Legal Juice

Fancy having a "go" at the "Good To Go"? Maybe that's how these folks ended up carnally knowing each other for over an hour outside of the "Good To Go" convenience store in Florida. As reported by WZVN-HD:

According to a sheriff's report, deputies responded to the Good To Go Store at 16871 San Carlos Boulevard in Fort Myers in reference to an indecent exposure call.

As the deputies arrived, they spotted a naked Pomfret and half-naked Prothero having sex in plain view underneath a tree near the store, according to the report.

When a deputy walked over and told them to stop and get dressed, neither listened, the deputy said.

Sorry deputy. The Juice believes they actually did listen to you ... and just chose to ignore you since they were kinda busy.

Once the deputy announced she was with the Lee County Sheriff's Office, both reportedly stopped and put on their clothes.

And then?

George Pomfret, 49, and Brenda Prothero, 48, both of Fort Myers, were arrested [taken into custody] and charged with Indecent Exposure in Public.

Click here for the source, including photographs.

There's nothing wrong with grown men liking toys, be they iPhones, sports cars, or ... plastic action figures ... A man in Japan was perhaps a little too attached to his toys, based on what he did when his mommy threw some of them away. As reported in the Japan Times:

A man charged with torching his home in Kasai, Hyogo Prefecture, admitted Tuesday he did it out of anger because his mother threw away some of his plastic figures from the "Gundam" animation franchise.

Oh, they were "Gundam" action figures? Now it all makes sense!

"Plastic figures of Gundam are like my life partners. I thought I would rather burn to death with them than have them thrown away," said Yoshifumi Takabe, 30, who pleaded guilty as his trial began at the Kobe District Court. Nobody was injured in the blaze [although his mom was in the house!].

Takabe told the court he piled 200 to 300 boxes of Gundam plastic figures up to near the ceiling in his room.

Very uncool, especially since his little brother, mother and grandmother also lived in the 2-story house he torched . Here's the source.

The Juice is of course referring to Elmo. For you Elmo fans, no worries. It turns out Elmo can take care of himself, and then some. As reported by the Orlando Sentinel:

Police in Winter Park said a man dressed as Elmo was attacked at a local music store on Saturday afternoon by a man who believed the Sesame Street character was a threat to him.

According to Winter Park police Lt. Wayne Farrell, the man had been hired to wear the Elmo suit for an event at Winter Park Village, and was on his break when the attack occurred at the Guitar Center on Orlando Avenue at about 3 p.m.

"He just wandered into the Guitar Center to look at instruments," Farrell said. That's when police say a man, who they said felt "threatened" by the Sesame Street star, attacked.

"He immediately thought (the man dressed as Elmo) was a threat," Farrell said. Farrell called the ensuing struggle a "very physical fight," with multiple punches thrown.

Who won?

"Elmo got the best of the guy," Farrell said. "He broke two of his fingers."

Adding insult to injury ...

Police took the assailant to a local hospital, where Farrell said he will be temporarily detained for mental health evaluation.

Here's the source.

For those of you not familiar with a "happy finish," have you not heard of Google? But back to today's story, which takes us to an Australian Subway. As reported in the Northern Territory News:

A female robber surprised staff at a fast food restaurant with a strip, before fleeing with more than $500 in cash.

Before some of you get too excited, the term "strip" is used a little liberally.

Staff at the Subway restaurant in the Darwin suburb of Berrimah discovered a whole new meaning for "one with the lot" during the brazen daylight robbery at the weekend.

Police said a woman - believed to be between 25 and 30 years of age with dark hair - walked into the Subway on Sunday at 11.15am, demanding money and "waving a knife".

Police said the woman then removed her top, exposing a black bikini top, before running to a waiting getaway car.

Now that's an exit.

So, as a result of this diet, you've gone from 413 pounds to 308 pounds in 8 months. Awesome, right? Not according to much-lighter Broderick Lloyd Laswell. Not only is he not pleased, he filed suit against the responsible parties - his jailers in Benton County, Arkansas (the Sheriff and the Jail Captain). Here are some of his complaints, as reported in The Northwest Arkansas Morning News:

"There are noticeable differences on the size of biscuits and cakes, as well as the sides," according to Laswell, who also wants hot meals to be served from the jail's kitchen.

