Legal Juice

No doubt there are many ways to smuggle things into a country. But check out this lizard-smuggling story from KTLA-TV:

A man was arrested at LAX for trying to smuggle 15 live lizards into the United States by strapping them to his chest.

Special agents with the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife arrested Michael Plank, 40, of Lomita, as he tried to clear U.S. customs at the airport on a flight from Australia last week.

Agents say the lizards were concealed in a money belt that was strapped to Plank's torso. Inspectors seized two geckos, eleven skinks, and two monitor lizards. Monitor lizards are a protected species under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species. The lizards are valued at $8,500 according to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Special Agent Mona Ianelli.

The crime and the time?

Federal law required that travelers declare items brought to the United States from abroad, including wildlife. Concealing the illegal import of wildlife into the United States is a felony. The maximum penalty is 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

Zoinks!

Clearly, this man belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. "Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly," said an official.

How 'bout those security guards?

"Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU's Experimental School at noon," the official said. "Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke," the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn't stop a naked man? Nope. ...

...this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn't tase him.

And if that wasn't enough excitement on campus for the day ...

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey's body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That's more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

Former Home Depot employee Michael Boyer probably couldn't believe it either. As reported in The Detroit News:

"It sounds crazy but he was not fired for confronting or physically restraining a customer. He was terminated for involving professionals, the police, to catch someone with a shopping cart full of stolen goods," said Joey Niskar, Boyer's attorney.

Yeah, crazy alright. Crazy like... really stupid! Mr. Boyer has filed suit under the Michigan Whistleblower Protection Act. A sorry example of the aphorism that "no good deed goes unpunished." Damn you Home Depot!

Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), the Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel's carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

... visiting London to celebrate a friend's birthday ...

How did Mr. Raphel react?

''We have laughed about it a bit now but I'm bit gutted to be honest.

''I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn't feel this was warranted.

''I wasn't treated badly, but they could've been a bit more tactful.

''The car was registered to me, I'm sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.''

Agreed. Here's the source.

Suspected of smoking in the boys room, you are escorted to the principal's office. Tactically, it's probably not smart to call the principal a "fucker," a "fag," and a "fucking fag." That's what Mr. L was alleged to have done. And the punishment? Suspension? Expulsion, maybe for a repeat offender? No, young Mr. L was charged with a crime - "Interference with Staff, Faculty or Students of Educational Institutions" - a class three misdemeanor!

His public defender, Eric Vanatta, after asking his client "what the fuck he was thinking" [okay, I added that part], decided to attack the constitutionality of the law, arguing that it violates his client's right to free speech under both the United States and Colorado Constitutions. He does so by tracing the origin of the word, and discussing, in a hilarious way, how pervasive the word is in our culture. No fucking way (cuff me) I can do this justice. So here it is, the entire Motion to Dismiss the Constitutionality of Fuck, "Fucker" and "Fucking Fag"
from Colorado v. C.L., a Child (Dist. Ct. of Larimer County, Co.)

Thanks to Cindy Hill for submitting this Motion to Legal Juice!

Yes, folks, this bird is protected by the Constitution, as the City of Pittsburgh learned the hard way. Back in 2006, David Hackbart (of Butler, Pennsylvania) flipped off a cop, and got a disorderly conduct citation. He fought it, hard. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Pittsburgh City Council initially approved today a $50,000 settlement for a lawsuit filed by a Butler County man who gave the middle finger to a motorist and a police officer in 2006.

The officer cited him for disorderly conduct. The county eventually dropped the charge, but Hackbart sued to recover the cost of defending himself. U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone ruled in March that the officer violated Hackbart's First Amendment right to free speech.

You can read more bird-flipping stories here, here, here, and here

This Ohio bank robbery suspect was much more alert than the police officers who were dutifully searching him as he was face down on the hood of a car. So how did he get rid of what was likely the note he used when he allegedly robbed a bank? He ate it! Check it out:

As reported at Ohio.com:

Twinsburg police Patrolman Daniel Biada said a dash cam video of Thursday's arrest of John H. Ford, 35, of Cleveland, shows Ford gobbling a piece of paper while officers searched his pockets.

''As we're searching him, officers are removing items and throwing them on the cruiser [hood],'' Biada said. ''We're searching him for weapons. We're not looking at his head.''

