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tea bag

No offense to all of The Juice’s white Mercedes-Benz-driving readers out there, but, given the headline, is it any surprise that the perp drove away in a white Mercedes-Benz? Out of the 62nd Precinct (Bensonhurst—Bath Beach) via brooklynpaper.com:

A disgruntled customer battered a cashier with a box of Lipton Iced Tea at a New Utrecht Avenue supermarket after she refused to ring up his purchases on Feb. 10, police stated.

The victim told cops she closed the line at her register at the store between 81st and 84th streets at 5:30 pm and told the would-be patron that she would be unable to check him out.

The entitled shopper pitched a fit and began cursing and screaming at the worker, then pulled out the box of tea and hit the worker in the face with it repeatedly, cops said. The crazed caffeine consumer then ran out of the store, jumped into his white Mercedes-Benz, and sped away, police said.

You poor dear! Oh the humanity!

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beard

This case certainly highlights how different cultures can be. As reported at arabtimesonline.com, in Kuwait City …

The Undersecretary of the Interior Ministry Lieutenant-General Suleiman Al-Fahd has ordered the detention of a police officer in the rank of Major for growing his beard without permission, reports Al-Rai daily quoting knowledgeable security sources. The source said Al-Fahd has also warned a lieutenant-colonel for the same reason and has issued strict instructions that disciplinary action will be taken against those who violate the laws especially if they grow beards more than 1.5 centimeters long.

Maybe he thought they wouldn’t notice? He measured wrong?

(Legal Juice is brought you by, well, The Juice, who is a personal injury lawyer practicing in Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia. He will not be quitting his day job, which includes handling bicycle and automobile accidents, to bring you more Juice.)

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bunny

It’s just a bunny, right? Wrong, as Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School in Kissimmee, Florida learned. Her crime? She wore sweat pants with a Playboy bunny and the word “Playboy.” The time? Two days of detention! From a UPI article, here are the highlights:

Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School, said a dean approached her at school and instructed her to change out of her black Playboy sweat pants, which she did. She was forced to stay for an hour after school for two days, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday.

Johnson said there was nothing inappropriate about her attire, despite Playboy’s connection to soft-core pornography.

“The bunny is just a logo,” she said. “There’s nothing objectionable about that.”

“They’re black sweats,” Johnson said. “They are thick, cotton, exercise pants… I was dressed tastefully.”

The school district’s dress code does not bar students from wearing any specific clothing brands, but allows officials to ban clothing with “offensive, suggestive, or indecent” messages or images.

Hugh Hefner must be loving it – giving the Playboy brand some juice with the youngsters.

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football stadium

If you’re having success running the ball, you keep running the ball until the opposing team counters it by, say, putting more men in the box. (Yes, The Juice likes football.) But in life, going back to something that worked is not always a good idea, especially in the world of crime. Just ask this gent. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A Plymouth man was arrested for allegedly committing two armed robberies at the same location about six weeks apart, police said Saturday.

Yup. He did.

Jason Crosby, 32, was arrested in Plymouth late Friday on two counts of armed robbery. Bail was set at $100,000, and he is slated for arraignment Monday in 9th Circuit Court in Nashua.

Crosby is accused of robbing Haffner’s Kick Stop at 215 Lowell Road on July 7 at 10:37 p.m. and again on Friday at 3:06 a.m., police said.

In the first robbery, Crosby displayed a small black semi-automatic handgun and demanded money from the clerk, authorities said. The second time, the suspect claimed to have had a weapon and again demanded money, police said.

You’ll find the source (and a mug shot) here.

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football

Old folks like The Juice, especially (and almost exclusively) men, often quote from Animal House. As Dean Wormer said: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life …” If you could have seen her mug shot (it’s been removed) you would have seen that “fat” doesn’t apply. “Drunk” definitely does. As for “stupid,” judge for yourself. Per The Orlando Sentinel:

An Oviedo Police Department officer who was assisting with security before UCF’s [University of Central Florida] first football game of the season against University of Akron got several reports of a woman urinating inside Parking Garage H.

Uh-oh.

When he went to check it out, he found Kristine Johnson of Sarasota naked from the waist down. She is not a UCF student, university officials said.

If you think she went along quietly …

When police commanded her to pull her shorts back on, she complied, her arrest report said. But throughout the rest of the encounter, police say, Johnson resisted arrest by pushing officers away, picking fights with strangers and yelling and cursing repeatedly.

When she was arrested, officials say, she spit on the doors and walls of her holding cell and cursed and yelled at officers.

Well, someone needs to learn some manners! The charges?

