Legal Juice

So, why did a Georgia mother check her son and two classmates out of school? To rob a bank! As reported by WSBTV.com:

The woman checked the three teens out of Stephenson High School on Friday morning, Lilburn police Deputy Chief Bruce Hedley said. He said the four went to a Wells Fargo on Rockbridge Road and Lawrenceville Highway for a heist. The suspects were armed with at least one handgun, police said.

Unbeknownst to the perps, a witness was on to them.

“I saw what appeared to be a weapon being drawn and two suspects ducking, pulling hoodies up and masks on,” witness Ivy Cromer told Channel 2’s Manuel Bojorquez.

Cromer said he called 911, waited until the suspects came out of the bank and followed them as they drove off in a getaway car.

“They didn't know I was following them, so they weren't going very fast. Of course, when they saw the blue lights, they took off,” Cromer said.

After a police pursuit, the suspects’ Red Toyota Corolla crashed into railroad tracks in Dekalb County, police said.

Here's the source, including TV news coverage of the story.

Per the Alaska Supreme Court's decision, Judge David Landry:

made inappropriate sexual comments to female court employees in the workplace. These included a note to a female employee that her "Hillbilly thermometers are distracting", a note to a court clerk referring to a juror, stating, "I think Ms. _______ wants me," describing one court clerk as a "shameless hussy"...

Hillbilly thermometers?! Go ahead, google it in quotes. You'll get 51 hits (or 52, including this post!). Where does a judge in Alaska come up with that? Judge Landry also routinely signed blank bail orders, leaving it to the prosecutors to decide "the particulars for out-of-custody defendants." Gee, think there's anything wrong with that? There are a few more findings (like 14 criminal cases that had to be dismissed in 2005 because Judge Landry failed to schedule the trials within the time required by law), but I think you get the idea. Partially because Judge Landry was defeated in November 2006, his punishment was only a "public censure." Oh, and "at no time in the future [may he] seek or hold a position as a judicial officer in the State of Alaska."

They really know how to dole out the punishment ...

The Juice yearns for the good old days, when robbers and burglars used to just rob and burgle. Alas, it appears we shan't be returning to those days. Yesterday, we learned about the Beanie Baby robber. Today, it's the fish-killing robbers. Per the TribLocal:

Three goldfish were killed when a burglar poured hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into a fish tank and stole a BB gun among other items from an Arlington Heights apartment, police said Wednesday.

You bastards! You killed ... the goldfish!

The front door of an apartment on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road was pried open sometime between Jan. 22 and Jan. 24, and burglars made off with a Nintendo game system, CD player, 30 games, 30 DVDs, a Daisy BB gun with extra BBs, jewelry and a 50-pound fire safe containing personal papers and pictures, police said.

Here's the source.

What kind of person would steal a little girl's Beanie Babies? And use a knife during the heist? Perhaps the kind of 18-year-old who would want 6 Beanie Babies... As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

Two St. Cloud men accused of taking a little girl's Beanie Babies and other items during a home invasion are being held without bail today at the Osceola County Jail.

Scott Napolillo and Sean Knapp, both 18, face charges of home-invasion robbery, aggravated assault and false imprisonment.

Napolillo is accused of pulling a knife from his waistband and forcing his way into a St. Cloud house to collect on a debt as Knapp waited outside with a souvenir baseball bat.

Must have been a large debt for all that.

The men rode their bicycles to the house.

Okay, maybe a medium-size debt?

The victim, who was not identified, told police Napolillo threatened to stab him if he didn't have $130 to pay off his debt, the report stated.

Told there was no money, Napolillo ransacked the home and told the victim if he tried to run a friend known as the "Marlboro Man" was waiting outside.

After packing the robbed items in a black bag, Napolillo left after saying he would come back and kill the victim if police were called, the report stated.

After the men left, a police officer on patrol in the area recognized Napolillo as a suspect in several burglaries and followed the men as they rode their bikes across St. Cloud, an arrest report stated.

The officer stopped them for riding against traffic after they cut off a car on 17th Street.

