Legal Juice

Yes, of course just having the crack pipe was a bad decision. But the gent could have gotten off scot-free, crack pipe and all. As reported by The Windsor Star:

It all began when the man tried to rip off a cab driver, according to Chatham-Kent police.

An officer responded shortly after 1:30 p.m. to Raleigh Street in Chatham. A cab driver was complaining that he hadn’t been paid after giving someone a ride.

Police said the man ran up a taxi fare of more than  $44 then jumped out of the cab without paying.

Bad move.

The officer tracked the man down and searched him. He had a crack pipe with drug residue in it. The officer put the man in the back of a police cruiser with the intention of releasing him after investigating.

What? You were going to release a guy with a used crack pipe?

When the officer asked him to get out of the car so he could be released, the man refused. Even after repeated requests, he wouldn’t get out of the cruiser. The officer tried to physically remove the man, who then bit him on the hand.

A really bad move.

He was arrested. After processing him at headquarters, police took him to the Chatham-Kent Health Alliance as a precaution because of his ”bizarre behaviour” and possible drug consumption.

"Possible"? Really?

The 39-year-old man is charged with transportation fraud, possession of a controlled substance and assaulting a police officer. He was later released until a future court date. Police didn’t release his name.

The ever-resourceful Juice has learned the perp's first name - Jack. You probably know his last name ... Here's the source.

It's just a fact: you're not always going to get along with your neighbors. As they say, that's what axes are for.?.?.? As reported by myfoxny.com:

New York State Police troopers arrested Erna Kostanoski, 66, of Bloomingburg on Sunday. They say one of her neighbors was attempting to remove wooden stakes that marked the property line.

So, naturally ...

Kostanoski ... hit her neighbor in the head with a small axe or hatchet. She apparently used the blunt end of the weapon because the neighbor only ended up with a lump to her forehead. It's unclear if she was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Police arrested Kostanoski on assault charges. She was due to appear in the Town of Mamakating Court on Dec. 6, 2011.

And some people say violence isn't the answer! Go figure. Here's the source, including a mug shot.

You won't believe what this door-to-door salesman was selling. As reported by The Sun Sentinel:

A Coconut Creek man accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams has reached a deal with prosecutors, lawyers told a Broward judge on Tuesday.

Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused in April 2006 of carrying on the ruse with women at an apartment complex in the 3200 block of Northwest 40 Street in Lauderdale Lakes. Investigators said two women took Winikoff up on the offer, allowed him into their apartments and realized something was amiss only after the exams started.

So what happened?

At the time of Winikoff's arrest, the Broward Sheriff's Office said he carried a little black bag to lend credibility to his claim of being a doctor. The first victim, 36 at the time, told detectives he started the exam by fondling her breasts, and she knew something was wrong when his hands wandered elsewhere.

Perhaps Mr. Winikoff should have called an escort service?

By the time the victim called 911, Winikoff had already found a second victim, the sheriff's office said.

Preying on women's fear of breast cancer, and then sexually assaulting them? Dude should do time, regardless of his age. It's unsure whether that will happen, as the Judge delayed sentencing. You can read more here.

A 14-year-old Canadian girl was arrested for being drunk and disorderly (she later pleaded guilty) and was placed in a cell. Maybe it's just me, but how much of a threat can a girl that age - in a jail cell - be? As reported by canada.com:

Roberts [the family's lawyer] said the two officers used the conductive energy device after the girl had been “sporadically peeling paint from the walls of her jail cell.” The lawsuit said she “remained motionless for nearly an hour.”

You taser a girl in a cell for peeling paint? I know, that's the family's lawyer talking. Well, there is a video of the whole thing, which the girls father has seen, but the police won't release. Hmmm.

Roberts said a surveillance video taken in the jail cell that has been viewed by the girl’s father and the native band chief allegedly showed the girl scream as she was pinned down and Tasered for three seconds by the officers. He said police have refused to turn over the video to him.

I'm with the family's lawyer on this one.

“This is not a matter of us being anti-cop because we know that most cops do a great service for us every day,” he said. “This tool is something that is to be used only in emergency situations, and now it is being used frequently. I don’t understand why they feel the need to apply an electric shock to a 14-year-old girl presenting no danger to herself or anyone.”

Not cool.

Man, this crime thing is easy. They'll never catch us! Hey, I need some new jeans. Let's head over to Walmart ... Well, that's what 20-year-old Dustin Matthew Marshall and 19-year-old Lindsey Samantha Scholl apparently did. And Mr. Marshall got his jeans. But when he took off with the new ones, he left the old ones behind in the dressing room ... with his wallet in the pocket! As reported by NewsChannel5.com (Nashville, Tennessee):

Police said they arrested two people in a string of thefts after one of the suspect's literally left his identification behind.

