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The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

According to the documents, a Stovall Middle School student told investigators Smith danced for him Feb. 26 in his classroom in front of other students.

He said she placed a chair next to her desk and other students yelled for him to sit down in it. Music began playing and Smith began performing a “full contact lap dance,” according to court records.

The student told investigators Smith sat down in his lap, moved back and forth and touched him all over his body. Toward the end of the dance, according to the documents, the boy said Smith got on her knees and placed her head between his legs.

Happy birthday! You can read a little more, and see a photo of the teach, here.

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A Mississippi state legislator wasted little time in between talking about the crime problem in Jackson to becoming part of it. As reported by wapt.com:

Hours after state Sen. John Horhn hosted a meeting addressing crime problems in Jackson, he was arrested on a DUI charge, police confirmed.

Horhn had called a meeting at the State Capitol earlier in the evening and heard from Jackson residents about crime.

The gent called the meeting! It must not have gone too well.

Horhn was pulled over about 11:30 p.m. Thursday on Beasley Road in front of Callaway High School, a Jackson police official said.

Horhn was booked and released early Friday morning, authorities said.

You’ll find the source, and a photo of the senator, here.

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Back in the time before there were CDs and DVDs, there was videotape. There was also a sportscaster named Warner Wolf whose catch phrase was “Let’s go to the videotape.” Well, if they do that here, this gent’s chances aren’t looking too good. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A corrections deputy charged with misdemeanor battery on an Indian River County Jail inmate has been fired, but he’s seeking his job back, officials at the Sheriff’s Office said.

Mario Pratt was placed on administrative leave Nov. 21 when he was charged with pepper spraying an inmate without justification. After a review by the internal affairs department, the Sheriff’s Office fired Pratt on Dec. 11.

Pratt filed a career services appeal Wednesday, which means his case will be reviewed by a board of deputies at a hearing. That hearing has yet to be scheduled.

So what happened?

The pepper spray incident happened on Oct. 28. Pratt is accused of spraying inmate Michael Dudley Palmer, 21, who was held on drug and theft offenses.

Pratt said the spraying was accidental and happened when he was putting the spray can back in a belt holder, according to a report. He described the discharge as a small amount that didn’t effect Palmer.

And there you were, jumping to all those conclusions when there is a perfectly innocent … wait, there’s some late-breaking news on this story. This just in:

Sheriff’s officials, however, reviewed surveillance video and said they saw the inmate grabbing his face “and staggering away from the area as if exposed to the pepper spray.”

The video also showed Pratt taking out the pepper spray, extending his arm “in a manner consistent with the deploying of the chemical agent, and pointed it toward the area where” the inmate was standing, the report states.

Hmm. Let’s not go to the videotape? You’ll find the source here.

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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a criminal lawyer. Nevertheless, it’s obvious that you can’t steal your own stuff. But you can fake a burglary. The question is, why would you? As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Police said they responded to the 11 Cranberry Lane home of Theresa Cantella, 25, on Jan. 15 and found her lying at the bottom of a flight of stairs. She said she suffered injuries after interrupting a burglary and was assaulted by an intruder.

Police said in a release that a subsequent investigation did not match evidence at the scene with Cantella’s original statement.

Uh-oh.

During a follow up interview at the Brookline police station, “Cantella confessed she fabricated the story, caused injury to herself and staged the scene at her residence to make it appear as if she walked in on a burglary in progress,” the release said.

Okay. Why would you do that?

She did not give a reason why she fabricated the story, police said.  She was charged with making a false report and is scheduled to appear Feb. 4 in Milford Circuit Court.

Here’s the source, with Ms. Cantella’s mug shot.

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Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

…out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Doh! And you know what else he had on him? A pocket knife and rolling paper. Oops. Deputies tased him, but it didn’t work because of his clothing. Mr. Williams was otherwise subdued and taken into custody, where he is looking at not just probation violation, but a few new charges too.

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Okay, so we’re not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning — and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

When police arrived, 54-year-old Clifford Johnson was emptying newspapers wrapped for delivery from the pickup into a red Chevy Blazer. Johnson said he’d accidentally backed his pickup into the ditch at about 5 a.m.

