Legal Juice

There's no shortage of laws out there that need updating. This Mississippi law, which not only outlaws polygamy, but outlaws even teaching about it, is ripe for tweaking.

SEC. 97-29-43. Polygamy; teaching of.

If any person shall teach another the doctrines, principles, or tenets, or any of them, of polygamy; or shall endeavor so to do; or shall induce or persuade another by words or acts, or otherwise, to embrace or adopt polygamy, or to emigrate to any other state, territory, district, or country for the purpose of embracing, adopting, or practicing polygamy, or shall endeavor so to do, he shall, on conviction, be fined not less than twenty-five dollars nor more than five hundred dollars, or be imprisoned in the county jail not less than one month nor more than six months, or both.

Suggestion: Delete the first clause! Here's the source.

Shoot, $140,000 per year in Detroit will go a long way. You would think someone with a job like that - which also includes 9 weeks off! - would take it seriously. In this case, it appears that you would be wrong. As reported by myfoxdetroit.com:

Detroit district court judges have it pretty good. They work seven hours a day and get an hour for lunch... So why does 36th District Court Judge Cylenthia Miller need to show up late so often or not show up at all?

That there's a serious accusation. Can you back it up? Well ...

It's 11:00 a.m. A video shows people have jammed the courtroom, but the judge isn't there, and the lawyers are still getting $300 an hour. This wasn't just a one off. We got a hold of the judge's attendance record. She's a truant. If this were high school, she'd never graduate.

Maybe she's just going through a rough patch?

In 2009 she missed an extra 53 days or nearly three months of work.

In 2010 she missed an extra month and a half. It's the same with 2011 and 2012.

Okay, maybe not. But back to the present:

So we put the peep on the judge over the last few weeks. On February 8, a Friday, she called in sick saying she injured herself when her sister's dog pulled her in a ditch. On February 1[1], the following Monday, we couldn't find her. The next day she didn't show grieving over a loved one.

Yikes!

When the judge did show up, she was always late, took long lunches or left early. Pretty serious stuff for a judge who handles everything from murder to misdemeanors.

She showed up and hour and a half late on Wednesday. On Thursday, she showed up two hours late. After a rigorous hour and fifteen minutes on the bench, she cut out for lunch. A long lunch. A two hour and 15 minute lunch.

It was no better the next day, Friday, February 15. She was nearly two hours late again, and she left at 2:30 in the afternoon. Where could she be going? The law library? The prosecutor's office? Nope. She went shopping at Kroger in Grosse Pointe...

She was late again on Monday morning. We [the news crew] couldn't take it anymore.

"Court's been in session for an hour and a half and you're still [outside]," I said to her. "Been coming every day for three weeks, you've never been on time."

She said nothing.

Shocker. Time to go up the chain.

"It's embarrassing to us as a court, and it's embarrassing to me as the court's chief judge that I'm having this discussion with you," said Judge Kenneth King. "I'm telling you that this matter will be dealt with."

And?

Judge Miller met with the chief judge on Monday. She promised to "do better in the future".

"Better"? The Juice is guessing the folks at WJBK will be monitoring the situation. Here's the source.

Please, if you are prone to being grossed out, stop here. Remember, The Juice warned you. So, it started with what appeared to be a routine suspected DUI. Then it got weird, and gross. As reported by The Durango Herald (Colorado):

According to an arrest affidavit, the events began at 11:59 p.m. Feb. 11 when a Durango Police Department officer observed a vehicle turn right onto 32nd Street from Main Avenue without using a turn signal.

The officer, Chad Langley, pulled Kausalik [a 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service who has been in Durango since 1982] over ...

While speaking to Kausalik, the officer detected alcohol on his breath, according to the affidavit. Kausalik said he had not been drinking.

Kausalik performed voluntary roadside maneuvers, but not to Langley’s satisfaction, the affidavit says.

A preliminary breath test indicated he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.142, almost three times the 0.05 legal driving limit in Colorado.

