Articles Posted in Extra Pulp

Squeezed on:

drunk passed out

Hey, The Juice wasn’t born yesterday, or the day before that, or …  this gent clearly thinks the police were. He “fell asleep” at 3:10 a.m. on the subway? As reported by brooklynpaper.com in the police blotter for the 84th Precinct (Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown):

A thief swiped a sleeping man’s wallet on a Coney Island-bound N train on April 6, according to the authorities.

The victim said he went out for drinks in Manhattan and that when he boarded the train at Herald Square at 3:10 am, his wallet was in his front pocket. He said he fell asleep immediately and did not wake up until the train reached the Atlantic Avenue–Barclays Center stop, at which point he discovered that his billfold had been lifted, cops said.

Just so it’s clear, the guy goes out drinking on Saturday night, and is on the train at 3:10 a.m. on Sunday morning when he “falls asleep.” Really? He must be one sound sleeper, not waking up as someone took his billfold from his front pocket. Please. Does anyone really believe the dude was not 100% passed out? It was in his front pocket! Anyway, as for what the perp got …

The wallet contained debit and credit cards, a MetroCard, and $100 in cash, according to a police report.

Hey, it could have been worse (iPhone, watch, clothes [like he would have noticed?]).

Squeezed on:

finger wag wagging

If it’s a “he said/she said” occurrence, the party who has the burden of proof is usually going to lose, even more so in a criminal case because of the higher burden of proof. So if a person alleges that another person threatened him, that will be a tough case to prosecute, right? Generally, yes. But what if, oh, say the threat was made to a police officer? Doh! As reported by The Times And Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

“On Wednesday, March 26, a deputy sheriff responded to Gregory Complete Auto where Randall Dale Gregory indicated batteries and tires had been stolen from vehicles at his auto shop. While the deputy sheriff was taking the report, Gregory began making statements that ‘the OCSO is going to catch hell from him’ and that ‘he is going to drive a tank up the Sheriff (sic) Office and blow it up,’” Williams said. “Gregory continued making threats including against Chief Kinsey and saying that he would go to his home and steal all of his things. Gregory told the responding deputy sheriff ‘that if he observes any deputy sheriff or Sheriff Leroy Ravenell on his property if he is there ‘he will shoot them,’” Williams said.

Talk about stepping on your, er, that is, shooting yourself in the foot.

Gregory, 54, of 2045 Indigo Drive, was arrested Friday without incident and charged with threatening a public official and threatening public property.

You can find the source, and a mug shot, here.

 

Squeezed on:

zip your lip

There are lots of times in a person’s life when the best course of action is to just keep quiet. This would seem to be among the most obvious example of just such a case, but not to this gent.  As reported by The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Thomas Arahill, 55, was arrested and charged first with threatening a man with a crowbar during a dispute Monday afternoon, said Capt. Thomas Dellane.

Officers responded to Gaff Road in reference to a fight call at 2 p.m., where they made contact with a man who said Arahill had attempted to use a metal bar as a weapon, the police said.

Arahill was arrested, charged with possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and taken to police headquarters for processing, authorities said.

All you have to do is just keep quiet and you’ll be out of there in no time…

However, after he was released, Arahill saw two of the officers who had arrested him in the town hall lobby, and began threatening them, Dellane said. Arahill refused to leave the area, the captain added.

Doh!

Arahill was taken back into custody and charged with a disorderly persons offense for the loud and threatening behavior, Dellane said.

No release this time.

Arahill was taken to the Ocean County Jail, where he was held on $1,500 bail, authorities added.

Click here for the source.

 

Squeezed on:

learner's learners permit

They don’t call it a “learner’s permit” or a “beginner’s permit” for nothing. New drivers have many things to learn. Hell, most “experienced” drivers have plenty to learn.  Anyway, violating his “beginner’s permit” is the least of this gent’s concerns. As reported by wmbfnews.com:

According to Sgt. Bob Beres with the SC Highway Patrol, a trooper pulled over a car around 3 a.m. Sunday morning on US 76 near Bentree Lane because it was weaving.

During the traffic stop, the trooper and the driver struggled and the driver gained the trooper’s taser.

The driver, identified as 28-year-old Vanshawn Sowells, escaped on foot, but was arrested several hours later at a trailer in Timmonsville.

SCHP, Probation, Pardon, and Parole and the Florence County Sheriff’s Office cooperated in that arrest. The trooper’s taser was located.

Sowells was transported to the Florence County Detention Center where he is charged with violation of beginners permit, driving under the influence, resisting arrest, petit larceny involving $2,000 or less, possession of cocaine and possession of a controlled substance.

Shazam! You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, by clicking here.

Squeezed on:

911 emergency

Perhaps this woman considered the reason for her call to be an emergency. It wasn’t. As reported by nbc-2.com (Florida):

Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back.

When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk.

The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report. Then she started over-sharing.

Uh-oh.

Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, “I haven’t been penetrated in years,” and “I am so horny.”

Noooooo! Eeeeeeg! Yikes!

The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.

Montenez-Colon’s response was “You can [expletive] me,” according to the report.

Um. No.