... Matthew ... and ... Scholl were arrested and charged with charged with burglary, three counts of theft from a motor vehicle, two counts of theft under $500 and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Police said they were able to identify the pair as suspects in a string of thefts since October 14 after Marshall allegedly stole a pair of jeans and left his old jeans, containing his wallet with his driver's license inside, behind in the dressing room at Walmart.

On Saturday night, police said the suspects fled the Longhorn Steakhouse in Gallatin without paying for their meal and left behind evidence that linked them to one of the auto burglaries.

The police never had it this easy.

Officers later located the pair outside their home on East Prince Street and subsequently obtained a search warrant which produced evidence connected the suspects to the remaining auto burglaries and a burglary at the Christian Towers Apartments.

Both Marshall and Scholl were arrested and booked into the Sumner County Jail.

Here's the source, including photos of the accused.

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for "conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency"), and put on the sex offenders' registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you "swindle" folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude's flat?

... 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker."

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Here's the source.

Odds are that even The Juice's loyal readers are raising their eyebrows. Rest assured, though, breasts may be bared in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. True, they are the breasts of transgender males, but tell that to the folks who complained to lifeguards about the "females showing their breasts." As reported by Delaware Online:

Rehoboth Beach and the local Internet have been buzzing for days after a few transgendered men caused a stir on the beach over the holiday weekend by removing their tops and revealing their enhanced breasts.

"Passers-by came up to the lifeguard and said they were alarmed and unhappy with the females showing their breasts," Police Chief Keith Banks said. "The lifeguard responded and saw that they were males."

Banks said police were called because the men originally refused to put their tops back on, but had consented before police arrived. Officers made sure the situation was under control, and no citations were issued.

Turns out they couldn't have issued citations.

... Rehoboth law defines indecent exposure two ways:

"A male is guilty of indecent exposure if he exposes his genitals or buttocks under circumstances which he knows his conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to another person.

A female is guilty of indecent exposure if she exposes her genitals, breasts or buttocks under circumstances which she knows her conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm to another person."

So ...

"It is important to say that under Rehoboth law this was not against the law," Banks said. "In this case, they had male genitalia; therefore, they are not guilty of a crime."

I didn't steal that MP3 player. It's my sister's... Okay, and you're sticking with that? As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A teen suspect in several car burglaries, while being questioned by a sheriff’s deputy, reportedly claimed that the MP3 player in his possession belonged to his sister.

Okay, so what's the problem?

When the deputy turned the device on, however, he reportedly saw another deputy’s family photo. That deputy’s sister-in-law reportedly confirmed that the MP3 player had been stolen from her unlocked car.

Um. I found it? My friend gave it to me? I ...

Deputies arrested William Kyle Campbell, 18, of the 9200 block of Anita Avenue, in his Englewood neighborhood Sunday morning after residents complained about suspicious males on bicycles.

Campbell reportedly dropped gloves and a GPS when confronted. Deputies said Campbell had bulging pockets that contained the MP3 player, two flashlights, a wallet, a ring, a woman’s earring, two necklaces, sunglasses and a large amount of coins.

The charges?

... four counts of burglary of a conveyance, four petit theft charges and a count of possession of burglary tools.

Here's the source, including a mug shot.

Sure, there have been mistakes made in the "war on drugs" and the "war on terror." But exactly how Australian customs could make such a colossal mistake is hard to fathom. As reported at news.com.au:

Neil Parry was arrested in June last year at Darwin Airport and charged with trafficking 1.6kg of liquid ecstasy in two bottles of Pantene.

After spending three days in jail last year, and having friends' homes searched, Mr Parry was granted bail.

There was just one teeny, tiny problem with the case against Mr. Parry.

Customs later admitted the toiletries contained no illegal drugs and all charges against Mr Parry were dropped.

NO DRUGS!

Today, Mr Parry told ABC Radio he had been given $100,000 in compensation for his ordeal and an apology.

Wow, so it worked out well for him after all? Not exactly.

"It is not worth it, no," Mr Parry said."I would rather it never happened," he said.

He said most of the money would go towards his legal expenses.

Here's the source.

Nothing this exciting ever happened to The Juice during high school. Of course, The Juice attended high school even before the advent of those brick cell phones. Anyway, aren't teachers supposed to be telling kids NOT to do this? As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

A North Ridgeville High School teacher is on paid administrative leave while police investigate reports that she had an affair with a student.