Napolillo had a dagger stuffed inside his waistband and he showed the officer that the black bag contained nine Nintendo video games, six Beanie Babies, the souvenir baseball bat, a cell phone and 13 AA batteries, the report stated.

$130! STFU! NFW did you do all that for $130. Here's the source, which includes mug shots of the young men.

It's difficult to believe that Utah would be doing this, especially given the recent shootings in Tucson. But it's true. The "official state" what? Gun! As reported by The Christian Science Monitor:

In one of the most controversial state symbol designations since Alabama in 2006 attempted to name the peach the state fruit (amid protests from its neighbor Georgia, the Peach State), the Utah House voted on Wednesday to honor Utah-born John Browning, the M1911's inventor, by naming the semiautomatic hand gun America's first state gun.

And just in case you're wondering whether it will pass the Utah Senate and become law ...

Though the Utah House passed the Browning designation, the Senate still has to approve the bill. The House version passed primarily along party lines, with all but two Republicans voting in favor and every Democrat voting against. Republicans took control of the Utah Senate in November. The state also has a Republican governor.

You can read a lot more about this here.

Unless you've never seen a movie or tv show, you're familiar with the cop who makes a mess of things and ends up getting busted down to traffic. So what happens if you are a traffic cop, and you mess up? This gent is almost certainly going to find out. As reported in The New Straits Times:

A traffic policeman was ordered to enter his defence by the magistrate's court yesterday for ordering a woman motorist to strip at a roadblock.

Say what?

Corporal A.S. Affendi Ahmad Sairi, 41, was charged with ordering Ang Ya Ying, 28, to remove her blouse and with pulling her pants to cause her embarrassment and insulting her modesty in front of a petrol station in Cheras at 1.15am on May 4 last year.

Defence counsel Faizal Abd Rahman told the court that he would be calling three witnesses, including the accused...

Whatever the deal is, take the plea bargain!

Seriously, if the guy is really a magician, how'd he get caught? Case dismissed! As reported by The Arab Times:

The Abdali police have arrested a 65-year-old Iraqi man for attempting to sneak into the country to practice black magic, reports Al-Shahed daily. 
The magician was spotted between unidentified farms and Abdali border post. Police spotted the man and seized from him magic tools. 
The suspect has been referred to the authorities.

Black magic? Please.

The Juice isn't sure how he missed this May 2009 story, but it's none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:

Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.

The key word there is "planning." They didn't quite make it ...

Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne "became aroused" and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.

Zoinks! But wait ...

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking - with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent - he said: "Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn't quite get there."

And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne's lawyer:

Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. "He wasn't concentrating on that - he was concentrating on his amorous situation," he said.

Really? That's what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:

... not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.

The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.

Yup. Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post:

"This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I've witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer," Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison.

So what happened?

... Marlow [the "victim"] found his apartment in the Villages neighborhood in West Palm Beach ransacked and saw Flint [the deceased] leaving on foot and Dean driving away.

Note - Christopher Dean, who was sentenced to life in jail for his co-burglar's death - was driving away from the scene.

Marlow pursued Dean up through the neighborhood and eventually back down Interstate 95. There he encountered Flint, 25, who had jumped a fence and was waiting alongside the highway for Dean to pick him up.

Marlow initially told police that, as his SUV approached, Flint turned and appeared to point something at him. Marlow said he ducked in his seat as his Suburban ran off the road and struck the suspected burglar.

So co-burglar Flint is killed by the burgled guy, and burglar Dean gets life in jail. How does that happen?

Under state law, a person can be charged with felony murder if someone else dies while the person is committing a felony crime.

Yes, burglary is wrong, but not this wrong. To read more (a fair amount) click here.

After this experience, it's hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.

Nope.

... the "drugs" turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza's dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

"Brief" being the key word ...

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

Here's the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous - can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice's attention.]

You might think that someone is not going to hit you in the face and get away with it. But you probably hadn't envisioned anything like this. As reported by fox17online.com (Michigan):

Two men say assaulted a woman assaulted them with a fish last weekend.