Twinsburg police reviewed the images captured on camera and said they observed Ford leaning over to eat something off the hood of the cruiser.

''He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman,'' Biada said. ''He just ate it right there.''

Notwithstanding his quick thinking, it's not looking too good for Pacman.

Authorities said they found a .38-caliber pistol on the driver's side floor of Ford's car and a wad of cash covered in red ink on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Ford is also a suspect in bank robberies in Stow and Akron.

Suggestion: Don't hold Mr. Ford anywhere near the evidence room.

No doubt coffins are heavy. But it's probably easier to carry them when you are sober! As reported by The Local:

Two sisters are claiming damages [20,000 kronor ($2,895 US] from a firm of funeral directors after their father's coffin was plunged ungracefully into a grave by undertakers unsteady on their feet.

During the funeral, which took place in February 2008, they claim a number of undertakers were clearly drunk while being in charge of the coffin.

Not cool.

As they approached the grave they are reported to have lost their grip which resulted in a heavy fall into the ground with the coffin landing on its side.

Having earlier been close to overturning the coffin whilst in the church, it was the final blow in a number of incidents the grieving sisters list in a summons sent to Södertörn district court in Stockholm. "Both daughters were in chock and ran away in tears from the cemetery,” their lawyer Michael Abejon wrote in the claim. “They didn’t dare to look in the grave as they were convinced the coffin had opened and their dead father had fallen out.

This will make for some great PR, no? Pay the claim! Here's the source.

Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait ...

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance ...

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That's the best you can do? How about "What was that, sonny? I'm a little hard of hearing." Or "I thought it was that 'non-alcoholic' beer." Here's the Chicago Tribune article.

I told you not to tell me that! Per Arkansas Online:

Ozark Police Chief Jim Noggle said age is not a factor in determining when his officers use a Taser on someone.

Noggle said Tuesday that officer Dustin Bradshaw used his Taser last week on a 10-year-old girl who was kicking and combative with Bradshaw after her mother called police.

According to a report filed by Bradshaw on Nov. 12, the officer was called to an Ozark home for a domestic problem. The girl was on the floor of the house screaming and crying. She refused to follow her mother’s instructions and the mother told Bradshaw to use his Taser.

Bradshaw carried the girl to the living room and told her she was going to jail, according to the report.

“While she was violently kicking and verbally combative, [the girl] struck me with her legs and feet in the groin,” Bradshaw wrote in the report.

“The subject was actively resisting arrest at this time,” Bradshaw wrote. “I was having a difficult time placing the cuffs on her and administered a very, very brief drive stun to her back with my Taser. She immediately resisted and was placed in handcuffs.”

The girl would not walk on her own so Bradshaw carried her to his police car.

She was taken to the Western Arkansas Youth Shelter in Cecil.

The girl’s father has been in contact with police, Noggle said, and he is upset the officer used a Taser.

While scouting locations for an indoor marijuana cultivation facility, would you not exclude any buildings near police stations? You would not, if you were a certain group of folks in Los Angeles. They decided to set up shop in a building 25 feet from a police station. Are you sitting down? Because this will shock you: They got busted. How? As reported by The Mercury News:

"Our gang officers were in the parking lot. The air was still. The breeze was right. They could smell growing pot," said Los Angeles police Lt. Stephen M. Carmona, commander of detectives at the Topanga station.

Damn! You mean pot has a distinctive smell?

"They came over, did a closer search, did some sniffing around, so to speak."

Please, just the facts. Bad puns cause me pain.

He said the gang and narcotics officers had surveilled the building, saw few cars coming in and out and detected a brand new ventilation system on the roof.

But it was the electricity bill of building tenants that really tipped them off.

And the poignant smell of freshly grown pot wafting into the adjacent police station.

Not 25 feet from an 8-foot wall along the cop shop was an industrial warehouse that Carmona said contained 850 marijuana plants of different sizes.

Here's the source.

I would wager that this was one door-to-door salesman some of you Juice readers would be quite pleased to see. What was he selling? Weed! As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), one of the doorbells he rang at 3:30 a.m. was at the home of a Brownsville police officer. Doh! Per The Brownsville Herald:

Anthony Carrazco, 19, was arrested at the officer’s apartment at approximately 3:30 a.m. when he tried to sell the officer three ounces of marijuana, said police spokesman Jimmy Manrrique. He was later charged with one count of possession of marijuana and one count of possession of a prohibited weapon.

