Legal Juice

When a 51-year-old daughter wants to do something nice for her 80-year-old father, it's a good thing. All agreed? Okay, what if the "thing" is hooking the father up with a prostitute? The Juice's opinion remains unchanged. As reported by abcactionnews.com:

The pair, who listed their hometown as Dubuque, Iowa, were arrested on Nebraska Avenue, an area of Tampa known for prostitution activity.

Welcome to Tampa, Iowans!

According to the arrest affidavit, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg offered an undercover police officer $20 if she would have sex with Kirchberg's elderly father.

Both Pia Kirchberg and 80-year-old Maurice Kirchberg were charged with soliciting for prostitution.

"Prostitution is illegal. It doesn't matter how old you are," said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy."If we catch you trying to solicit a prostitute you're going to jail."

With all due respect, wrong!. No judge or jury is going to send an 80-year-old man to jail for seeking companionship, however fleeting. Here's the source, with mug shots.

Men are always trying to think of good ways to meet women. This guy clearly should have continued thinking. Unfortunately, he stopped when he got to the scenario with the monkey ... As reported by The Arab Times:

Police [in Kuwait City] have arrested an unidentified youth for disturbing female visitors at a fast food restaurant. It has been reported the youth was deliberately blocking the way of female motorists, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. 
According to security sources the youth was carrying a monkey and he had placed his telephone number on the glass of his car. 
Police have reportedly impounded the man’s car.

There's just no substitute for proofreading. Just ask one lawyer, Mr. Puricelli, who represented a man successfully in a civil rights case. The judge described Mr. Puricelli’s written work as “careless, to the point of disrespectful,” and agreed with the defendants that it was “vague, ambiguous, unintelligible, verbose and repetitive.” What were some of the mistakes? Per the judge:

Throughout the litigation, Mr. Puricelli identified the court as “THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE EASTER [sic] DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA.” Considering the religious persuasion of the presiding officer, the “Passover” District would have been more appropriate.” [Judge Jacob Hart, presiding]

Mr. Puricelli, on the other hand, felt the court didn’t understand his side of the story. When the defendant asked the court to reduce Mr. Puricelli’s fees [that they were required by law to pay] due to his typos, Mr. Puricelli wrote this reply to the court:

Had the Defendants not tired [sic] to paper Plaintiff's counsel to death, some type [sic] would not have occurred. Furthermore, there have been omissions by the Defendants, thus they should not case [sic] stones.

Do you think the judge reduced Mr. Puricelli’s fees? He did. For 209 hours of work performed before the trial, he cut Mr. Puricelli’s hourly rate of $300 to $150. (For the time spent in court, the judge gave him his full rate of $300.) Maybe, when you’re asking a judge to approve your attorney’s fees, you should spell the judge’s name right! Per Judge Hart:

If these mistakes were purposeful, they would be brilliant. However, based on the history of the case and Mr. Puricelli's filings, we know otherwise. Finally, in the most recent letter to the court, asking that we vacate the settlement agreement, Mr. Puricelli identifies the undersigned as ‘Honorable Jacon [sic] Hart.’ I appreciate the elevation to what sounds like a character in the Lord of the Rings, but alas, I am but a judge.

You can read Judge Hart’s Memorandum and Order here. The case is Devore v. City of Philadelphia from the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania (not reported in F.Supp.2d) No. 00-3598.

If someone calls the cops on their spouse, chances are it's going to be for a good reason. This case, out of Fort Wayne, Indiana, is no exception. As reported by WANE:

According to a Fort Wayne Police Department report, when an officer arrived at the 517 Lawton Place apartment, Elizabeth Gibson said she and her husband Kelly had been in an argument and he had gone upstairs to huff paint.

Wait, so that's not the way most domestic arguments end?

The report said since she was afraid to go inside, she handed the officer her keys and followed him up.

When the officer opened the door, the entire apartment smelled of paint fumes and Kelly was found sitting on the couch with his shirt off, and his hands, mouth, nose and chin covered in silver paint.

And in case you don't think that evidence is damning enough ...

Police said Kelly had a can of silver spray paint in his right hand and a paint-covered plastic bag in his left.

The officer said Kelly had a dazed, glassy-eyed look about him and was unsteady on his feet.

Kelly was taken to the Allen County Jail and charged with inhaling toxic vapors.

So, regarding the title of the post:

This incident was the 48th time Kelly was charged with inhaling since 1992.

