Legal Juice

It's strange enough that the dude stole a ferret, but even stranger how he got it out of the pet store. By putting it down his pants! Per The Florida Times-Union:

A Jacksonville Beach police arrest report said a 17-year-old saw a man take a ferret from the pet store, stuff it down the front of his pants and walk out of the store. The teen alerted store clerks to the theft, then followed the man to a nearby parking lot on First Avenue North.

Lifting a line from a recent Juice favorite, Zombieland, it was time for the teen to "nut up or shut up." And nut up he did.

The teen tried to retrieve the ferret from the shoplifter, but the man punched him and they both fell to the ground. As they tussled on the ground, the man shoved the ferret in the teen's face and squeezed it.

The ferret, a small domesticated type of weasel, lunged at the teen and bit him, leaving two puncture holes in his ear, the arrest report says. The ferret was not injured.

Well done young man. And what happened to the thief?

... Rodney Bolton, was arrested ... and charged with stealing the $129 ferret from the Pet Supermarket at 609 Beach Blvd. in Jacksonville Beach. He was also charged with battery with a "special weapon," police said.

Too bad the "special weapon" didn't deploy as it was being stolen from the store ...

If you're going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don't want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise - something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa):

A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects' vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And ...

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here's the source

What do you think? As reported at sfbg.com, here's the veto letter the Terminator sent to legislators regarding a bill that "would have helped the Port of San Francisco with some financing issues."

You don't see it? How about now?

BAM! So what did the Governor's office say when questioned about the letter? As reported by The Huffington Post:

"My goodness. What a coincidence," said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear. "I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen."

So, so busted.

Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald:

A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said.

When a suspicious man tried turning the woman's door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown.

Talk about thinking on your feet (all four of them) ...

The man, who wore an olive jacket and appeared to be homeless, quickly ran from the porch, according to the report. Police searched the neighborhood for him, but to no avail.

Who needs a dog when you can just imitate one? (Dog people - please - no hate mail!)

I'm all for a dad spending as much time as possible with his son. I guess I need to qualify that a bit. That time should not include committing burglary together, while intoxicated! Doh! Check out this story, as reported by whnt.com:

A father and son are in the DeKalb County Jail, facing burglary and other charges. Authorities say one of them fell asleep on the botched job.

According to reports, 37-year-old Christopher Wright and his son, 19-year-old Caleb Wright, broke into a woman's home in the Cartersville community overnight Sunday. Authorities say the two were apparently intoxicated and stole several items from the home.

Could one of those "other charges" be providing alcohol to an underage individual? So, how were they caught?

The sheriff's office reports the men decided to hide when the woman woke up. The woman found the younger Wright, Caleb, passed out beneath the bed of her invalid husband.

She called police and a neighbor. It turns out the neighbor was Caleb Wright's grandfather.

Authorities say the grandfather removed his grandson from the home and later turned him over to officers. The father, Christopher Wright, was also later taken into custody.

All in all, not a banner day for the Wright family. Here's a link to the story, including family photos.

You are a 77-year-old man, unloading groceries from your car, when a guy comes up to you with a gun, demanding that you empty your pockets. You do it, right? Not if you are Pat Gillespie of Flint, Michigan. As reported by mlive.com:

Gillespie had a bag with a two-liter of Pepsi, and he took a swing and hit the man. The man got a shot off, hitting Gillespie in the groin.

Your weapon against a gun is a two-liter Pepsi container? And?

The man, who was with another male, ran off empty handed.

UFB. Said Mr. Gillespie ...

“I didn’t want to give them nothing.”

What about that shot to the groin?

...Gillespie was taken to the hospital but later released.

There was little appearance that he was shot, other than a hospital wristband. He said he feels fine, although he is just a little sore.

The Juice does not recommend trying this at home. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

Dude! Dude! And here's what he told the disciplinary commission:

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would "get a kick out of this."

As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission's entire report here (search "Cwik" and click on the last result.)

Oh no you didn't just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe "cite" is a little misleading, but still ... from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch "hoe." A "hoe," of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing "hoe" to "ho," a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps "You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies."

I like it. Here's the case: U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005).

This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, "It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels." All tricked out and no place to go? Not exactly. Dennis LeRoy Anderson (62!) took his chair out on the town. And got lit. Then he took to the streets - and crashed into a parked car! How drunk was he? Really, really drunk (.29). Oh, and ...

