Legal Juice

The Juice definitely doesn't - and not just because it would reduce the amount of material out there. Anyway, talk about a harmless prank. And a damn funny one too ... Check this out, as reported by khou.com:

What happens when you drop the C and the L from class? You get in trouble, that’s what.

Three Cypress Ridge High School students were suspended and fined $135 each for allegedly pulling a prank in the senior class photo.

Seniors posed for the panoramic photos last month. First, there was a formal picture with students in the front row wearing t-shirts that spelled out "Class of 2010."

So far, no problem. But then ...

The second panoramic was an informal shot. The students were allowed to move around so they rearranged themselves, leaving only "ass" on the front row.

"I heard C and L ran off. That’s not ass’s fault. That’s C and L’s fault, said senior Austin Knight. "It was funny and they shouldn’t have been punished."

Right on, sir! You have just been awarded "quote of the month" - "That's not ass's fault."

But it was the three students wearing A, S and S that got in trouble. Along with the fine and suspension, they lost their positions as officers for various clubs.

"S" man George Bermudez, who was the senior class secretary, said it was an accident.

Cy-Fair ISD officials didn’t buy that story.

In a statement, the district said: "Three students were disciplined in accordance with the Student Code of Conduct. "

Uncool. Here's the source, including video.

She did. She called the Judge an asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, "a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus." Must be a "family" newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.'s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That's when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn't quite hear it. So...

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller's reaction? Not a "crude term referring to the anus."

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here's the source (including photos). And if you like "contempt" stories, click here.

The day may come when The Juice reveals the 11th commandment... But this day, we have the story of a man who violated the 12th commandment: Don't Be Afraid. And his dog almost paid the ultimate price. Per the Cairns Post:

A man was so convinced he was going to jail for hosting a noisy New Year's Day party he put his things in storage and arranged to have his dog put down, a Cairns court heard.

But an anxious Keat Paul Wylie, 20, who faced Cairns Magistrates' Court yesterday for contravening a police direction to turn his stereo down, was told he could only be fined for the offence.

"Mr Wylie has been very stressed, he had actually sought legal advice and was told by the lawyer he was definitely going to jail for six months," duty lawyer Michelle Emeleus said.

Hmm. Can you say "bar counsel?"

"As a result he had put his property in storage and he was about to have his dog put down."

Yikes.

The court heard police told Wylie to turn down the music at his home in Cooktown Rd, Edmonton, about 10.30pm on January 1.

But when the loud music continued, they returned at 2.17am to issue him with a notice to appear in court for contravening the direction.

Wylie, who is on a suspended sentence, was fined $250 and had no conviction recorded.

Remember, Juice readers, to heed the 12th commandment: Don't be afraid!

No! No! No! If you're doing something illegal - like soliciting a prostitute! - don't call the cops to complain when it goes south! As reported by WMUR in New Hampshire:

A man and a woman were charged with prostitution Tuesday after, police said, the man called them to report that the woman didn't have sex with him after he paid for it.

Jeanna Mercure, 22, of Manchester, N.H., and Robert Smith, 32, of Marlborough, were charged with prostitution.

Police said Smith called the Marlborough Police Department on Monday and reported that he had paid Mercure and a third party $150 to have sex with him on Sunday night. Smith called police after Mercure failed to have sex with him, police said.

Doh! Doh! Doh! Here's the source, including mug shots.

What's worse than getting bitten by a rabid bat? Having to pay for all of the treatment out of your own pocket. Fortunately for David Froelich of Delaware County, Ohio, he only got bitten once. As reported by the Columbus Dispatch:

A little-known Ohio law allows a person bitten or injured by a rabid animal to ask county commissioners to reimburse up to $1,500 for medical treatment. The request must be made within four months of the bite, and a doctor must verify the treatment.

The debate came when Froehlich, 61, asked the county commissioners to help cover his $5,000 hospital bill for a series of rabies-vaccine shots.

... the commissioners unanimously agreed to pay Froehlich the maximum reimbursement allowed under the law. Commissioners weren't obligated to fulfill Froehlich's request, because it was made two days after the four-month window had closed.

