Articles Posted in Wacky

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barbecue sauce

Normally when a woman finds her husband appetizing, that would be a good thing, right? Not this time! Per The Palm Beach Post:

City police say a woman poured barbecue sauce on her husband and went after him with a knife in each hand Tuesday, according to an arrest report made public Wednesday.

Viven Palmer, 30, faces charges of battery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer. She was released late Tuesday from the Palm Beach County Jail on $5,000 bail.

On Tuesday morning, police were called to the 1300 block of West 37th Street, south of Silver Beach Road near Avenue O, where a 30-year-old man was waving and yelling from his front door, “Help, police!”

Officers say they heard a woman, later identified as Palmer, yelling from the home, but when she came outside, she refused to speak with them. Instead, she just put items into a parked car outside the home. Police noted to children, ages 4 and 9, were seen in a car, according to the report.

Though she refused to speak with police and told them to leave her home, her husband said the two were arguing about getting a divorce. He said things turned violent and his wife came after him, damaging property along the way. Police noted the home appeared to be ransacked in their report.

He said his wife ripped off his shirt, poured barbecue sauce on him and hit him. When he fought back, he realized she had grabbed butcher knives from the kitchen, so he ran outside.

Yikes! You’ll find the source, including Ms. Palmer’s mug shot, here.

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choose choice money

In sports, that’s something you hear over and over. If it works, keep doing it until the other team stops you. Then adjust your game plan accordingly. Alas, sports is not like life in many regards, including this one. Just ask this gent, who was awfully fond of a particular convenience store. As reported by NJ Advance Media for nj.com:

As one officer pinned him against a fence and more officers arrived, a man suspected of robbing the same convenience store three times this week admitted defeat.

“OK, you got me,” he said, according to police reports.

Hoboken police arrested 40-year-old Michael Olivier on Thursday, after he robbed Prime Convenience Store on Newark Street for the third time, according to police reports. Olivier allegedly stole cash, cigarettes and employees’ cell phones during the robberies, and threatened cashiers with a box cutter.

But third time didn’t prove to be the charm for Olivier. He didn’t wear a mask and didn’t realize that a second employee was working when he held up another at the front of the store, according to police reports.

At first he posed as a customer, then threatened the employees, according to police reports.

“I’m going to need your money right now! You’ve seen my face, I’m going to kill you,” he allegedly said to the cashier, just after 3 a.m.

The cashier handed over the cash in the register, his cellphone and Newport cigarettes. Meanwhile, another employee in the back of the store called police, according to police reports.

Before leaving Olivier allegedly said, “If you tell the police, I’m going to (expletive) kill you.”

Police were able to form a description of Olivier, based on the store’s surveillance video. Lt. Danilo Cabrera caught up with Olivier near 16th Street and Jersey Avenue in Jersey City, just a few blocks away from the store. Olivier tried to run away, but Cabrera held him against a fence to control him as backup arrived, according to police reports.

Three times in a week? It’s a store, not an ATM! Kind of makes you wonder what this guy was doing for money before he chose this career path. You’ll find the source here.

(Legal Juice is brought to you by … The Juice! – A personal injury attorney handling car accident cases (among many other types of accident cases) in Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia.)

 

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speeding

Most people appreciate just being told the truth. Police officers are no exception. So enough with the excuses already! But if you want to read some whoppers, check this out, as reported by The Cambridge News:

Cambridgeshire police have released the raft of bizarre excuses told to officers who have stopped motorists.

Here we go …

Drivers stopped for speeding and breaking other road rules have blamed messy children, pregnant dogs, the “wrong” speed limit and trying to catch a ferry by doing 150mph.

One young driver who was stopped by police was not wearing a seatbelt as the “colour did not match clothes he was wearing”.

And a motorcyclist speeding stated: “I did not know laws of physics” as in windy conditions it was safer for him to go quicker.

Other recent excuses include the “chap” stopped for speeding at 37mph in a 30mph zone near Cambridge who said it was “slow enough for his village”.

And one mother was stopped for speeding and gave the excuse: “I was concentrating on my children not spilling their food in the car.”

Driver Kevin Millard, of Berwick-upon-Tweed, was caught near Histon after travelling at 150mph while four young children were in the car without seatbelts and only heavy traffic on the A14 slowed him to 90mph. His excuse to officers on September 14 was that he was trying to get to Dover in time to board the last ferry to Germany after missing a vessel in Hull. He was jailed for 20 weeks at Peterborough Crown Court on Tuesday, June 17.

Sgt Mark Rabel, based at Histon police station, said: “I had an excuse when I asked a motorist I stopped for speeding that it was an emergency. Apparently he had to get home with haste as his dog was giving birth to puppies. I kid you not. A ticket was issued.”