He has one prior DWI conviction.

Doh! In fairness, I should mention that Mr. Anderson offered an explanation for the accident:

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Curse you woman! You know the crime (he pleaded guilty). The time?

Judge Heather Sweetland sentenced Anderson to 180 days in the St. Louis County Jail or at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and fined him $2,000 plus court fees. She stayed the jail time and one-half of the fine for two years of supervised probation. As conditions of his probation, Anderson must submit to a chemical dependency assessment, follow all recommendations, abstain from alcohol and unprescribed drugs, be subject to random testing and undergo 30 days of electronic monitoring.

Here's the source.

There are more 5 million people in Scotland. So would it shock you to learn that some people have the same name? Me either. One name that at least 2 people in Scotland share is "Derek Lyon." One of them is a convicted drunk driver who lost his license, and the other is ... just Derek Lyon. Guess who the police busted? The wrong Derek Lyon. He told them that - but - you see - the machine had spoken.

And it got worse after the bogus bust. Mr. Lyon was taken to jail, where he spent 4 hours before being released. His car was impounded. Because he couldn't afford to pay the fees to get his car back, the police CRUSHED it! Nooooooooo! Without his car, Mr. Lyon couldn't get to work, and was fired. He also couldn't visit his kids for months because he lacked transportation. (He was arrested in July, and just recently acquitted.)

Think he's going to sue? Hell yes. As reported by Scotland TV:

Speaking after his court appearance, Mr Lyon, 36, of Balgarthno Terrace in Dundee, said he was going to sue Aberdeen Sheriff Court's clerk's office, the DVLA and Tayside Police.

He said: "I'm going to take legal action against the police for taking my car, the DVLA for putting somebody else's offence on my licence, and the court in Aberdeen.

"I haven't been able to drive until today. I spent four hours in the cells when I got arrested and my car got crushed even though I told them at the time it wasn't me.

"The police came the next day and I told them again that I'd never been in Aberdeen Sheriff Court and that I wasn't disqualified. The police in Dundee didn't believe me but a local policeman in Blairgowrie where I lived at the time did and he tried to sort things out for me."

To see the story as reported by Scotland TV, click here.

Most of us have had a few too many a few times. But this dude sets a new standard for public intoxication (of some sort).

UFB right? I'd really like like to know the backstory (and the frontstory [?]) on this guy.

It would appear that Mr. Octavian Borges is Taserproof. Check this out, from The Courier Mail:

A North Queensland man, aged 21, has stunned police by proving impervious to a Taser deployment and casually removing the barbs - not once but three times.

Octavian Borges casually removed the barbs fired into his upper body by police during a tense situation at Townsville on Monday.

He was Tasered again twice, but on both occasions only one barb made contact and the weapon could not make a circuit.

The incredible situation developed after Borges allegedly stole a car from a Garbutt address early Monday morning.

He was chased by the vehicle's owner until he became bogged at Rowes Bay.

A brutal roadside fistfight then broke out sparking a flood of Triple 0 calls to police from passers-by.

When a crew arrived, a bleeding Borges ran off towards an RSL retirement village where he is alleged to have broken into an elderly lady's apartment.

As officers entered the unit Borges was alleged to be rifling through a cutlery drawer and removed an item placing it under his shirt.

When he approached officers in a threatening matter and refused to drop the object a Taser was presented.

He failed to comply so the weapon was deployed with the barbs hitting him in the shoulder and rib area.

Incredibly, the Taser appeared to have no effect on him and he removed the barbs, taunting police with “is that the best you’ve got?”

He then ran off out of the apartment with stunned police following close behind.

He was approached and Tasered a second time, but only one of the barbs made contact – which he again pulled out.

A third deployment was also unsuccessful and Borges allegedly pulled out a torch he was hiding under his shirt.

When police realised he was not armed with a knife, they approached him and after a short struggle were able to physically restrain him.

He was taken to Townsville Hospital for treatment for a drug-related condition and the injuries he suffered in the roadside fight.

Police said the Tasers involved in the incident had been sent to Brisbane for testing to ensure they were functioning properly.

Borges was charged with enter with intent, unlawful use of a motor vehicle and multiple counts of obstructing police and appeared in Townsville Magistrates Court on Tuesday.

He was remanded in custody until his next hearing on Monday.

Can a jail cell hold this guy?