"On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out," Laswell wrote in his complaint. "About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again."

"If we are in a small pod all day do next to nothing for physical exercise we should not lose weight," according to Laswell. "The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally are being starved to death."

If Jail Captain Hunter Petray is correct, it's unlikely Mr. Laswell will starve to death. Captain Petray said that the meals average 3,000 calories per day.

Update: He dropped the suit! Perhaps this may be why, as reported by onpointnews.com.

Yes, death for a weed dealer. Regular Juice readers know that certain countries, like Malaysia, dole out harsh sentences for drug dealers Case in point: M. Jegatheswaran, age 32, had just over 2 pounds of marijuana in his motorcycle basket. Per the New Straits Times:

A traditional medicine seller was yesterday sentenced to death by the High Court for trafficking in 958g of cannabis ...at a car park area of a public housing flat in Ampang Jajar, Jalan Permatang Pauh, about 10pm on May 8, 2007.

High Court judicial commissioner Nurmala Salim ruled that the defence had failed to cast reasonable doubt on the prosecution's case.

Earlier in his defence, Jegatheswaran had said that he had gone to the flats to massage one of his customers. He claimed that the motorcycle he had used to get to his customer's place did not belong to him.

In her decision yesterday, Nurmala said Jegatheswaran's defence was one of mere denial.

A little too harsh for The Juice. Here's the source.

Can you begin a life of crime while still in diapers. The short answer is, it Depends. (Get it!) But seriously, a baby was involved in the commission of a crime. How, you ask? Per The New Hampshire Union Leader:

A New Hampshire woman has been indicted for hiding cigarettes in her baby's diaper before handing the baby to an inmate during a prison visit.

Snap! What are the charges for that?

Forty-five-year-old Wendy Parent of Belmont was charged with delivering contraband to a prisoner - a Class B felony punishable by up to seven years in prison.

First of all, "Parent?" Of course her name is "Parent." Secondly, 7 years? That would be a little harsh for trying to pass some cigarettes. What about the inmate?

The inmate has not been charged and his identity and relationship to the baby have not been released by prison officials.

Here's the source.

It's always a good idea to check your doctor out online before your first visit. Had some of Dr. George Korol's patients done so, they probably would have asked to see another doctor. As reported in The Edmonton Journal:

A Winnipeg doctor who previously lost his U.S. medical licence for violent criminal behaviour has been stripped of his ability to practise medicine in Manitoba ...

First question [rhetorical]: How did he ever get a license in Manitoba?

The provincial body that regulates doctors revoked Dr. George Korol's medical licence and registration at a discipline hearing on Aug. 31, according to new documents posted on the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Manitoba's website this week.

Korol was suspended in February 2009 after he was arrested on assault charges and accused of writing fake prescriptions.

A college investigation found Korol had an intimate sexual relationship with a female patient, "who was in a highly vulnerable psychological state and under financial stress."

So so low. How did he get the drugs for the vulnerable female patient?

Regulators discovered Korol wrote prescriptions for drugs in his wife's name which he gave to the female patient. He also obtained blood and cervical swabs from the patient which were submitted for testing under a different name, and prescribed antipsychotic drugs under his wife's name so he could use the drugs himself.

Korol "misled and failed to fully co-operate" with the investigation, and initially denied several of the improper activities. The investigation found Korol failed to inform the college he had been arrested and charged for domestic violence, uttering threats and possessing a weapon.

Hey college, nice background check. Way to protect your patients. Here's the source.

When you gotta go, you gotta go, right? No. No. No. No. No. Especially "no" if your "target" is ... the police station! What, you don't believe The Juice? Do you believe The Detroit Free Press?

... in Royal Oak ... at 4:39 p.m. Monday — in broad daylight on a weekday afternoon — [a man] was seen by several witnesses urinating on the side of the Royal Oak police station, according to Lt. Gordon Young. It gets better.

“After urinating, the suspect entered the station in an attempt to file a police report on an undisclosed matter,” Young said today.

But witnesses had quickly informed the police at the front desk, Deputy City Attorney Mark Liss said. The man was issued a citation, and likely will serve no jail time but pay a fine and court costs of $250; the maximum would have been $500 and up to 90 days in jail for public urination, Liss said today.

Wow. Click here for the source.