Fortunately for Mr. Froelich ...

... a 1928 state attorney general's opinion grants commissioners discretion when considering such claims, so waiving the timeline is within the law.

Think this happens often? Nope.

Brad Cole, managing director for research at the County Commissioners' Association of Ohio, said he knew of no other such rabies-bite reimbursements.

Whew, and ..

Cole said the reimbursement law was revised in 2000 to increase the payment amount from $200 to $1,500, which was the estimated cost of treatment at the time.

Whew. You can read more here.

Yes sir. This is one lucky man. But just remember, there are two kinds of luck ... As reported in the police blotter of the Sun Star Courier (Ohio):

At 4:04 p.m. on Friday, a man was arrested on an active warrant after putting out a fire in his own vehicle on Barr Road.

The 34-year-old man’s truck caught fire due to failed wiring with the LED lights. A resident gave him a fire extinguisher to calm down the blaze.

After running the man’s information it was discovered that he had an active warrant from Cuyahoga County for failure to appear in connection with child support.

Doh!

Although no nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he's not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models ... The Juice is taking a leave of absence ... (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)

Maybe Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein will now keep his temper in check ... and trim his bushes. As stated by the Supreme Court of Illinois:

On or about June 15, 2005, Respondent [Mr. Gerstein] received a Notice of Public Nuisance signed by Jason Arrasmith, an Environmental Control Officer for the City’s Public Works Department. The notice stated, in part, that the City had inspected Respondent’s property and found that the bushes and vegetation growing in the parkway in front of Respondent’s house were a nuisance because they created a visibility hazard for drivers entering and exiting driveways near Respondent’s house. The notice directed Respondent to abate the nuisance by cutting the vegetation to a maximum height of 24 inches by June 23, 2005.

You already know he didn't do it. On July 5, 2005, Mr. Gerstein met with City Attorney Jack Waaler and agreed to wack the weeds by July 12th, and that Mr. Arrasmith "had sole discretion to determine whether his yard was in compliance with the agreement." Come July 12th, think Mr. Gerstein complied? Nope. So the City sent a contractor to do it. Gerstein was not pleased. Here's the letter he sent to Jason Arrasmith that same day:

Jason:

I hate your fucking existence. What you did to my property was a vicious attack against the sumac cover planted by Irene Poulsen.

Your existence obviously is predicated upon a pair of pig fucking parents otherwise I can’t otherwise explain that you are the by product of the sow factor of birth. Too bad your abortion of a birth wasn’t successful.

So know this you scum piece of a cunt. I pray every time I pass the front portion of my property that the rest of your life is a living hell. I damn you in the name of my God you piece of human dog shit.

Marvin

Ouch! But Mr. Gerstein was not done. Guess what set him off next? The invoice for the yard work! Gerstein's letter to Mr. Arrasmith is long, but here are a few highlights:

Okay Creep ... you can take your Nuisance Abatement invoice and shove it up your anus... On another note, I want to know when I can expect the complaints provided to you in my letter of July 14, 2005 to be addressed. Because I am telling you right now boy, you living abortion, too bad your mother didn’t flush you down the toilet when you were born, I knew this did not happen to [City Attorney] Jack Waaler because his head is too big, and obviously he is the product of some other aberration ...

The punishment? It should be noted that Mr. Gerstein "has been disciplined on three previous occasions for conduct that includes sending profane and insulting letters to attorneys and others involved in cases he was handling for clients." His law license was suspended for 60 days. You can read the entire Consent Petition to Impose Discipline here.

I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here's what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man’s injuries to be self-inflicted.

“You’re a controlling asshole who went to Honduras to find a submissive Hispanic woman to marry,” Ludwig recalled telling the man. “I guess I can call him a liar, but not an asshole.”

Props to the judge. What did the Arkansas Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission do with this? They issued a letter of reprimand, the first he has received in his 25 years as a judge. How did he respond to the reprimand?

I’ve probably said more outrageous things over the years. I was probably due.

Nicely done, sir.

Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your "friend" testifies ...

"I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink."

