both of these defendants to strict liability.

A painful night, all around.

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What would you do for some nuggies? Definitely not what a California woman was willing to do, as reported by whptv.com.

Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles was seen opening customers’ car doors in the McDonald’s drive through at 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Burbank Leader. Baseer was allegedly offering to swap sexual favors for the fast food item.

A witness reported her bizarre behavior to the authorities. Baseer was arrested on suspicion of prostitution.

Yikes.

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So you’re going out for a beer. What’s the big deal if you order a cold one, and then step out to, say, rob a bank? As reported by wtsp.com:

[Pasco County, Florida] Deputies say they got a call around 1:42 Thursday afternoon of a man robbing the Wells Fargo Bank located at 8994 State Road 52. About 10 minutes later, they encountered a man who fit the robber’s description a few doors down at the Hayloft Bar.

No, it can’t be him. Or could it?

A bartender told deputies the man ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes, and then returned to his drink.

Think he ordered a Duff beer? Doh!

Deputies arrested 52-year-old John Robin Whittle on one count of robbery.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night … as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) …

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two 'Star Wars' light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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It’s not hyberbole to say that this is almost certainly the strangest ticket ever issued. The offense? As reported by Al-Anba Daily:

In the first incident of its kind, a traffic policeman [in Kuwait City] issued a citation against an Arab motorist for having bad breath. 
A police source said it is a very strange incident and problematic too because the penalty is not known. “Will the motorist be fined; if so, how much will he have to pay and if his car is impounded, how long will it be in the police garage?” he asked. 
Incidentally, it is also mentioned on the citation that the motorist admitted that his mouth smells.

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Surely she didn’t mean she literally had a gun there… But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here’s what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!” [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my …

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Many, many parents with teenage sons (or younger!) cringe at the mere mention of “COD” or “Call of Duty.” Cringe turns to dread when a new version is introduced. For the record, it should be noted that COD isn’t just a kid thing. As proof, The Juice offers you Exhibit A, as reported by The Aurora Sentinel (Colorado):

Instead of breath-taking violence and graphics, a Denver man hoping to snag the new, coveted video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” scored only an old-fashioned paper summons.

Police say Lomorin Sar, 31, became irate, threatened to shoot employees at an Aurora Best Buy and blow up the store because they didn’t have a copy of the ballyhooed game he said he pre-ordered.

Snap! (or “snapped.”)

Sar was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident Monday night at the store near Tower Road and Interstate 70.

Witnesses told police Sar asked employees when they were leaving work because he planned to shoot them in the parking lot as they left. Police say he also threatened to blow up the store.

A store manager called police and officers stopped Sar in his SUV and issued him a citation.

“Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence,” said Aurora police spokesman Detective Bob Friel.

Yikes. Here’s the source.

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If you’re a dog person, and your dog is sick, you’re going to be upset. But what if the vet tells you that your dog is fine? This story from The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario) illustrates that sometimes, hell oftentimes, things don’t make sense.

Police say the two downtown Hamilton residents took their dog to the vet’s office on Highway 8 in Greensville just after 6 p.m. and – although he and his assistant were closing up and leaving for the night – the vet agreed to open up and examine a growth on the dog’s body.

No good deed goes unpunished …

When he returned from the examination room a few minutes later and told the couple the growth was nothing to worry about …

They were ecstatic, right? Nope.

… the woman became very angry and pulled a large knife from her backpack and menaced the doctor and the assistant.

When the assistant tried to call 911, the woman slashed the phone cord with the knife. The man with her then armed himself with a hammer from the backpack but did not raise it in a threat.

WTF is wrong with you people?

Sergeant Terri-Lynn Collings said a cleaner who was in another part of the building heard the commotion and called police.

Admit it. This is getting exciting.

While the cleaner was calling, the vet got between the woman and his assistant, allowing his staff member to scoot out of the room to safety. The doctor then ran out the front door to a neighbour’s home and called 911.

Well done sir. And the perps?

The man and the woman and their dog ran from the office as police began to swarm into the area.

The pair were caught hiding in a nearby yard as the woman was trying to call a cab.

The charges?

The woman, who is 21, from Hamilton, is charged with two counts of assault with a weapon, possession of a dangerous weapon and mischief.

The man, who is 41 and also from Hamilton, is charged with possession of a dangerous weapon.

Crazy. Here’s the source.

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Do you think you would wake up while someone was setting your pants on fire? This gent didn’t. As reported by nj.com:

A 47-year-old Trenton man suffered burns to his leg when his pants were set on fire last night after he fell asleep on the front porch of his home, police said.

The man awoke around 9 p.m. on the 1200 block of East State Street to find his pant leg on fire, police said.

Is The Juice the only one who thinks this guy was shitfaced?

The man was taken to the hospital and treated for second-degree burns to his calf.

The man told police no one was in the area when he awoke and no suspects have been identified. The case remains under investigation.

Here’s the source.