Yikes. Here's the source, including the mug shot. Get this man some help.

While there's never a good reason for driving drunk, some are clearly stranger than others. For example, as reported by The Courier Mail:

The 55-year-old [woman] from St Kilda East was caught outside the Prahran Police Station on Friday night and recorded a reading of 0.052.

It was her second offence in 10 years and she received an automatic loss of license.

So why did she do it?

Police say the woman said she had decided to drive because she wanted to try out her new false teeth on KFC.

And if you like that one, you'll like this one, also reported by The Courier Mail:

A New Zealand schoolteacher who crashed her car while brushing her teeth has landed herself in court.

Police officer Graham Single told the Blenheim district court, 272km north of Christchurch, that Cherie Margaret Davis, 65, set the cruise control of her car to 100km/h, "got out her toothbrush and started brushing her teeth".

Right, like you've never done it...

Ms Davis subsequently lost concentration and crashed into a rock bank by the side of the road, the Marlborough Express reported today.

According to police, Ms Davis had a blood alcohol level almost twice the legal limit at the time of the March 19 crash.

Ms Davis admitted two charges of drunk driving, two of careless use and one of driving while prohibited.

Well, it wasn't supposed to be free. In fact, the store wasn't even supposed to be open. But when you rely on computers too much, well, here's what can happen, as reported by 3news.co.nz:

A security system computer glitch is being blamed for the doors opening and the lights coming on at a Hamilton supermarket, allowing a number of people to go in and help themselves to stock on Good Friday.

A very "good" Friday for those light-fingered folks ...

The central city Pak 'n Save was open for more than eight hours from 1am until someone rang police saying people were leaving the shop with "truckloads of groceries", the Waikato Times reported.

How did this happen?

Owner Glenn Miller said he suspected the fault was linked to a command cancelling the normal opening time for the day. Usually the supermarket opens at 8am every day but the shop was meant to stay closed for Good Friday.

An embarrassed Mr Miller said he did not know how much stock was taken but he was delighted that 12 people had used the self-service tills to pay for items.

Wow. Delighted about 12 honest people? That is truly sad. If you want to read more (a fair amount) here's the Waikato Times article.

Well ... yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court's latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it:

It is OK to say ''Who the f*** do you think you are?'' to a boss as an ''instinctive'' reaction to being reprimanded, Italy's highest court said Thursday.

The expression was ''disrespectful but not threatening'' and was not the sort of ''full-blown insubordination'' that might justify a sacking, the Cassation Court said.

The court's ruling, which sets precedents, came in the case of a Naples rest home assistant who was fired when he blew his top after his boss scolded him for breaking plates. The supreme court first OK'd the F-word two years ago, earning world headlines, but has since flip-flopped on the issue.

In July 2007, in its landmark ruling, the court cleared an Abruzzo town councillor who told the mayor to ''f*** off'' during a stormy town meeting because the expression was now ''common usage''.

But it changed tack a few months later by ruling bosses couldn't say employees were ''doing f***-all''.

A similar case last May saw the court take another view, saying mayors could use the word to swear at contractors.

But last July it said bosses must not swear at their staff in a case where a Sicilian company director accused an employee of not understanding ''a f***ing thing''.

Make up your mind already!

Like this young man who is running for Congress in Illinois, The Juice believes that pretty much everyone deserves a second chance. Just one problem for him, he used it, along with a third chance, and a fourth ... Said Matthew Woodmancy of Peoria, as reported by The Peoria Journal Star:

"I learned the most from the felony. It was stupid. There are no and there should not be any excuses for it," Woodmancy said Thursday. "I know it makes things more difficult. I've always thought things worth doing in life weren't supposed to be easy. It was a huge, stupid mistake, but everyone deserves a second chance."

You learned "most" from the felony? So you were good after that? Well, not exactly. Here they are, pretty much in order:

[The felony:] Woodmancy, who is on probation until 2013, said he was convicted of criminal theft for stealing from a family member and that person's now-shuttered Bloomington-based business in 2006. He was sentenced to jail time, probation and $45,000 in fines and restitution, Woodmancy said.

After the crime he learned "the most" from ...

In 2008, Woodmancy was charged with misdemeanor battery and pleaded guilty. He explained he was defending his mother during an altercation.

And then...