Fairly routine stop thus far. Man appears to be drunk, smells of alcohol, denies drinking, fails field sobriety test, fails initial BAC test.

Langley arrested Kausalik and took him to the Durango police station ... for a formal breath test.

Please, not the formal breath test...

At the station, Kausalik asked to use the restroom. Officer Langley twice found Kausalik asleep in the restroom.

He told Kausalik he could not stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test, and he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.

Actually, there is another option, which could be considered a refusal of sorts ...

Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.

Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.

When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter [FECES!!!!!] strike the left side of my face and head.” Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.

If you're not completely grossed out, check your pulse. You can read the full story, and see the mug shot here.

Fancy having a "go" at the "Good To Go"? Maybe that's how these folks ended up carnally knowing each other for over an hour outside of the "Good To Go" convenience store in Florida. As reported by WZVN-HD:

According to a sheriff's report, deputies responded to the Good To Go Store at 16871 San Carlos Boulevard in Fort Myers in reference to an indecent exposure call.

As the deputies arrived, they spotted a naked Pomfret and half-naked Prothero having sex in plain view underneath a tree near the store, according to the report.

When a deputy walked over and told them to stop and get dressed, neither listened, the deputy said.

Sorry deputy. The Juice believes they actually did listen to you ... and just chose to ignore you since they were kinda busy.

Once the deputy announced she was with the Lee County Sheriff's Office, both reportedly stopped and put on their clothes.

And then?

George Pomfret, 49, and Brenda Prothero, 48, both of Fort Myers, were arrested [taken into custody] and charged with Indecent Exposure in Public.

Click here for the source, including photographs.

Yes, Christian Haughwout, a 14-year-old student at The Morgan School in Clinton, Connecticut, was suspended for 10 days for ... bringing a camera to school that emits a mild shock! The official reason for the suspension?

"Possession of a dangerous instrument and causing a threat or danger to the physical well-being of himself or other people."

Really? Yes, and on top of that, as reported by The Hartford Courant:

In juvenile court, the boy also faces charges of possession of a dangerous weapon on school grounds, attempted assault and breach of peace.

Suspended and busted! What to do. Christian's parents challenged the suspension via a lawsuit in federal court. The case was settled, with the school letting Christian return, and his parents agreeing to drop the lawsuit.

The gent says he just wanted to talk with the preacher. Well sir, it is alleged that a little more than that happened one day back in February 2012, as reported by knoxnews.com:

Andrew Byrd filed a lawsuit Feb. 15 in Sevier County against the Rev. Joel Arwood, his wife Theresa Arwood and deacon Charles Shields, all of Sevierville, as well as the Family Chapel Church of God and the Church of God International.

So what happened?

According to the lawsuit, Shields and the Arwoods asked Byrd on Feb. 21, 2012, to attend a meeting at Family Chapel Church of God, 1038 Charlotte’s Court in Pigeon Forge. During the meeting, Theresa Arwood said Byrd had a “demon or spirit that needed to be cast out,” according to the lawsuit.

“Thereafter, Joel Arwood and Charles Shields physically assaulted (Byrd) , while being encouraged by the shouts of Theresa Arwood,” Byrd states in the lawsuit.

According to a Sevier County Sheriff’s Office report, Byrd suffered a broken tooth, bruising and lacerations to the face, and pain and lasting injury to his back and leg.

Yikes.

Byrd alleges the pastor later bragged to the congregation that he had “punched the devil and knocked the devil’s tooth out.”

Byrd alleges in the lawsuit that Joel Arwood then “published” allegations accusing Byrd of murdering three people in Sevier County, including a 16-year-old girl, and having a contract to kill two more people, knowing that the statements were false.

Should be one helluva trial. Here's the source.

Continue reading "Wait, So You Didn't Want The Deluxe Exorcism Package?" »

In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina both say they ended up bruised in the tussle sparked when Sales turned the heat up to 68 degrees.

Lupina turned the heat down one degree, to 67, and that's when the trouble started ...