In addition to having a strong smell of alcohol on his breath, Johnson was spilling papers onto the ground and had trouble hitting buttons on his cell phone. After field sobriety tests, he was arrested on two counts of DUI — one for each of the two vehicles involved.

“He was just trying to get his papers in,” said APD spokesperson Lt. Dave Parker. “It’s just not something to do intoxicated.”

A breath sample from Johnson yielded a blood-alcohol content reading well over the .08 legal limit, and he was jailed on $250 bail. Both of his vehicles were impounded by police.

 

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People use the words “chicken shit” all the time. This fella, though, is accused of doing much more than using the words. As seen at todayskccr.com:

Prosecutors say [Tom] Parsons [49] , following a dispute with the county treasurer over a vehicle registration, placed the registration card in chicken feces and mailed the material to the official in a zip-lock bag.  The first-class mail piece was sent from the Pierre Post Office.

Brilliant! They’ll never trace it back to you… The plea?

Parsons entered the plea to a single count of Injurious Articles as Nonmailable Friday afternoon before U.S. Magistrate Judge Mark Moreno in Pierre Federal Court. A trial date has not yet been set.

In the mean time …

Following a discussion on conditions, Moreno released Parsons on a personal recognizance bond with supervision meaning he has to remain in contact with the parole office. Parsons also can have no contact with postal service employees except for regular transactions during the normal business day.

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“Hey buddy. Sorry to see you stuck in the snow. Would you like some help?” Okay, so that’s not quite how it went down. Per the Paterson Press (via northjersey.com):

In two cases that authorities believe are linked, men offering to help drivers struck in the snow then robbed the stranded motorists at gunpoint early Thursday morning, police said.

That is just cold.

The first incident happened at 1 am on the 400 block of 15th Avenue, said Lt. Bert Ribeiro. A group of five suspects told a man they would help push him out of the snow, but then one of them pulled a gun on him, Ribeiro said. The suspects took the men’s cell phone and tried to drive away in his vehicle, but it was still stuck, so they fled on foot, Ribeiro said.

If you think ditching their vehicle stopped them, think again.

About 15 minutes later, a group of three or four men volunteered to help a man and two women stuck on 700 block of 21st Avenue, Ribeiro said. Again, one of the them brandished a handgun and they took the man’s belongings as well as the women’s purses from inside the vehicle, police said.

In both cases, victims described two of the suspects as skinny and a third as being heavy, police said. “It seems to be the same people,” said Ribeiro.

Here’s the source.

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Nobody likes a noisy neighbor. What if you lived next to a bar that cranked out music – outside – from 9 p.m. – 3 a.m., from 5 speakers, nonstop? Such was the fate of some folks in Barcelona, Spain. As reported at canada.com:

A court in Barcelona said three persons living near the city’s Donegal pub “developed depressive anxiety syndrome that needed medical treatment” due to the noise …

Oh, and did I mention that the pub owner never got a permit for the outdoor sound system? If you think this is not a jailable offense, you’d be wrong. The owner “received a record jail term of five and a half years for “torturing” his neighbours with loud music from his sound system judicial officials said Monday.” (The pub has closed in 2006.)

Ironically, as you may have read, many inmates say that one of the hardest things to get used to in prison is … the constant noise.

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Nobody can argue that the internet has dramatically changed the world. Some folks, though, turn to it when they ought to just do things the old-fashioned way. For example, there’s this woman in Santa Fe, Texas, as reported by kwtx.com …

Police in Santa Fe in Southeast Texas say the mother of a 14-year-old boy who was shot in the leg in a videotaped incident didn’t seek help for her injured son for seven hours while researching gunshot wounds online.

Say what?

Pete Jesse Rodriguez, 23, who was living at the family’s home, was jailed Thursday charged with injury to a child with intent to commit serious bodily injury, Santa Fe police said.

Capt. Wayne Kessler says the home’s security video shows Rodriguez playing with a gun Tuesday night, tracking the boy and firing.

And then …

Police say the mother and teenager checked WebMD.com before going to a hospital.

Really? Fortunately …

The boy was in stable condition …

Here’s the source.