Holy mackerel! [Yeah, yeah. You try doing this every day for 3+ years!]

It happened Saturday on Little Black Lake near the corner of Wood Road and Judson Road in Norton Shores. Police say they received a call from two men from Egelston Township in their early 20s.

The men said that a woman had asked them to turn around while she urinated on the ice. When they did, the woman, a 29-year-old from Fruitport, threw a fish, hitting one of them. She then allegedly came up and slapped the other man in the face with a fish.

Someone is clearly having a bad day. So what happened with the cops? Zippy.

The two men decided not to file charges, and the case has been closed.

And you called the cops because ...? Here's the source, with a video news report of the story.

The Juice recalls hearing of a biblical passage about the actions of the father being visited on his son. Here's a case of a son's action resulting in a very unpleasant visit for his parents. As reported by The Spectator [Hamilton, Ontario]:

Hamilton police are searching for a group of men who chased another man into his home and beat up his parents.

The incident began around 2:45 a.m. Monday when a 21-year-old man, who was leaving a bar in Hess Village, refused to give an acquaintance a ride, said police spokesperson Catherine Martin.

When the man arrived home, the acquaintance and about eight other men were waiting, she said.

The victim alleges they chased him into the house and beat up his parents.

The man's father was sent to hospital with minor injuries, Martin said.

So, obviously the dude found a ride, and quickly, since he and his gang beat the man home. And they beat up his parents? Not cool. Here's the source.

Actually, it was an hour and three minutes... And if you assumed that the woman is a serial offender (other than the series in question), you'd be wrong. Per fox8.com:

... the [Police] Chief says the woman is not a habitual leadfoot. She has not had a traffic ticket in more than six years.

Said Sheffield Village Police Chief Larry Bliss: "This is the first time in my 22 years in law enforcement that I have seen anything like this."

Bliss said the woman was ticketed by three different officers who had no idea they were stopping the same woman, over and over.

Her suspected speeding saga all started Saturday night at 11:40 p.m. Bliss said she was clocked at 55 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone.

"About ten minutes later another officer got the woman for doing 55 in a 35 on the same road," Bliss said.

Less than an hour later she was pulled over for speeding again, this time. clocked at 51 mph in a 35 mph zone, Bliss said.

Just plain weird. Here's the source, including a video of the story.

Some things you can chalk up to just having a bad day. But this? Nope. Gotta check yourself way before your fist approaches the meter maid's face. As reported by the Chicago Sun-Times:

A west suburban man has been charged for allegedly punching a female meter maid in the face after she wrote him a ticket Friday evening in the River North neighborhood.

Hasan Perryman, 37, of the 800 block of South 19th Street in Maywood, was charged with one count of felony aggravated battery of a government employee, police said.

Perryman is accused of striking a Traffic Management Authority employee in the face about 5 p.m. Jan. 14 at in the 110 block of West Grand Avenue, police said.

The woman was writing a ticket when the man approached and repeatedly struck her in the face, police said. He fled but was found by a responding police officer.

Repeatedly? Dude. What about the meter maid?

The TMA employee was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital, police News Affairs Officer Darryl Baety said.

Here's wishing her well. (Hey, scofflaws, it's nothing personal for the meter maids. It's just business.)

Most drunk people give themselves away. It's only a questions of whether or not anyone takes note. Fortunately for this lady's 3 kids, someone took note, and called the cops. What was the first indication that she overindulged? She was driving down the road at 10 mph with her right front tire out of air. Oh, and she was weaving. And just in case that's not enough evidence, as reported by www.cleveland.com, here's what the woman said when the cops pulled her over:

“I need to put gas in my tire.”

Case closed. (Not surprisingly, she failed field sobriety tests.) Here's the source.

Just when you thought you'd heard them all... Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local:

A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence.

The 49-year-old woman from Trelleborg explained to the local district court that she was experiencing stomach problems when she was pulled over for driving 86 kilometres per hour in a 70 km/h zone.

Only 86 in a 70 zone? How bad could it have been? Said the court:

A situation can only be classed as an emergency if somebody's life is in danger or if a driver hits the gas in an attempt to prevent a serious crime.

