Legal Juice

Regular readers know the Juice is not a fan of dress codes. Check this out, from Georgia's Thomson-McDuffie Junior High School website:

In order to foster a climate conducive to [blah, blah, blah] ... the following guidelines have been developed with input from councils, faculty, administration, and students.

... sunglasses are not to be worn on campus. ... No grills are to be worn.

No shades or grills? That's cold.

Proper and acceptable undergarments must be worn and must not be visible to others. Cleavage must not show.

How will the school know if the undergarments are "proper and acceptable" if you can't see them! Brilliant!

Shoes or sandals must be worn. ... and athletic sandals are not allowed at school.

No "athletic sandals?" Say what?

Shirts or blouses must have sleeves; shirts and blouses must be tucked in. ... Belt line must be visible at all times. Any shirts or blouses that cannot be tucked in may not be worn.

NFW. You have to tuck your shirts and blouses in! Please, transfer me!

Shorts/pants must be long enough to touch the top of the kneecap. Shorts/pants must be fitted at the waist and not be baggy or frayed at the bottom.

Really? The kneecap?

All students must wear identification badges properly at all times.

Is it me, or is this starting to sound like a detention facility?

Personal grooming should be done at home, not at school.

I can't brush or comb my hair?

The principal of the school has a right to prohibit any item of clothing he deems to be inappropriate.

Wow. That is just laughably unenforceable.

Now that you know the crimes, the times ...

Penalty for failure to comply with dress code: First offense - correction (if possible) or ISS and 3 hours detention. Second offense - correction (if possible) and one (1) day of Saturday School. Third offense - three (3) days ISS and required parent conference. A Fourth offense is considered Defiance and will result in three (3) days suspension minimum.

Here's the school's website.

Up his ass! And other places in the vicinity... Although the Juice does not *** expletives, fox12idaho does. Here's a portion of the transcript of a Boise, Idaho man's arrest:

Officer #3: Do you feel this?

Complainant: Yes, sir.

Officer #3: Do you feel that? That's my -

Complainant: okay

Officer #3: Taser up your a**.

Complainant: Okay

Officer #3: So don't move.

Complainant: I'm trying not to. I can't breathe.

Officer #3: Now do you feel this in your balls?

His cajones too?

Complainant: I do, sir. I'm not going to move. I'm not gonna move.

Officer #3: Now I'm gonna tase your balls if you move again.

A minute later, this exchange occurred:

Officer #3: Okay, I'm gonna take this taser out of your a**hole now. Are you going to fight with me?

Complainant: No, not at all, sir.

That there's some mighty fine police work ... The "Complainant" complained and

Last week an ombudsman reported the police officers did use excessive force. That ruling came about because of that second round of tape we played you in which the officer threatened to taser the man's genitalia, and did taser his buttocks.

And yes, the guy is filing suit against Boise. Wouldn't you? (The other side: "The Police were initially called to the man's house in response to a domestic dispute. They say the man pushed against the door to keep them out, and also yelled profanity.") Here's the source.

Yes, because then he could blackmail them! Fifty-year-old San Antonio, Texas lawyer Ted Roberts coaxed some serious cashish from an accountant, a lawyer, and two executives who had the pleasure of Mary Roberts' company. Old Ted threatened to tell their wives and employers if they didn't pony up.

And pony up they did, to the tune of $155,000. But it was for a good cause, right Ted? The jury found that, after assuring 2 of the men that he would donate the money to a children's charity, Ted instead used it to help pay for a new house and to fund his law practice. The good news for Ted? The jury acquitted him on 2 of the charges because one of the victims said he didn't care where his money went, and the other said he knew it would be used to repay Ted for his start-up costs (paying the private investigator to get the goods). Surely Ted sees the error of his ways? Nope. Said Ted to the Court:

It is incredible to me after I sought protection from the law that ... I face sentencing without having committed a crime.