You can never be sure how someone is going to handle being insulted. No doubt this gent's insulting days are over. As reported in The Daily Herald (Everett, Washington), according to court papers:

[Dallas Amber] Smith [18] and others were gathered at her ex-boyfriend’s home south of Monroe, watching a movie and drinking.

She boasted to party-goers that she was good at doing back flips and that she could do one off anything, court papers said.

A man, 19, challenged her to do a flip off the deck. Smith took off her shoes and attempted the maneuver. She couldn’t do it. That’s when the man laughed at her and told her that her feet smelled, [deputy prosecutor] Albert wrote.

Smith started to playfully wrestle with the man, rubbing her socks in his face. She started hitting him. After several seconds, he pushed her away, Albert wrote.

It's a little weird, right? Check this out.

She grabbed her coat, picked up a steak knife and headed for the door. On the way, Smith walked up to the man and stabbed him in the back, court papers said.

The man and others called 911. A sheriff’s deputy found the man sitting on porch with the knife sticking out of his back, the blade buried a few inches in. His lung had collapsed from the stabbing.

Sticking out of his back! Someone is a wee bit oversensitive. The prognosis?

The man is expected to recover from the injury.

Whew. What did Ms. Smith have to say for her feet ... er, herself?

Police arrested Smith at her parents’ home. She denied knowing about any stabbing and declined to speak with investigators.

Perhaps it's a little late for the denial ...

A witness told police that Smith came to his house that night and told him that she had hurt someone and she was in trouble. She told him someone had taunted her.

Doh! Here's the source.

You may be wondering: "Can you break that?" Unfortunately for Mr. Doe, the answer is "yes." And yes, it gave rise (sorry) to a lawsuit. The case, out of Massachusetts, is John Doe v. Mary Doe.

Facts. The summary judgment record, viewed in the light most favorable to the plaintiff, Coveney v. President & Trustees of the College of the Holy Cross, 388 Mass. 16 , 17 (1983), establishes the following facts. The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant's body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff's legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff's abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.

Yeowwwwwwwwwwww! So, did Mr. Doe make the case that Ms. Doe negligently broke his, well, you know? Nope. You can read the opinion here.

No doubt regular Juice readers remember this "Motion for Continuance." This one is not quite as funny (the bar is now pretty high), but it's still Juiceworthy. In the Louisiana case of Harrell v. Spencer, et al., defense counsel filed, I shit you not, an "Unopposed Motion To Continue Trial Due To Conflict With The LSU Tiger's National Championship Game." In his supporting Memorandum, defense counsel states:

All counsel to this matter unequivocally agree that the presence of LSU in the aforementioned contest of pigskin skill unquestionably constitutes good grounds [under the statute - for continuing the trial]. In fact we have been unable through much imagination and hypothetical scenarios to think of a better reason.

What do you think the Judge did with the Motion? Granted. Trial continued to February 11, 2008. Okay, now I have a problem. February 11th is George Washington's birthday. Really. As Stephen Colbert says, "Look it up." You can read the Motion, Memorandum and Order here

Q: Who has ever even heard of "rabbit phobia"? A: All of Germany, and with the help of The Juice, the entire world! As reported by Spiegel Online:

In Germany, drawing rabbits on the blackboard can land you in court. A schoolteacher has made nationwide headlines by filing a lawsuit against a 16-year-old pupil who allegedly did just that. The girl is also accused of claiming that the teacher had a rabbit phobia...

As school pranks go, drawing rabbits on the blackboard may seem rather tame. But it has triggered a court case in the northern German town of Vechta where an outraged school teacher filed a legal complaint against the alleged offender, a 16-year-old schoolgirl, and accused her of spreading the vicious rumor that she suffered from rabbit phobia.

Marion V., who teaches German and Geography, refuses to say if she is actually afraid of rabbits. But [Juice Exhibit A] when she walked into the classroom and spotted the drawing on the board she burst into tears and fled.

[Juice Exhibit B] She was so furious that she accused one pupil of defamation. The court must decide whether the pupil did indeed hound the teacher, or if the legal action is an overreaction.

In a nutshell:

"The plaintiff, a teacher, teaches the accused pupil at a high school in Vechta and claims the pupil drew rabbits on the blackboard of the classroom and told fellow pupils the teacher was afraid of rabbits and 'flips out' when she sees a rabbit," the court said in a statement.