Police said rumors of a sexual relationship were circulating Wednesday after the teacher sent scantily clad pictures of herself to a student. Police said she admitted sending photos of herself in a bikini.

Police said the teacher admitted having "flirtatious conversations" and texts with one or two students, but denied rumors that she had a sexual relationship with any student.

That would be akin to pulling a Weiner, although a lighter version.

A statement from Captain Marti Garrow indicated that it is likely the information gathered in the investigation would be presented to the Lorain County Grand Jury for consideration of prosecution.

Here's the source.

Whatever happened to "live and let live?" Something surely happened to it in the village of Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village's public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus's attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam.

Talk about dressing for the occasion. You will not believe what this drunk-driving dude's shirt said. As reported by The New York Post:

A fashion-forward Long Island boozehound lost control of his car and rammed it into a marked Suffolk County cop car that was on DWI patrol — all while wearing a T-shirt with a message that couldn’t be more fitting for the occasion.

So what did the t-shirt say?

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”

Doh!

The self-professed “drunk” — who has 13 prior arrests and seven convictions for various crimes — spun his 2000 Saturn out of control at about 1:45 a.m. yesterday as he attempted to turn east from County Road 83 to Route 25A in Mount Sinai.

As he came around the bend, he hit the side of a parked Suffolk cop car that was part of the department’s Selective Alcohol Fatality Enforcement Team, in which an officer had been observing traffic for possible drunk drivers.

Oops. You can read more (a fair amount) and see the mug shot here.

If you were in a food fight, you'd definitely want this guy on your side. As reported by The Union City Messenger (Tennessee):

Emanual Cordell Kennedy, 37, of 907 North Glendale St., Union City, was arrested at 4:38 p.m. Tuesday on a charge of domestic assault, according to a Union City Police Department report.

Brenda King, 55, told police she and her son, Kennedy, had a disagreement at her home at 907 North Glendale St. She claimed the disagreement escalated until Kennedy allegedly threw something and hit her in the back while she was walking down the hall. She left the residence and went to the police department to report it.

So what was it that hit her?

Police reported Kennedy admitted to officers that he threw a ham, but he told police he was not expecting Ms. King to be walking down the hall and did not expect to hit her. He was taken into custody for the domestic assault charge.

You threw a ham at your mama? Not cool, sir. Not cool. Here's the source.

Sure, all kids complain. But if they're complaining about something you're doing that's illegal, ignore the complaints at your peril. A Minnesota couple learned this the hard way. Per The Duluth News Tribune:

A criminal complaint says the boy told investigators he had complained numerous times to his mother about the smell of the marijuana. He finally took the matter to his biological father, who told his son to take pictures of the marijuana. The father then forwarded the photos to authorities.

Drug agents served a search warrant on the house in Ravenna Township near Hastings last month and arrested Heidi Siebenaler, a Dakota County probation supervisor, and her husband, Mark Siebenaler. Both face charges in the case.

The defense?

Heidi Siebenaler told KMSP-TV that her husband smokes marijuana for medicinal purposes.

Here's the source.

A while back, there was an expression made popular by comedian Flip Wilson: "The devil made me do it." A gentleman in Maine flipped [doh!] that around, as reported by wgme.com (Portland, Maine):

State Police say a suspect started making bizarre claims after he broke into a home in western Maine last week.

They say the suspect, a male who isn't identified, was squatting at a home in Andover while the homeowner was on vacation. A state trooper says the suspect told him that his dog and Jesus told him to break into the home because he was supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard.

You will not believe this, but Ms. Swift didn't show!

He's facing theft and criminal trespass charges.

Here's the source.

It cannot be said that this man was liked by his co-workers, or even his "paramour." Then again, there may be 5,000 reasons why they id'd him. As reported at nola.com:

Fingered by his co-workers and paramour, a man pleaded guilty Wednesday to robbing a bank in Metairie of $6,203. Don Lee Alexander Jr., 36, admitted to U.S. District Judge Sarah Vance that he robbed the Whitney Bank branch at 4845 Veterans Memorial Blvd. on Aug. 19.

After the robbery, authorities distributed an unusually sharp surveillance picture of the bandit. Alexander's former co-workers (5 of them!) and a paramour of 12 years identified him from the photograph, according to court records. FBI agents arrested Alexander six days after the holdup and found two pistols and $974 in his bedroom at 920 Starrett Road in Metairie.