Huh? And for good measure, the prosecutor brought in a teacher who claimed Ted said in 2005 that he would represent her for free, if only she'd share "deep, dark," sexual secrets about the city's movers and shakers. Said the prosecutor:

This is who you have before you ... Somebody who wants sexual secrets and then wants to use them against people to blackmail and extort them.

What do you think the judge's sentence was?

Continue reading "Is Husband Really Okay With Cheating Wife?" »

Just when you thought you'd heard it all - an illegal songbird fighting operation! As reported by Fox61 in Connecticut:

Multiple state law enforcement agencies busted up a bird fighting ring in the town of Shelton Sunday morning. However the birds involved are known more for their voice than violence.

Police confiscated nearly 150 songbirds- canaries and saffron finches- from a home at 176 Ripton Road. Police say the birds were being prepared to fight. The raid was led by Shelton Police with help from the Department of Agriculture and officers from Bridgeport, Ansonia, Fairfield, and State Police departments.

"They have a cage in the middle that's set up like a ring, where the two will go into one cage and fight." said Shelton Police Sergeant Robert Kozlowsky. "It's looking like animal cruelty and illegal gambling. They [officers] have found a large amount of currency also at this scene."

Animal control officers were seen carrying cages upon cages filled with birds from the residence. According to a relative, the homeowner claimed to be collecting the birds to breed and sell. Neighbors who witnessed the raid were surprised at both the multi-agency response and the unorthodox nature of the bird fighting.

"Am I being punk'd?" asked neighbor John Coniglio, referring to a television show famous for playing pranks on celebrities. "I mean, this is crazy. I've never heard of a canary ring. I can't picture little canaries with razor blades taped to their feet or anything."

The raid christened 19 jailbirds along with $8,000 cash.

Here's the source, with a video.

Custodian Stephen L. Thompson must really dislike a certain Clark County court reporter. We know this because he urinated on her chair. How do we know this? Per the courier-journal.com:

A probable-cause affidavit filed in Clark Superior Court said an employee with the county circuit court discovered a “wet substance” on her chair upon arriving at work July 15.

Okay, so how do they know it was Mr. Thompson?

Following that, a hidden surveillance camera was installed.

Doh! Mr. Thompson was then caught on tape.

Thompson was arrested when he arrived for work and later posted bail, according to Jeremy Mull, Clark County's chief deputy prosecutor.

The charges?

...attempted battery by body waste

What, you've never heard of attempted battery by body waste? Here's the source.

I kid you not. As reported in The Kansas City Star:

[Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement.

Why did the judge ask all the white folks to leave?

I wanted to have a fireside chat. And my grandmother said years ago that if you’re going to fuss at black people, you don’t need to do it in front of white people.

Zoinks!

Let's say you have a resale store, and you want some "new" merchandise at a good price. What to do? Steal it! That's what Celia Arocho of Berwyn, Illinois has been charged with, per The Chicago Tribune.

Arocho, 52, stands charged with several crimes following her arrest last Saturday in Riverside. Police pulled over the vehicle she was driving because it matched the description of a green SUV which had earlier struck a parked car. Weitzel said they found open containers of alcohol inside the SUV and arrested Arocho on drunken driving charges.

And?

Then officers found two chairs and a plant in her vehicle. They later searched her business, at 7022 16th St., and her Cicero home and found numerous stolen items that she intended to resell at the store, which has been open about two months, Weitzel said.

"She didn't break into homes," said Riverside Police Chief Tom Weitzel. The accusation is that "she just took items off porches and from yards and offered them for resale at her business."

Talk about low overhead... Click here to read the full story.

Not you, knucklehead. You can pick up your beer and keep drinking, unless you're in Malaysia. Such was the case for 32-year-old part-time model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a mother of two who was busted for throwing a beer down at a night club, and sentenced to six strokes of the cane (and fined). And she's not appealing. Per the New Straits Times:

... Pahang Syariah chief prosecutor Datuk Abdul Rahim Jaafar said the caning would not cause physical injury as it was merely to make the offender feel repentant.

You can read more here.