As the woman's desire to get home to her toilet did not fit into either category, the court ordered her to pay the speeding fine.

Newman! (It's a Seinfeld thing.)

Does it really matter how many tolls we're talking about? [2,362!] Or how much money is involved? [$558,000]. Apparently it does, per a court in China, which is now reconsidering its life sentence. As reported by xinhuanet.com:

A court in central China's Henan Province said Friday it would retry a farmer convicted of fraud and sentenced to life imprisonment for evading millions of yuan in expressway tolls.

The verdict may change because the defendant has indicated he had accomplices, said Liu Penghua, director of the political department of the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People's Court.

Shi Jianfeng was convicted of fraud Tuesday for evading 3.68 million yuan (558,000 U.S. dollars) of expressway tolls.

"Shi said during an inquiry Thursday night he was manipulated by a relative," said Liu.

Shi, you're losing The Juice. "Manipulated?" Please.

Shi used fabricated military drivers licenses and mounted fake military license plates on his two trucks, the Pingdingshan Municipal Intermediate People's Court said.

The case drew attention and controversy on the Internet, with some saying the life-imprisonment sentence was too harsh and that expressway tolls are exorbitant. Tollgate records show Shi's two trucks used to transport sand and gravel avoided tolls 2,362 times in the nine months between May 2008 and Jan. 2009. The average toll each time would have been 1,558 yuan (236 dollars).

$236? Does that come with a massage? Here's the source.

Maybe you would feel otherwise, but despite receiving 77 parking tickets in less than 6 months - all "unearned" - Illinois resident Tom Feddor would not dream of giving up his "0" license plate. His grandfather got it in 1971, and it's been in the family ever since. So why has Mr. Feddor been receiving so many tickets that he has to go to court about once every three weeks? Here's why, as reported by the Chicago Tribune:

It turned out that some city parking-enforcement aides punched in 0 when testing their electronic ticket-issuing devices, Revenue Department spokesman Ed Walsh said. Officials weren't aware there was a 0 plate or that Feddor was receiving tickets, Walsh said in response to the Tribune inquiry.

Doh! But that's not all ...

Adding to Feddor's headaches, the letter "O" Illinois license plates registered to convicted felon Lawrence Warner, a co-defendant in the corruption trial of former Gov. George Ryan, sometimes resulted in Feddor receiving ticket notices from the city that belonged to Warner, he said.

Turns out the "0" is much more trouble than the "O" ever was.

"Mr. Warner was always very nice about helping to straighten out the problem," Feddor said.

Warner is serving a prison sentence for his role in sweetheart deals when Ryan was secretary of state.

Let's say you really want to emigrate to Canada. How far would you go? These folks took it to another level. You won't believe the disguises they used. To see for yourself, and read more, click here.

If you don't follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), you missed this, and the occasional story that The Juice thinks is time-sensitive (not timeless, like The Juice's other posts.)

Judge orders that Defendant have duct tape over his mouth for his next court appearance. Really. http://goo.gl/KD5fX

And don't worry about stupid, random tweet's from The Juice about what he's thinking or having for dinner. He knows you don't care, and values your time.

You can also like Legal Juice on Facebook.

This should be the worst thing that happens when people disagree with their elected representatives. As reported at www.scotsman.com:

Scotland Office minister David Mundell was hit by a pie as he arrived at a private reception yesterday.

Mr Mundell, the only Tory MP in Scotland, was in St Andrews, Fife, to attend a private event.

He was met by a group protesting against cuts to education.

It was not known who threw the pastry, understood to a be a shop-bought key lime pie.

Shop-bought? Where's the honor in that? Nothing expresses a strongly-felt belief more than a home-baked pie or cake.

Conservative councillor Dorothea Morrison, who was also attending the reception at St Andrews, told the Courier newspaper: "He just took it calmly and said he wasn't going to press any charges."

A Tory spokesman said Mr Mundell, MP for Dumfriesshire, Clydesdale and Tweeddale, was at the reception in a party capacity and would not be taking further action.

