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Everyone has to start somewhere. If this is any indicator, and it probably is, a life of crime is not in the cards for these blokes. As reported by BeeNews.com (New York):

The clerk at a gas station on Main Street reported a suspicious white Chevy in the parking lot. A male kept getting out of the vehicle and coming into the store to attempt to sell the clerk drugs. The passenger had been grinding up aspirin on the floor mat and attempting to sell it as cocaine.

Doh!

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This robber’s weapon of choice – pruning clippers. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that the endeavor didn’t go so well. As reported by The Bellingham Herald (Washington):

Police released photos of the robbery Thursday, Aug. 30. They show the masked man walking into Starvin’ Sam’s, 1101 Iowa St.

He brandished a pair of pruning clippers with 3-inch blades, said David Kassner, the clerk working the graveyard shift at 2:50 a.m. Aug. 20. The suspect, who wore a black ski mask with eyeholes, strode toward the cash register and demanded money.

He probably didn’t know the clerk was a Vietnam vet.

“But I wouldn’t do that,” said Kassner, a retired U.S. Army staff sergeant who served in southeast Asia.

Instead the clerk backed up and grabbed a hammer-style stapler that happened to be sitting on a countertop. Employees at the service station use the stapler to tack up posters.

Oh it’s on now.

The suspect grabbed the register and tried to take the whole thing with him. Kassner swung the stapler at the man’s head. He missed his target but must have made contact, because the man “ran out real quick” clutching his wrist, Kassner said, and without any cash.

See ya.

The man was last seen running northbound on Moore Street, said Bellingham police spokesman Mark Young.

Police dogs tried to track him, but the trail quickly “evaporated” – meaning he may have hopped into a car or rode away on a bike, Young said.

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There’s this thing called “plausible deniability.” “Hey, I did not know anything about that!” See if you think this gent can rely on this defense. As reported by The Guyana Chronicle:

Colin Manson, 25, of Lot 377 Turkeyen, Greater Georgetown, was remanded to prison yesterday on a drug trafficking charge.

The prosecutor said the defendant was at Ogle Airport, with an intention of going to Port Kaituma, North West District, when a bag on his back was searched by (CANU) officers and found to contain the narcotic.

Now, maybe he could argue that someone put the drugs in his backpack without his knowledge. But …

On being taken to the CANU Head Office, another search was conducted on the defendant’s person and one more package containing the illegal substance was discovered in his crotch, the prosecutor related.

Now what do you have to say?

Manson denied having knowledge of the illegal substance.

Perhaps Mr. Manson might want to consider an alternative defense?

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In a 6-week span, this New Jersey man was charged with driving while intoxicated FOUR times! Each time, he was charged and released. As reported by The News of Cumberland County (at nj.com):

[Anderson] Sotomayor [age 45] began his alleged traffic crime spree on April 2, when Ulrich said he collided with a school bus. Though not charged with DWI for that accident, he was charged with improper passing, leaving the scene of an accident and failure to report an accident.

And then …

A week later on April 9, Officer Phillip Martinez charged him with DWI on the 300 block of Axtell Avenue after he collided with a police vehicle.

And then …

Two days later on April 11, Officer Luis Rodriguez charged him with DWI after responding to an accident during which Sotomayor had struck a utility pole by the intersection of Main Street and Landis Avenue.

Two days! And then …

Two weeks later on April 25, Officer Adam Shaw charged him with DWI and several other offenses after stopping him by the intersection of Delsea Drive and Park Avenue. He said Sotomayor was swerving and had a cold, opened 40-ounce bottle of Budweiser on the floor behind the passenger seat. Sotomayor asked Shaw to either give him a ride home or follow him home as he drove, an offer which Shaw declined.

Seems like a question only a drunk guy would ask a cop. And then …

Just over two weeks later on Saturday, May 12, officer Adam Shaw again pulled over Sotomayor on the 200 block of Grape Street. Sotomayor refused to take a breathalyzer test and was again charged with DWI. He was released on a summons pending his case in municipal court.

And finally (hopefully) …

… Sotomayor … received his fourth DWI charge on Saturday and was again released without bail, said Captain Thomas Ulrich of the Vineland police department.

And before you go getting mad at the police, they’re not pleased either.

“Bail is a matter for the Court System. The Police Department or its officers do not set bail. In this case, bail was not approved,” responded Ulrich.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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… with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there’s more. Here’s the story from the Salem News:

Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.

Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.

As a crowd began to gather, Sawicki allegedly tipped the whole thing over.

He was arrested and spent two weeks in jail, but his campaign went on as the 54-year-old resorted to tactics that seemed to resemble, well, bathroom humor.

Days before Election Day, Sawicki was seen on a Route 114 traffic island sitting on a toilet (a real one) that he had dragged across the street. At one point, he even held a fishing rod and dropped a hook into the toilet basin.

A sign on the back read what most had already concluded: “My campaign is in the toilet.”

But Sawicki may have had the last laugh.

And 712 voters (11 percent of voters) cast at least one of their votes for the alleged toilet-tipper.

Here’s the article. (This story is at the end.)