"The teacher demands that the accused refrains in future from drawing rabbits on the blackboard and claiming that she, the teacher, is afraid of rabbits and flips out at the sight of them."

Could there really be a legal basis for this case? Well, one is claimed ...

The court said the lawsuit refers to the "infringement of general personal rights according to §823 Clause 1 of the Civil Code in conjunction with Article 2 Clause 1 of the Constitution."

What about the poor girl?

The defendant, named only as Kim, came to court with her mother. Media reports said she looked shy and sheepish during the hearing. She said: "I didn't draw the rabbit. I know the teacher from my previous school where she also gave lessons. All I did was tell another pupil that she used to run out of the classroom whenever she saw a drawing of a rabbit."

[Juice Exhibit C] Marion V. has been off work ever since the incident, media reports said. She wants the court to forbid Kim from drawing rabbits and to stop telling other pupils that she suffers from rabbit phobia and goes nuts at the sight of the animals.

Kim's mother is outraged. "The teacher didn't talk to me before she filed the complaint. My daughter has had rabbit stress all year because of this. You can't treat kids like this," she told reporters after the 30-minute hearing on Tuesday, the second trial day, Bild newspaper reported. The first trial day was on April 27.

Juice Exhibit D ...

This is the second time Marion V. has taken a pupil to court for a rabbit offense. The first case in 2008 ended with a settlement in which the pupil concerned agreed to stop claiming that teacher got a fit, started crying, shouting or fleeing the classrom whenever she saw a rabbit or even when she heard the word "rabbit," the court said in a statement.

And if Kim loses?

Media reports speculate that if Kim is found guilty of drawing the rabbit, she will face a €5,000 [$6,521.50 US] fine if she ever does it again.

Shazam! What do you think the Judge decided?

A German teacher has lost a defamation suit Tuesday in which she claims that a 16-year-old student spread vicious rumors saying that she has a rabbit phobia. The court case, which triggered nationwide headlines, was dismissed on the grounds that the student proved the teacher's phobia as fact.

Here's the original story and the post-verdict story.

There's an old saying:"If it seems too good to be true, it is." There's another old saying: "There's an exception to every rule." Here's an exception, as reported by Reuters:

Standing in the aptly chosen "Frohsinnstrasse" ("Cheerfulness Street") in the town of Aschaffenburg, the unnamed pensioner wore a sign around his neck explaining his philanthropy: "I am not unemployed or homeless. I have a wife. I am well. That's why I'd like to give you a euro."

A passer-by who feared the pensioner was running a scam alerted police, who were surprised at the man's explanation that he merely wanted to share his happiness at retiring.

[Note: The passer-by also enjoys hunting golden-egg-laying geese.]

After explaining himself, the pensioner was allowed to continue his generous retirement celebrations, because after all there's no law against giving away your own money to passing strangers, according to local police.

Really? There's no law against just giving money away money? Shocking. Here's the source.

The Juice is not privy to the events that led up to this bizarre situation. The Juice is quite curious. As reported by The Express-Times:

According to court records:

Bethlehem police were summoned for a report of a burglary at a home in the 600 block of Pierce Street and arrived to find Andrea Decandia trying to crawl out of a basement window.

Hmmm. Crawling out ... Burglary? Scratch that.

Decandia, who was a guest of a person who lives in the home, was found in the basement wearing only a pair of socks. The basement was flooded with several inches of water from a broken pipe, and several other pipes were bent. A circuit box and alarm system box were also opened and had components hanging from them.

Decandia told police he "freaked out" and allegedly caused the damage because he could not find his way out of the basement.

The crime?

Decandia is charged with criminal mischief. He was sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $5,000 bail.

Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!

Ebay is proof that there is a market for virtually everything. It is an absolute certainty, though, that you won't see these being peddled on eBay. As reported by the Kenya Broadcasting Corporation:

Two men who were arrested for engaging in the bizarre trade in genitalia of corpses were Tuesday arraigned in court and charged with harming a dead body.

37 year-old Eliud Mwangi and Paul Kariuki aged 27, were arraigned at Kibera Law courts and charged with harming a dead body of a man by severing its genitals.

The two, a mortuary attendant and an employee at a funeral home, however denied the charges and were released on a cash bail of 100,000 shillings with a surety of similar amount.

