Legal Juice

The Juice is a believer in some old-fashioned notions, like men holding the elevator door open for women. Too bad a fellow in Boston, Mohammed Warsame, is not likeminded. Here's why, as reported by The Boston Herald:

A Roxbury man was slopped with a plate of pasta, punched, kicked, spit on and beaten with handbags by two women who told investigators they needed to “teach him a lesson” for not holding an elevator door for them, police said.

Holy smokes!

When Boston police arrived at 1050 Tremont St. late Saturday night to break up the lift tiff, they said they found noodles dripping off the back of Mohammed Warsame.

Kenyana McQuay, 27, and Waltia Funches, 28, told officers Warsame “was rude to them” because he didn’t hold the elevator door open as they walked into the building, and so “they had to use their fists, their bags and their feet to teach him a lesson.”

Warsame said he threw water bottles at the two women to try and fend them off.

Certainly etiquette sticklers like these ladies would treat the police with respect, right? Wrong.

Police, who described McQuay and Funches as “extremely agitated,” “uncooperative” and “verbally abusive toward officers,” summonsed both women to Roxbury District Court on assault and battery charges.

Oh my!

In what is clearly a cautionary tale for fisherman, especially those anywhere close to Kuwaiti waters, comes this report from The Arab Times:

An unidentified Iraqi fisherman who was arrested by the Kuwaiti authorities on suspicion after he was caught inside Kuwait’s territorial waters has been released after two years in police custody, reports Al-Shahed daily.
Director of the Sindabad Fishermen Society which is based in Fao, Badran Essa, said the fisherman was handed over to the Iraqi authorities at the Safwan border post.

Um, sorry about that? Just had to check out your story ... Not cool at all, Kuwaiti authorities.

What about the kids? If they find out the government is trying to tax Santa Claus, how can they believe? As reported by Reuters:

The [Ukraine] government faces $9 billion in foreign debt repayments next year and its budget deficit almost tripled in January-October this year to more than $4 billion.

No, not Santa! [He's called Did Moroz locally.]

By studying internet advertisements, the state tax service found out that a Did Moroz with a traditional female Snihuronka (Snow Maid) helper would earn 250 to 3,500 hryvnias ($30 to $440) per hour in capital Kiev this season.

"Such citizens will need to file forms and pay taxes," the tax service said in a statement.

Hmm. "Will need to" not "must."

The service said it was barred from conducting tax checks on small businesses but urged ordinary Ukrainians to report tax-dodging Santas.

Now that's a loophole Santa could drive his sleigh right on through. Here's the source.

No more beer? No more cigarettes? Why not head to the Walgreens down the road? Well, for starters, it's closed. You say "don't worry about it?" Okay. As reported by wtsp.com (complete with a video of the break-in):

The burglar first smashed the front glass door of the Walgreens located at 3890 Van Dyke Road in Lutz at 1:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve. At that time, the burglar took a case of Budweiser, two cases of Bud Light beer and two cartons of Marlboro Special Blend cigarettes.

That ought to be enough for ... less than 2 hours?

Apparently not content with his loot, the burglar returned at about 3:18, this time smashing the window in the pharmacy area to gain entry.

Dude must like smashing glass.

As the suspect was trying to remove pain medication, the alarm was activated and the lights in the store turned on. The burglar then ran out of the store.

And then the police caught him? Not yet, though his days are probably numbered given the level of criminal expertise on display here. You'll find the source (and a video of the crime) here.

If you're hungry and thirsty, heading to a food market is definitely the right move. This gent did just that. But when he got there, ay ay ay. As reported by madison.com:

The Madison Police Department stated in a news release that officers were called to the store shortly before 11 p.m. Friday for a disturbance involving a man without a shirt.

A shirtless man in December, in Wisconsin?

"Employees pointed out the suspect, who was in the restricted tobacco area," said police spokesman Howard Payne.

Prior to that, police said, he allegedly poured Sun Drop soda all over himself while in the soft drink aisles. When in the tobacco area, he allegedly opened packs of cigarettes, eating some and throwing some at customers and employees.

Must have filled up on the cigarettes he ate ...