He also pleaded guilty in 2009 to driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol and has more than a dozen other traffic tickets, including driving on a suspended license. Woodmancy said his license has been revoked and most of his fines from the traffic tickets have been referred to collections.

Apparently there's a significant lag time between the event and the learning from it. Regarding his past, said Mr. Woodmancy:

"While I am not proud of the darker chapters in my life, I firmly believe they have helped shape me into the man I am today. There is not and can never be excuses for what I did." ...

"I allowed my darker demons out-shout my better angels," he said. "I have turned my life around, thanks to the help of friends and family, and now want to continue upon a dream I have had since I was a small boy, the dream of serving my fellow Americans in public office."

Even though it's all public record, props to Mr. Woodmancy for releasing his complete criminal record to the press. Here's the source.

Want to turn that fine into some jail time? Easy - just flip off the judge and let the cuss words fly.

Like everyone else (except the perps), The Juice is pleased when drunk drivers make things easy for the fuzz. As reported by The Beacon-News (Illinois):

A 43-year-old Oswego woman was charged with drunken driving after police responded to calls about a woman throwing up out of her car at 6:40 p.m. Monday near Ashlawn Avenue and Circle Drive West, Oswego police said. Officers found the car driving in the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street. Tessy Callas, of the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street, Oswego, was also charged with illegal transportation of liquor, police said.

Other than vomiting, what else do drunk people do? Here's a hint: zzzzzzzzzz.

Selina Nieto, 33, of the 200 block of Abbeywood Lane, North Aurora, was charged with drunken driving last week after police were called for a woman asleep at the gas pumps in the 500 block of Montgomery Road, police said Monday.

Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), the Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel's carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

... visiting London to celebrate a friend's birthday ...

How did Mr. Raphel react?

''We have laughed about it a bit now but I'm bit gutted to be honest.

''I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn't feel this was warranted.

''I wasn't treated badly, but they could've been a bit more tactful.

''The car was registered to me, I'm sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.''

Agreed. Here's the source.

If you think it's obvious that someone pretending to be blind would know better than to drive, you would be wrong. As reported by ANSA:

An Italian man claiming benefit for blindness was caught driving a car and arrested Monday.

The unnamed man, 67, had claimed some 60,000 euros [$86,000 US] in benefits since 2003, tax police said.

The man was stopped at a spot check near Naples and countersigned a fine for not having his license on him, without realizing he was on a police database of people suspected of invalidity fraud.

A careless criminal makes for easy police work. Here's the source.

If you want to be sure you'll be caught and convicted, just commit the crime in a courtroom, in front of the judge. As reported by y100.com:

A Broward woman is hospitalized with a broken nose and broken bones in her cheek after she's allegedly attacked by her husband in divorce court on Friday.

28-year-old Paul Gonzalez of Fort Lauderdale walked out of the hearing, then returned and started punching 23 year old Catherine Ann Scott-Gonzalez, 23, in front of the judge and lawyers.

That's a lot of anger right there. And even after the attack ...

BSO [Broward Sheriff's Office] says Gonzalez refused to put his hands out to be cuffed so they tasered the ex-Marine - twice.

He's charged with felony battery, domestic violence and resisting arrest .

Here's the source.

If you're serving 15 years in prison, how better to spend your time than trying to get yourself out of prison? This gent came up with an interesting theory that, though it hasn't yet succeeded, it at least passed one court's smell test. As reported in The South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

During trial, the judge's German shepherd whined, barked and put his paws up on the swinging door between her and the rest of the courtroom, a defendant said in his appeal for a new trial.

So?

Philip Leigh, 52, argued that because his legs were shackled, the jury may have thought the dog was there to protect Broward Circuit Judge Susan Lebow.

Leigh, now serving a 15-year sentence in a Lake City prison for cocaine trafficking, says his ... attorney should have objected to the shackles and the shepherd during the July 2005 trial.

The Fourth District Court of Appeal on Wednesday [sent] the case back for a hearing. There may still be a new trial, or not.

Who would've thought it'd get that far? Here's the source.

North Pole, Alaska (really) resident Wyatt Lewis got an unusual DUI. As reported by the Anchorage Daily News, here's how fellow North Pole resident Anne Sterle described it:

"I was woken at about 1 in the morning by hearing a lawn mower outside my window," Sterle said. "And it scared the heck out of me, because my husband was out of town.

"The first thing that went through my mind was someone was stealing our mower. And then I thought, wait a minute, we don't have a riding mower."