The good news: Ontario resident Barry Shell won the lottery, hauling in $4,377,298. The bad news? Per The Toronto Star:

... after a smiling Shell, 45, had posed for an OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming] photo holding his cheque for $4,377,298, he was arrested outside the building on outstanding criminal charges and taken into police custody.

The charges?

... failing to appear, theft under $5,000 and possession of property obtained by crime.

Seems the OLG conducts a "rigorous investigation" of anyone who claims a prize. Here's the full story.

Okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, since the sound barrier on land is about 761 mph (it varies with the atmospheric conditions). But perhaps I am in a state of shock after reading that a nun in Italy was busted for going 110 mph! Really, and with 2 other nuns in the car. Why? Well, as reported at news.com.au, they were ...

... on their way to visit the Pope after a bathroom fall.

Demon driver Sister Tavoletta, 56, was at the wheel of the Ford Fiesta, while two other nuns aged 65 and 78, who have not been named, were with her when shocked police pulled them over.

When stunned officers asked them why they were speeding, Sister Tavoletta said: "We had heard how the Pope had fallen over and we were on our way to make sure he was OK."

The nuns were stopped on a dual carriageway at Quincinetto, near Turin - just an hour's drive from Pope Benedict XVI's summer holiday chalet at Les Combes.

They had heard that Pope Benedict XVI had slipped and fractured his wrist at the Salesian convent where they live and immediately got into a car to try to visit him.

A Turin police spokesman said: "The officers involved were amazed to see three nuns in the Ford Fiesta when it stopped - it had been clocked at 110 mph.

"Hopefully, Sister Tavoletta will be making sure she confesses her bad driving the next she goes to confession but in the meantime she will have to pay the 375 Euro (A$659) fine she was given."

Unlikely, since she is fighting the fine (and the one-month suspension she received), having retained "Italy's best known lawyer in driving cases, Anna Orecchioni."

She said: "I will be taking this matter before a judge to get the penalty removed and the nun's licence reinstated."

Here's the source.

Before the potheads among you get too excited, or the wingnuts blow a gasket, this new iPhone application won't direct you to your neighborhood dealer. Here's what it will do, as reported by The Sun:

Simply named Cannabis, the £1.79 [$2.99 US] app lets users search by city for their nearest medical cannabis suppliers, doctors, clinics, lawyers and other relevant organisations.

It currently covers 13 US states which have passed laws allowing medical cannabis use, legal cannabis "coffee shops" across Europe and uses Google Maps for directions.

Makers [sic] the campaign group Ajnag.com hope to add cannabis related news, menus, reviews and videos soon.

It is available from the Apple iTunes App Store now, and requires the iPhone 3.0 Software Update.

Having just checked the App Store, the Juice can confirm that Cannabis is indeed available, though the initial reviews are not exactly glowing. ...

Worthless in the state of Colorado ...

Want my money back ...

(The average rating is 2.5/5.) Here's the source.

With a saw. Really. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm:

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him but he still wouldn't take the medicine. Fitzgerald raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

"When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police," the [police] report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn't notify authorities.

The charge? Aggrevated battery. Does this kid have any history? Funny you should ask ...

The victim's pregnant 19-year-old daughter said Fitzgerald has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a "C-section."

Wow. That's more disturbing than the saw incident. But there's more ...

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze.

Yikes! And ...

The 19-year-old daughter's husband said he found Fitzgerald looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

SFM.

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital]," [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."

Ma'am, I want to live on your island! Yes, we understand. Oh - one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative - he brought the wrong horse!

Yes indeed. Washington [state] resident Roy "Billy" Day did not appreciate being dumped. So he camped out (literally) in his ex-girlfriend's attic. (He had a sleeping bag and a fan up there!) He then cut a hole in the ceiling, jumped down and assaulted his ex and her daughter. He hit his ex more than 20 times.And he punched her daughter too. Mr. Day is being held on $500,00 bail. Click here to read the entire story.

Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News:

Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery.

That's not all, though.

The judges also ordered that the boy be renamed Gregorio - after the saint's day on which he was born.

What the hell is going on in Italy? Do you think the parent should appeal? This was the appeal!