Lupina, claims Sales then punched her, pulled her hair and knocked her to the ground. Sales has been charged with misdemeanor battery and a court date was set for Monday afternoon in Joliet.

Hmm. Do you think Sales would agree with that version? Nope.

Sales alleges that Lupina started the fight and left her with bruised arms.

And if you think these ladies might have a hard time living together after this, you're right.

It apparently was the last straw. Now Sales wants to move out and has filed a civil lawsuit over their home.

Sales moved in with Lupina a couple of years ago and helped pay off Lupina's mortgage after selling her Arizona home. The idea was that they'd both save expenses by living together.

Sales wants to get her name off the house title, and has asked a judge to order Lupina to return her money, which could force Lupina to buy out Sales or sell the home, Haney said.

Yikes.

You probably know that, in many jurisdictions, crimes committed against the elderly are treated more seriously, and thus punished more severely. So, what happens when an elderly person commits the crime? Leniency? As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

A 70-year-old Hinckley Township man is accused of robbing the Huntington Bank on Center Road. Hugh Crouch is charged with aggravated robbery.

Yikes!

Brunswick police were called at 1:13 p.m. Tuesday to the bank at 3630 Center Road. Officers encountered the suspect leaving in a 2009 Chevrolet Silverado and tried to pull it over.

The driver kept going. Brunswick officers were joined by Medina and Medina Township officers, Medina County deputies and state troopers. The chase ended on East Smith Road in Medina, where Crouch was arrested after the Silverado struck a Brunswick police car.

"Now officer, do I look like a bank robber?" Perhaps not, but ...

Additional charges are being considered.

Here's the Plain Dealer article.

You've probably heard someone say that TV is like a drug. Well, this story certainly bolsters that notion. Per the Northwest Florida Daily News:

Natasha Lynn Head, a 34-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she picked up a knife and told the victim he was going to leave "in a body bag," according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

Yes, the fight started over a remote control!

She and the victim had been arguing over the television remote control, which he hid from her so she could not watch television in the bedroom, according to the report.

The victim said Head charged at him with the knife, which caused him to hide in the bathroom and call 911, the report said.

Her defense?

Head told police she never intended to harm the victim and only got the knife so she could break into the bathroom and get the remote.

What? Like you've never used a knife to open a door? Here's the source, mug shot and all.

On Valentine's Day, this is how you treat your fiancee? The Juice hopes they did not put any wedding-related deposits down. From The Union Leader:

Gary Cormier, 41, of 515 Hall St., is accused of first threatening his fiancee on Valentine's Day and, after being released on bail, stalking her.

Yikes.

Cormier is accused of jumping out in front of the woman's vehicle on Hall Street and pounding on the hood and when she put the vehicle in reverse, opening the door and trying to pull her out, scaring her.

After his release on bail, he is accused of returning to the Hall Street address. Police prosecutors then filed a motion to revoke Cormier's bail on the first charge. "Because I went home," Cormier said.

Cormier will be held without bail until a hearing Tuesday in Circuit Court, Manchester District Division.

To Mr. Cormier's credit ...

At his arraignment Friday in Circuit Court, Cormier said: "I'd like to pleady guilty and get it over with." Told each charge carries a sentence of up to one year, Cormier said: "If I go to jail for a year, I go to jail."

To the judge's credit ...

The judge refused to accept a guilty plea, telling Cormier he needs to talk to a lawyer. Cormier agreed and trial was set for March 21.

You'll find the source here.

