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cheez-its

Everyone craves some type of food at one time or another. And although you may not consider Cheez-Its to be food, a New Hampshire man had a serious craving, and apparently no cash. So, according to The New Hampshire Union Leader …

Officer Jacob Tyler was on patrol when he stopped to check on the business. When he pulled up, the clerk came out to tell him he had just been punched in the face. The officer noted redness around the clerk’s eye.

The clerk told Tyler he saw a man go out the door after hiding a three-ounce bag of Cheez-It in his pants. The clerk confronted him outside, the two got into a struggle, and the shoplifter punched him in the face and then ran off.

The thief is described as a white man, 6-foot to 6-foot-2 and weighing about 220 to 230 pounds. He wore a black hat and black shirt, both with white designs on them. He also wore black jean shorts with a white belt and white socks.

Two things: Clerk, you pursued a good-sized man over a bag of Cheez-Its? and Thief, you punched a guy in the face over a bag of Cheez-Its?

A man and a woman were also with him, the clerk said. Police located them in front of the Carpenter Memorial Library, 405 Pine St.

One of them, April Skinner, 18, of 800 Union St., was arrested after police say she became agitated, repeatedly shouted obscenities and refused to quiet down, drawing the attention of others inside the library.

She was arrested after a brief struggle with officers on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Perhaps the group is bound together by their common lack of good judgment.

Police said they expect to obtain warrants for the arrest of the shoplifter, who they declined to identify.

Here’s the source.

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ant

In a country where past cases have made it quite clear that one may not insult police officers with impunity, this would seem to be a no-brainer. But what is considered an insult is unclear, as this case demonstrates. As reported by DutchNews.nl:

A homeless man has been cleared by the High Court of insulting a police officer by calling him a mierenneuker – literally ant-fucker – a term used in popular speech to describe people who stick obsessively to the rules.

The court said it depended on the context in which it is used whether or not the word should be considered swearing. Only if mierenneuker is used with the intention to insult or cause offence is it a swearword, the NRC quoted the High Court as saying.

The case dates back to 2010 when the man, known as Sietze J, called a policeman a mierenneuker for throwing away his can of beer. Lower courts ruled J had insulted the police officer and the case went to appeal.

This is all stupid, but really? Just to show you what a stupid and subjective mess the Court has created, check out these cases:

In 2009, a 31-year-old man from Tilburg was fined €170 for insulting behaviour after wearing a t-shirt combining the word ‘corrupt’ with the police logo. People have also been fined for waving a middle finger (the Dutch equivalent to the two-fingered V-sign) at a police officer and calling a policeman ‘homo’.

And these …

Last January, the High Court ordered the retrial of a man who was given a fine of €200 for wearing a jacket featuring the letters ACAB because it was insulting to the police.

The letters are said to stand for All Cops Are Bastards. Earlier, three other men were fined €330 each for wearing t-shirts with the numbers 1312 printed on them, which stands for the same thing.

To borrow a word from the Dutch, too much ant-fucking. Here’s the source.

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doh

Can you believe that a sexual harassment claim could arise from a cocktail waitress’s employment at a strip club? Well, suspend your disbelief, and take my word for it. Or click here to read about it in the Gothamist.

Anyway, that’s not the point of the post. The point of the post is the caption of the Complaint:

LOURDES GARCIA, on behalf of herself and hose similarly situated, PLAINTIFFS [emphasis added]

So, just in case you missed it, the law firm for the strip club cocktail waitress referred to its client and her peers as “hose.” Sure, you can quibble and say that it’s spelled “hoes” or “hos,” to which The Juice says, close enough! And as pointed out by Ravi Sharma, who gets props for bringing this to The Juice’s attention:

… it is even more fishy that in the first line instead of using “those” they state “all others.”

If they has just used “all others” in the caption, it would not be susceptible to the unfortunate and plausibly deniable typo being missed (as “hose” is correctly spelled) by the spell checker.

Why didn’t they use “all others” in both places?

You can see the first page of the Complaint here.

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mary jane marijuana pot reefer weed

There are lots of ways to show your family some love. You might, say, try to visit your grandson in jail and bring Mary Jane. No doubt he would have appreciated it. We’ll never know. As reported in The Dayton Daily News:

Richard Heritz [age 85!], of West Chester Twp., stepped onto the grounds of the Warren Correction Institution Aug. 13 to visit his grandson. Gregory Heritz had been incarcerated at the prison for two years, and had eight more to come from a burglary conviction out of Butler County, according to prison records.

Before Heritz saw his grandson, he was pulled aside by state troopers, who were acting on a tip they had received. A few hours later, Heritz was behind bars as well, accused of attempting to smuggle marijuana onto prison grounds.

Snitch? The crime?

He is charged with attempting to convey drugs on the grounds of a detention facility, a third-degree felony, and possessing criminal tools, a fifth-degree felony.

The time?

If convicted, he could face up to seven years in prison and a $15,000 fine.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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coctail drink

It’s so nice when family and friends get together and just hang out, maybe have a cocktail, right? Before you say yes, remember that there are many kinds of cocktails … Per khou.com:

HFD arson Investigators said the incident started as an argument between [Darius] Owens [26] and a family member during a gathering in the apartment.

Uh oh.

Authorities said Owens, who is related to the apartment’s tenant, left for a while but then returned with a lit Molotov cocktail. Witnesses said he tossed the cocktail into the apartment, which still had three or four people inside.

Yup, that kind of cocktail.