The case against them will be heard on the 21st of October. The duo was arrested Monday after police were tipped off on the syndicate of sale of human body parts.

They laid an ambush arresting the two carrying the genitals in a polythene bag as they waited for a buyer.

Hum dee dum. Just 2 guys walking around with a bag of .... ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Looks like some heavy lifting for defense counsel. Here's the source.

Seriously, you won't believe what this man claims he found in his cereal. Warning: DO NOT READ THIS WITHIN ONE HOUR OF EATING. As reported by The Telegraph (Macon, Georgia):

An Upson County man and his wife have filed a federal suit against a grocery store chain and cereal manufacturer, contending that the man found a used tampon in a bowl of cereal.

If you didn't just about hurl, what is wrong with you?

In the complaint, Thomas and Lynn Roddenberry said they bought a box of Chocolate Chip Crunch cereal from the Save-A-Lot store at 1021 N. U.S. 19 in Thomaston on Oct. 23, 2008.

The following day, Thomas Roddenberry opened the cereal box and poured cereal and milk into a bowl. After taking a bite, Roddenberry said he discovered the tampon in his bowl, according to the suit, filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Macon.

Roddenberry said he spit out the milk and cereal and became nauseated almost immediately. He went to an emergency room for treatment, according to the complaint.

The seal for the cereal box and the plastic bag containing the cereal showed no signs of having been broken by anyone previously.

Roddenberry sustained physical injuries “from the adulterated food” as well as emotional worry, according to the lawsuit.

The Roddenberrys are seeking unspecified general and special damages, as well as court costs.

Chon Tomlin, a Save-A-Lot spokesperson, declined to comment Friday, citing pending litigation.

A representative of Ralston Foods, the cereal manufacturer, also declined to comment in a phone message.

Now that is one bizarre, gross case. Here's the source.

Beginning at the beginning - it's a hunk of metal, plastic and glass.It can be replaced. A brain splattered all over the pavement can't. From The Orlando Sentinel:

Val Jacques was playing chess at a Christian community center on Central Boulevard in Orlando on Friday afternoon, police say, when he saw a man climb into his sport utility vehicle. He'd left the keys in the ignition.

Jacques tried to open the door to the Mazda SUV, but the man locked it. Police say Jacques climbed on the roof, and the thief hit the gas.

So the dude goes from playing chess to would-be stuntman like that [The Juice just snapped his fingers.]

Minutes later, police say the thief, later identified as Mazzard McMillian, blew through a red light at the intersection of Central Boulevard and Orange Blossom Trail, smashing into a pickup truck and sending Jacques flying.

Had Mr. McMillian seen more movies or tv, he would have simply slammed on the brakes. And to all of you "reading" advocates, you can't get that stuff in books ... As luck would have it:

An Orlando officer who happened to be stopped at the intersection saw the crash, noting in his report that he saw Jacques "in the air and it appeared he was thrown" from the Mazda.

When the officer approached to check on Jacques – who'd travelled about 100 feet from the SUV, he said – McMillian got out of the Mazda and took off.

100 feet? More like "launched" than "thrown." So was McMillian caught? He was. And if Mr. McMillian was hurt (likely), he was at least in good enough condition to tell the police what happened. To read more, click here.

Fifty-year old Jim Nelson had been living in a tent outside a ski resort in British Columbia. After fasting for 60 days to attain spiritual perfection, he bagged it, and went into town. When he reached an upscale home, he threw a rock through the window and made himself at home. In Court, here's what Mr. Nelson admitted to (in addition to breaking into the house):

He opened the presents looking for chocolates, raided the fridge and cupboards searching for delicacies, pigged out on cups of tea, chili, cream cheese and tortillas. He then puked and defecated in plastic bags before slipping into a stupor and curling up on the floor.

So, guilty right? Wrong! Judge Moss acquitted Mr. Nelson, whose defense was "necessity." Said the judge:

Your actions were disgusting and foul, certainly so far as the homeowner is concerned. But that kind of action in and of itself presents to me clear evidence that your mind was extremely troubled and that you should not be found guilty. Really! For god's sake, Jim, at least you could have used the toilet! The B.C. government, following in the footsteps of John "Bluto" Blutarsky, declared "Nothing is over until we decide it is." Actually, they just appealed and ... won. A new trial was ordered. For more on Mr. Nelson, click here.