And the kicker?

Because the apartment was located near a school zone, the charges were upgraded to state jail felonies.

Damn you school zone! Here's how it went down, per the police spokesman:

(Carrazco) went to an apartment building in the downtown area. He had over three ounces of marijuana in his possession and obviously looking for people to buy marijuana from him.

An intoxicated Carrazco went door to door looking for a buyer and when a man opened the door, he made the offer.

(Carrazco) asked him if he wanted to buy marijuana. This person he approached is a Brownsville police officer. The officer said he would be right back and went to go get his badge and handcuffs.

Carrazco was cooperative and didn’t offer any resistance.

If you're wondering "Is there a 'right' Mercedes to steal?" - the answer is a resounding "yes." It would be a Mercedes that doesn't have a lion in the back.. Per The Telegraph:

Caesar, Circus Probst's ferocious five-year-old star, was being transported a Mercedes van when the vehicle was stolen.

The thief drove off, but abandoned the vehicle with the engine still running after crashing into a road sign. It was unclear whether the thief's sudden awareness of the animal in the back of the van had inspired him or her to abort the mission.

Unclear? I think we can probably dispense with the guesswork. Although, that must be one quiet lion ...

Police recovered the van in the early hours of Wednesday morning in Wuppertal, in western Germany.

They towed the van away, unaware of its feline freight, and it was not until midday on Wednesday that the circus lion was returned to its rightful owners, more than 12 hours after the adventure began.

In case you're concerned about Caesar's well-being ...

"Caesar is fine. We're not worried about him," said Laurens Thoen, a circus spokesman.

"Since yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon he has been in his enclosure at the circus."

As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post:

A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher’s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money. She sent a $857.75 money gram to a Smyrna address. Once the money gram was received, the callers asked for $1,200 more for interstate taxes. Instead of sending money a second time, she called police.

You know that old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you ..." Or, as President Bush phrased it [really]:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Sure, turning yourself in is great but ... you might want to wait until you sober up! This advice comes to late for William Olson, age 38, of Great Falls, Montana. He drove himself to the Highway Patrol, and turned himself in. For what? Per the Great Falls Tribune:

According to charges, Olson was driving in a Toyota 4Runner with his four children, who range in age from 3 to 13, on Morony Dam Road on Sunday.

Olson turned onto a gravel road, then sped up and pulled the emergency break in an attempt to make the vehicle spin, documents state. Olson told police he was trying to impress the kids, documents state.

Oh he impressed them, just not in the way he intended.

Instead, the vehicle rolled. The children were not in safety seats, and received minor injuries in the crash ...

So after he turned himself in, the officer interviewing him smelled alcohol. Olson blew .094 (legally impaired!). And this is his 4th DUI charge! Doh! Here are the charges he's facing, in addition to the DUI:

driving a vehicle with expired registration, driving a vehicle with plates assigned to another vehicle, failure to give notice of an accident, reckless driving, two counts of failure to have a child properly restrained, four counts of negligent vehicular assault, and obstructing justice.

Shazam!

I think it's fair to say that virtually every kid on earth is told not to play with fire. Many kids ignore it, and manage to escape unscathed. Such was not the case for an 11-year-old boy in Sweden. He was 9 on that fateful day. Per The Local (Sweden):

An 11-year-old boy has been ordered to pay 1.9 million kronor (US $276,000) in damages after causing smoke and water damage to a Stockholm home, the Aftonbladet newspaper writes.

The boy, who was nine at the time, was visiting another family in the suburb in southern Stockholm when he got hold of a cigarette lighter and proceeded to set light to some paper in a wardrobe with devastating consequences.

The insurance company agreed to meet the costs incurred by the family for the damages to their home - 1.9 million kronor - and then proceeded to sue the boy in court.

Well that should make for some really good public relations ...

The court has now ruled that the boy is responsible for his actions - the debt can not be claimed from the other members of his family.

"According to Swedish law children can be liable for damages to the same extent as adults," said Mårten Schultz, an expert in liability law, told the newspaper. "The debt is the child's, it is the boy that has to pay up," he confirmed.