"Officers tried to get him out of the tobacco area, but he wouldn't cooperate until he was threatened with a Taser," Payne said.

What could possibly have led this 22-year-old man to do this? Well ...

"He did state that marijuana laced with something may have played some role in his rather bizarre behavior," Payne said.

Enough said. Here's the source.

Regular Juice readers may recall this post about a marijuana greenhouse set up just 25 feet from a police station. But what if he told you a gent grew marijuana, in prison, with the permission of the guards! And he did it for at least 5 months before he was busted! What do you think he was in for? Drugs? Yup. As reported by The Sun:

Gold-toothed Mohamed Jalloh, 28, convinced jail staff [at Verne Prison in Portland, Dorset] that his super-powerful skunk crop was really tomato plants.

[They] even [let him] decorate one 4ft plant as a CHRISTMAS TREE.

So how was he caught?

Eventually he was grassed up by a jealous inmate - and guards then identified the plants using Google snaps.

Damn you, jealousy! Curse you, Google! Here's the source.

Actually, "hot" and "warm" revenge didn't work out too well either for David Alan Hawkins, who had the misfortune of trying to develop a condominium project when the Savings and Loan crisis hit in the 1980s. He lost his financing, and the project, with the collapse of Queen City Savings and Loan. And, as reported by the Seattle Times:

To add insult to injury, Hawkins won a $3.5 million jury verdict against the S&L, only to have it stripped from him by a judge over a technicality — a move that outraged the jurors who had awarded him the money, according to court documents and news accounts from the time.

How would Hawkins get even?

For years, Hawkins sought justice, using increasingly confrontational and bizarre tactics that included placing invalid liens on the homes of those he blamed — including bankers, judges and lawyers — and filing so many lawsuits that he was banned from filing documents in King County in 1994.

You know it's bad when you are banned from filing documents with the court, a fate usually reserved for pro se prisoner plaintiffs. Fast forward, years. Hawkins ratcheted the revenge WAY up, with the help of attorney Harry Skeins Jr. They were "selling" the homes of people involved in Hawkins' misfortune 25 years ago (e.g. Judges, lawyers, a bank executive). Just one problem - they had no interest in the homes! How did they do it?

Hawkins and Skeins set up a fake title-insurance company and convinced lenders that they held legitimate liens on the homes of their victims. An Atlanta lender gave them more than $1.5 million for the sale of homes belonging to a state appeals court judge and a bank executive ...

How did they get busted?

... the men were arrested in 2006 after a judge's wife questioned a real-estate appraiser who showed up at her home one day, according to court documents.

The time? Four years in prison, and about $1.6 million in restitution. Here's the source.

Hmm, right? Whatever the act was, it got this lady in a lot of trouble, along with some other things. As reported by SFGate.com:

Modupe Adunni Martin, 29, was taken into custody Thursday morning after a judge pronounced sentence, including three years on probation, said San Mateo County Deputy District Attorney Karen Guidotti.

Martin had been working as a custodian for the Sequoia Union High School District in February 2009 when she told her employer she had injured her ankle at work. She said she couldn’t walk and used crutches to enter 10 doctor appointments over a series of six months.

So she was hurt? Or, was she?

But when investigators from the district attorney’s insurance fraud unit began to check her story using hidden cameras near the doctor’s offices, she was seen leaving the doctor’s appointments on foot without crutches.

Uh oh.

One time, Martin threw her crutches in the back seat of a car, drove to a nearby gas station, changed into high heels and ran to a nearby public park. There she met up with a boyfriend and performed a sex act she couldn’t have done with an injured ankle, said District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe.

Doh!

Martin was arrested in August 2009 and pleaded no contest to one felony count of fraud in October. She had been free after posting $40,000 bail.

"Had been free" being the operative language. Now?

[She] will spend nine months in jail ... [and] must also pay more than $79,000 in restitution for workers compensation payments she received.

Here's the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Martin.

Everyone speeds some. This Illinois gentleman, though, is in a class by himself. Let's hope so, anyway. From the pages of The Beacon News:

At 182 mph, Rodney Jones was covering almost the length of a football field every second on his Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle.