[Not a good day for this family ] … “the husband and wife team [were] stopped separately for speeding within 20 minutes of each other” in a village near Cambridge.

You’ll find the source here.

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You’re probably thinking, hmm, a bow and arrow? A pea shooter? A crossbow? A taser? (Please, that’s not Juiceworthy.) An RPG? A bazooka? No actually … via nbcconnecticut.com …

Police said David J. Walski [60], of 55 Crouch Avenue, fired several rounds at his male relative with a flare gun, striking him one time. The victim was transported to William Backus Hospital for a non-life threatening injury.  One of the flares entered the victim’s residence, but no significant damage was caused.

A flare gun? Who shoots someone with a flare gun even once, much less “several” times?

At around 9:20 a.m., a 911 caller reported a man was shot in the area of 69 Fountain Street and the perpetrator  fled from the area in a blue Chevrolet.

Officers observed the described vehicle traveling away from the scene, and encountered Walksi when they stopped the car on Washington Street. Inside the vehicle, police discovered the flare gun they say Walksi used in the shooting.

Walski was charged with first and second degree assault, first- degree reckless endangerment, driving with weapons in a motor vehicle, carrying a dangerous weapon, and breach of peace.

He was held on a $100,000 bond and will appear in Norwich Superior Court on Monday.

You’ll find the source here, including a photo of Mr. Walski.

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Ma’am, that certainly is a nice television you have there… As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)

12/30/12 – Theft — First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.

Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?

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Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here’s the source.

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Passing out in public is generally not a good thing. There are exceptions. As reported by The MetroWest Daily News (Framingham, Massachusetts):

On Friday, two women told police that they were about to go into the ATM at the Roche Bros., but [Eric Lee] Siggins was sitting on a bench outside, acting strangely. One of the women saw a handgun in the waistband of his pants and instead of using the ATM they called police, [prosecutor Maggie] Pastuszak said.

A wise decision.

When police arrived, they found Siggins sitting down with legs fully spread and his head down between his legs. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a scarf covering his face, and he never responded to anything they said to them, she said.

“He refused to take his hands from the pockets,” said Pastuszak. “His hands had to be physically removed.”

As police tried to get Siggins to remove his hands, a gun fell from his pants. The weapon was a BB gun made to look like a real gun, the prosecutor said.

Doh!

In his pocket they found handcuffs, the [duct] tape, a razor-bladed knife and the string, Pastuszak said.

Hmm.

Police charged Siggins, of 145 South Main St., with attempting to commit armed robbery, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Pastuszak told Judge Robert Greco that she expects a carrying a dangerous weapon charge to be added.

See how lucky he was to have passed out? Think of the soup he’d be in had he gone through with it.

[The prosecutor] asked the judge to hold Siggins on $1,000 bail, but Siggins lawyer, Mark Wester, argued that no crime was committed.

Said the judge:

“I don’t see probable cause here for attempting to commit armed robbery,” said Wester. “There was no struggling. He was passed out. It may be bizarre behavior, but it doesn’t rise to the level of these charges.”

Greco ordered Siggins held on $500 bail. He is due back in court on Nov. 19 for a pretrial conference.

Here’s the source.

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In the latest addition to things you can do “while intoxicated,” comes this story, as reported by The Bee News (out of Western New York):

Patrol responded to the Clarence Inn Motel for a report of 
an intoxicated male who was sitting in 
the road in a recliner. The subject and his chair were 
removed from the roadway.

Could this be the new “planking”? Nooooooo!

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Hey lady, get a life. If you were so offended by what you thought this guy was doing, why did you follow him? For the children? As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 34-year-old woman told Port St. Lucie police she saw a man in his vehicle in a plaza on Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. He was “making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch,” a recently released police report states.

The woman didn’t see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating. He started to circle the parking lot, and she began following him and called police.

Get a hobby! Or is being a busy body your hobby? Or is it keeping the world safe from masturbators?

He noticed the woman looking at him and stopped.

Police spoke to the man, also 34, who explained “he got the urge to scratch his testicles,” a report states.

“He raised his right short leg up and began to scratch himself because of a rash … on his testicles,” a report states.

The proof is in the, um, er, uh …

He asked whether he could show police the rash to prove he wasn’t engaged in anything else.

He “presented” his testicles to an officer, who verified the rash.

Police determined the man, who has no criminal history, did not expose himself and found no proof that he was performing lewd acts in public.

Think this one is making its way around the police precinct?

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As The Juice always says, if you don’t like what you’re looking at, look away! Per The Dutch Harbor Telegraph (Dutch Harbor, Alaska):

1312 – Assistance Rendered – Previously convicted assailant reported that since he returned to town, his victim has been giving him the stink-eye. An officer advised the assailant to simply avoid looking at the victim.

No, not the stink-eye! Run!