With an estimated 200 million-plus guns in the United States, it's a good thing most folks aren't this crazy about politics. As reported in The South Asian Post:

Hyderabad, India - A die-hard fan of actor-turned-politician Chiranjeevi killed his father for not casting his vote for the superstar’s newly formed Praja Rajyam Party. The incident took place in Visakhapatnam district in coastal Andhra after the first phase of the ongoing Indian general elections. Rajubabu is said to be an ardent fan of superstar Chiranjeevi since his childhood, but his father was a supporter of legendary actor N.T. Rama Rao and the Telugu Desam Party he founded. In Andhra Pradesh, especially in the coastal region, popular Telugu actors enjoy the status of demi-gods. The fan following of superstars like the late N.T. Rama Rao and Chiranjeevi borders on madness.

Yes, it is possible to be outsmarted by an elevator, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer:

[The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

“Vandalism is always sad, but a lot of people do see the humor in this,” said Ellen Svendsvoll, of the National Rail Administration. “They got what was coming to them.”

The two vandals, identified only as men in their early 20s, went into the elevator late on April 21, waited for the doors to close, and started to kick them, she said. They kicked so hard that the doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sending an alarm to security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, which only jammed the doors more, so they called the police and fire department.

The firemen freed the two suspects, while the police waited outside.

The Route 66 Kitchen in Toledo is apparently the place to be ... if you like out-of-control gunfights. Check out the security video below. Incredibly with all those people shooting at each other (police believe at least 20 shots were fired), nobody was hurt! You can read more (a lot) in the Toledo Blade article.

This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com:

Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police.

Police said the officer went into a Turkey Hill convenience store on Lehman Street at 3:25 a.m. Saturday and saw Lopez holding a baseball cap and peering inside it. When Lopez approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer said he saw a small plastic bag stuck to Lopez's forehead. The bag appeared to contain marijuana, police said.

The officer retrieved the bag from Lopez’s forehead and said, “Is this what you are looking for?,” according to the police report. Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Kind of bizarre, right? Not too.

It is not uncommon for people to hide drugs in the inside lip of a cap, police said.

Here's the source.

Yes, Mr. 9-year bus driver, they are. As reported in The State Register-Journal:

A Springfield Mass Transit District bus driver received a one-day unpaid suspension recently for wearing a pink tie to help raise awareness for breast cancer.

The driver had to serve the suspension, but his action also led to the SMTD agreeing that employees could wear pink on Fridays in recognition of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October.

William “Bill” Jones, 46, said he didn’t think wearing a pink tie on the first Friday of the month would be a problem, since National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a nationally recognized event.

Incredible, no? You can read the rest of the article here.

So this 46-year-old woman in Florida had a boyfriend for about a year. Then she had to, um, go away for a little while (to jail). Well, really, did you expect her boyfriend to just sit around and wait? When his girlfriend's 25-year-old daughter was there? They didn't wait. Seems they got real close when mom was in jail. That worked out okay, until mom got out of jail, and moved backed into the family home. Snap!

As reported in The Orlando Sentinel, both mom and daughter were involved with boyfriend. Apparently this didn't sit too well with mom.

Johnson [the mom] told officers that after they left she went to go to bed, but her daughter "struck her with a closed fist on the forehead because she was jealous," according to her arrest affidavit.

Really? You're sticking with that?

But another witness at the scene, a juvenile, said Johnson entered the room where Richard Bowman [the boyfriend] was staying and grabbed his crotch. She would not let go, the witness told Fixl and that's when she struck her mother, according to the report.

Richard Bowman also told police Johnson grabbed him and would not let go. At one point, she said she was going to "rip them off," according to Bowman's account.

It probably won't surprise you to learn that both women were charged, and, that the charges for both of them were bumped up to felonies because of ... prior convictions.

You can see mother and daughter, and read the entire story, by clicking here.

In the annals of history, this has got to be the first report of a harmonica beat down. Yeah, I said "a harmonica beat down." Here's the story, per The Tulsa World:

According to Decai Liu's arrest report, his roommate was in the bathroom getting ready for work when Liu, 52, burst in and started beating him with the instrument.

Liu was charged Thursday with assault with a dangerous weapon in the attack Saturday in the 4500 block of West Norman Street in Broken Arrow, records show.

When officers arrived about 9:30 a.m., the roommate was covered in blood from cuts on his head and face. Medics took him to St. Francis Hospital, the report states.