Continue reading "So, Does That Mean The Wedding Is Off?" »

If you want to be a taxicab driver in King County, Washington (county seat, Seattle), be advised that you cannot wear shorts, sandals, jogging or warm-up suits or sweatshirts or similar attire, or "any similar clothing." Fortunately, raingear is allowed (unless it looks like a warm-up or a sweatshirt?). Unfortunately, you may not wear underwear "as an outer garment." King County Code Section 6.64.680

If you still want to drive a taxicab in Seattle, heed the following: You must wear "suitable clothes," defined as "full-length pants, collared shirts and shoes." (The Juice is out, since he only wears a collared shirt in Court, or for his website photo.) You must also be "well groomed," which requires "bathing or showering on a normal basis" (Is there a King County "Bathing and Showering Inspector?"). You must have "hair that is neatly trimmed, beards and mustaches [that] are groomed and neatly trimmed at all times in order not to present a ragged appearance, and scalp and facial hair [that] are combed and brushed." Oh, and a poorly groomed taxicab driver involved in an automobile accident will be presumed to be at fault. (Okay, there is no such presumption. But you had no trouble believing it, right?)

Now, if you are STILL interested, make sure you have no convictions for the following crimes or you're out of luck, no matter how well you dress: use of a machine gun in a felony, murder, manslaughter, kidnapping, arson, robbery, and, of course, leading organized crime. King County Code Section 6.64.600. If you are really, really bored, the entire King County, Washington code may be viewed here.

Tumid? Seriously, does anyone know what "tumid" means? Some legislators did, because they put it in Section 3303.14 of the Columbus (Ohio) Code:

"Nude" or "state of nudity" means a state of dress or undress that exposes to view: ...

2. Human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state, even with a complete and opaque covering, or

3. A covering or device that when worn, depicts, represents, or simulates human female genitals, human female areolae or nipples, or human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state.

(Emphasis added by The Juice.) If you still don't know what "tumid" means, click here.

It pays to know and understand the Constitution, especially the 5th Amendment. A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida would be well-advised to read it, or at least catch a few episodes of Law & Order. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man's pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man's pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself.

Yeah, probably the first guy ever to have a partially unzipped fly...

When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend's house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home.

Okay...

After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act.

Really? It's not like you were tied to a chair, with a hammer about to smash your toes. How about this answer: nuh-uh.

The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

She was charged with soliciting for prostitution.

Really? What about the loose-lipped, would-be john? Not cool.

When you're a burglar, going to the same well twice is going once too often.

A Madrid man faces multiple felony charges after he allegedly stole coins and cash during two separate home invasions, St. Lawrence County sheriff’s deputies said.

Yeah, they were separate home invasions, but invasions of the same home!

Jeffrey R. Lavare, 29, of 401 Haig Road, was charged with two counts of second-degree burglary, fourth-degree grand larceny and petit larceny.

Deputies said Lavare entered a residence located on the Elliot Road and stole coins value at more than $1,000. Deputies said he returned to the residence at a later date and stole coins and cash valued at about $350.

You'll find the source here, at North Country Now (Potsdam, New York).

Like many shoppers before him, Mr. Walter Tessier walked into a grocery store (in Amsterdam, New York) and bought a lobster. He later returned to the store claiming that the lobster was bad, and exchanged it for a bag of king crab legs. So whatsamatta? Just this: the lobster shell was empty! As reported by The Times Union:

When confronted, the man with a passion for seafood ran from the store with the bag of crab legs in hand, they said.

Deputies said they caught up with him at his home only to discover that he had already eaten the crab legs.

Walter Tessier, giving new meaning to the phrase "eat and run" ... (We actually had a case involving a woman who admitted to eating a crab she had just purchased - while she was driving! Not surprisingly, she rear-ended our client.)

Tessier was charged with petit larceny and given an appearance ticket to return to court at a later date.

Per the St. Petersburg Times:

To prove he's incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court.

He smeared feces on his face.

And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden in his jail jacket pocket.

Did it work? Nope. Why not? Well, among other evidence of malingering,

Prosecutors also have jail phone call recordings on which Lee laughs about acting "crazy."

Who knew that prisoner's phone calls were monitored, other than EVERYONE (except Lee)? To read more, click here.

So what happened at the trial? Guilty. You can read more here.

I would imagine that 911 operators get a lot of strange calls. Still, I'll bet they don't get calls like this too often. As reported by the St. Petersburg Times:

Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always free — 911 — with an unusual request.

