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silly string

Regular Juice readers may remember this post about a law in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana that prohibited the sale of silly string within three hundred (300) feet of any parade route within the parish on any day a parade is scheduled.

So, no selling of silly string, only on parade days, and only within 300 feet of the parade route. Well sir, that kind of leniency toward the devil that is silly string will not be tolerated in the town of Hopkinton, Massachusetts! For in that town, you may not sell or use silly string EVER. To wit:

ARTICLE I

Plastic String and Streamers

[Adopted 6-11-1990 ATM, Art. 26]

~ 154-1. Sale and use prohibited.

No person shall sell or expose for sale, use or cause or permit to be used any product designed to project a string or streamer of plastic material.

HT to The Hopkinton Patch for this tidbit.

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drinks drunk

How drunk was he? Pretty darned drunk. Per The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Authorities received a call from a Kingston Court homeowner who reported that a man she did not know had walked into her bedroom.

Uh-oh.

Police responded to the home and found [Ryan] Maszczak [35] asleep in a bed, according to a release.

“Maszczak was intoxicated and appeared to have walked into the wrong residence,” police said in the release.

Oops. The charges?

He was arrested [for criminal trespass] and later released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail. He will be arraigned Aug. 9 at the 9th Circuit Court, Merrimack District Division.

Can’t think of a defense for this one, although to be fair to Mr. Maszczak, The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer.

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no spitting spit

A Minnesota man was thinking no such thought as he got ready to … spit! And he paid the price. As reported by www.kare11.com (Minneapolis):

“I was walking to get some pizza with some buddies,” Thomas said.

The 21-year-old said he was getting over an illness and he spit as he was walking. He quickly learned that’s illegal in Minneapolis.

He must have been really surprised when the police officer warned … wait, he didn’t get a warning?

Police officers driving by in Dinkytown cited him for spitting, which carries a hefty fine. According to the city ordinance if you spit on sidewalks, bus or public areas it’s a $115 misdemeanor.

That could fill the coffers pretty fast, assuming the miscreants pay.

Thomas calls the law “wacky” but he’s sucking it up will pay the fine.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Thomas.

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orange juice glass

A big “shout out” from The Juice to Mr. John Long of Loxahatchee, Florida for the assist (along with, or course, the Sun Sentinel) in further entrenching “legal juice” into our lexicon. How did he do this? Here’s how, as reported by the Sun Sentinel:

[Mr.] Long … is the alleged orange juice burglar, suspected of breaking into three Wellington homes Sunday night while residents were inside and stealing orange juice, reports WPTV News in West Palm Beach.

The Sun Sentinel went on to say (drum roll please) …

Now he’ll need a little legal juice.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I, er, I mean The Juice has arrived! … The Juice would like to thank the Academy, and everyone who has worked to make Legal Juice what it is today (whatever that is) …

But back to the story. Why steal OJ? Well …

“He did some ecstasy and PCP and hasn’t been right since. He’s having delusions of grandeur and other issues,” his father Vincent Long told WPTV News.

In all seriousness, please note that The Juice is basking in this worldwide recognition, not denigrating Mr. Long.

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trash can

Yes, it’s important to follow the law. And yes, sometimes the state must pursue cases based on principle. But this case? Really? As reported by The Juneau Empire, here’s what happened:

Prosecutors said 19-year-old Tyler John Leatham angrily pushed over and damaged a trash can receptacle in the lobby of the fast food restaurant after he didn’t receive the correct amount of change back for his meal.

Hang him! Here’s how Mr. Leatham described it:

Outside the courtroom, Leatham told the Empire it wasn’t even his money that was in question. Leatham said he and his friend were going through the drive-thru for breakfast around 7 a.m. that morning, and his friend accidently handed the cashier an extra $10 that he thought was a $1 bill.

His friend went inside the restaurant to talk to management, but to no avail. After waiting inside the car for 15 minutes, Leatham said he went inside to see what was going on.

One of the managers told Leatham she was going to call the police, which Leatham said made him frustrated. He pushed the trash can over on the way out of the door, a fact which Higgins told the judge he conceded.