That is not a typo. 182! This probably won't surprise you:

.... Jones, 39, has what officers believe is the fastest speeding ticket ever recorded in the Chicago area — and likely the state.

Hell, probably the world.

“When I looked at the radar and saw 182, I couldn’t believe it,” said Heinzl, who clocked Jones going more than three miles a minute in what he characterized as “moderate” traffic, before Jones surprised him by stopping.

“I asked him why he didn’t run and he said, ‘I wasn’t in the mood to run. If I’d wanted to run, I’d have run.’”

It's unlikely he displayed the same demeanor before the court, because he surely could have done a lot worse.

Jones was fined $375 and ordered to buy high-risk insurance, according to court records and the Illinois Secretary of State.

Click here for the full story, including a photo of Mr. Jones.

Yes, shoplifters will be prosecuted. And so will folks who treat merchandise like this ... As reported by The Brooklyn Paper:

A 32-year-old urinated all over costly clothing inside a Downtown department store on Dec. 11, investigators claim.

Dude!

Police cuffed a suspect accused of ruining more than $1,500 of garb inside the Fulton Mall shop between Gallatin Place and Hoyt Street at around 9:48 pm.

The suspect — who faces charges of criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, exposure, and “throwing or dropping offensive matters into streets and public places” — admitted to relieving himself on the clothing, according to documents from the District Attorney’s office.

Here's the source.

Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here's the source.

Why shop for gifts when you can jack a what? As reported by The Belleville [Illinois] New-Democrat:

A whole lot of presents did not get delivered Monday when an armed robber carjacked a UPS van and unloaded it with an accomplice in East St. Louis.

The UPS delivery driver was making deliveries before 1 p.m. Monday in the 500 block of North 22nd Street when a man wearing a ski mask jumped aboard the van and pointed a gun, East St. Louis Police Chief Michael Floore said. The delivery man was forced to drive to 37th and Caseyville Avenue, where the masked gunman used a cell phone to make a call.

A blue van pulled up. Its driver and the robber unloaded most of the UPS van.

An organized jacking of a UPS truck? And you fellas expect to get away with that? Fuhgeddaboutit. UPS has to protect its drivers. Fortunately ...

The driver was unharmed.

You'll find the source here.

Nothing will resolve the disagreement between those who believe concealed carry laws are a good thing, and those who think they are idiotic. Though we can't know with certainty, Mr. Randall White is probably in the latter group. As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

Police said the incident unfolded about 4 p.m. inside the Little Caesars, 3463 Fourth St. N, after Randall White, 49, got mad about his service.

White said he got mad because his thin-crust vegetable pie was taking longer than the 10 minutes he was promised. "Twenty minutes later, I'm like, 'Where's my pizza?' " White said.

That did not go down well with another patron.

Another man in line, Michael Jock, 52, of St. Petersburg admonished White. That "prompted them to exchange words and it became a shoving match," said police spokesman Mike Puetz.

White raised a fist. Jock, a concealed-weapons permit holder, pulled out a .38 Taurus Ultralight Special Revolver.

Wo there. You're pulling a gun over an argument - that you started - in a take-out line in a restaurant? Um, yeah.

He fired one round, hitting White in the lower torso. The men grappled and the gun fired again, hitting White in roughly the same spot, police said.

Well, that solved everything... And what exactly did the shooter tell the cops?

After the shooting, both men went outside and waited for police. Jock told officers the shooting was justified under "stand your ground," Puetz said.

"He felt he was in his rights," Puetz said. "He brought it up specifically and cited it to the officer."

Seriously, that's what he said.

He told officers he feared for his life. He mentioned that he thought White had an object in his hand, then backed off that when officers pressed him. Florida's "stand your ground law" says people are not required to retreat before using deadly force.

What did the police think?

"We determined it did not reach a level where deadly force was required," Puetz said.

Police arrested Jock on charges of aggravated battery with a weapon and shooting within a building. He was released from jail on $20,000 bail.

Said the victim:

White was treated at Bayfront Medical Center and released. Reached by phone Monday night, he said he felt lucky to be alive. He was also angry.