Police tried to arrest Liu, but he allegedly resisted and head-butted one officer. Police eventually subdued him with pepper spray, according to the report.

Liu's roommate told police, "I don't know what his problem was," the report indicates.

Prosecutors also charged Liu with resisting an officer and assaulting an officer, court records show. Liu is in the Tulsa Jail in lieu of $6,500 bail.

Here's the source, including a photo of Mr. Liu.

Now imagine - if you can - a law that both Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann would agree goes too far. That law outlaws throwing snowballs! And the offending municipality is ... Grand Forks, North Dakota. Here's the law:

9-0123. Throwing rocks, snowballs, and other objects.

(1) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object into, upon, against, or at any building, structure, automobile street, alley, or other public or private property.

(2) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object upon or at any person or persons. (Ord. No. 4125, § XIX, 3-20-06)

They have outlawed snowball fights! And even throwing a snowball at ANYTHING! Absurd.

And what about this: you would also technically be breaking the law if you skipped a stone (or a rock!) in a creek. Check it out:

It is unlawful for any person to throw ... any rock, stone ... into ...any ... public or private property.

Well done! A beautifully crafted law. Click here (click on Chapter IX, then Article I, then scroll down to 9-0123) to see this wacky law.

Now, if I titled the post "Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ...." would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they're also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple's former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things. Here are a few of the allegations from the Complaint:

Among other abusive comments, Vanessa called Maria "lazy," "slow," "dumb,""a fucking liar" and "fucking shit." [expletives inserted]

On another occasion, Vanessa derided Maria after Maria said she needed to see a doctor but the Bryants had not paid for her medical insurance. "You're a fucking liar," Vanessa said. [expletive inserted]

Uncool, but check this, um, shit out:

On the final incident, Vanessa screamed at Maria for putting an expensive blouse in the Bryants' clothes washer. Then Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.

Snap! There's PLENTY more. To view the entire Complaint, click here.

Lots of folks in the United States think our drug laws are too harsh. Maybe, but check out how it is in Malaysia, per The New Straits Times:

KOTA BARU: A 44-year-old Thai carpenter was sentenced to death by the High Court yesterday after he was found guilty of trafficking in cannabis four year ago.

Mohamad Che Soh of southern Thailand was charged with trafficking in 17,062g of cannabis in front of Linda Restaurant in Bukit Bunga, Tanah Merah, at 8.30pm on Jan 4, 2005.

Earlier, Mohamad's lawyer, Wan Jawahir Wan Haron, appealed to judge Datuk Muhamad Ideres Muhamad Rapee to reduce the sentence, saying that his client had repented but it was rejected by the judge.

And ...

MUAR: A 40-year-old labourer was sentenced to death by the High Court yesterday for trafficking in 45.08g of monoacetylmorphine four years ago.

Harun Mukri was found guilty of committing the offence at No. 33 Kampong Parit Tegak, Parit Sulong, Batu Pahat, at 11.30am on July 24, 2005. Judicial commissioner Datuk Ahmadi Asnawi said the prosecution had proved its case beyond reasonable doubt.

He was also sentenced to three years' jail and three strokes of the rotan for another charge of possessing 5.43g of methaphetamine at the same place and time. The court, however, dismissed a third charge of being in possession of 83.8g of cannabis.

Yes, April S. Uwanawich (am I the only one who reads this name and thinks "You Want A Witch?"), was born on 7/7/77. And she is a fortune-teller in Pennsylvania. Just one small problem - it's against the law. As reported in The Pottstown Mercury:

A person is guilty of the charge if they "tell fortunes or predict future events … pretend to effect any purpose by spells, charms, necromancy or incantation, or advise the taking or administering of what are commonly called love powders or potions," reads the statute.

Persons violate the law if they "stop bad luck," "give good luck," "win the affection of a person," or "tell where to dig for treasure," in return for "gain or lucre."

Lucre? How about this stick-up line: You're lucre or you're life! So what did Ms. Uwanawich do?

According to court records and Uwanawich's statement in court to Judge Anthony Sarcione, a woman named Yun Su of Bridgewater, N.J., met her at the "psychic reading" storefront she had operated in Downingtown. There, Su told her that she had been unlucky in love and wanted to find happiness.

Between February and August 2008, the two met many times. Uwanawich said they would go out to dinner or the movies and shop together.