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The Juice has a feeling this case would not make it to trial. As reported by Chongqing Business News:

"I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards.” Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat.

After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner.

Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility.

Here's the source.

Incredibly it can, and did. Mind you that this happened in Australia, where the loser pays the other side's court costs. Still ... How did it all start? As reported by The Cairns Post:

A fixed radar on a police car clocked [Steven Edward ] Osgood [54] driving at 93km/h in an 80km/h zone on the Kennedy Highway near Kuranda in June, 2006. Osgood contested the charge, saying the radar's accuracy was in doubt because the police car was coming over the crest of a hill and around a bend.

Noooooooooooo. Couldn't just pay the $250 [AUS] ticket.

A trial was held in Cairns Magistrates' Court over three days in January and February 2008, with both Osgood and police calling expert witnesses.

After hearing the evidence, a Cairns magistrate convicted him of speeding and fined him $250 as well as an additional $65 in court costs and $7209 in prosecution costs.

At this point, the thinking must have been "why quit now?"

Last year, Osgood lost an appeal against those costs in Cairns District Court and was ordered to pay another $1800.

Uncle? Nope.

Representing himself in court via video link in his final appeal bid yesterday, Osgood claimed there were shortcomings in the use of police radars and there would be huge ramifications if his appeal was successful.

In her written judgment, Judge White refused to grant leave to appeal and ordered Osgood to pay the respondent's costs.

"No issue of public policy about the accuracy of the devices used by police to detect breaches of the speed limits on Queensland roads is raised on the evidence which would suggest that leave to appeal ought to be granted."

That has GOT to hurt, to say nothing of the cash Mr. Osgood shelled out for his own experts. Here's the source.

Confusing right? There is a pet involved, but it was the man who bit the police officers. As reported by Reuters:

Police arrested an 82-year-old man after he bit and kicked officers who had arrived to mediate in a dispute with a neighbor over a domestic pet.

The officers arrived at his house in the central Dutch village of Nijkerk to talk to the neighbor when the man was leaving on his bicycle, police said.

Asked to identify himself, the man got off his bike and started to kick and bite the officers, police said Thursday. The man was taken to the police station and was released after questioning.

Here's the source.

You're already having a bad day when you have a flat tire. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack ...

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

Maybe that's the reason Tennessee House Republican Leader Jason Mumpower did what he did. As reported in the Nashville Scene:

Tennessee is the only state in nation with a law preventing sex-change recipients from retroactively revising the sex designation on their birth certificates to correspond with their new gender identity. The law makes it difficult for those who have undergone such surgical changes to get driver’s licenses and other documentation, because obtaining such critical documents invariably requires a birth certificate.

So a bunch of Democrats put together a bill to bring Tennessee in line with EVERY OTHER STATE. Mr. Mumpower would have none of this. How did he kill the bill?

Mumpower attached an amendment that would have essentially created a new category of sex.

Really? Go on.

“A birth certificate can be amended with the designation MTF,” Mumpower tells the Scene, “designating male to female, or FTM designating female to male.”

Think he considers himself a "compassionate conservative?"

This gent certainly had the element of surprise on his side. The wannabe car thief was not prepared for this contingency [per The Daily Telegraph] ...

Russell Stuart, 51, was asleep in his home in Dymchurch, Kent, when he heard his Peugeot 405 being started up in his driveway in the early hours of the morning.

He leapt out of bed and raced out of his front door before opening the passenger door and getting in alongside the would-be thief.

Crazy? Like a fox ...

The father of two said the man flung the door open and ran off into the night as soon as he spotted "a big naked bloke" sitting next to him.

Yikes.

He said: "I just got out of bed and ran to my car, opened the passenger door and sat down. "I said to him 'All right mate - where are we going then?' and he just jumped out of the car and legged it."

Pansy.

Mr Stuart, a technician at the Dungeness power station, said: "I don't know what the guy must have thought when a large naked bloke got in the car next to him, but when your car is being stolen you don't think about it, you just react. "I'll never forget the look on his face, though, it was a peach."

Here's the source.