"There are arguments every day, but how many people pull out a gun? When you pull a gun out and shoot somebody, your life better be in danger," White said. "He was in my face and I pushed him. His life was not being threatened."

White said he still has a bullet fragment in his back.

"I got lucky," he said. "To me, that stand your ground rule … people are twisting it. He's twisting it. I walked in to get a pizza and I got shot … I'm hoping the law prevails. We'll see."

You'll find the source here.

So you say you're the Constable? Yes sir, and my office is enshrined in the Constitution of The Commonwealth of Kentucky. There are more than 500 of us.

The job may not pay well (zippy!), but it does come with some perks, including that you get to do it without any training! It does not, however place the officeholder above the law. As reported by wdrb.com:

"They arrested [Bullitt County Constable Clifton] Hudson on a traffic stop and followed up with a search warrant on his home," says Bullitt County Sheriff's Office spokesperson Mike Murdoch. "That's where they were able to find drug paraphernalia, many other pills and marijuana including a ledger showing money he's owed for prescription pain pills."

Hudson had been serving as constable in the Mount Washington area since 2011.

Bullitt County deputies say citizens complained about him selling drugs before he was even elected, but because of his position it was harder to capture him in the act.

So what powers does a Constable have? Per kentuckyconstable.com:

Constables are Peace Officers with broad powers of arrest and authority to serve court processes. The Constable has the authority to enforce both the Traffic Code and the Criminal Code of Kentucky. They may execute warrants, summonses, subpoenas, attachments, notes, rules and orders of the court in all criminal, penal and civil cases (KRS 70.350). The Kentucky Constitution, Section 106, Constables will possess the same qualification as the sheriffs and may exercise jurisdiction in any part of the county. (OAG 62-115 and 40-776).

Those are some serious powers for a job that requires no training. Are they popular? Well ...

Last year, Kentucky lawmakers considered eliminating the office after a Jefferson County Constable shot an accused shoplifter.

Last month a report from the State Secretary of Justice and Public Safety called the office outdated and irrelevant.

Click here to read an article about the report. As for Constable Hudson, click here, for a little bit more, including a mug shot.

This may be the worst trade ever made in a jail, anywhere. As reported by the Des Moines Register:

A western Iowa man already convicted on federal fraud charges has been sentenced to more than two years in prison for selling his pain pills for candy.

Say what? And they weren't just any old pain pills.

Donald Washburn of Marion was given the sentence earlier this week in Cedar Rapids. The time will run concurrently to his separate sentence of more than 11 years in prison on various federal fraud charges.

Prosecutors say the 63-year-old sold his prescription oxycodone medication to other inmates for candy bars while he was held in the Linn County Jail awaiting sentencing on the investment fraud case.

This guy was able to convince people to invest money with him? Scary. The nature of his scams?

Washburn was convicted in February of bilking investors out of more than $800,000 in phony gambling and mining ventures.

Here's the source.

In another installment of "Curse you, McDonald's!", a woman at a McDonald's in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV:

On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald's at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding her money back.

Surveillance video showed that the woman started throwing things. She grabbed a water dispenser and dumped it on the counter. She also shoved a cookie container and several cash registers off the counter and threw a "Wet Floor" sign at the clerk.

When the clerk said she was going to call police, the woman fled the restaurant.

Hmm. I wonder where she's headed ...

Can you really steal someone's driveway? Yup, one paver at a time, as reported by Ocala.com.

The victim told Deputy Michelle Wright that she left her home in the 4500 block of Northwest 120th Street around 7:30 a.m. When she arrived home at 6 p.m. and drove onto the driveway, she felt a large “bump.”

Uh oh.

She said she got out of her vehicle and noticed that the concrete pavers used to make the driveway were missing.

They stole my driveway! In broad daylight! Surely someone saw this?

A witness told the deputy about seeing two men digging up the pavers, but said the activity didn’t seem suspicious because the victim had workers constructing a barn on the property.

Fair enough.

The men are described as a tall, heavyset black male in his 30s and a white male of small build who stood roughly 5-feet 3-inches tall. They were driving an older model black pickup hauling a flat-bed utility trailer.