She faces multiple charges, including exposure of sexual organs, disorderly conduct and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Oh, and one more thing. She was banned from UCF! Here’s the source.

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door bell doorbell ding dong ditch

There can’t be many boys out there who never played “doorbell ditch.” A few Missouri boys have definitely played this game out. In fact, they may never ring ANY doorbell again. As reported by The News-Leader (news-leader.com):

Police say the boys angered the female resident to the point that she tried to run one down with her van, punched another three times while holding a knife to his chest and threatened to kill the boys and others, all while shouting racial slurs.

Ashley D. Crossland followed one boy to the house where the boys were having a sleepover, police say, and illegally entered the home. Confronted by a father of one of the boys, Crossland allegedly “threatened to slit his throat and everyone’s throats in the house, including the babies.”

You can read a lot more, and see the perp’s mug shot here.

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car key

Please, please, please just tell The Juice you did not fall for the oldest trick in the book – the “key swap.” Okay, so The Juice had never heard of the “key swap” either. As reported by tcpalm.com:

It sounds like a Hollywood heist. Thieves stole a $55,000 vehicle from the Arrigo Dodge dealership Wednesday afternoon without breaking a sweat or a window.

Maybe Hollywood, Florida, but pretty smooth nonetheless.

Investigators said it happened while an employee was showing a black 2012 Jeep SRT8. The thief took a look inside, started it, and as he was getting out, swapped the keys for an identical pair. The next few moments were all captured on camera.

The male thieves get into the Jeep and drive right off the lot undetected minutes after the salesman had just showed it.

So they just swapped a dummy key for the real one, and then hit the road soon thereafter. As for their current whereabouts? Unknown.  You can read more, and see a video of the story, here.

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thief

Talk about chutzpah. Check out this burglary, as reported by Sweden’s “The Local” and “Helsingborgs Dagblad”

A thief in southern Sweden took time off during a weekend break-in to surf pornographic websites on a company computer … local newspaper Helsingborgs Dagblad reports.

Here comes the real chutzpah:

Already faced with the prospect of having to procure a new welding machine, the owner also suffered the indignity of being called out for lax sweeping procedures. A message on the company’s computer screen spelled out the burglar’s considered opinion:

“You need to clean up. Regards, Thief.”

Did they catch “Thief?”

Police have so far been unsuccessful in their attempts to track down the hygiene-conscious bandit.

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broken window glass

What would you do if you had a sweet tooth, but no cashish to satisfy it? Hopefully not what this gent in Louisiana did. As reported by The Advocate:

The suspected “Brownie Bandit,” a burglar with a sweet tooth, was arrested after a more-than-two-week run pilfering a Gonzales bakery of its stocks of sugary baked goods and other treats, police said.

Officers caught Jamon J. Simoneaux, 18, 2228 S. Burnside Ave., Lot No. 133, Gonzales, inside Jumonville’s Bakery after business hours Thursday with a bag full of chocolate-frosted brownies, the Police Department reported in a news release Friday.

Sticky-fingered burglar caught red-handed?

Bakery owner Lynn Jumonville said he called police after repeated nighttime break-ins and the costs of fixing broken windows and cut window screens began to mount.

Jumonville said his bakers would make brownies and sugar cookies between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. for the next day’s business, but the burglar would wait until the bakery closed for the night then break in around 8:30 p.m. or 9 p.m. to sample the sweets.

“We made them, and he would come in to help himself,” Jumonville said.

Police said Simoneaux confessed he was responsible for six burglaries and three additional attempted burglaries at Jumonville’s Bakery, all between Aug. 8 and Thursday.

 

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drinking

“Hey buddy, I think you’ve had a few too many. Why don’t you let me drive you home?” That didn’t go over so well. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A Raymond man was arrested early Friday after hitting a friend in the parking lot of the Raymond American Legion with his vehicle and fleeing the scene, police said.

Edward Miller, 56, was charged with driving under the influence of liquor and conduct after an accident, police said.

The victim, who police found on the ground in the parking lot on Harriman Hill Road, told officers that Miller, his friend, fled the scene shortly before 12:30 a.m. Friday. The victim was taken to Exeter Hospital to be treated for what were believed to be non-life-threatening injuries.

Police said Miller allegedly attempted to leave the American Legion after consuming alcoholic beverages when he struck the victim’s vehicle, which was legally parked and unoccupied at the time. The victim had left the American Legion hall to try to stop Miller but was struck by Miller’s vehicle in the process, police said. Miller then fled, according to authorities.

Officers arrested Miller at his home, police said. …

Um. Sorry? Here’s the source.