Are they going to garnish his allowance? Here's the source.

I would imagine that 911 operators get a lot of strange calls. Still, I'll bet they don't get calls like this too often. As reported by the St. Petersburg Times:

Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always free — 911 — with an unusual request.

He wanted someone to have sex with him.

Is there [pardon the pun] stimulus money for that? [Oh!]

When 911 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, police said.

Fifteen minutes after his last call, police arrested Basso at his home, at 4202 N Nebraska Ave., on charges of making a false 911 call. He was taken to the Hillsborough County Jail, where he remains without bail.

No bail?

Basso has been arrested a dozen times in Hillsborough on charges including grand theft of a motor vehicle, violation of probation, domestic violence battery, possession of marijuana, trespassing and burglary, jail records show.

Add one more to that cornucopia of criminal charges. Here's the source.

You'll have to excuse the pun (you'll see what I'm talking about), but this was extremely uncool. From the Times Herald-Record:

A man who stuffed his 98-year-old mother’s dead body in a freezer chest and then cashed her Social Security money was sentenced to six months in jail on Friday.

Roland “Jack” Auslander, 70, stuffed Herta Auslander in the freezer at their Cooks Falls home after she died of natural causes, cashing her social security checks for at least 18 months and forging her signature. Troopers found the body in October 2008. Auslander was arrested five months later after hiding in Pennsylvania and Delaware County, and pleaded guilty to the charges in Sullivan County.

He only faced charges related to grand larceny and defrauding social security. There is a pending misdemeanor charge in Delaware County of unlawfully disposing a body.

Auslander appeared for sentencing with his attorney Gerald Orseck, wearing a sling around his arm and a surgical glove on his hand. Orseck asked Judge Frank LaBuda for probation because Auslander is gravely ill with cancer. He recently had surgery to remove melanoma from his hand.

Auslander told probation officers that he kept his mother in the freezer because he couldn’t bear to part with her. The county’s probation department recommended probation. But LaBuda said he did not find Auslander’s explanation credible. He ordered a mental health examination to go with the six-month jail sentence and five years probation.

“Anyone who buries his mother in his own freezer is not thinking right,” LaBuda said.

District Attorney Steve Lungen argued for prison because of Auslander’s extensive criminal history that includes 22 arrests and a prison sentence for drug dealing. He could have faced up to 2 1/3 to 7 years.

“The bottom line is that he put his mother in the freezer because he couldn’t bear to part with her Social Security checks,” Lungen said.

Auslander won’t have to report to the Sullivan County Jail until Friday. He stood outside the courtroom afterwards, saying he was heavily medicated when he packed his mom away.

“I accept responsibility for what I did,” Auslander said. “I wouldn’t have entered a plea otherwise.”

Here's the source.

It's called a "car wash," not a "man wash." No doubt these four guys knew that, but decided to give it a shot anyway - NAKED! As reported by the Courier Mail:

Four young men who were caught cooling off naked inside a central Queensland car wash have been warned their prank could have had much more serious consequences.

The two 19-year-olds and two 23-year-old men paid $17 for the full service during a night out in Biloela early Sunday morning, then stripped off and ran around inside as their girlfriends filmed them.

Police patrolling the area put a stop to the ``fun'' before the wash hit full-cycle.

Good thing because ...

A service station attendant said the high pressure sprayers had the potential to remove skin and ``could've blown their eyes out of their sockets''.

Think what it could have done to their b_ _ _ _ _ _ ks! Said the fuzz:

``They were stopped before it went too far. They could have been seriously injured.''

Um. Yeah. So that's the crime. The time?

... the men were warned of the danger of high-pressure cleaners and issued with notices to appear in court for public nuisance and willful exposure.

So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent - on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he's going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman's voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should've followed the Juice motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read more here.

Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle:

Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan. 26 by District Judge John Brown’s court. Slye, who had previously told the court that he could not take time off from work to serve on a jury, responded with a written tirade of insults and profanities that landed him in front of the judge last week. His wife now says she wrote the affidavit, even though her husband signed it.

So what did it say? [From The Smoking Gun]

Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my familys well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury . Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__k alone.

You sent this to the court? What the hell were you thinking? And what did the Court have to say?