And it's probably parked on a sweet driveway, newly constructed with concrete pavers ... Here's the source.

Nobody has to go to the bathroom this badly. To what length did this man go to try to get his wife to leave the bathroom? You won't believe this one. Per The Northwest Florida Daily News.

According to the Fort Walton Beach arrest report, the couple was arguing inside of the bathroom of their residence on Windsor Lane on Dec. 8 when the husband [age 38] asked the woman to leave the room so he could urinate. He threatened to urinate on his wife if she did not leave.

Yeah, like you would ever ...

She refused and the husband turned toward the wife and urinated on her, according to the report.

Ewwwwww. Yes, that's why this is posted in The Juice's "Gross" category.

The wife shoved the husband and told him to stop several times then began to hit the man on the shoulder causing him to stop.

Please, tell me this is a crime.

The man was charged with a misdemeanor domestic violence battery and his court date is Dec. 26.

Yes! Think he'll agree to a plea, or choose to appear in court? Here's the source.

How bad was this gent's weekend? Let's just say that, for a man whose last name is "Irish", there was nothing lucky about it. As reported by The Union Leader:

Police were called to the Mall at Rockingham Park Friday at 8:19 p.m. in response to complaints that a man - later identified as Sean Irish [age 35] - appeared disoriented as he walked around the parking lot looking into parked cars. Officers spoke with Irish, then called Salem Fire & Rescue to have him checked out due to his condition, police said. Irish had prescription drugs on him and police believe he may have taken up to 80 pills in a short period of time, according to deputy police chief Shawn Patten.

80 pills? Must have taken a while to come down from that.

After the brief exam, Irish was told he was under arrest. He allegedly struggled with officers as he was being taken into custody. He was eventually released on $1,000 bail ...

Up to 80 pills, and he was released? Maybe he wasn't in such bad shape because ...

On Saturday, police were called to LaQuinta Hotel for a report of a man refusing to pay or leave the premises. Responding officers found Irish at the scene and took him into custody. Irish allegedly had a small amount of marijuana on him. He was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled drug, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and criminal trespass. Irish was released again following his arrest.

That is officially a very bad weekend. Here's the source, including a mug shot.

Not sure how The Juice missed this one. In this case, the old saw is true - that a picture is worth a thousand words. (Click on the link below.) As reported by Reuters:

Four men stand tied up in front of one of the two donkeys which residents had accused them of stealing, at a kiosk in the town of Otumba, in the state of Mexico November 25, 2012. The local community had tied up and beat up the four men for the theft before handing them over to police officers after an eight-hour long negotiation, local media reported.

Shazam! Beat them up, and then held them hostage! And then turned them over to the police. You can see the picture here.

Every year, somebody (okay, Fox News) finds a few instances of folks either following the Constitution (this often involves taxpayer-funded Christmas displays), or some entity trying to be sensitive to all religions (and maybe atheists too?), and blasts them relentlessly. Well, that's a bunch of hogwash. But this? No, The Juice, as a lover of all Christmas lights (even those cheesy pre-wired animals - yes, the moving ones too) cannot abide by this truly outrageous conduct. As reported by The Beacon-News (Aurora, Illinois):

A 68-year-old man who lives near Yorkville told police that his exterior Christmas lights were cut between 9 p.m. Thursday and 12:05 a.m. Friday, the Kendall County sheriff’s office said. The victim said it is the third time in a week the lights have been cut at his home in the 0-99 block of Timberview Lane, police said. Police had no suspects.

They cut his lights 3 times! The Juice implores all residents of Timberview Lane, in all blocks, not just the 0-99 block, to be on the lookout for this scofflaw! Do it for the kids!

The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a constitutional scholar. Still, this Alabama law just doesn't pass the smell test. Judge for yourself.

Section 13A-14-4 - Fraudulently pretending to be clergyman.

Whoever, being in a public place, fraudulently pretends by garb or outward array to be a minister of any religion, or nun, priest, rabbi or other member of the clergy, is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding $500.00 or confinement in the county jail for not more than one year, or by both such fine and imprisonment.

Yeah, good luck with that one. Here's a link to the actual law. (Click on "Title 13A", then "Chapter 14", then "Section 13A-14-4".)