The Cassation Court upheld earlier rulings by lower courts that Friday was too reminiscent of the name of Robinson Crusoe's native servant in the classic shipwreck novel.

And what's up with my Italian brethren?

Gian Ettore Gassani of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers backed the ruling.

Non mi piace. Here's the source.

Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

"They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper," said Wagar.

So Mr. Wagar decided to fight back.

This year, Wagar borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his son and waited outside. It wasn't long before he saw a group of about 20 kids approaching his house from the east, through a soybean field. He confronted them and asked them to leave. They refused and began throwing eggs at him. That's when Scott unleashed his secret weapon.

"I figured that fox urine against eggs was probably equal force, and so I should be okay," said Wagar.

Using a Super Soaker squirt gun, Wagar sprayed the teens with fox urine. One teen grabbed him around the neck, and when he wouldn't let go, Wagar bent his finger back.

Question: Where do you get fox urine, let alone enough to fill a Super Soaker? Regardless, though sentiment in town seems to be on Mr. Wagar's side, he was charged with 5th degree assault for spraying the little miscreants, who have not yet been charged. Click here to read more.

Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe:

If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry. (The proposal in New Hampshire died in committee, but proponents say they plan to try again next session.)

And why is this a good idea?

"People think it's silly, but what's silly is to worry so much about having to look at your neighbors' undies that you would prevent them from conserving energy," said Vermont state Senator Dick McCormack, a sponsor of "right to dry" legislation. "We're not making a big deal over clotheslines; we're making a big deal over global warming."

Sign me up. This I why I will NEVER live in a condominium, or anywhere with a homeowner's association. Too many friggin' rules. Here is the Rulies [my word - somebody please add to Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia - props to me] argument:

"If you imagine driving into a community where the yards have clothes hanging all over the place, I think the aesthetics, the curb appeal, and probably the home values would be affected by that, because you can't let one homeowner do it and say no to the next," said Frank Rathbun, a spokesman for the Community Associations Institute, a national group based in Virginia that represents thousands of homeowner and condominium associations, many of which restrict clotheslines.

Mercy! Here's to line-drying. And here's the Globe article (with a lot more on this story.)

... walked right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to [former] President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004. He had pleaded guilty, and served some time, but was in court for violating his probation.

So Judge David Howard had been talking for less than a minute, when, as reported in the Rutland Herald, Mr. Dahlquist interrupted him:

"And the numerous occasions where the court has repeatedly violated my constitutional rights," Dahlquist said.

When Judge Howard warned him that he could be tossed, let's just say Mr. Dahlquist did not take heed:

Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit. You're obligated by law to uphold my legal rights. Fuck you.

And then Judge Howard tossed him from the courtroom.

"While he is obviously very angry at times and believes the court is holding him illegally, that does not prove psychosis. Since two judges have disagreed about his condition and the need for hospitalization and several psychiatrists disagree as to his conditions and needs, it is hard to hold as delusional that the defendant is upset and feels he should be released," Howard wrote.

Judge Howard then determined that Mr. Dahlquist had served all his time. So he left the courthouse a free man. Click here to read more (a fair amount).

Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news.com.au:

Her husband first noticed glass in a roll when he bit into it and chipped a filling on his tooth.

Er, uh, sorry.

A week later he noticed what looked like rock salt on some biscuits.

... he realised it was glass and again found glass in his sandwich the next day.

Wife makes lunch. Glass in lunch. What to do.

He started keeping his lunches in a freezer in his garage and eventually went to the police after discovering a container of crushed glass in the pantry.

AFT, dude. Did she own up to it? Yup.

[Ms. Quessy] admitted putting fragments of a smashed light globe in her husband's packed lunch five or six times in October and November last year.

Ouchee!

His penis! And the tattoo says "Hot Rod." That HAD to hurt! The patient was undergoing surgery, and was sedated when the surgeon took the photo. Seems the doc showed it around (so he's not a brain surgeon - ba-da-bing), and someone made an anonymous call to the press. Snap!

Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is "Holy Fuck." The band, featured on this month's cover of the magazine "Exclaim," was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name.

Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about "bad words" than the U.S. The Toronto band Fucked Up performed live on MTV Canada, although they were introduced as "Effed Up." According to the MTV Live producer, you can't even say "effed" on MTV in the U.S. Some other groups making the rounds: Total Fucking Destruction (their CD is available in Wal-Mart, really), Fucked Up, Fuck the Facts, Fuck, and Fucking Wrath.

In response to an Associated Press poll which found that 67 percent of the respondents were bothered "a lot" by hearing swear words, Fucking Wrath drummer John Cerar replied:

“Who cares? We’re a metal band. If someone has a problem with it, fuck it.”

To read a whole lot more on this, click here.

Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post:

The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000. Three women - two probation officers and a former public defender - accused him of groping, inquiring about their underwear and asking for sex. He threatened to "bury" one if she told. Three additional women stepped forward with similar stories.

Laura Johnson, now a county court judge, reported that when she and Berman were prosecutors, he invited her to his home to help with some cases. Johnson told investigators Berman disappeared into his bedroom, then returned carrying cocktails - and wearing only a maid's apron.

Wow. So what did Judge Berman do? He stepped down three days before the judicial commission hearing.

Fast forward a few years. In 2005, Berman was hired as an assistant state attorney, where he was apparently doing okay, until recently. According to recently released personnel records,

Berman ... was suspended without pay for 10 days after asking a secretary, "Wanna be naughty?"

Mr. Berman's defense?

In his written response to the allegations, he said he was merely admiring the woman's engagement ring and said, "It's not too gaudy."

So was it "gaudy" or "naughty?" Not a tough call. So on top of the 10-day suspension,

Berman was ordered to avoid contact with the woman, who was not identified. He was further warned that if any similar complaints were lodged, he would be fired, according to the disciplinary report signed by Chief Assistant State Attorney Paul Zacks.

Here's hoping the maid's apron doesn't make another surprise appearance. (And here's the source.)

Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise:

Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart.

(Warning to rats: beware of the "Italian cut.") Okay, so just two times?

... in 2005, The Northwest Herald in McHenry County, Ill., reported that a woman found an amphibian leg in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, The Tribune noted in its story last fall.

So what did Allen Canning Co. have to say?

In a telephone interview following the Utah case last fall, Allen Canning spokesman James Phillips told The Salt Lake Tribune, "This rodent was rendered commercially sterile. We cook each can individually at a temperature up to 265 degrees."

So just go ahead and eat that "commercially sterile" rat head!

How much did Allen offer to settle the claims? $25 and some goodies (a gift pack and a cookbook!) for the amphibian leg. And seeing a rat's head in your food must be twice as nasty in Texas as it is in Utah, because the offers were $200 and $100 respectively! Oh, and the grossed out folks would have to sign a non-disclosure agreement too. Does Allen Canning Co. even have a PR department?

Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News,

went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day.

As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), there were no batteries. Said Ms. Fridge to her mom:

“They don’t have any fucking more.”

Unfortunately, La Marque Assistant Fire Marshal Alfred A. Decker IV overheard Ms. Fridge and ... busted her! Can you believe that shit?

“All of the sudden he comes from around the corner two to three feet away and said, ‘You need to watch your mouth,’” Fridge said.

And then?

Fridge said she walked away to leave, but Decker told her she needed to come to his car and started to pull out his handcuffs.

Oh no you didn't handcuff this woman for dropping the f-bomb.

...she was led outside, handcuffed and then issued the citation [for disorderly conduct].

Damn. If you want to read more, including Decker's side of the story (from his Chief), click here.

It was a bad idea, and it didn't end well. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Witnesses told township police that [Jay Matthew] Tokar [age 46] was flying his glider dangerously close to children playing soccer in the area.

They also told police Tokar was yelling at people on the golf course and trying to spit on them.

[Witness] Mark J. Gazi told police that Tokar flew the glider so close that at times Gazi could have touched Tokar with his golf club.