At some point, Uwanawich told Su that she was cursed and that she would have to take deliberate steps to have that cloud lifted from around her. Specifically, she was to put a box under her bed and put coins and cash into the box on a daily basis. Then, after several weeks, Uwanawich went to Su's home and took the box, which she said she needed to "burn the curse," according to the criminal complaint filed by Downingtown Detective Pamela Fentner.

Su turned over the box, which contained $16,320.

I know this will shock you ...

But the disposal of the box did not make any changes in Su's life, and she pressed Uwanawich for more help.

Like she needed to be pressed?

This time, Uwanawich told Su that she should buy urns for $7,000 apiece to help lift the curse. Su bought one, and then ran out of money.

Of course. It's axiomatic that the more expensive an urn, the greater its curse-killing power.

According to [Uwanawich's attorney], when Su confronted Uwanawich with her displeasure of the situation, Uwanawich offered to pay the money back. She turned over about half of the $23,320, but then Su went to police and Uwanawich was charged [with fortune-telling, theft by extortion, theft by deception, and receiving stolen property] on Aug. 4, 2008.

So what happened? Ms. Uwanawich paid all of the money back, in addition to a fine and court costs. She avoided the pokey. Here's the source.

Two drunks guys (Dean Gardener, 19, and Jason Fender, 22) decided to hassle two cross-dressing men. Big mistake. True, the drunk "bully" got one punch off, but that was it. Per The Daily Telegraph:

But the fight is over in a matter of seconds as the other cage fighter, sporting a wig and a sparkling black dress, floors both the assailants with two lightning-quick punches.

(This incident starts at about the 1:00 minute mark in the video below.)

Shazam! Did you see those lightning bolts? (at 1:21 and 1:22 in the video)

The attackers are arrested by police as they stagger down the road. Officers later learned the cross-dressers were actually cage fighters on a fancy dress stag night out.

So that's the crime. The time?

Both men admitted using abusive words and behaviour. They were electronically tagged and given a four-month community order and a curfew from 7am to 7pm.

Here's the source.

Rule number one for a bank robber preparing a note for the teller: make it legible!

Hokc ogll sht es wlll ikkk you! Now!

I totally made that up. In her defense, Stephanie Martin's note probably wasn't that bad. Here's what happened, as reported by kptv.com in Oregon:

Hillsboro police said Stephanie Martin walked into a Wells Fargo bank in Hillsboro and handed the teller a note that read, "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious."

The teller told Martin she couldn't read the handwriting, police said. Martin then walked to a counter and re-wrote the note on a bank slip, according to Lt. Mike Rouches, of the Hillsboro Police Department.

The teller then hit the silent alarm and the bank's manager asked how he could help Martin, Rouches said.

Note, what note?

Martin then said she wanted to open an account with the bank, according to officers.

They bought it, right?

Police and FBI agents arrived at the scene and arrested Martin

Since EVERYBODY knows about silent alarms, dye packs, etc., there is only one possible explanation: drugs.

... police determined [Martin] was under the influence of drugs ...

Click here for the source, and a picture of Ms. Martin.

I'm not sure how I missed this May 2009 story, but it's none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:

Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.

The key word there is "planning." They didn't quite make it ...

Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne "became aroused" and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.

Zoinks! But wait ...

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking - with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent - he said: "Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn't quite get there."

And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne's lawyer:

Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. "He wasn't concentrating on that - he was concentrating on his amorous situation," he said.

Really? That's what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:

... not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.

The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.

What? You've never heard of "kick the kitty?" Perhaps that's because it was only recently invented by Nicola Collinson. To see how it's played, though, you'll need her cell phone because she made a video of herself doing it on her phone! Or, perhaps you know one of the people she sent her video to, one of whom sent it to the RSPCA.

What was in the video? Just Nicole picking up a kitten, throwing it into the air like a ball, and then drop-kicking it. And if that's not bad enough, she chased it down and punched it, and drop-kicked it again! Can you can guess her defense? She said she was drunk (I believe that) and doesn't remember anything (bullshit). Here's how the prosecutor described it:

This is what can only be described as a quite wicked case. It was only a kitten and it came (to her) looking for affection. It was suggested that at some stage it might have scratched (her) and that all this happened is really quite shocking.

This defendant took hold of the kitten and drop-kicked it, as if it were a rugby ball. The kitten got to it's feet and went away and it was chased by the defendant who picked it up again and brought it back and did the same thing again. Not only was it drop-kicked but it was also punched.

