Articles Posted in Wacky

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You’re probably thinking, hmm, a bow and arrow? A pea shooter? A crossbow? A taser? (Please, that’s not Juiceworthy.) An RPG? A bazooka? No actually … via nbcconnecticut.com …

Police said David J. Walski [60], of 55 Crouch Avenue, fired several rounds at his male relative with a flare gun, striking him one time. The victim was transported to William Backus Hospital for a non-life threatening injury.  One of the flares entered the victim’s residence, but no significant damage was caused.

A flare gun? Who shoots someone with a flare gun even once, much less “several” times?

At around 9:20 a.m., a 911 caller reported a man was shot in the area of 69 Fountain Street and the perpetrator  fled from the area in a blue Chevrolet.

Officers observed the described vehicle traveling away from the scene, and encountered Walksi when they stopped the car on Washington Street. Inside the vehicle, police discovered the flare gun they say Walksi used in the shooting.

Walski was charged with first and second degree assault, first- degree reckless endangerment, driving with weapons in a motor vehicle, carrying a dangerous weapon, and breach of peace.

He was held on a $100,000 bond and will appear in Norwich Superior Court on Monday.

You’ll find the source here, including a photo of Mr. Walski.

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Ma’am, that certainly is a nice television you have there… As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)

12/30/12 – Theft — First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.

Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?

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Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here’s the source.

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Passing out in public is generally not a good thing. There are exceptions. As reported by The MetroWest Daily News (Framingham, Massachusetts):

On Friday, two women told police that they were about to go into the ATM at the Roche Bros., but [Eric Lee] Siggins was sitting on a bench outside, acting strangely. One of the women saw a handgun in the waistband of his pants and instead of using the ATM they called police, [prosecutor Maggie] Pastuszak said.

A wise decision.

When police arrived, they found Siggins sitting down with legs fully spread and his head down between his legs. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a scarf covering his face, and he never responded to anything they said to them, she said.

“He refused to take his hands from the pockets,” said Pastuszak. “His hands had to be physically removed.”

As police tried to get Siggins to remove his hands, a gun fell from his pants. The weapon was a BB gun made to look like a real gun, the prosecutor said.

Doh!

In his pocket they found handcuffs, the [duct] tape, a razor-bladed knife and the string, Pastuszak said.

Hmm.

Police charged Siggins, of 145 South Main St., with attempting to commit armed robbery, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Pastuszak told Judge Robert Greco that she expects a carrying a dangerous weapon charge to be added.

See how lucky he was to have passed out? Think of the soup he’d be in had he gone through with it.

[The prosecutor] asked the judge to hold Siggins on $1,000 bail, but Siggins lawyer, Mark Wester, argued that no crime was committed.

Said the judge:

“I don’t see probable cause here for attempting to commit armed robbery,” said Wester. “There was no struggling. He was passed out. It may be bizarre behavior, but it doesn’t rise to the level of these charges.”

Greco ordered Siggins held on $500 bail. He is due back in court on Nov. 19 for a pretrial conference.

Here’s the source.

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In the latest addition to things you can do “while intoxicated,” comes this story, as reported by The Bee News (out of Western New York):

Patrol responded to the Clarence Inn Motel for a report of 
an intoxicated male who was sitting in 
the road in a recliner. The subject and his chair were 
removed from the roadway.

Could this be the new “planking”? Nooooooo!

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Hey lady, get a life. If you were so offended by what you thought this guy was doing, why did you follow him? For the children? As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 34-year-old woman told Port St. Lucie police she saw a man in his vehicle in a plaza on Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. He was “making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch,” a recently released police report states.

The woman didn’t see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating. He started to circle the parking lot, and she began following him and called police.

Get a hobby! Or is being a busy body your hobby? Or is it keeping the world safe from masturbators?

He noticed the woman looking at him and stopped.

Police spoke to the man, also 34, who explained “he got the urge to scratch his testicles,” a report states.

“He raised his right short leg up and began to scratch himself because of a rash … on his testicles,” a report states.

The proof is in the, um, er, uh …

He asked whether he could show police the rash to prove he wasn’t engaged in anything else.

He “presented” his testicles to an officer, who verified the rash.