Well played, sir. Here's the source, including a photo of Mr. Mundell.

No way this job can be that lucrative. From The Hamilton [Ontario] Spectator police blotter:

Jan. 2 – Four men collecting empty beer bottles get into a fight at 10 p.m. in what police say could have been a “turf war” over the lucrative job. A 40-year-old man is stabbed and taken to hospital. A Hamilton man, 25, is charged with aggravated assault.

It was a bad day for Hamilton County, Ohio's finest, but not nearly as bad as it was for John Harmon. Mr. Harmon, a diabetic, was suffering from low blood sugar when a police officer noticed he was driving erratically. So, after the police pulled him over, officers smashed Mr. Harmon's window, dragged him out of the car, tased him seven times, and just basically shit-stomped him. As reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer:

John Harmon was coming off a late night at work when he left his downtown marketing firm for his Anderson Township home just after midnight in October 2009.

The 52-year-old longtime diabetic's blood sugar levels had dipped to a dangerously low level causing him to weave into another lane.

A Hamilton County sheriff's deputy spotted him on Clough Pike and suspected drunken driving. What happened over the next two minutes and 20 seconds should never happen to anyone, Harmon said.

Deputies broke the window of Harmon's SUV, shocked him seven times with a Taser, cut him out of his seatbelt and wrestled him to the ground, severely dislocating his elbow, and causing trauma to his shoulder and thumb.

You can read a lot more, and see a video from one of the police cars, here.

Yes, April S. Uwanawich (is The Juice the only one who reads this name and thinks "You Want A Witch?"), was born on 7/7/77. And she is a fortune-teller in Pennsylvania. Just one small problem - it's against the law. As reported in The Pottstown Mercury:

A person is guilty of the charge if they "tell fortunes or predict future events … pretend to effect any purpose by spells, charms, necromancy or incantation, or advise the taking or administering of what are commonly called love powders or potions," reads the statute.

Persons violate the law if they "stop bad luck," "give good luck," "win the affection of a person," or "tell where to dig for treasure," in return for "gain or lucre."

Lucre? How about this stick-up line: You're lucre or you're life! So what did Ms. Uwanawich do?

According to court records and Uwanawich's statement in court to Judge Anthony Sarcione, a woman named Yun Su of Bridgewater, N.J., met her at the "psychic reading" storefront she had operated in Downingtown. There, Su told her that she had been unlucky in love and wanted to find happiness.

Between February and August 2008, the two met many times. Uwanawich said they would go out to dinner or the movies and shop together.

At some point, Uwanawich told Su that she was cursed and that she would have to take deliberate steps to have that cloud lifted from around her. Specifically, she was to put a box under her bed and put coins and cash into the box on a daily basis. Then, after several weeks, Uwanawich went to Su's home and took the box, which she said she needed to "burn the curse," according to the criminal complaint filed by Downingtown Detective Pamela Fentner.

Su turned over the box, which contained $16,320.

I know this will shock you ...

But the disposal of the box did not make any changes in Su's life, and she pressed Uwanawich for more help.

Like she needed to be pressed?

This time, Uwanawich told Su that she should buy urns for $7,000 apiece to help lift the curse. Su bought one, and then ran out of money.

Of course. It's axiomatic that the more expensive an urn, the greater its curse-killing power.

According to [Uwanawich's attorney], when Su confronted Uwanawich with her displeasure of the situation, Uwanawich offered to pay the money back. She turned over about half of the $23,320, but then Su went to police and Uwanawich was charged [with fortune-telling, theft by extortion, theft by deception, and receiving stolen property] on Aug. 4, 2008.

So what happened? Ms. Uwanawich paid all of the money back, in addition to a fine and court costs. She avoided the pokey. Here's the source.

It boils down to this: If you want to tax paranormal practitioners in Romania, prepare to become a four-legged animal - if you're lucky. So maybe that's an oversimplification, but not by much. As reported by The Independent:

Everyone curses the tax man, but Romanian witches angry about having to pay up are planning to use cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the country's government, which has introduced a new levy on those practicing the paranormal.