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here's what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

"Why am I treated like a cunt?"; "Who's the bitch giving orders?"; "You calling me drunk?" [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: "Don't patronise me... fuck off."; "The bitch couldn't speak English who's denying to serve me."; "You bitch, you can't even speak English."[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior.

If Pennsylvania residents Kimberly Holzlein and Jill Hillard ever offer you ANY food or drink, don't take it! Why not? Per The Citizens Voice:

The two were charged with neglect of a care-dependent person while they were employees of ARC of Wyoming County.

The charges stem from accusations that Holzlein and Hillard served feces as pudding and urine as lemonade to a mentally challenged woman in their care during the summer of 2008 at an ARC group home in Tunkhannock Township.

They pleaded guilty. The sentence?

... up to a year in prison ... [with] a minimum of 30 days.

Here's the source.

This is some serious chutzpah. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

A Chicago police officer fired after a video camera recorded him beating a female bartender [see above] is asking a judge to review his termination.

The grounds? They include:

[improperly] using the infamous videotape in deciding to fire him; and

wrongly viewing as a problem Abbate's decision to invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination at least 75 times during his board hearing.

Likelihood of success?

Abbate's challenge could be moot, as he was convicted of felony aggravated battery in criminal court last summer. The city bars the hiring of people with felony convictions as police officers.

Um ... er ... nevermind. Here's the source.

I told you not to tell me that, but you just couldn't resist! You had to tell me that, as reported by news.com.au:

A robber wearing a transparent plastic bag over his head has held up a service station on the Gold Coast.

Pure genius.

Police said the man entered the BP service station at Labrador about 3.53pm yesterday wearing the plastic bag, and wielding a large carving knife, according to the Courier-Mail.

He approached the male attendant and demanded cash.

In response, the worker placed the money tray from the register on the counter and the robber helped himself.

At least someone was thinking clearly. (Get it!) Now this may surprise you, given the awesomeness of the disguise:

The worker was able to give police a good description of the bandit. He was described as about 170cm tall in his mid-20s and wearing three-quarter length denim shorts, a white T-shirt and a sky blue baseball cap.

And?

The man handed himself in to police today. Police expect to charge the man over the robbery.

This gent is up there with the wet bandits.

Public urination must occur almost as frequently as ... um ... public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn't be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:

Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!

Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:

[King’s College student] Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

Say what? "Desecration of venerated objects?" Venerated by who? Regardless of one's religious beliefs, the problematic nature of this vague charge should be axiomatic. As for the rest of the charges, well ... er ... uh ... um. "Say, how 'bout those [fill in sports team]?"

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Okay, so what did it say? I don't know! This dude appeared before McCracken (Kentucky) District Judge Chris Hollowell wearing an "inappropriate" t-shirt. (James Hinman was in court on a contempt charge for failing to pay a traffic fine.) Said hardcore criminal Hinman: "The shirt isn't really obscene, but it does imply something obscene." What did it say?!

Said the Judge about the incident: "I'm not trying to be the fashion police, but what he was wearing was extremely disrespectful and inappropriate." Damn it! AP reporter, what did it say?

"The T-shirt used an altered spelling of an expletive that implied an obscene phrase."

Shizzle. I give up. Oh, and what about turning the shirt inside out? Hinman offered, but the Judge refused. Wait! Don't go yet! I found it. Ridiculous self-censoring media makes you scour the net for a friggin' shirt! Here it is, really.

Now The Juice can certainly imagine parishioners thwarting a robbery attempt during a church service. But a church office is a pretty soft target. Nevertheless, as reported by The Charlotte Observer:

A northeast Charlotte church became a crime scene Wednesday evening, after a man tried to rob the place, police say.

It happened about 8 p.m. at the Written Epistles Church of Jesus Christ, in the 2900 block of Derita Road. That is off Gibbon Road, near the intersection of West Sugar Creek and Mallard Creek roads.

Police say a man armed with a shotgun entered the church office and demanded money.

But the man fled without taking anything, according to police. No arrests have been made, and there were no injuries.