Police determined the man, who has no criminal history, did not expose himself and found no proof that he was performing lewd acts in public.

Think this one is making its way around the police precinct? Here’s the source, which includes the police incident report.

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As The Juice always says, if you don’t like what you’re looking at, look away! Per The Dutch Harbor Telegraph (Dutch Harbor, Alaska):

1312 – Assistance Rendered – Previously convicted assailant reported that since he returned to town, his victim has been giving him the stink-eye. An officer advised the assailant to simply avoid looking at the victim.

No, not the stink-eye! Run!

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Surely you will agree with The Juice that this food company has crossed the line. Fortunately, there’s a watchdog group who is on it. As reported by redhotrussia.com:

The Prosecutor General’s Office received an official complaint from the public organization – “Russian People’s Council“. Its activists accused Wimm Bill Dann (food company specializing in dairy products) in promotion of homosexuality.

Reason: packages of milk and yogurt contain the image of rainbow, which according to the head of People’s Council is “the universal symbol of LGBT movement and therefore is the open propaganda of vice“.

No! Not … a … rainbow!

Complaint was filed by the Saint-Petersburg section of the organization. It should be noted that in the beginning of this year Saint Petersburg passed the law banning propaganda of “sodomy, lesbianism, bisexuality or transgenderism among minors”. In its current draft the violation of this ban is punishable by fine.

Word is the group is working on a super-secret device that will zap rainbows whenever they appear in nature … Here’s the source.

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Sadly, this story is not about a U.S. politician. This gent hails from Bosnia. As reported by Reuters:

“Seven days after my campaign began, the whole planet is talking about me,” Mirad Hadziahmetovic told Reuters. “I think I have had a super campaign and proved to be the best market expert in Bosnia.”

The self-proclaimed “innovator” had been running as an independent candidate for mayor of Zenica, the fourth-largest city in Bosnia with a predominantly Muslim population, in the October 7 ballot.

The innovative marketing?

The election commission removed him from the race last week over pornographic material accessible on his campaign web page.

Porn!

After each question visitors to his web page posed about local election issues, they were allowed to proceed to links with pornographic content, which had to be removed after the commission’s decision.

Hadziahmetovic appealed against what he said was a “shameful decision” to Bosnia’s state court this week and voiced confidence that it would be overturned.

Add “eternal optimist” to “market expert” and “innovator.”

Unless he is re-instated as a candidate, he will file a suit to the Strasbourg-based European Court of Human Rights, he said.

In an open letter asking for support from Western ambassadors in Bosnia, Hadziahmetovic said he only wanted to turn Zenica into a Hollywood instead of a Tehran.

“I know boys and girls in my country want to make love freely, have fun and enjoy life. They all dream of Hollywood, not Tehran,” he wrote, refering to Zenica’s current mayor, who comes from a Bosnian Muslim party with post-war links to Iran.

You’ll find the source here.

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It’s not that unusual for someone to walk into a police station seeking information. The question that this gentleman asked, though, was quite unusual. As reported by The Beacon-News (Aurora, Illinois):

An Aurora man who has been convicted of at least 14 crimes and traffic violations over the past 11 years was being held Tuesday in the DuPage County Jail after going to the Lisle police station to ask whether there were any warrants out for his arrest.

Dustin A. Nelson, 28, of the 400 block of South Fourth Street, was being held on $24,000 bail, Lisle Police Watch Cmdr. Ron Wilke said.

What what what? [Turn volume on - Funnier for South Park.]

Nelson went to the police station on Monday “to inquire if there were any active arrest warrants for him,” Wilke said Tuesday in a release. He was told two warrants had been issued stemming from an incident the night of Sept. 3 in the 4400 block of Blackhawk Lane in Lisle, Wilke said.

The warrants were for assault, failure to report striking an unattended vehicle, improper backing and disorderly conduct.

He’s not exactly a hardened criminal, though he has developed a body of work…

DuPage County court records show that since 2001, Nelson has been convicted of at least 14 crimes and traffic offenses. He served jail sentences in October 2002, March 2005 and May 2006, after being found guilty of shoplifting in Naperville, Elmhurst and Villa Park, respectively, court records indicate.

Here’s the source.