Newman! This was bad news for Mr. Lewis, as Ms. Sterle then called 911. What happened when the police arrived?

There was a chase, reaching speeds up to 5 mph.

The trooper followed Lewis for about 200 yards, according to a report in the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. The trooper turned on his lights and siren. Lewis kept on mowing.

The trooper "was too embarrassed to call it a pursuit over the airwaves," spokeswoman Megan Peters said.

Mr. Lewis, coming in at over twice the legal limit, was charged with driving under the influence and failing to stop at the direction of a peace officer. Here's the source.

Pranks are funny. But really, the only person who can prank a cop is ... another cop. Tell it to these folks in Houston. As reported by khou.com ...

Harris County deputies said they were initially called to a home in the 13600 block of Treebank Thursday night after reports of a domestic disturbance.

The deputies said they spoke with a couple who was in the home, resolved the situation and left.

But then, around 7 a.m. Friday, deputies received another call from the home.

When officers responded, they said they found the front door cracked open, so they went inside.

You might not want to ...

... as they pushed the door open, a bucket fell on one of the deputies, and the others were splashed with liquid.

Alright, where are ya?!

The deputies called for backup, explaining that a bucket full of an unknown substance had fallen on them, and they were unsure if there were other traps in the home.

Other deputies and a bomb squad swarmed the scene. At one point, deputies drew their guns and surrounded the home. The bomb squad checked the home for other traps, but found none.

Whoa there. So what happened after all that?

In the end, though, deputies determined that the bucket was just full of water. No one was injured.

And the perps?

The occupants of the home were nowhere to be found, and no arrests were made.

Here's the source.

How is it possible for a 32-year-old man to get busted for underage drinking? Here's how: Commit the crime [allegedly] when you are underage, then let a few years go by. Doh! As reported by The Hunterdon County Democrat (New Jersey):

Patrolman Tim McGuire stopped on Route 513 by the Route 78 interchange to help with a disabled vehicle Monday around 7:30 p.m.

Ummm ... Thanks Officer, but I'm good?

A computer check on the license of driver Philip Rowles, of Ridley Park, Pa., turned up two arrest warrants issued by Camden City Municipal Court and Woolwich Joint Court in Gloucester County, police said. One warrant was for failing to appear on a previous traffic summons for driving without insurance, the other for possession of alcohol by a person while under the legal age.

Once again reinforcing the notion that, if you just ignore your troubles, they'll go away! Poof! Here's the source.

If you've never been mad at your parents, then ...There's really no need to finish that sentence.
But have you ever attacked one of your parents? While the parent was driving? Who would do that? Well ... per the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 16-year-old girl was riding in the passenger seat attacking her mother while she was driving, according to a Nicevile Police report.

And it wasn't just any old attack either.

A witness told officers he saw the teenager punching, slapping and pulling her mother's hair while the woman was driving.

Shazam! What could have provoked this?

The woman told deputies she was talking with her daughter about skipping school that day when the girl yelled, "I am not happy."

After yelling at the woman, the girl punched the woman in the face and pulled her hair out in handfuls.

Yikes. Here's the source.

If you don't have a huge problem with this truly outrageous pat-down of a 6-year-old child, which includes "sensitive areas," ask someone to check your pulse. ENOUGH!

To those of you who have a problem with the phenomenon of bikini-clad baristas, this post almost certainly won't do anything to change your opinion. But if you're a fan, you can put this arrow in your quiver. Why? Because if this "Sweet Cheeks" barista hadn't been so concerned about her appearance, her appearance would have been drastically altered. As reported in The Highline Times (Washington) Police Blotter:

One person was slightly injured when a minivan crashed into a bikini espresso stand near S. 262nd St. and Pacific Highway. Police at the scene say that the minivan went off the highway and crashed head-on into the drive-thru window at Sweet Cheeks Espresso. The driver was slightly hurt in the crash.

According to crews at the scene, the barista who would have been standing at the window was unhurt, as she was actually touching up her make-up in another room when the minivan hit.

Here's the source.

What's better than a confession? Maybe a video of the crime? As reported by winknews.com:

A video posted online showcasing a man hitting another with a "baseball punch" lands a suspect behind bars.

In it you can see one man viciously hitting another across the face while those around, both teenagers and adults, laugh and cheer.

"It was a total setup for the man. They set him up they put him online and they knocked him out," said Patrick Cuervo, a witness to the attack.