It was absolutely deliberate, there can be no suggestion it was accidental. And what makes this all the worse is that someone was making a video on a phone camera. You hear laughing and joking.

The video was then sent round to various friends bragging about what happened. But one person was so incensed that they sent a copy to the RSPCA who were able to track who made it.

Ms. Collinson pleaded guilty, and is awaiting sentencing. She almost ended up in the clink pending sentencing. Here's what the judge said:

Having looked at that video of what you did we seriously considered custody. It is appalling that any human can do such a thing to another animal. It is unthinkable and no excuses can be accepted. But we are going to ask for reports in the community band [? - no clue]. We feel you are desperately in need of help.

Um. Yeah.

Attention all cats - WARNING: the following story may be disturbing to your kittens. As reported by wcbstv.com:

A man accused of forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat by holding a knife in her hand has reached a plea agreement that would send him to prison for 18 months. Danield John Collins, 39, pleaded guilty Thursday to one count of domestic violence/animal cruelty and two counts of neglect of a dependent. He was being held on $40,000 bond.

If a judge accepts the plea deal, Collins will be sentenced to 18 months in prison and prosecutors will dismiss an intimidation charge. Sentencing was set for Aug. 28.

Collins was arrested March 13 after police said he forced his daughter to stab Boots, the family's 8-month-old cat. The girl and Collins' 11-year-old son said their father ordered them to stab the cat because he wanted them to "learn to kill."

Police said the boy tried to hide the cat from his father, but Collins found the animal and strangled it as his children watched.

Collins said at Thursday's hearing that he was intoxicated when the cat was killed and remembered little about that day's events - other than falling on the cat at some point. He did not dispute his children's account of his actions.

Perhaps Mr. Collins shouldn't drink anymore if this is how he acts when he's feeling uninhibited?

So you say you like to cut your grass in the nude. Hmmm. Then what were you doing, topless, walking down the road? As reported by the Rock Hill Herald [North Carolina]:

Angela Jonas [age 50] ... told officers she likes to cut her grass in the nude, a York County sheriff's report says.

One neighbor complained in the report that Jonas has walked down the road topless several times before. Police tried several times to speak with Jonas when they first arrived, around 7:30 p.m., asking repeatedly why she was walking down the street "naked from the waist up." She could not give a clear answer, officers said in the report.

She was charged with indecent exposure and remained in jail Wednesday morning on $1,000 bond.

Really? You're gonna keep her locked up for that? Uncool. Here's the source, including a photo of Ms. Jonas.

So, what would you do for a $16,000 Rolex watch? According to the children of retired Manteca Police lieutenant Jerry Kubena, Dr. Cleveland Enmon [formerly] of St. Joseph's Medical Center in Stockton, California, let their father die so he could take his Rolex. To read more(a LOT) and to see photos and a video, click here for the story in The Record.

How about some nice, relaxing rollerblading through the park? No? How about running over some little kids who are in the way? Perhaps I'm overstating it a bit. Here's what happened, per the Stamford Advocate:

A 43-year-old Stamford in-line skater is charged with risk of injury to a minor and assault after an alleged confrontation with a father and his two sons over the right-of-way on a path in Cove Island Park Monday morning, police said.

Skater Chris Karamon, of 1307 Hope St., was charged with risk of injury to a minor, third-degree assault, fourth-degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace, according to Stamford Police Lt. Sean Cooney.

Shortly after 9 a.m. Monday, Karamon was skating down the path when he shouted and cursed at the father that his 4-year-old son on a tricycle was in a designated area for in-line skaters, police said.

"Mr. Karamon's contention is that the 4-year-old was on the wrong side of the path," Cooney said. "But the path is for use by everybody and we can't have Rollerbladers or anybody cursing out people."

A short while later, Karamon was approaching the family again and collided with the father who shielded his 4- and 2-year-old sons, Cooney said.

Karamon fell to the ground, and threw his helmet and water bottle at the father, police said.

Several bystanders called police, Cooney said, and another witness intervened to separate Karamon and the father. Karamon declined comment when contacted about the incident Tuesday morning.

Karamon was released on $10,000 bond, and is to appear in state Superior Court in Stamford on Oct. 13.

The Juice is thinking Mr. Karamon may not have any robots, er, kids ...