Why else would the Honorable Gregory Todd (Montana Thirteenth Judicial District, Yellowstone County) issue a Sentencing Memorandum incorporating dozens of Beatles song titles? To read this silly thang in its entirety, click here.

Trust The Juice ladies. This is a good thing. Why? Because fornication is a crime. And ALL the fellas get caught up in the dragnet, while the married ladies get a pass.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor. [emphasis added]

Not so fast there, married ladies. Don't forget about adultery!

609.36 Adultery.

Subdivision 1. Acts constituting. When a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both. [emphasis added]

So, if you're keeping score at home, married men can fornicate, but married women can't. And single men can commit adultery, but single women can't. Time to change these laws?

As a daily bicycle commuter, The Juice is usually sympathetic to cyclists done wrong. Usually ... Per The Santa Cruz Sentinel:

[Two] boys, both 17-year-old Santa Cruz residents, went to a Mission Street music store and tried to sell [a] violin, which had been reported stolen during a car burglary on the Westside the night before, police said.

A store employee alerted police and an officer came to arrest the teens on suspicion of possessing stolen property. While that was going on, someone stole one of the boys' bikes, which was outside the music shop, police said.

The boys were booked into Juvenile Hall. Their names were not released because they are minors. The stolen bike wasn't found, but the violin was returned to its owner.

How about this defense: Would a thief leave a bike unlocked? I rest my case!

Oh no you didn't just taze my 86-year-old granny. They did, at least that's one of the allegations in a Complaint recently filed in federal court in Oklahoma by Lona Varner and her grandson Lonnie Tinsley against the City of El Reno, Oklahoma and a few of its police officers. Here are some of the allegations from the Complaint:

On or about December 22, 2009 the plaintiff Lona M. Varner was in her apartment at 1955 S. Shepard Ave, Apt. 703, El Reno, Oklahoma, in her hospital-type bed. She was also connected to a portable oxygen concentrator with a long hose.

Yes, granny was in bed, on oxygen ... Enter Lonnie:

A severe winter storm was moving into the area and Ms. Varner’s grandson, LonnieD. Tinsley, came to the apartment to check on her at the request of his father, now deceased; because Lona Varner is 86 years-old and in marginal health, she takes several prescribed medications daily; Lonnie’s grandmother was unable to tell him exactly when she had taken her meds, he was concerned and called 911 to ask for an emergency medical technician to come to her apartment to evaluate her.

911, so here comes an ambulance, EMTs .... Nope.

As many as ten El Reno police ... came to the apartment and pushed their way through the door.

Ms. Varner told them to get out of her apartment. Instead, the apparent leader of the police (Duran) instructed another policeman to “Taser her!” He stated in his report that the 86 year-old plaintiff“took a more aggressive posture in her bed,” and that he was fearful for his safety and the safety of others.

Really, can you make this stuff up? No doubt the officers involved will make that case.

Lonnie Tinsley told them, “Don’t taze my Granny!” to which they responded that they would taser him; instead, they pulled him out of her apartment, took him down to the floor,handcuffed him and placed him in the back of a police car.

The police then proceeded to approach Ms. Varner in her bed and stepped on heroxygen hose until she began to suffer oxygen deprivation.

The police then fired a taser at her and only one wire struck her, in the left arm; thepolice then fired a second taser, striking her to the right and left of the midline of her upper chest and applied high voltage, causing burns to her chest, extreme pain and to pass out.

Sweet Mary. If these allegations are true, The Juice can think of some tasering that ought to be done.

The police then grabbed Ms. Varner by her forearms and jerked hands together,causing her soft flesh to tear and bleed on her bed; they then handcuffed her.

What about Lonnie?

The police freed Lonnie Tinsley from his incarceration in the back of the police carand permitted him to accompany the ambulance with his grandmother.

Lona Varner was transported by paramedics to Parkland Hospital in El Reno wherethe burns to her chest and the torn flesh on her arms were treated.

Ms. Varner was transported in the early morning hours of December 23, 2009 fromParkland to St. Anthony’s Hospital in Oklahoma City where she was placed in the psychiatric wardat the direction of the El Reno police; she was held there for six days and released.

Wow! What a bizarre case. Thanks to The Bike Lawyer, Steve Magas (www.OhioBikeLawyer.com) for bringing this to The Juice's attention via Courthouse News.

Here's the entire Complaint on www.courthousenews.com.