So maybe he was knocked out first, and then put online. Not that it matters to the victim, Mr. Goff:

Goff suffered a fractured skull, damage to his ear, and a busted lip as a result and remains in the hospital.

As for the puncher...

... Investigators say the video is what led to the arrest, although they are still searching for more suspects. Christopher Gills, 20, was arrested for battery [and is in jail on $100,000 bond].

Check out the woman at 1:07, who now appears prophetic. Here's the source.

The fun begins at about :28. Make sure your volume is on so you can hear the "bombs". (The Juice would title this "Doh" instead of "Stupid Cop.")

(Photo courtesy of Raul Lieberwirth)

Here's a tale of smoker who really, really wanted a cigarette. As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Blotter (April 8, 2011):

Officers were dispatched on a panicked call for help by a 24 year old resident of the Summer Grove Apartments, located near the intersection of N. Academy Boulevard and Austin Bluffs Parkway. The victim was an acquaintance of the 26 year old suspect. Santos Santier knocked on the door of our victim and requested a cigarette. Angered that he was awakened [at 1:00 a.m.] for such a trivial purpose, the resident closed the door without fulfilling his request, which now enraged Santier. Santier began kicking the entrance door, eventually gaining entry, then attacked the victim. Shortly after police arrival he was taken into custody. His actions resulted in an arrest for First Degree Burglary, a Felony. Only minor injuries were sustained by both parties.

Yikes.

It's strange enough that the dude stole a ferret (no offense to the ferret lovers out there), but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union:

A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store. The teen alerted store clerks to the theft, then followed the man to a nearby parking lot on First Avenue North.

Lifting a line from a Juice favorite, Zombieland(see below), it was time for the teen to "nut up or shut up." And nut up he did.

The teen tried to retrieve the ferret from the shoplifter, but the man punched him and they both fell to the ground. As they tussled on the ground, the man shoved the ferret in the teen's face and squeezed it.

The ferret, a small domesticated type of weasel, lunged at the teen and bit him, leaving two puncture holes in his ear, the arrest report says. The ferret was not injured.

Well done young man. And what happened to the thief?

... Rodney Bolton, was arrested ... and charged with stealing the $129 ferret from the Pet Supermarket at 609 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach. He was also charged with battery with a "special weapon," police said.

Too bad the "special weapon" didn't deploy as it was being stolen from the store ...

Sure, things would go a lot more smoothly for you if you could just pepper spray people who don't listen to you. But you can't. Or, can you ... Okay, you can, but it'll cost you, as a Georgia teacher discovered. As reported by 11alive.com:

According to a Macon police news release, officers were called to the Elam Alexander [Academy] ... last Friday.

The release says a school video captured [teacher Barbara] Neeley spraying the 14-year-old boy. Police say two boys were disrupting a classroom and Neeley told them to return to their seats.

She warned she would pepper spray them if they didn't sit down. They didn't, and police say Neeley sprayed them. One boy closed his eyes and was not affected; the other boy was treated by a nurse and his parents were called to school.

And what happened to Ms. Neeley?

Bibb schools spokesman Chris Floore said Barbara Neeley resigned from Elam Alexander Academy on Wednesday, after school officials completed their internal investigation of the pepper-spray incident. Neeley still faces a charge of cruelty to children, according to Macon police.

Here's the source.

Based on this gent's reaction, it's a good thing the police sent a robot into the house. As reported by wftv.com:

The Brevard County Sheriff's Office said the robot was sent into the West Melbourne home last week because the homeowner had called his family and said he was going to take his own life and the life of anyone who tried to stop him.

Deputies decided that the safest way to enter was with a robot mounted with cameras. The $65,000 robot had four cameras that recorded the whole encounter. When the robot entered the house, the man came out, naked, and first tried to break the robot, then shot it at least four times with an AK-47, according to deputies.

Give that robot a raise ...

Despite the man’s violent actions, no one was injured and the standoff ended peacefully. Deputies said the man walked out, fully clothed and with his hands up, ready to be taken into custody.

Here's the source, including the newscast of the story with some video shot by the robot.

Or else what? If you don't follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), Kenny gets it.

And don't forget to like Legal Juice on Facebook.

There are many ways to steal. But have you ever heard of a thief whose tool of the trade is a vacuum? Well, you're about to. As reported by The Lincoln Journal Star:

The vacuum remains at large, but Lincoln police ticketed a man who they believe used one to suck a bunch of quarters out of several apartment house laundry machines.