... the note landed Erik Slye in front of Judge Brown. On April 21, Brown had Slye read the entire note aloud in court.

Um, er, oh. Did I say that?

“Mr. Slye, do you think I’m a moron?” Brown asked after he was finished.

Erik Slye said no, and apologized to Brown and the clerks of the court.

The result?

[Judge] Brown excused Erik Slye with a warning.

Slye's wife apparently learned nothing from the ordeal.

Asked if she had any advice for others trying to get out of jury duty, she offered only this: “Freedom of speech doesn’t apply to jury affidavits.”

You can read a few more jury weasel posts here and here.

Let's just say that, suddenly, I'm much happier with "John." The name? "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii." Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News:

[Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen.

Here are some other names Judge Murfitt cited in his opinion:

Number 16 Bus Shelter

Benson and Hedges (twins)

Violence

Midnight Chardonnay

Fish and Chips (yes, twins)

Yeah Detroit

Spiral Cicada

Kaos

Fat Boy

Cinderella Beauty Blossom

Twisty Poi

Keenan Got Lucky

Sex Fruit

Said the Judge:

While the ideal of seeking a unique name could not be criticised "these parents have failed in exercising the first and important task of parenthood". He said it was not "a time to be frivolous or to create a hurdle for their child's future life."

Why does the New Zealand government have any say in what people name their kids?

Section 18 of the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registration Act 1995 allows the Registrar to refuse registration if:

(a) it might cause offence to a reasonable person; or

(b) it is unreasonably long; or

(c) without justification, it is, includes, or resembles, an official title or rank.

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Washington DC Injury Lawyer John B. Mesirow represents injured accident victims in Washington DC, Maryland and Northern Virginia. His practice includes Car Accidents, Bike Accidents, Boating Accidents, Brain Injury cases, Construction Accidents, Dog Bite cases, Medical Malpractice, Motorcycle Accidents, Trucking Accidents and Wrongful Death cases. John Mesirow was named a "Top Lawyer" by Washingtonian magazine and aggressively represents his clients. You can contact him online or by phone at 866-463-0303 or 202-463-0303.

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Did you know that eight is a very lucky number in China. Know why? Per the BBC:

The number eight is considered auspicious in China because it sounds similar to the word for "to make money".

There are five Chinese guys who are most likely cursing the number eight right about now. Here's why:

A Beijing court has jailed and fined five men for fighting over a "lucky" licence plate containing the auspicious number 8888, Chinese media report.

License plates are issued a little differently in China than they are in the States.

The men used knives and clubs to beat anyone who came near a machine issuing the number plates at a Beijing vehicle registration centre, Beijing News said.

The incident occurred in July last year as number plates ending with the numbers "8888" were about to be issued, the reports said.

Several people were injured, one of them seriously, it added.

That's the crime. The time?

Three men were sentenced to one year in jail. All were ordered to pay $8,000 (£5,000) to compensate the victims.

The ringleader, identified only as Xu, had paid four accomplices 10,000 yuan ($1,500) to guard the machine.

How about this vanity plate: H8TE 8.

Perhaps this doctor was absent when they discussed the "doctor/patient relationship" in medical school. If the evidence that led to his "summary suspension" holds up when there is a full-blown hearing, it's goodbye "Dr. Perry," and hello "Mr. Perry." As set forth in the "Order of Suspension" issued 2 days ago by the Tennessee Board of Medical Examiners:

Evidence was presented to the Board that [Dr. Larry E. Perry, while in the examination room with a female patient, exposed his penis and urged the patient to perform oral sex on him. The patient refused to do so initially, and then offered to do so if [Dr. Perry] would increase the amount of Xanax that he was prescribing for her. [Dr. Perry] agreed to increase the patient's Xanax dosage from twice a day to three times a day and the patient then performed oral sex on [Dr. Perry].

And if that's not enough ...

Evidence was also presented that [Dr. Perry], while in the examination room with another female patient, began kissing the patient and forced her to place her hand on his erect penis. [Dr. Perry] tried to make the patient touch his penis three times and the patient repeatedly jerked her hand away.

And if that's not enough ...

Evidence was further presented that [Dr. Perry], on at least four (4) occasions, would approach female patients in the examination room by rolling close to the patient on his stool, spreading his legs, and would then rub his genitals on the patient's leg.