About those 5,000 reasons? The reward offered was "as much as $5,000." Here's the source, including a photo of Mr. Alexander.

It's not hyberbole to say that this is almost certainly the strangest ticket ever issued. The offense? As reported by Al-Anba Daily:

In the first incident of its kind, a traffic policeman [in Kuwait City] issued a citation against an Arab motorist for having bad breath. 
A police source said it is a very strange incident and problematic too because the penalty is not known. “Will the motorist be fined; if so, how much will he have to pay and if his car is impounded, how long will it be in the police garage?” he asked. 
Incidentally, it is also mentioned on the citation that the motorist admitted that his mouth smells.

Really? A frog? Forget about the mechanics of it (if you can). How can someone possibly derive sexual pleasure watching a woman and a frog? At least one gent did, as reported by The Sun:

Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.

When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.

Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

Guess those animal fetishists aren't the most loyal bunch. Maybe they coveted the same frog.

They found the filthy porn stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.

Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.

Jail time? Nope.

He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.

Can you imagine when, during group therapy, this dude has to stand up and say "I'm Michael, and I love frogs, gerbils, dogs, donkeys ..." You can read more [a fair amount] here.

Surely she didn't mean she literally had a gun there... But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here's what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!" [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn't the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my ...

Many, many parents with teenage sons (or younger!) cringe at the mere mention of "COD" or "Call of Duty." Cringe turns to dread when a new version is introduced. For the record, it should be noted that COD isn't just a kid thing. As proof, The Juice offers you Exhibit A, as reported by The Aurora Sentinel (Colorado):

Instead of breath-taking violence and graphics, a Denver man hoping to snag the new, coveted video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” scored only an old-fashioned paper summons.

Police say Lomorin Sar, 31, became irate, threatened to shoot employees at an Aurora Best Buy and blow up the store because they didn’t have a copy of the ballyhooed game he said he pre-ordered.

Snap! (or "snapped.")

Sar was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident Monday night at the store near Tower Road and Interstate 70.

Witnesses told police Sar asked employees when they were leaving work because he planned to shoot them in the parking lot as they left. Police say he also threatened to blow up the store.

A store manager called police and officers stopped Sar in his SUV and issued him a citation.

“Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence,” said Aurora police spokesman Detective Bob Friel.

Yikes. Here's the source.

When you get some bad news, how do you react? Probably not like this young man in Fresno did. As reported by The Fresno Bee:

A Fresno Pacific University basketball player went on a naked rampage Monday night near campus after being told that he had been kicked off the team, Fresno police said Tuesday.

Leonard Tyrell Young, 21, ran naked through a convenience store parking lot, tried to steal a police car, beat a police officer and police dog and withstood three Taser strikes before finally being subdued, police said.

He was booked Tuesday into Fresno County Jail on suspicion of carjacking, resisting arrest, vandalism, harming a police dog and being under the influence of a controlled substance, according to jail records.

Wo. You can read more (a lot) here.

Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said ... Per The Patriot News:

State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream. After the suspect convinced the owner of the shop the coin was a new issue that was just entering circulation, the owner gave the man change.

Police said the man left in a teal Dodge Caravan registered to Mervin M. Horst of Newmanstown, Pa. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Horst is asked to contact state police at Lykens at 717-362-8700.

Damn you Mervin! (or "Damn you man driving Mervin's car!") The store owner would have been thrilled had he received the coin pictured above, which is a 1933 GOLD $20 coin (a double eagle), and was last minted in 1933.

Let's just say that this is not a crime women usually get busted for. Men? All the time. But, as with most things, women are usually more discreet. Not this time. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

It happened around 2:30 a.m. in the 900 block of Baxter Avenue. According to the arrest report, more than a dozen people -- including an LMPD officer -- saw 23-year-old Amanda M. Moore sit down in a chair, pull her underwear down around her ankles and "pull her dress up around her waist, completely exposing herself, and began to urinate on the chair and sidewalk."

Shazam. Her next mistake?

Police say Moore refused their offers for help to get home safely.

Should have accepted those offers. Why?

That's when she was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and public intoxication.

Here's the source, including a mug shot.

The moment was right. And this gent was not going to let it pass. So when a car presented itself ... As reported by The Palm Beach Post:

A 59-year-old man was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail after he admitted to stealing a Palm Beach County Sheriff's vehicle so he could have intimate time with a woman, a probable cause affidavit says.

Alexander Pratt and 53-year-old Clara Pearson, both of Lake Worth, were arrested Thursday night on charges of grand theft auto.

If you're wondering why they would steal a police car ...

