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car key

Please, please, please just tell The Juice you did not fall for the oldest trick in the book – the “key swap.” Okay, so The Juice had never heard of the “key swap” either. As reported by tcpalm.com:

It sounds like a Hollywood heist. Thieves stole a $55,000 vehicle from the Arrigo Dodge dealership Wednesday afternoon without breaking a sweat or a window.

Maybe Hollywood, Florida, but pretty smooth nonetheless.

Investigators said it happened while an employee was showing a black 2012 Jeep SRT8. The thief took a look inside, started it, and as he was getting out, swapped the keys for an identical pair. The next few moments were all captured on camera.

The male thieves get into the Jeep and drive right off the lot undetected minutes after the salesman had just showed it.

So they just swapped a dummy key for the real one, and then hit the road soon thereafter. As for their current whereabouts? Unknown.  You can read more, and see a video of the story, here.

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thief

Talk about chutzpah. Check out this burglary, as reported by Sweden’s “The Local” and “Helsingborgs Dagblad”

A thief in southern Sweden took time off during a weekend break-in to surf pornographic websites on a company computer … local newspaper Helsingborgs Dagblad reports.

Here comes the real chutzpah:

Already faced with the prospect of having to procure a new welding machine, the owner also suffered the indignity of being called out for lax sweeping procedures. A message on the company’s computer screen spelled out the burglar’s considered opinion:

“You need to clean up. Regards, Thief.”

Did they catch “Thief?”

Police have so far been unsuccessful in their attempts to track down the hygiene-conscious bandit.

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broken window glass

What would you do if you had a sweet tooth, but no cashish to satisfy it? Hopefully not what this gent in Louisiana did. As reported by The Advocate:

The suspected “Brownie Bandit,” a burglar with a sweet tooth, was arrested after a more-than-two-week run pilfering a Gonzales bakery of its stocks of sugary baked goods and other treats, police said.

Officers caught Jamon J. Simoneaux, 18, 2228 S. Burnside Ave., Lot No. 133, Gonzales, inside Jumonville’s Bakery after business hours Thursday with a bag full of chocolate-frosted brownies, the Police Department reported in a news release Friday.

Sticky-fingered burglar caught red-handed?

Bakery owner Lynn Jumonville said he called police after repeated nighttime break-ins and the costs of fixing broken windows and cut window screens began to mount.

Jumonville said his bakers would make brownies and sugar cookies between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. for the next day’s business, but the burglar would wait until the bakery closed for the night then break in around 8:30 p.m. or 9 p.m. to sample the sweets.

“We made them, and he would come in to help himself,” Jumonville said.

Police said Simoneaux confessed he was responsible for six burglaries and three additional attempted burglaries at Jumonville’s Bakery, all between Aug. 8 and Thursday.

 

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drinking

“Hey buddy, I think you’ve had a few too many. Why don’t you let me drive you home?” That didn’t go over so well. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A Raymond man was arrested early Friday after hitting a friend in the parking lot of the Raymond American Legion with his vehicle and fleeing the scene, police said.

Edward Miller, 56, was charged with driving under the influence of liquor and conduct after an accident, police said.

The victim, who police found on the ground in the parking lot on Harriman Hill Road, told officers that Miller, his friend, fled the scene shortly before 12:30 a.m. Friday. The victim was taken to Exeter Hospital to be treated for what were believed to be non-life-threatening injuries.

Police said Miller allegedly attempted to leave the American Legion after consuming alcoholic beverages when he struck the victim’s vehicle, which was legally parked and unoccupied at the time. The victim had left the American Legion hall to try to stop Miller but was struck by Miller’s vehicle in the process, police said. Miller then fled, according to authorities.

Officers arrested Miller at his home, police said. …

Um. Sorry? Here’s the source.

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There are lots of ways to resist arrest. This one in particular, every male officer would likely agree, should carry an enhanced sentence. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

“Something’s wrong with her,” said Cook County Judge Adam Bourgeois Jr., who initially ordered the 20-year-old held on $50,000 bail. After a short recess, Bourgeois decided to instead release Ashleigh Heather Edwards on an individual recognizance bond with electronic monitoring.

You’re curious, right? What did she do?