I think the subject of this post would agree with Saint Jerome, who said that "The friendship that can cease has never been real." As reported in the Sun Star Courier:

A Columbia Station [Ohio] man was arrested Sunday for allegedly stealing a car from his friend. The man allegedly pushed his friend out of the car, took the keys and drove off while the pair was at the Royalton Road Shell station. The man was arrested about an hour after he took the car.

Cold. Stone cold. Time to get a dog?

So this judge was being sworn in on Saturday in Ulster County, New York. For this solemn ceremoney, of course he placed his hand on a ... dictionary? True. Seems they couldn't find a Bible. Per The Daily Freeman:

In a light moment during Saturday’s ceremony, Kavanagh had [Donald A.] Williams place his hand on a dictionary, rather than a Bible, for the swearing-in. Williams said later that there was no Bible available and that he didn’t mind using a different book because the swearing-in was merely ceremonial. (He officially became the county’s judge on Friday.)

Here's the source.

As you can see from yesterday's post, folks have not been happy with McDonald's lately. A woman at a McDonald's in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV:

On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald's at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding her money back.

Surveillance video showed that the woman started throwing things. She grabbed a water dispenser and dumped it on the counter. She also shoved a cookie container and several cash registers off the counter and threw a "Wet Floor" sign at the clerk.

When the clerk said she was going to call police, the woman fled the restaurant.

You can see the surveillance video here.

This woman either had a serious case of the munchies, is just filled with rage, or is an alien sent to earth specifically to gather chicken nuggets. As reported by WNWO in Toledo, Ohio:

Toledo Police say Melodi Dushane, 24, stopped at the fast-food restaurant at Front and Main Streets in East Toledo early Friday morning and asked for chicken nuggets. When the drive-thru attendant told her the restaurant was only serving breakfast and that the item was not available, Dushane reached through the window and punched the attendant in the mouth.

Talk about shooting the messenger ... But that's not all ...

After a night manager came to the window, Dushane began swinging her fists at her. The manager attempted to pull Dushane through the window by her hair. After being released, Dushane then punched through the drive-thru's glass window.

Damn!

Dushane was treated at Mercy St. Charles Hospital for her injuries and then incarcerated at the Lucas County Jail.

In court on Saturday, Dushane pleaded not guilty to a felony vandalism charge. She was released from police custody on her own recognizance and is scheduled to be in court next on Jan. 28.

Think she'll be going back to that McDonald's anytime soon? Nope.

A judge has ordered that Dushane not visit the 90 Main St. McDonald's location again.

That leaves about 13,000 other McDonald's (in the U.S. - really) that she is free to visit... Here's the source, including a photo of Ms. Dushane.

Some people just want to be left alone, regardless of one's intentions to assist them. An Oklahoma man learned this the hard way. As reported by kxii.com:

It was a surreal scene yesterday at a Durant elementary school when a reckless driver confronted by a Good Samaritan hits him with his car, flashes an obscene gesture for all to see, and then takes off with the man still on the hood of his car.

Um, you can just drop me off here.

Durant Police say the victim went to confront 23-year old Johnathan Olive after he'd wildly circled Robert E. Lee Elementary School in his Camaro around 2:30 p.m.

When he tapped on the glass and asked Olive to roll down the window, he refused. The man then walked in front of the car [not the best of match-ups], and Olive hit the gas, throwing the victim onto the hood and traveling about four blocks with the man still atop the car. When the man pleaded with Olive to stop, police say he made an obscene gesture and laughed.

Just a tad sadistic?

He then entered a church parking lot and made several circles trying to throw the man off the car, before he was unable to hang on any longer. Thankfully the man escaped with only minor cuts and scratches. Olive fled the scene but was located a short time later by police.

The charges?

He was booked into the Bryan County Jail for Assault and Battery with a dangerous weapon, DUI, driving while suspended, and possession of marijuana.

Doubtful that Mr. Olive is still laughing...

I'm not sure how The Juice missed this one (perhaps he was busy with his daytime gig), because it's not often that an attorney gets busted for doing cocaine, in the courthouse, in the midst of a trial. As reported by the The Wininona Post (Minnesota):

The assault trial for accused murderer Jack Nissalke came to an abrupt and unexpected end Thursday when his Twin Cities-based attorney was arrested for alleged possession of 5 grams of cocaine.