Based on the evidence presented ...

...the Board hereby finds that the conduct of Larry E. Perry, M.D. is so severe that it imperatively requires emergency action in order to protect the public health, safety and welfare prior to the initiation of formal disciplinary charges.

So he was suspended, effective upon his receipt of the Board's Order, which you can view by clicking here.

As a daily bicycle commuter, it pains me to blast a fellow cyclist. All I can say about this gent is ... DUDE! From The Cairns Post:

A drunken cyclist wobbled along a highway before falling off his bike into a ditch in front of police.

Police say the 26-year-old Feluga man’s blood alcohol concentration was more than five times the limit when they breath-tested him after he crashed on the Bruce Highway at Tully.

They say he returned a reading of 0.28 per cent just after the incident, which happened about 10.50pm on Saturday.

The man was charged with riding a bicycle whilst under the influence of liquor, and will appear in the Tully Magistrates Court on November 19.

Uncool, very uncool.

If you watch football or basketball, no doubt you've heard announcers say that a team will continue running a certain play until their opponent is able to stop it. Well, it seems a bank robber in Florida subscribes to the same theory. Per The South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Authorities are on the lookout for a robber with some brand loyalty: He's struck the same bank so many times, the tellers recognize him.

"It's him again," one of them said during the latest heist on Saturday, according to the Broward Sheriff's Office.

The man has targeted the BankAtlantic branch at 4211 W. Commercial Blvd., four times since Feb. 1.

Officials described him as a portly man with dread-locks.

You're probably thinking "is this guy nuts?" But consider this:

He has worn a different outfit for each heist.

On Saturday, he wore black pants, a black T-shirt, dark gloves with red stripes and a black hat with red and yellow stripes. He ordered two tellers to stuff cash into a white, plastic grocery bag, then casually walked away, the Sheriff's Office said.

Brilliant!

OMG, that is a sausage in your pants! A bunch of them, as it turns out. Per The Cairns Post:

A man has been caught stuffing sausages down his pants in a bizarre alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket.

The 38-year-old Innisfail man was charged with stealing after he was seen leaving IGA Innisfail about 6.15pm on Friday.

Police allege he had items of meat concealed in his shorts and several other items in his pockets.

If you buy your sausage at the IGA Innisfail, you'll be glad to hear that ...

The items were not returned to sale ...

Whew! Here's the source.

Are we really still in this state of paranoia, such that Middle Easterners can't take photos in the United States without arousing suspicion? Sadly, the answer is "yes," for at least one police officer in Athens, Georgia. Per the Athens Banner-Herald:

An Athens-Clarke police officer questioned four Middle Eastern men he saw taking photos of the downtown police station about 6 p.m. Friday, but the men had valid visas and said they were tourists, so he didn't detain them.

Whew. That was a close one, no? No.

The men, all from Cairo, Egypt, and in their 40s or 50s, were standing back to back in a square at the corner of Lumpkin and Washington streets, capturing a panoramic view of the area with their cell phone cameras, the officer wrote in his report. Two men also specifically took a photo of the nearby police station, the officer wrote.

When the men saw the officer, they walked away but stopped at a Clayton Street clothing store, where the officer asked why they were taking photos of the police station.

The men said they were on their way to a conference in Alabama and were just taking snapshots of Athens while they were here, but couldn't relay much more information because of a language barrier, the officer wrote.

Hmm. The old "no hablo ingles." Interesting.

Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:

Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903

Dear Brother Carter:

On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.

I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian

Brilliant! Berberian also sent the letter to several others, including the clerk of the Superior Court, posted it on the Courthouse bulletin board, and hand-delivered it to a courthouse police officer, who gave it to his superior, Officer Dodd (who Berberian had sued over ... metal detectors in state courthouses!).

Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said

Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis' courtroom.

Berberian then went back to the courtroom where he was trying a domestic matter. Soon thereafter, the Chief of the Courthouse Police (Captain Dodd) entered the courtroom. Per the court:

When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, "Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd." The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: "Be careful with it. Don't pull the [*930] pin. It might explode."

It didn't. Remotely, the pin was pulled by the Fire Marshal, and nothing happened. The grenade "was filled with an inert metallic substance incapable of exploding." What was Attorney Berberian's fate?

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