Edwards, of Berwyn, assaulted [an] officer on a parked train outside the Galewood station on Chicago’s Northwest Side at about 3:40 p.m. Friday, according to an arrest report. The officer tried to remove Edwards after crew members said she entered the train’s “engine compartment” without permission.

Edwards yelled and ran to the other side of the train, police allege, before the officer caught her and attempted to place her under arrest. At that point, police and prosecutors said, Edwards grabbed the officer’s penis and squeezed it to inflict pain, while also kicking and punching and trying to pull away.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! But that wasn’t the end of it.

The officer used pepper spray to restrain her, the arrest report said. But while exiting the train in the 2000 block of North Narragansett Avenue and walking toward the police cruiser, prosecutors said Edwards again grabbed and squeezed the officer’s genitals.

The Juice is inclined to agree with the Judge’s assessment that “Something’s wrong with her.” And in case you think it wasn’t that big of a deal for the officer …

The Metra policeman was taken by ambulance to West Suburban Hospital in Oak Park, where he was treated and released, according to court documents.

As for Ms. Edwards:

[She] will return to court Friday. She faces a felony charge of aggravated battery to a peace officer, along with misdemeanor counts of resisting a police officer and criminal trespass to state land. No booking photo was immediately available.

Here’s the source, including her mug shot.

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Clearly he didn’t go about it the right way, and not to disparage White Castle, but having had their burgers, The Juice can testify that they would definitely go down better with beer, or any other alcoholic beverage. As reported by riverfronttimes.com (St. Louis, Missouri):

A White Castle customer was so upset he couldn’t wash his sliders down with an ice cold beer that he stabbed another customer in the head, police say.

The knife-wielding craver was trying to BYOB around 3:50 a.m. Tuesday at the downtown White Castle on South Broadway near Busch Stadium when an employee asked him to leave. A 57-year-old customer came to the employee’s defense, and the suspect stabbed him once in the head.

So what happened after that? Dude got away.

St. Louis Police are looking for the man, described as black, 40 to 50 years old, under six feet and 180 pounds. The victim’s injuries were minor.

Here’s the source.

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John Belushi

Not to be sexist, but if you don’t recognize that quote, you’re almost certainly female (or young, or old). Why does The Juice say this? Because it’s a classic line from a classic “guy’s” movie called … Animal House.    But back to the story at hand, we have a creepy doctor whose medical career may have just gone down the drain. As reported by The Hindustan Times:

According to sources in the PGIMER administration, a junior resident doctor from the general surgery department was found peeping in the bathroom where a woman doctor was taking bath. The woman identified the colleague who was peeping from top of the wall and raised the alarm.

The sources revealed that the incident took place in the resident doctors’ hostel located above Kairon Block, where both male and female doctors stay. There are common bathrooms for male and female doctors in the hostel.

So, after college, all that medical school, you’re part way through what is probably a grueling residency, and you put it at risk for a peep? To his credit, at least he owned … wait, there’s breaking news on this story.

Fearing disciplinary action and police complaint, the sources revealed, the doctor has fled and has not shown up since then.

And this guy is going to be making medical decisions? What’s the Hindustani word for “fuhgeddaboutit”? Have no fear, though. The authorities are all over this. Or, are they?

According to sources, the PGIMER administration is trying to keep the matter under wraps. Despite the fact that the matter is of criminal nature, the PGIMER administration has failed to make any police complaint regarding it.

When contacted PGIMER spokesperson Manju Wadwalkar said, “We are looking into the matter.”

Yes, a trusted institution. Residents might want to consider an alternative facility.  Here’s the source.

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cans beer

You may like shopping at Walmart. You may like working there, or you may have no choice but to work there. But if you think they give a damn about their employees, spend 30 minutes on the internet and you’ll learn otherwise.  The Juice can understand an employee doing something unwise to try to protect his benevolent boss’s business. This clearly doesn’t fit in that category. As reported by wftv.com:

A Walmart manager had an unexpected ride down a Florida Interstate in the back of a truck after he tried to stop a man and woman he suspected of shoplifting beer late Monday afternoon.

First mistake: chasing someone down for beer! What if they turned around and shot him? It’s just beer!

The manager, Mike Dawson, said he noticed the pair leaving the Titusville, Fla., store with a shopping cart containing beer. He said when he asked for a receipt, the two headed for their truck.