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A Costa Mesa, California woman, who was herself going through a rough patch, allowed a woman to sleep in her car. Upon returning to the car, she reports that the sleeping woman had died. So what did she do? Nothing! Here’s what happened, and how the police just discovered the body, as reported by The Orange County Register:

Investigators said the driver of the car had befriended the woman at Mile Square Regional Park and allowed her to sleep in the car overnight in December. That was the last time she saw Signe [a transient woman from the Fountain Valley area] alive, Everett said.

After finding the body inside the four-door vehicle, the woman [who said she was a 57-year-old former real estate agent who at one time lived in a home in Corona del Mar] told investigators she was afraid to report the body to police, and instead decided to continue using the vehicle while the body sat covered in clothes on the passenger’s side.

How was the body discovered?

It wasn’t until Monday that the body was found by police, after receiving a call of a car partially blocking a driveway at the 2000 block of Tustin Avenue.

Officers were able to smell a foul odor coming from the car, and after seeing a leg underneath a pile of clothing on the seat, broke a window to get access inside.

Inside the car, officers also found a box of baking soda that the driver used to try to dissipate the smell.

Could the good samaritan be charged? Maybe.

An autopsy has revealed no obvious signs of foul play, but the cause of death is still unknown, he said. Officers are also looking at whether there were any health code violations due to the fact that the driver was transporting a corpse, he said. The driver has not been cited or arrested.

Click here to read the full story, which includes photos and a video.

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Does it really matter how many tolls we’re talking about? [2,362!] Or how much money is involved? [$558,000]. Apparently it does, per a court in China, which is now reconsidering its life sentence. As reported by xinhuanet.com:

A court in central China’s Henan Province said Friday it would retry a farmer convicted of fraud and sentenced to life imprisonment for evading millions of yuan in expressway tolls.

The verdict may change because the defendant has indicated he had accomplices, said Liu Penghua, director of the political department of the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People’s Court.

Shi Jianfeng was convicted of fraud Tuesday for evading 3.68 million yuan (558,000 U.S. dollars) of expressway tolls.

“Shi said during an inquiry Thursday night he was manipulated by a relative,” said Liu.

Hmm. “Manipulated?”

Shi used fabricated military drivers licenses and mounted fake military license plates on his two trucks, the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People’s Court said.

The case drew attention and controversy on the Internet, with some saying the life-imprisonment sentence was too harsh and that expressway tolls are exorbitant. Tollgate records show Shi’s two trucks used to transport sand and gravel avoided tolls 2,362 times in the nine months between May 2008 and Jan. 2009. The average toll each time would have been 1,558 yuan (236 dollars).

$236? Does that come with a massage? Here’s the source.

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Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn’t in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn’t have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.”

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he’ll get in jail …

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We all have days that we just want to end, even The Juice. But we all, er, most of us, that is, power through those days. Not this gent. The damage? You won’t believe it. As reported by The Union Leader:

A former civilian painter who pleaded guilty Thursday to setting two fires aboard the USS Miami could serve about 20 years in prison and have to pay some of the $500 million in damages and injuries. [The victims in the case include the Navy as well as seven firefighters and sailors who were injured during the first fire, which took 12 hours to extinguish.]

Casey James Fury, 24, who worked at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for two years, faces two counts of arson after he confessed to setting a four-alarm fire aboard the $900 million Los Angeles Class submarine May 23 and a smaller fire in the dry dock at the Kittery facility June 12.

Why? [Just pretend that you don't already know.]

Investigators determined Fury, who worked as a painter and sandblaster, started the two fires because he was anxious and wanted to leave work.

Fury, who has been in custody at Cumberland County Jail since his arrest July 22, and his attorney, David Beneman, signed the agreement to plead guilty Tuesday with Thomas Delahanty, U.S. attorney for the District of Maine, and Assistant U.S. Attorneys Darcie McElwee and James Chapman.

Delahanty said Fury entered his plea in federal court Thursday.

So what’s the deal?

As part of the agreement, Fury could be imprisoned no less than 188 months – just over 15.6 years – and no more than 235 months – about 19.6 years, according to court records.

“The judge accepted it pending on a presentencing investigation,” Delahanty said, adding he anticipates the report to be finished in the next three months.

Here’s what Mr. Fury could have faced (or could be facing if the deal is ultimately rejected by the Judge):

Per federal statute, the first arson charge could keep Fury in prison for the rest of his life, and the second count has a maximum penalty of 25 years.

Here’s the source, including a photograph of Mr. Fury.

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It’s fair to say that people generally know what’s in their underwear, and where it came from, right? An Italian gentleman with a wad of a cash in his skivvies couldn’t answer the “where it came from” part, putting him in the soup. As reported at www.couriermail.com.au:

British border control officials caught an Italian man trying to smuggle £10,000 ($17,330) out of Northern Ireland in his underwear. The man was stopped by border control officials on July 23 as he boarded a flight to Rome from Belfast International Airport.

The cash – consisted of British Pound Sterling and Euro notes – was discovered in the man’s underwear, pockets and wallet.

The UK Border Agency said today the man was not able to provide a “reasonable explanation” for why he was carrying such a large amount of cash.

No explanation, no cash.

“The money was detained under the Proceeds of Crime Act and will only be returned if he can provide proof to a court that the money came from a legitimate source.”

The man chose not to travel on the flight, the agency said.

Hmm. Perhaps he wouldn’t be so welcomed without all that cashish. Here’s the source.

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