Let's just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell did not get off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it's just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination "on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities," as well as veterans.

So what's the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a "fair and inclusive" administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy - and sexual orientation.

Here's the source.

Hardcore fans of the New York Giants were not feeling good after their team lost to the Redskins on Monday. Hopefully, though, only one took it this hard. As reported by The Star-Banner (Ocala, Florida):

Authorities say a Silver Springs Shores man upset that the Redskins had beaten the Giants fired multiple shots at sheriff's deputies who came to his home early Tuesday after his wife called 911 to report domestic violence.

Holy shiznit!

After evacuations and an hours-long standoff, Richard Braccia, 50, surrendered and was charged with three counts of attempted homicide on a law enforcement officer and one count each of tampering with evidence and domestic battery, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Yikes! You can read more (a lot) and see a photo of Mr. Braccia here.

Hey, younger drivers are going to make mistakes, especially after they've had something to drink. Here's the latest installment of "Yikes" as reported by The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario):

A Burlington teen faces careless driving charges after crashing into a home. Halton police say ‘miraculously’ no one was injured when the 19-year-old left the roadway at 10 p.m. Wednesday night.

You've got to see the pictures. (Click here.)

The novice driver in a Ford Taurus and a male passenger left the west side of the roadway before crossing the front lawns of two homes. The car struck the front of a house with such impact police say the vehicle’s entire front end was lodged inside.

Think the homeowner was pissed?

“I ran right to the guy (driver) and started yelling at him,” homeowner Kathy Thring told the Burlington Post. “He kept telling me he was sorry. I told him he could have hurt someone.” Thring, her husband Darrin, and two daughters, Taylor, 13, and Sutherlin, 10, were home at the time.

The car remained in the house Thursday morning. Police say main support systems of the home looked to be significantly compromised.

The charges?

Mitchell Bolduc, 19 is charged with careless driving and having a blood alcohol concentration above zero. The accused is a novice driver which under the Highway Traffic Act of Ontario, restricts drivers from having any alcohol at all.

Here's the source.

It's really not that hard to teach someone how to drive. Of course, there is the requirement that you, the teacher, be legally permitted to drive! As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

Monaca police said [Bobbie Jo] Gacesa [age 36] was teaching a girl, whose age and identity were not released, how to drive in Gacesa’s minivan on Oct. 26, and as the girl approached Building 2 at Spring Run Apartments, her foot slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal. The van jumped the curb and struck the building.

Police said the van damaged a metal railing, bent the door jamb at Apartment 207 and broke the building away from the foundation. No injuries were reported.

Doh! Well, even new driver's with learner's permits need ... wait, what's that?

Gacesa, who later admitted to police that she knew the teen did not have a valid driver’s permit or license, got behind the wheel and drove to Building 7 of the complex, where she lives. According to the police report, Gacesa made no effort to contact authorities about the accident, but a witness saw the incident and called police.

How was Ms. Gacesa caught?

Officers said they were able to follow a fresh trail of vehicle fluid right to Gacesa’s van. They said the vehicle’s engine still was warm, there was front-end damage and they could see fluids leaking.

Um. Er. Uh.

When officers checked the license plate on the minivan, they discovered it was registered to someone other than Gacesa. When they spoke with Gacesa, police said she admitted the license plate did not belong to her vehicle and that she does not have insurance.

Sorry?

Officers also discovered Gacesa’s license was expired and had been suspended as a result of a previous drunken-driving conviction. Her vehicle registration and inspection sticker also were expired, according to the police report.

Really sorry? The charges against Ms. Gacesa?

... being involved in an accident resulting in property damage, driving while under license suspension, driving without insurance, driving without registration, license plate fraud and driving without a valid inspection sticker.

Yikes! Here's the source.

Regular Juice readers know that use of the bird has consequences. Here's the latest installment of "The Bird" as reported by TCPalm.com:

St. Lucie County sheriff's deputies went to an address in the 200 block of Camino Del Rio and spoke to the 70-year-old man. The man told deputies he was standing outside when he saw [Stephanie Maria] Mayerson [age 58] and her husband driving by. He said he "shot them the 'middle finger,'" an affidavit states. Asked why he did so, the man said, "I do not like them for my own reasons."