He wanted someone to have sex with him.

Is there [pardon the pun] stimulus money for that? [Oh!]

When 911 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, police said.

Fifteen minutes after his last call, police arrested Basso at his home, at 4202 N Nebraska Ave., on charges of making a false 911 call. He was taken to the Hillsborough County Jail, where he remains without bail.

No bail?

Basso has been arrested a dozen times in Hillsborough on charges including grand theft of a motor vehicle, violation of probation, domestic violence battery, possession of marijuana, trespassing and burglary, jail records show.

Add one more to that cornucopia of criminal charges. Here's the source.

It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night ... as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) ...

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two 'Star Wars' light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here's the source, including a photo.

You have to be pretty hammered to think that the candor pander has any chance of working when you're driving drunk. As reported by www.beenews.com (New York):

A man was arrested for driving while intoxicated after patrol observed his vehicle 
pass 
through a steady red light at Seneca Creek Road and swerve several times on 
Union Road.

The 
man told patrol, “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been drinking,” then produced a Rite Aid 
rewards card 
for ID instead of his driver’s license.

Doh!

Cook County, Illinois Judge Stanley Sacks, during the trial of a Chicago police officer convicted of reckless driving, said:

Pardon my language, but big fucking deal.

So... judicial. For this little doozy, Chief Judge Timothy Evans re-assigned Sacks to non-judicial duties for four months.

Yup. When Rachel Monk, a 24-year-old Scottish woman with cerebal palsy, wanted to get a tattoo, the first establishment she and her family tried was up a flight of steps. Since Ms. Monk is in a wheelchair, she was referred to another tattoo parlor. At that establishment, called Body Creation, the owner told her

We don't do people like you.

Me thinks they will now. A discrimination claim was filed. The Disability Rights Commision awarded Ms. Monk £2,500 ($5,000), stating

It was abundantly clear, once one took the trouble to communicate with Rachael, that she knew her own mind, was proud of the small heart (tattoo) already displayed on her right arm, and wanted that tattoo she had chosen for her left upper arm... [Mr Dean] did not attempt to make any assessment of Rachael's vulnerability or capacity He simply ignored her and made assumptions based upon her physical abilities.

Barbers Anderson and Banks are opening up a barbershop. While the space was being remodeled, an old, ornate sign was uncovered. As reported in The Argus, the sign reads "J. Barker", "dispensing chemist" and "practical phrenologist," and is carved in ornate gold leaf writing. Since the sign has historical significance,

They were then told by planning officers from the city council they must keep the old sign as it is protected by conservation laws - even though it advertised the wrong kind of business.

So they have this cool old sign, and life is good at Trafalgar Barbers, no? No, it's not.

Last week the barbers received a letter from the Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain saying it was illegal to advertise themselves as a "dispensing chemists" when they weren't. The letter said it would take further action unless the sign, which contravened the Medicines Act 1968, was taken down.

Only one problem - they paid £500 ($1,000 US) for their sign, and a new "old" sign would cost about £1,000 ($2,000 US)! They don't have it, and they're feeling a bit boxed in. Said Mr. Anderson:

The council has made us break the law. It feels like we are in a nowin situation and it is all a bit bizarre. We never wanted the sign in the first place but were told we had no choice. Now we are being told we have to take it down and pay for another one. We are told we have to preserve the cultural heritage of the area but all the other shops in the area have the signs they want above the door.

Yeah! People, get your shit together and let these gents cut hair! Here's The Argus article.

Update: Fortunately, some agreement was reached, as the gents are still cutting hair. Click on this link, and scroll down to "Cut and dried." Recognize those blokes?

Apparently this woman is not familiar with the scientifically proven theorem that "The third time's the charm." As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat in the Police Blotter:

Attempted armed robbery -- Circle K, 3801 North Belt West. An employee reported that while working on paperwork at the counter, a person wearing a cap and a scarf covering her face approached the counter with a handgun. The person ordered the employee to open a safe but he could not open it. She ordered the victim a second time and again he advised it could not be opened. The suspect fled the area on foot.