Police believe that the attorney, Charles Alan Ramsay, 41, of New Brighton, Minn., was using the cocaine inside a conference room at the courthouse during breaks in the jury trial. Investigator Jay Rasmussen noticed Ramsay behaving strangely outside the courthouse bathrooms, said Police Chief Frank Pomeroy. He said that Ramsay was touching his face as if he’d just ingested something through his nose.

Then, evidence technician Angela Evans went into a conference room that Ramsay had been using and noticed trace amounts of a white powder on the table. That powder field-tested positive for a controlled substance, which police used as probable cause to arrest and search Ramsay’s belongings.

You can read more (a lot) here. And if you want to read about what happened to Mr. Nissalke (guilty), click here.

Well, the bailiffs told reporter Mike Longaecker (of The Republican Eagle) that the message on the woman's flashing belt buckle read "fuck you." Shazam! Why? Per Mr. Longaecker:

While the attorney for a suspected Red Wing murder accomplice argued for his client’s release, a supporter of the suspect had a courtroom message she also wanted to deliver... A family member said after the hearing that the belt’s message was in regard to “the situation.”

So what happened to her? To the clink for contempt? A judicial tongue-lashing? Nope.

She was warned by a bailiff not to wear the belt again during future court proceedings.

The magazine, that is, not the dwelling. Unfortunately for Jorge Niebla, his current dwelling is a prison cell. And he's having a real hard time getting his Penthouse subscription. So, feeling aggrieved, and having plenty of time on his hands, he sued. Per the New York Post:

A Florida prison inmate is suing the nudie magazine because it refused to send a subscription to him behind bars.

Jorge Niebla, who is serving 13 life sentences for kidnapping and armed robbery, filed the two-page suit in handwritten block letters to Manhattan Federal Court.

"[I] would like to purchase the magazine ... but staff are being predjudice and don't have respect for my basic rights," Niebla wrote in the bizarre filing.

Penthouse couldn't be reached for comment.

A judge last week ordered Niebla to fill out a form to get a waiver of the $350 filing fee.

Would you believe me if I told you a woman was busted for noisy sex? Well, I am. As reported in The Northern Echo:

A woman pleaded guilty today to breaching a sex Asbo [anti-social behavior order] three times.

Caroline Cartwright, 48, and her husband Steve were hit with a noise abatement notice after neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school complained about their noisy lovemaking.

However, when Cartwright was convicted of breaching the notice, magistrates made her the subject of an anti-social behaviour order as well.

Cartwright pleaded guilty at Newcastle Crown Court today to breaching the Asbo three times in April 2009.

Earlier this year Cartwright appealed against her conviction for breaching the noise abatement notice and the issuing of the Asbo, which bans the couple from "shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance".

She used Article 8 of the Human Rights Act to argue she had a right to "respect for her private and family life".

Jobless Cartwright, who lost her appeal against the order, also claimed that she could not help making the loud noise during sex with her husband.

Really? Screaming during sex is not a basic human right? What is wrong with people?

The hearing heard that the Cartwrights' nightly sex sessions at their home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington, Tyne and Wear, were making their neighbours lives hell.

Their lovemaking was described as "murder" and "unnatural" and drowned out their neighbours' televisions.

Neighbours said the Cartwrights' sex sessions would usually start around midnight and last for two or three hours, every night of the week.

That there is a lot of sex.

Specialist equipment installed in a neighbour's flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels.

Giving evidence Cartwright said she was unable to control the noise she made during sex.

"I did not understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it is normal. I didn't understand where they were coming from," she said.

"I have tried to minimise the situation by having sex in the morning - not at night - so the noise was not waking anybody. I maybe sympathetic to it but it is not something I am doing on purpose."

Breaching an Asbo carries a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment but Judge Beatrice Bolton said Cartwright, who now lives in a bail hostel, would not face jail.

She adjourned the case until next year for sentencing and released Cartwright on bail.