Superstitions are no laughing matter in Romania – the land of the medieval ruler who inspired the Dracula tale – and have been part of its culture for centuries. President Traian Basescu and his aides have even been known to wear purple on certain days, supposedly to ward off evil.

Romanian witches from the east and west went to the country's southern plains and the Danube river yesterday to threaten the government with spells and spirits because of the tax law, which came into effect on 1 January.

A dozen witches hurled the poisonous mandrake plant into the Danube to put a hex on government officials "so evil will befall them", said a witch named Alisia. She added: "What is there to tax, when we hardly earn anything? The lawmakers don't look at themselves, at how much they make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking us to put spells on their enemies."

So, at a minimum, don't drink from the Danube for a while. And lawmakers, you might want to go all purple, all the time. Got any purple skivvies?

The new law is part of the government's drive to collect more revenue and crack down on tax evasion in a country that is in recession.

In the past, the less mainstream professions of witch, astrologer and fortune teller were not listed in the Romanian labour code. People who worked in those jobs used their lack of registration to evade income tax.

Under the new law, like any self-employed person, they will pay 16 per cent income tax and make contributions to health and pension programmes. But the law may be hard to enforce as payments to witches and astrologers are usually made in cash and relatively small.

Okay, so it's virtually unenforceable. For this, lawmakers are willing to give up their entire non-purple wardrobe?

Supporters of Mircea Geoana, who lost the presidential race to Basescu in 2009, blamed his defeat on attacks of negative energy by their opponent's aides. Geoana aide Viorel Hrebenciuc alleged there was a "violet flame" conspiracy during the campaign, saying Basescu and other aides dressed in purple on Thursdays to increase his chance of victory. They continue to be seen wearing purple clothing on important days because the colour supposedly makes the wearer superior and wards off evil.

This isn't new in Romanian politics.

Such spiritualism has long been tolerated by the Orthodox Church in Romania, and the late Communist dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, had their own personal witch.

Queen witch Bratara Buzea, 63, who was imprisoned in 1977 for witchcraft under Ceausescu's regime, is furious about the new law. Sitting cross-legged in her villa in the lake resort of Mogosoaia, just north of Bucharest, she said she planned to cast a spell using a particularly effective concoction of cat excrement and dead dog, accompanied by a chorus of witches.

Cat excrement and dead dog? It's certainly not "a dog's life" in Romania (at least not when the recipe dictates).

"We do harm to those who harm us," she said. "They want to take the country out of this crisis using us? They should get us out of the crisis because they brought us into it." She added ominously: "My curses always work."

Got that, tax man? Always! Here's the source, with a photo of the queen.

Of course, things are never as simple as they seem. Or, are they? ... Per my9tv.com:

A New Jersey sixth grader is going before a judge next week.

So what did she do?

She wrote her name in cement outside of her school.

And as Cora-Ann Mihalik explains, the big issue is whether her dad or officials should dole out her punishment.

Here's the source, including the newscast of the story.

Although The Juice hasn't been to Idaho, can it be that bad? And has this guy been following current events in Mexico? The drug war isn't going too well. Regardless, the guy is just trying to get back there. As reported by The Idaho Mountain Express:

A man who police say wanted to be arrested and deported to Mexico allegedly stole a Jerome Police Department squad car Monday evening and drove it to Carey. The vehicle was recovered about an hour later by the Blaine County Sheriff's Office.

Guadalupe Cruz-Vasquez, a 38-year-old Jerome resident, was arrested on a felony charge of grand theft and transported Monday night to the Jerome County Jail. The squad car, a Ford Crown Victoria that sustained a broken window, has been returned to the Jerome Police Department.

Jerome Sgt. Duane Rubink said the incident started around 6:40 p.m. when Cruz-Vasquez went to the Jerome County Sheriff's Office on Lincoln Street and "demanded to be arrested and deported." When authorities declined to make the arrest, Rubink said, Cruz-Vasquez walked a few blocks to the Police Department, where he allegedly broke a window in the squad car and made off with the vehicle.