After telling Montenez-Colon that her request was inappropriate, the officer got her past the sexual advances and she told him she’d signed ownership of a Corvette over to her step-son after her husband died. Now she wanted it back.

While relaying the car ownership tale, police say Montenez-Colon repeatedly tried to grab the officer’s arm and tried to rub her hands on his chest.

The officer says he told Montenez-Colon there was nothing he could do for you, and he left – handing her a card with the department’s number on it for future non-emergency calls.

Case … not closed.

Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home “pissed her off.”

The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.

Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, “He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry.”

When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?”

Can you believe the nerve of this officer? Isn’t he a public servant, for goodness sake? As for the lady in distress …

Montenez-Colon was arrested for Misuse of 911 and booked into the Charlotte County Jail.

You’ll find the source, including a photo and a video, by clicking here.

 

Squeezed on:

adventure

Sure it’s true that kids these days do a lot of things sooner than kids used to. But this? Yikes. As reported by Reuters:

A ten-year-old Norwegian boy came up with a novel excuse after he drove his parents’ car into a snowy ditch on Wednesday morning: he told police he was a dwarf who forgot his driving license.

The boy lives near Dokka, a town about 110 kilometres north of Oslo. Sometime before 0600 local time, he loaded his 18-month old sister into the car and headed for their grandparents in Valdres, about 60 kilometres away, local police said.

He drove more than 10 kilometres before he veered off the road. A snowplow driver found him and alerted the police.

Shazam! and Wow! Fortunately everyone was fine. Here’s the source.

 

Squeezed on:

gta grand theft auto

This guy must have played Grand Theft Auto, because what he did could have come straight out of the game. As reported by kaj18.c0m (Montana):

The day-long crime spree happened on May 23, 2013.

And what a day it was.

It started around 7:55 a.m. when the Gallatin County Sheriff’s Office got a call that a vehicle had been stolen from Hulbert Road West, between Four Corners and Belgrade. The suspect was described as a man around 30 years old with shaggy collar-length blond hair, wearing jeans and a black shirt and appearing to have a leg injury. The caller said his wife saw the man approach the house, ring the doorbell then drive away in their 2006 blue Chevy Silverado, court papers state.

A deputy found the truck at around 8:36 a.m. on Rocky Mountain Road, but the driver fled, leading law enforcement on a high-speed chase that reached speeds of up to 100 miles per hour along gravel roads, court papers state.

[Matthew] Brandemihl [31] reportedly drove the vehicle into a ravine behind a residence on Sherman Drive then broke into the home, took a woman’s phone and four bottles of beer then drove her Ford Explorer through the closed garage door.

Montana Highway Patrol troopers began pursuing Brandemihl again. He led them through the county, driving 95 mph on Frontage Road toward Belgrade, then jumping the railroad tracks, driving through a fence on Interstate 90 where he drove the against traffic before crashing the stolen Explorer into a ditch near Business Hub Drive at around 9:30 a.m., court papers state.

Officers surrounded the area but then found that a resident in the area was missing a GMC truck.

At around 12:11 p.m., dispatchers received a call that the truck was spotted between Pony and Harrison. Law enforcement tracked Brandemihl onto Forest Service land near Pony on foot.

Several hours later, he came out of the woods and surrendered. He was taken to Bozeman Deaconess Hospital for a leg injury.

Are you dizzy too? The outcome?

Brandemihl … pleaded guilty to two felony counts of theft, one count of felony criminal endangerment and a misdemeanor charge of criminal trespass to property. In exchange, prosecutors dropped an additional felony charge of theft.

Next case … wait – not so fast.

Gallatin County District Court Judge Holly Brown initially told Brandemihl she would not accept his guilty plea because she wasn’t confident he understood what happened that day. This arose after he said he didn’t clearly remember where he was that day, or what his intentions were.

After sitting down with his attorney and discussing the matter, Brandemihl entered his guilty plea and admitted to the judge he stole three different vehicles, drove erratically, entered a home, took beer and led police on a high-speed chase.

Brandemihl will be sentenced on Feb. 25.

Done. Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Brandemihl.

 

 

Squeezed on:

be vewy quiet hunting wabbits rabbits

So he wasn’t really “in” for very long, but still. As reported by NorthCountryNow.com (Potsdam, New York):

Potsdam police say they charged a man for yelling on Leroy Street early Sunday morning.

Ryan J. Minsker, 21, Brewster, was charged with unnecessary noice at 12:49 a.m. and released on an appearance ticket returnable to Potsdam Town Court Feb. 14 at 9:30 a.m., officers said.

Shhh. Be vewy quiet. I’m hunting wabbits.

Squeezed on:

wanted

Yeah, he was about six feet tall, white, a little heavy, with short blond hair and a big nose. He was wearing …  Now that’s the kind of description that could be helpful. But this?

Employees of Smith Oil on East Liverpool Road reported a tall, white, ugly man wearing a hoodie and plaid pajama pants driving a newer model Ford Focus drove off without paying for nearly $34 worth of gasoline.

Ugly? That’s it? Oh, and tall and white. Very helpful. Thanks so much. (As reported in the St. Clair Township Police Report (via The Review, East Liverpool, Ohio.)