“I had asked them for a receipt and they kept throwing beers into their car,” said Dawson.

As the two began to back up and leave the parking lot, Dawson said he was forced to jump into the back of the truck.

Forced?

“I ran up to get their license plate, but when I realized how close I was, I jumped in the back so they didn’t run me over, ” Dawson said.

Doh!

The truck traveled along several streets and at high speeds down I-95. Dawson said the two stopped the truck twice.

“One time they tried to beat me up and I lost my glasses. The second time was in the back woods somewhere, I was like, ‘I’m not getting out for you to run me over,'” said Dawson.

So how did he escape?

Dawson said he used the only thing he could to try to get someone’s attention – the stolen beer.

“I kept throwing beers from the back of the truck, not at people’s cars but towards people’s cars, hoping that someone would call the police,” said Dawson.

Enter our hero.

Witness Dave Stewart said he saw the truck turn down a remote road in Brevard County, Fla. “Well, I just saw all the beers alongside the road,” said Stewart.

Stewart said as he caught up to the truck, it stopped. He said he had his gun on his hip, ready to use. He told the driver of the truck that he had called the sheriff.

“The gentleman in the back got out, and as soon as he did, the other guy jumps into the pickup truck and just leaves,” said Stewart.

So the pursuit of some stolen beer could have turned into a shootout…

Dawson said the man who stole the beer had a tattoo on his chest that read either 1987 or 1997. The pickup truck was blue with LH as the first letters on the license plate.

Investigators are still looking for the pair. They said they are checking to see if they are the same couple believed to have stolen beer from a Palm Bay, Fla., Walmart recently.

Still, nobody got the full license plate! Here’s the source, with a video news story.

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The Juice has come across some strange fetishes in his thousands of posts over the years. This may be the strangest yet, as reported by The Philadelphia Inquirer.

The Mayfair Town Watch reported yesterday on its Facebook page that the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” has been terrorizing neighborhood women.

Yes, you read that correctly.

According to the group, the suspect, a heavyset white man estimated to be in his late 40s or early 50s, approaches women while driving a silver or black sedan with his genitals exposed. He then displays a piece of sliced Swiss cheese and offers to pay the women to put the cheese on his penis and perform sexual acts on him using it.

All together now: Ewwwwww!

“I understand that people may think this is funny, but this is no laughing matter,” said Milt Martelack, the town watch’s senior adviser. “We’ve had a couple individuals reach out to us. We’re taking this matter very seriously, and we’re working vigorously with police to get this guy off the streets.”

A police source yesterday confirmed that the Special Victims Unit is investigating the man after several women from the Mayfair area filed reports describing similar encounters with a man displaying what the source called a “major sexual cheese fetish.”

Hmmm. This sounds familiar …

And although news of the bizarre case shocked many Mayfair residents, Gabby Chest – who lives in nearby Bridesburg – recognized the behavioral pattern instantly.

In July 2012, Chest, then 19 and having just broken up with her boyfriend, created a profile on the dating website OkCupid.

Within days, she said, she was contacted by a “really strange guy,” who sent her a private message that detailed a very specific request.

“He said he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese,” Chest said. “He kept saying how strong his urges were and how desperate he was to find someone to help him with them.”

An excerpt from that message, which Chest sent the Daily News, details the origin of the man’s self-described “fetish.”

“I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections [sic], girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more,” he wrote.

“That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.”

It’s not surprising, then, that Chest recognized the man who had contacted her as the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” as soon as she saw his picture on the Mayfair Town Watch’s Facebook page.

“There’s no doubt it was him; it looked exactly like the picture on his profile,” she said. “I was scared and shocked. I never thought the guys you see on those sites would be so close to me.”

Yikes. You can read more here.

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infidelity cheating adultery

If France is on one end of the spectrum, Kuwait is at or near the other end when it comes to adultery. As reported by The Arab Times:

The Criminal Court sentenced a Kuwaiti man and a female compatriot to two years in jail with hard labor and immediate execution for committing adultery. It has been reported the husband of the woman told investigators his wife left the marital house and lived in a private apartment after having a quarrel with him. While he was monitoring her acts, he found out she spent the night in an apartment in a nearby building. He then suspected she was committing adultery and results of the investigation proved his suspicion true.

Two years! Hard labor!

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