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taxi sign
You’d have to be drunk or stoned to take a cab to a bank robbery and to have it wait for you while you did the deed, right? Right! This gent was drunk!  As reported by The Tallahassee Democrat:

Stanley Geddie arrived by taxicab and was drunk during an attempted heist of a Tallahassee bank Wednesday afternoon, police say.

The 46-year-old was arrested on charges of robbery, petty theft and resisting an officer after demanding $100,000 from a bank manager at the Capital City Bank on Capital Circle Northwest.

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money dollar sign
Dude, it’s not your money. Was it worth risking your life? Okay, don’t answer that since you look pretty good right now. How good would you have looked with a hole in your head? Seriously, just hand over the money. Even if you get fired, good things will happen! (See yesterday’s Juice post.) Any way, back to the present, as reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

Capt. Peter Albert said a person wearing a mask and a hooded sweatshirt — believed to be a man — entered the Gulf gas station at 1 Continental Blvd. shortly before 11 p.m. Wednesday.

Albert said a handgun was shown to the store employee.

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heaven stairway
Forget about the other circumstances surrounding this man’s detention. It must have been obvious to the officers that something was amiss when the man said he was told to leave heaven. As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

A 53-year-old Cordova man was taken into custody and transported to the Regional Medical Center just before 3 a.m. Thursday after he was seen running completely naked down Cannon Bridge Road.

The man told a deputy that he had gone to heaven and was hearing people tell him to go back.

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Fortunately for the clerk in this Little River, South Carolina store, this “armed” robber is not very good at robbery. As reported by wmbfnews.com:

[33-year-old Joshua Page Edwards] walked into the store to allegedly shop for a gift, and perused the shop with the clerk before walking up to the counter and handing over a note.

Aren’t notes a bank robbery thing? Anyway …

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law books lawyer treatise legal research
Law school is really expensive, and it takes three years. So how can you avoid it, and still be a lawyer? Well, just say you are a lawyer. That’s what this woman did, apparently quite well, as reported by newser.com:

A woman used forged documents to pose as an estate lawyer for a decade and made partner at her small firm before her fraud was discovered, according to charges announced yesterday. Kimberly Kitchen was charged Thursday with forgery, unauthorized practice of law, and felony records tampering. State prosecutors contend Kitchen fooled BMZ Law by forging a law license, bar exam results, an email showing she attended Duquesne University law school, and a check for a state attorney registration fee. The firm is based in Huntingdon, about 110 miles east of Pittsburgh. Kitchen, of nearby James Creek, handled estate planning for more than 30 clients “despite never having attended law school,” the attorney general’s office says.

She even served as president of her county bar, says her lawyer, who adds that “she’s an incredibly competent person, and she worked very diligently and was devoted to the people she served. There are things about the charges we don’t agree with.” But the Huntington County Bar Association’s current president called the charges insufficient given “the level of betrayal” over 10 years. Local lawyers were the first to raise questions about Kitchen’s credentials; in December, when the Huntingdon Daily News first reported on the case, the firm vowed to review her work. Kitchen, 45, was previously employed at Juniata College, where she worked in fundraising but “started holding herself out to be a lawyer,” says a senior deputy attorney. She’s married to a state conservation ranger and is no longer working, her lawyer says.

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subway metro car
You go out drinking, and shit happens. But four times? Fuhgeddaboutit. As reported in the The Police Blotter in The Brooklyn Paper [88th Precinct (Fort Greene–Clinton Hill)]:

Some careful crooks emptied the pockets of a man sleeping on the Q train on Dec. 13, according to police.

The groggy 43-year-old straphanger said he was drinking at a bar in the Midtown section of Manhattan and boarded a Brooklyn-bound Q train at 11:30 pm on Dec. 12.

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Yes, some people want rules in their neighborhood.  And that’s why some people move into condos or neighborhoods governed by homeowners associations. But there are some really stupid rules – like this one! And some of you will say that these folks could have read the rules in advance, but nobody reads the rules! Do you read everything you sign (or click!)?  This is just an overreach by a group of folks who clearly have nothing better to do. As reported at Syracuse.com

The Kimry Moor Homeowners Association has filed a lawsuit against residents David and Arna Orlando in Onondaga County Supreme Court because they are parking their 2014 black Ford 150 pickup in their driveway at 511 Kimry Moor, just outside the village of Fayetteville.

The association wants an injunction to stop the couple from parking their pickup in the driveway of their home.

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submarine sandwich
In the wake of all the negative publicity Subway has garnered thanks to Jared, perhaps this could be seen as good publicity? I mean, these kids must really like Subway sandwiches, or they wouldn’t have done this. After all, they could have gone after a lot of other food. Here’s the story, as posted by wtvr.com (Richmond, Virginia):

Police are looking for a trio of teens seen in surveillance video, who robbed a VCU student of his sandwich at gun point.

Surveillance video shows the three teens, in a Subway sandwich shop, not ordering anything, until one asked for a cup of water.

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adventure
Sure it’s true that kids these days do a lot of things sooner than kids used to. But this? Yikes. As reported by Reuters:

A ten-year-old Norwegian boy came up with a novel excuse after he drove his parents’ car into a snowy ditch on Wednesday morning: he told police he was a dwarf who forgot his driving license.

The boy lives near Dokka, a town about 110 kilometres north of Oslo. Sometime before 0600 local time, he loaded his 18-month old sister into the car and headed for their grandparents in Valdres, about 60 kilometres away, local police said.

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noodles pasta
Indeed, making his food addictive was the goal of a Chinese restauranteur.  As reported by The South China Morning Post:

A noodle shop owner was detained after he was discovered to have been adding parts of a poppy plant – from which opium is made – to food so that customers would keep coming back.

The noodle shop’s owner was held for questioning and confessed that he purchased 2kg of poppy shells (the bud of the plant in which poppy seeds are found) for 600 yuan (HK$756) in August.

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