He admitted it! Guilty! Not so fast. Check out the charge:

Leatham was charged with fourth-degree criminal mischief for intentionally causing damage to property in an amount of $50 or more, but less than $500.

Assistant Attorney General Chris Peloso said the receptacle cost about $940 to replace.

Even though The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, the defense is relatively obvious (at least it is after reading the story …)

An invoice for the $940 replacement cost was submitted to the court.

Wait for it …

But defense attorney Kevin Higgins argued the critical element for valuation under criminal mischief statutes is the amount of damage caused by the defendant, not simply the value of the damaged property.

The amount of damage has to be established through evidence showing either diminution in value or cost of repair, Higgins said.

“Diminution in value is measured by determining the difference between the pre-damage value of the property and the post-damage value of the property,” Higgins wrote in his motion to acquit which he submitted to the court after the state rested its case. “The cost of repair is also an acceptable method of valuing property damage…. Replacement cost is an unacceptable measure of the amount of damage.”

Bam!

Juneau District Court Judge Keith Levy agreed and concluded the state did not present enough evidence regarding the amount of damage actually caused during the Dec. 20 incident.

“It’s sort of like if you had a 1978 Plymouth that got damaged and the cost to replace it — I think we would know that that would far exceed the current value,” Levy said. “Here, there’s no evidence from which I think a reasonable juror could figure out what the current value of the trash receptacle was before and after the alleged damage.”

“I don’t believe a reasonable juror could conclude that the amount of the damage here exceeded $50,” Levy added.

Leatham and the jury were excused before 1 p.m. and the charge was dropped.

Kind of makes you wonder why the charge was brought in the first place. Here’s the source.

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sleep sleeping asleep

It can’t be said with certainty what this woman was up to, but … As reported by brooklynpaper.com, from the 76th Precinct (Carroll Gardens-Cobble Hill–Red Hook):

Cops cuffed a woman who they say was sleeping in an apartment building stairway with a knife, pills, and some tools on her person on Bond Street on Dec. 3. Officers stated they found the 47-year-old woman passed out on the staircase in the complex near and Hoyt Street at 5:25 am.

When she awoke, they noticed that she had a knife on her belt and a few loose pills out in the open, cops said. Further inspection revealed a pry bar and wire cutters, according to a police report.

Hmm. A pry bar. Wire cutters …

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for “conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency”), and put on the sex offenders’ registry for 10 years.  Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you “swindle” folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude’s flat?

… 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker.”

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Yikes.

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cell phone mobile selfie

A New Zealand doctor took a number of photographs of his … genitalia, with his cell phone. You might ask, “Why?” According to the judge, the reasons “still remain largely inexplicable.” Our doctor, whose name the court has not released, tried to send the photos to a female friend with the caption “before.” (I don’t think we’ll ever know what “after” would have been.) Well, the e-mail address was incorrect, so it bounced back. When the doctor tried to delete the photos, he caused them to be archived!

Another sexually explicit e-mail the doctor sent led to the discovery of the “self-portrait.” An Employment Court proceeding followed and, as they say in New Zealand, the doctor was sacked. He appealed. How do you think he fared?

He won! The appellate court held that the dismissal process was flawed and that the dismissal was unjustified.

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squirt gun

Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

“They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper,” said Wagar.

So Mr. Wagar decided to fight back.

This year, Wagar borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his son and waited outside. It wasn’t long before he saw a group of about 20 kids approaching his house from the east, through a soybean field. He confronted them and asked them to leave. They refused and began throwing eggs at him. That’s when Scott unleashed his secret weapon.

“I figured that fox urine against eggs was probably equal force, and so I should be okay,” said Wagar.

Using a Super Soaker squirt gun, Wagar sprayed the teens with fox urine. One teen grabbed him around the neck, and when he wouldn’t let go, Wagar bent his finger back.

Question: Where do you get fox urine, let alone enough to fill a Super Soaker? Regardless, though sentiment in town seems to be on Mr. Wagar’s side, he was charged with 5th degree assault for spraying the little miscreants, and other offenses. Per this article, the charges against Mr. Wagar were dismissed.