Doh! The Juice is just glad nobody was hurt.

All too often, folks see someone in need, and just keep going. They're too busy, or have some other reason for not stopping. Well, not this gent. He stopped to help, and, befitting that old saying [it's BS, but hey, it's a saying] his good deed did not go unpunished. Per lancasteronline.com, from the police blotter:

Daryl L. King, 37, of Paradise, was charged with DUI and resisting arrest after an incident Saturday at Brimmer Avenue and Orlon Street. Police dispatched for a fight just after 6 p.m. found King pushing a 29-year-old New Holland man. King refused officers' commands to stop and eventually was taken into custody. The man King was pushing later told officers he stopped to help King, whose truck had gone off the road. He said he realized King was intoxicated and took the keys from the ignition of King's truck, after which King began fighting with him. King was committed to Lancaster County Prison in lieu of $40,000 bail.

The Juice commends this good Samaritan, who may have saved a life.

Hey, I'll bet if clown intruders infiltrated your house, you'd try to blast them with your shotgun too. Shot-up stuff can be fixed or replaced. But if the clowns get you, it's curtains. As reported by the Hudson Star-Observer, a Roberts,Wisconsin man was not about to take any chances ...

St. Croix County Sheriff Dennis Hillstead said the man was apparently suffering from some kind of hallucination when the incident took place at 3:56 a.m. Friday (July 9) at the home of the man's parents where he resided.

“Deputies got a report that a number of rounds had been fired within the home,” Hillstead said. “More shots were fired when the deputies arrived and he apparently fired a shot at his parents as they fled in a vehicle.” The shots hit the windshield.

The man came out of the house carrying a shotgun, with a bag of shells over his shoulder and yelling at persons unknown, the sheriff said. The man was taken in to custody without incident and has been placed in emergency detention.

The man told investigators that he felt a number of men dressed in clown suits were attempting to invade the house, Hillstead said. The home was severely damaged during the shoot-up.

Ms. Lowe [cue the villain music] was driving Mr. Moffet's car (insured by State Farm) when [warning: tree violence] it struck and damaged Mr. Fisher's "beautiful oak tree." Naturally, the tree [okay Mr. Fisher] filed suit. Losing at the trial level, the tree appealed. Read on to find out who won.

Syllabus (summary)

A wayward Chevy struck a tree Whose owner sued defendants three. He sued car’s owner, driver two, And insurer for what was due For his oak tree that now may bear A lasting need for tender care.

The Oakland County Circuit Court, John N. O’Brien, J., set forth The judgment that defendants sought And quickly an appeal was brought.

Court of Appeals, J.H. Gillis, J., Gave thought and then had this to say: 1) There is no liability Since No-Fault grants immunity; 2) No jurisdiction can be found Where process service is unsound; And thus the judgment, as it’s termed, Is due to be, and is, Affirmed.

Opinion, Before Bronson, P.J., V.J. Brennan, and J.H. Gillis, JJ.

J.H. GILLIS, Judge.

We thought that we would never see A suit to compensate a tree.

A suit whose claim in tort is prest
Upon a mangled tree’s behest;

A tree whose battered trunk was prest
Against a Chevy’s crumpled crest;

A tree that faces each new day
With bark and limb in disarray;

A tree that may forever bear
A lasting need for tender care.

Flora lovers though we three,
We must uphold the court’s decree.

Affirmed.

Fisher v. Lowe, Moffet and State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Company
Docket No. 60732.
Court of Appeals of Michigan.

The Juice really doesn't know where to start with this Maryland law, so here it is:

A person may not sell or offer for sale a contraceptive device, whether or not advertised as a prophylactic, by means of a vending machine or other automatic device at a kindergarten, nursery school ...

So, that means no "condom" slot in the soda machine? How will the teachers cavort safely? Maryland, what have you done? Click here to read the statute.