HFD firefighters were called to a complex on Hayes Road at Westheimer Road shortly before midnight Thursday. Several units were already on fire when they got there, but crews managed to put out the blaze before it spread to all 16 units in the building.

Five apartments were destroyed, and a firefighter sustained minor injuries to his hand, but there were no other reports of serious injuries.

What about Mr. Owens?

Bystanders later caught the suspect as he tried to jump a fence, witnesses said. A neighbor told KHOU 11 that residents helped hold Owens down until police arrived.

As firefighters put out the flames, police were busy taking Owens into custody. He was captured on video laughing as he was placed in the back of a patrol car.

You’ll find the source here, including a picture of Mr. Owens smiling.

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stamps

Regular Juice readers know about the various ways people smuggle things into jail, many of which are NSFW. This is a new one on The Juice. As reported by the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office (Florida):

Deputies have arrested a Trinity woman after she concealed suboxone strips behind stamps on envelopes and mailed them to two inmates at the Pinellas County. The inmates in turn distributed and sold the controlled substance to other Pinellas County Jail inmates. Since the investigation began on August 1, 2013, deputies intercepted a total of 11 pieces of mail containing the opiate.

Pretty clever. Suboxone is also known as “heroin in a breath strip.” These folks had quite a business going, what with each stamp selling for $20. You can read more, and see the mug shot of smuggler here.

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mcdonalds

It’s so easy, in the comfort of your own home, or sitting there in your ergonomic office chair, to say that you wouldn’t have reacted as this Houston woman did. But can you really know with certainty? Exactly. As reported by khou.com:

According to officers with the Houston Police Department, the woman got upset over her drink at a McDonald’s restaurant, caused a disturbance, and then sped off [and allegedly led police on high-speed chase.]  Police said they spotted her older Mercedes with an expired sticker, and they tried to pull her over.

Okay, so perhaps she overreacted a little.

They eventually used spike strips to flatten her tires. She came to a stop on Hillcroft near Richmond.

Yikes. So what happened to her?

Police said the woman would be charged with resisting arrest. [She was taken to jail.]

Here’s the source, including a photo of the unhappy customer.

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cat

All parents get mad at their kids. But this? From the Broadview Heights Police Blotter, as reported by the Sun Star Courier at cleveland.com:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, EAST ROYALTON ROAD: At 6:19 p.m. Thursday, a patrolman went to Marymount South Medical Center for a report of domestic violence.

A 17-year-old girl told the officer she and her mother have not been getting along lately. [A major understatement, as you will soon see.] She said she had just had surgery and is staying at home to recover. She said her mother came into her room and they started arguing.

Allegedly, her mother took her cell phone and the two began to wrestle. The mother reportedly spit in her face, pushed her to the ground and started hitting her, causing her head to bleed.

A 21-year-old sister came into the room and allegedly used her body to separate her sister and mother. Her 17-year-old sister claimed their mother spat in her sister’s face and threw a cat at her before leaving the room.

The 17-year-old eventually locked her mother out of the house and called the police. Her friend’s parents came and picked her up and transported her to the medical center.

The mother is charged with domestic violence. The 17-year-old daughter requested a motion for a temporary protection order.

Threw a cat at her!!! Shazam!

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beer

How is it possible for a 32-year-old man to get busted for underage drinking? Here’s how: Commit the crime [allegedly] when you are underage, then let a few years go by. Doh! As reported by The Hunterdon County Democrat (New Jersey):

Patrolman Tim McGuire stopped on Route 513 by the Route 78 interchange to help with a disabled vehicle Monday around 7:30 p.m.

Ummm … Thanks Officer, but I’m good?

A computer check on the license of driver Philip Rowles, of Ridley Park, Pa., turned up two arrest warrants issued by Camden City Municipal Court and Woolwich Joint Court in Gloucester County, police said. One warrant was for failing to appear on a previous traffic summons for driving without insurance, the other for possession of alcohol by a person while under the legal age.

Once again reinforcing the notion that, if you just ignore your troubles, they’ll go away! Poof! Here’s the source.

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cell phone

So the cops caught these guys with a cell phone they had already thrown away? How’s that possible? Well, as reported by the Volusia County [Florida] Sheriff’s Office:

A 66-year-old woman had gone to the store Saturday afternoon and when she returned to her Saxon Boulevard home she discovered that someone had smashed a back window and gotten inside. When deputies responded, jewelry, a laptop computer and a cell phone were discovered missing. The victim used a cell phone locator service to get the general area the phone was in.

How did the police get from the “general area” of the phone to the perps?

After calling the phone several times, it was finally found ringing in a garbage can in front of a Baton Drive house at about 11:47 p.m. Deputies then looked around for any other evidence.

Voices coming from the yard on one side of the house led a deputy to two men hiding behind a tree: 20-year-old Gabriel Hidalgo and 21-year-old Heriberto Hidalgo. Both men initially made up stories about what they were doing in the area, but once stolen jewelry and a handgun were found on them they admitted to the home burglaries. The jewelry they had came from the Saxon Boulevard break-in and two handguns were traced back to a Friday burglary on Tivoli Drive.

Doh! Not only did they leave the phone on, they tossed it in a garbage can right where they were! [Their house?]

Both Deltona men were charged with carrying a concealed weapon, loitering/prowling, burglary, armed burglary, three counts of grand theft and criminal mischief. Heriberto Hidalgo was also charged with giving false identification to law enforcement and possession of narcotics paraphernalia. He also had a Seminole County arrest warrant for failure to appear.

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