Yup. That ought to do it. Here's the source.

Ah the joy of setting off a bottle rocket - unless it's in ... your pants! As reported by The Highline Times (Washington):

Police responded to a call for medical assistance in the 12000 block of Ambaum Blvd. A man accidentally set off a bottle rocket firework in his pants. He was transported to Harborview by ambulance to be treated for superficial burns on his groin, face and hand. No other injuries were reported.

Oops.

The threat: "This is going in your permanent record!" The reaction: Most folks just accept it and move on. Another option? Steal it! That's what former Hillsborough, New Hampshire town administrator Jim Coffey allegedly did. As reported by The Manchester Union Leader:

Police Lt. Ian Donovan said Coffey, the former town administrator who served for 15 years, was told by town officials that he could view or make copies of his files, but he couldn’t remove them.

"He did anyway," Donovan said.

And he almost got away with it, too. Okay, not really.

He was found by police driving on Route 9 and surrendered the files, Donovan said. The lieutenant said he couldn’t confirm if the entire ream of documents had been returned or if any were missing.

Coffey was released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail. He is due Feb. 24 in Henniker District Court. He could not be reached for comment.

This comes at a bad time for Mr. Coffey. Why? He is now "newly elected state Rep. Jim Coffey." Doh! Click here for the source.

When this lady told her husband not to smoke, she meant it. And brother, did she drive the point home when he defied her. Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health. “A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.

Even the non-lawyers among you must be familiar with the "I can only take so much" defense.

According to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office incident report, the couple’s 18-year-old daughter called 9-1-1 about 11:31 a.m. Wednesday when she saw her mother beating her father with a rock.

A deputy said that, when they arrived at the scene off North Lakewood Drive, he saw the victim sitting “Indian fashion” on the ground in front of the residence; he was hunched over with his hands over his head, trying to protect himself. His wife was standing behind him. She kicked him in the hip and was using a rock to hit him in the head, the report said.

A deputy told the 41-year-old woman to get off her husband a few times, but she continued to strike him and scream at him, telling him “to give her the cigarettes,” the report said.

The man, age 51, had cuts and bruises, including a bleeding laceration on the top of his right wrist, the report said.

Both husband and wife told deputies they had been suffering with the flu recently and had not felt well. The night before, they got into an argument and the woman scratched her husband’s face, the report said. When he mentioned going outside to smoke a cigarette that morning, the wife became angry and told him “he did not need to be smoking since he is sick,” according to the report.

She followed him outside and began to argue with him, then jumped on him and began hitting him in the head with “a small ceramic bird,” the report said. She grabbed other items to hit him, finally picking up a rock. The man refused treatment by EMS. He said “he knew how to take care of himself,” the report said.

Apparently knowing how to "take care of himself" means tending to his wounds ...

The woman was charged with aggravated battery domestic violence. She said she had been dealing with “a lot of (expletive)” for some time and “a woman can only take so much,” the report said.

Told what she was being charged with, she responded, “Yeah, I hit him with the rock,” according to the report. The rock was submitted into evidence.

Here's the source.

No, not that. So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: "Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric's little finger." After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

Ouchee! Here's the source.

Before you honk your horn, just remember that there are folks like this out there. As reported by The Post And Courier (Charleston, South Carolina):

The complainant, 22, of Daniel Island said she was in line for the drive-through at about 2 a.m. when a pickup truck in front of her was taking a very long time, the report says.

She said she honked her horn [NO!!], and then the passenger in the truck, a woman of about 20, got out and came back to her vehicle and began yelling and screaming through her window, the report states.

The unknown woman then reportedly sat on the hood of the complainant's car while hitting the front of it.

The complainant said the truck then pulled up and an unknown man, also about 20, jumped out of the truck, ran back to her car and started kicking the front bumper. The complainant said the incident scared her because the pair were "just acting crazy," the report states. She gave police the truck's license plate number.

The reporting officer did not observe any damages to the woman's car, but she was given a case number. Nothing further was reported.

Yikes.