Hmm.

The man said the vehicle stopped, and Mayerson's husband got out. The two started arguing, and the man said he called Mayerson an inappropriate name to her husband's face.

Pretty ballsy 70-year-old. Maybe not too smart, but ballsy.

That, he said, is when Mayerson got out and punched him in the face. The man said he got knocked to the ground, scratching his wrist.

And that was the last word, at least for now.

Mayerson declined to speak with investigators.

The charges?

... felony battery on a person 65 years of age or older.

You can find the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Mayerson, here.

Even if you are long on Apple, should this man be found guilty, in addition to being placed on the sex offender registry, you'd have to agree that he should be banned from owning Apple products - forever! (And, of course, any other device capable of recording images.) As reported by khou.com:

Isaac Gutierrez, of Houston, is charged with improper photograph/visual recording.

Of?

Investigators with the Harris County Sheriff’s Office said in an affidavit that Gutierrez allegedly placed an iPod in an air vent above a toilet stall in a women’s bathroom at the main office of an industrial manufacturing company located at the 14000 block of East Hardy, where he works.

Eeg.

Gutierrez’s co-worker said she discovered the iPod on Nov. 28 when she was the stall and saw the device in an air vent above her, the affidavit states. She retrieved the iPod and showed it to another female co-worker to see what had been recorded on the device.

The iPod had recorded the first woman in the stall and another co-worker changing from her work clothes into workout clothes, the affidavit states. They also saw that the iPod had recorded Gutierrez placing the device in the air vent.

Yes, he recorded himself committing the crime. That's some pretty strong evidence right there.

The iPod was taken to the director of the Human Resources department, who notified police, the affidavit states. Gutierrez was released on bond Monday morning.

Here's the source, including a mug shot.

The Juice is not supporting burglary. But if you're going to destroy property to steal property, shouldn't you at least steal stuff that is worth more than the cost of the damage you did to break in? This gent abides by no such rule.

You'll find the source, the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office, here.

The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan't be returning to those days. Previously, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it's the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal:

Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday.

You bastards! You killed ... the goldfish! [South Park reference]

The front door of an apartment on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road was pried open sometime between Jan. 22 and Jan. 24, and burglars made off with a Nintendo game system, CD player, 30 games, 30 DVDs, a Daisy BB gun with extra BBs, jewelry and a 50-pound fire safe containing personal papers and pictures, police said.

Here's the source.

So this bus driver broke up a fight between two students on her bus. No need to thank her, just doing her job ... Wait, you fired her? For dropping a few f-bombs in the process of breaking up the fight? Not cool at all. As reported by The Toronto Sun:

The union representing a Halifax bus driver who was sacked for swearing at teenagers who were fighting on the school bus has filed a grievance to get her job back.

Heather Vidito's F-word-filled rant was captured in a video that was posted to YouTube last week. In the clip, which has since been removed [damn it!], two students can be seen fighting at the back of a school bus while other students egg them on.

Seems like a strong showing of authority is in order, right?

Vidito approaches and yells: "Get the f[uck] up now." The woman continues to swear at the students, saying they "shouldn't be being f[uck]ing stupid." [expletives reinserted]

Stock Transportation fired her, saying she violated the company's policies.

You bastards!

The Nova Scotia Government Employees' Union, however, thinks the sacking is too harsh. It is negotiating with Stock and has filed an official grievance with the company to fight for her job.

The move comes after thousands of Nova Scotians joined a Facebook group calling for Vidito to be reinstated. Folks are also raising money for the out-of-work driver to pay her bills.

Crap. Now The Juice is going to have to go on Facebook to show his support...

One Facebook supporter wrote: "She diffused the situation by giving back as good as she got. I respect her for having the balls to stand up to those boys in the only way that got their attention."

Another wrote: "Give Heather her job back! She was trying to do her job when the students rudely interrupted her."

The students — one of whom attends junior high, the other high school — have been disciplined by their respective schools.

You'll find the source here.