A sheriff's probable cause affidavit says that plainclothes deputies from the sheriff's auto theft task force parked their green Honda Civic in front of a Quick Stop on South Dixie Highway. The Civic, which is owned by the sheriff's department and has video, audio and GPS surveillance, was left unlocked while running.

Doh! A Honda Civic? That is deep undercover. Any regrets?

... Pratt told deputies he knew the car was stolen but didn't regret it because he wanted to "go to have intimate relations with Pearson," the affidavit says.

You'll find the source, including mug shots, here.

But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn't take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene ...

I think even Barney Fife (see below) might have solved this one. To the dismay of Vincent Jonathan Whitley, age 19, and Adam Brett Hancock, age 21, these officers quickly put the pieces together. The cowboys were arrested. In addition to the doughnuts, they stole cigarettes and candy from the Looking Glass Store. That's the crime. The time? 20 days plus 18 months probation, plus restitution of $895.

You've had a bad banking experience. We all have. Call him crazy, but The Juice is guessing this is not how you dealt with it. As reported by wftv.com:

A customer at a bank in Palm Coast got a unpleasant surprise this morning at the bank's drive-through.

This is truly a gross understatement.

A male customer of the RBC Bank apparently urinated in a bank tube Wednesday morning after he was told he couldn’t purchase a money order, sheriff's deputies report. Later, another customer arrived and the urine spilled onto her and her car.

Sheriff’s deputies said the customer suspected of urinating in the tube pulled into the drive-through around 8:50 a.m. and asked if they sold money orders. When he was told no, he became upset and mumbled something about bad customer service, deputies said.

A bank employee told deputies that a short time later, another customer pulled into the same drive-through lane. The customer said that there was liquid in the tube and that it smelled like urine.

Don't open that ...

The customer then picked the tube up, and the liquid spilled onto her and her car. The bank employee took the tube and also determined it was urine.

... tube! Nasty. And didn't the perp teach that bank a lesson? Brilliant. Any charges?

Deputies are working to identify the culprit, who could face a second-degree misdemeanor charge.

Here's the source.

Perhaps some regulation is required to prevent street photographers from setting up shop on the sidewalk (but perhaps not, as this is most likely covered by other regulations regarding businesses operated in public spaces), but 5 minutes? That's just stupid. Here's the DC Regulation:

523 STREET PHOTOGRAPHY: REQUIREMENTS AND RESTRICTIONS

523.3 While engaged in taking photographs, no person licensed under §521 or §522 of this chapter shall impede traffic as defined in the District of Columbia Traffic Acts; nor shall any photographer remain longer than five (5) minutes at any one (1) location on the streets, sidewalks, or other public spaces.

Ridiculous. You can find the regulation here (at 24-523).

What's up with the whole paddling thing? It makes about as much sense as any other hazing ritual. ("Thank you sir may I have another?"). Why all the "paddle" talk? A paddler from across the pond is in the soup because of his paddling ways. As reported by kotatv.com:

Police spokesperson, Tarah Heupel said Tuesday that 54-year-old [United Kingdom resident] David Spencer offered to sell the clerk a paddle on Saturday. When she turned him down, he told her she could spank him six times for one dollar. Finally, she allowed him to spank her once so he would leave her business but then he spanked her a second time without her permission.

Just couldn't walk away David. Bad move. Why?

When she [the clerk] saw him again Monday, she alerted mall security.

Spencer told police he was trying to sell the paddles to keep traveling in the United States.

Good luck with that, especially trying to do it from a padded cell.

[Mr. Spencer] was arrested in Rapid City Monday for swatting a mall clerk on the buttocks with a paddle.

You'll find the source here.

Since this is life, not South Park, this bird will not be back (unlike Kenny). And his passing did not sit well with the owner. Let's just say he was fired up. As reported by The St. Petersburg Times:

A man angry that his roommate's dog ate his bird retaliated ...

Bad dog. So how did the man retaliate?

According to arrest reports, [Christopher E. Thrap, 35] went into the locked bedroom of a man who rents a room from him and took numerous personal items, including a mattress, television and clothes.

Thrap put the items [worth about $5,600] on the lawn and set them on fire, arrest reports show. He told police he was angry that the man's dog had eaten his "expensive bird," an arrest report states.

Any relief he felt was no doubt short-lived.

[Mr. Thrap] was arrested by Clearwater police Saturday evening and charged with burglary and felony criminal mischief. On Sunday afternoon, he was being held in the Pinellas County Jail on $5,000 bail.

You'll find the source here.