After surveillance photos from the March 4 laundry room theft were released Friday, police received three tips via Crimestoppers that identified the suspect as William Logan Jr., 40, 5709 Hartley St.

There is a mitigating factor.

He had a mountain bike in tow ...

The Juice has a soft spot for cyclists ... Here's the source.

Who knew that your undergarments are infused with your scent? Pretty much everyone, except for this woman, who tried to outsmart a police dog by stripping down to her bra and panties before fleeing. As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 25-year-old woman found in her bra and panties after a traffic crash told an officer she stripped off her clothes to try to "conceal her scent" from a police dog.

But Angela C. Ferranti's disrobing plan last week apparently didn't work as Kilo, a police dog, tracked into a wooded area in central Port St. Lucie where she was found, according to a recently released report.

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) and check out the mug shot and the arrest paperwork by clicking here.

Like most cities, Portland has some weird laws still on the books. As reported in the
The Oregonian:

... Then there are the head-scratchers. Publicly scraping clean the skeleton of one's beloved in a cemetery is a criminal act. Chain letters are strictly prohibited. In city parks, it's illegal to climb a tree, sit on a vase or lie upon a picnic table. Sailors fleeing a burning ship may, but are not required to, sound a horn or whistle in blasts of four to six seconds, no more or less. Teens might be breaking the law if they cruise down certain busy streets more than twice in a night.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Movies ... real life. Movies ... real life. See where we're going here? Mr. Travis Hayter apparently confused the two, much to the detriment of fellow golfer Alan Bezanson. As reported by the CBC:

A man who hit a golf ball straight at another player, injuring him, has been ordered by the Nova Scotia Court of Appeal to pay more than $225,000 in damages. Plaintiff Alan Bezanson says he hasn't been able to work since he was injured on June 8, 2002.

The New Glasgow, N.S., man and the defendant, Travis Hayter, were golfing in a foursome that day as part of a wedding celebration for Bezanson's cousin. By the time they reached the 16th hole, Hayter had consumed nine beers and a half pint of tequila, the court heard.

9 beers AND half a pint of tequila? Incredibly, not only was the dude still standing, he was going all Happy Gimore.

That's when he ran up to his ball and took a swing out of turn. Someone yelled, "Heads up, he's going to hit again." But it was too late for Bezanson, who was standing no more than 20 metres away. Hayter hit what court documents refer to as a "so-called Happy Gilmore shot," named after a film character played by Adam Sandler.

According to court documents, Bezanson put up his hand to protect himself and the ball hit his left wrist, causing permanent damage to his radial nerve.

Bezanson, a woodcutter, has been unable to work without pain. When the case originally went to court, a judge awarded $227,500 to Bezanson, a father of three.

How did "Happy" take it? He appealed. The grounds?

... it wasn't the first Happy Gilmore-style shot he had taken that day and Bezanson should have known what was coming.

The result? Not good for Happy.

...the Court of Appeal dismissed that argument, upholding the earlier court's ruling that Hayter's behaviour was not a "natural risk" of golfing.

Hayter was ordered to pay Bezanson $85,000 in damages, $67,500 in lost income and $75,000 for lost future earning capacity.

Ouch, all around.

Man goes to Presque Isle Downs & Casino in Pennsylvania. Man plays slots. Man wins $2,001 jackpot. Man can't keep the jackpot? Nope. And here's why, per the Erie Times News:

The man, 55, had banned himself from the state's casinos under a Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board self-help program.

What does this mean?

Not only does he forfeit his winnings, but he will be facing a summary criminal trespass charge.

How about a little "insult" with that "injury" ...

The gaming board, which regulates the state's casino industry, offers the self-exclusion program for people who know they need help. Those who sign up decide whether they want to ban themselves for one or five years, or for life.

The Waterford man gambled at the casino Friday, between 10 a.m. and noon, police said. He had signed up for the self-exclusion program in April 2009, police said.

It's a popular program.

The man is one of 1,351 people across the state, including others from the Erie area, who are currently enrolled in the PGCB's self-exclusion program. The total number has grown steadily each year, from 185 at the end of 2007.

How about having the winnings go to a charity? It seems to be a win-win situation for the casinos. They get the money, and don't have to pay the jackpot. Or ... do they? The Juice has learned that the money goes to a compulsive and problem gambler treatment fund.