Police didn't test Tokar at the scene but ...

...a search warrant served Aug. 28 for Tokar's medical records revealed his blood-alcohol level was 0.151 percent and he had taken benzodiazepines before the crash. A motorist is considered intoxicated in this state with a blood-alcohol level of 0.08 percent.

How did the ride end?

According to the criminal complaint, after Tokar's plane struck the cable lines, one of the lines jumped off the pulley system and struck witness James Troutman, injuring him in the left leg.

Tokar's injuries were much more serious, unlike the time in August 2003 when he ...

... crashed his aircraft in the Cobblestone-St. Ives housing plan in Hempfield. It snagged a tree, spun out of control and dropped about 60 feet to the ground.

Tokar was not injured in that crash.

60 feet to the ground and no injuries! For this latest flight, Tokar faces charges of reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and public drunkenness. Here's the source.

Per the Alaska Supreme Court's decision, Judge David Landry:

made inappropriate sexual comments to female court employees in the workplace. These included a note to a female employee that her "Hillbilly thermometers are distracting", a note to a court clerk referring to a juror, stating, "I think Ms. _______ wants me," describing one court clerk as a "shameless hussy"...

Hillbilly thermometers?! Where do you come up with that? Judge Landry also routinely signed blank bail orders, leaving it to the prosecutors to decide "the particulars for out-of-custody defendants." Gee, think there's anything wrong with that? There are a few more findings (like 14 criminal cases that had to be dismissed in 2005 because Judge Landry failed to schedule the trials within the time required by law), but I think you get the idea. Partially because Judge Landry was defeated in November 2006, his punishment was only a "public censure." Oh, and "at no time in the future [may he] seek or hold a position as a judicial officer in the State of Alaska." Where's the accountability? I'm steamed.

A Chinese company called "Beijing Lunar Village Aeronautics and Technology Co Ltd," but operating as the "Lunar Embassy to China," offered land on the moon at the low, low price of 298 yuan (about $40) per acre. And just in case you need to check up on your plot, this ambitious company also registered to engage in space travel.

According to the company's CEO, Li Jie, they sold 49 acres to 34 clients in the first 3 days of operations! Unfortunately for the Lunar Embassy, a Beijing court shut it down, citing a 1983 treated signed by China. The treaty provides that

outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by other means... The exploration and use of outer space shall be carried out for the benefit and in the interests of all countries.

Snap! Naturally, with such a solid claim, the Lunar Embassy appealed ... and lost again. The Chinese government revoked their business license, fined them 50,000 yuan (about $6,250 dollars), and ordered that the investors be refunded their money.

They both sew with a steady hand, right? Somehow, a 30-year-old Indian man posed as a doctor for almost a year without raising even an eyebrow. So how was he caught? A security guard overheard the "doctor" telling a patient that he did not know the way to the pathology lab! And what did the man say when he was caught? He said he was a surgeon in India, had a applied for a job, and was just wandering around waiting for word on his application. But when the police checked him out, they learned that he works in a women's tailor shop! No doubt that's where he made (really) the doctor's uniform that he wore around the hospital.

This man didn't walk into Walgreens with no stinkin' pocket knife. No, it's the Powell Doctrine (remember, overwhelming force?) or nothing. Per The Denver Post:

A 19-year-old Denver man wielding a samurai sword is suspected of holding up a pharmacy Tuesday night in Glendale.

The robber jumped a counter at the Walgreens at 360 S. Colorado Blvd. and threatened employees with a 30-inch long samurai sword, police said.

The robber ran off with a cache of the painkiller Oxycontin but was chased down by police about 100 yards away.

100 yards? Must've forgotten to plan the getaway.

That may be an understatement. Sure, if you're in jail, maybe it's not a big deal to steal from another inmate. But what about stealing a computer from the jail? Yup. Per the Kalamazoo Gazette:

Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced [Western Michigan University student William K.] Bradley on Monday, telling the Kalamazoo resident his jailhouse theft was "the dumbest crime I've heard today" and "may be in the top half-dozen in my career."

Bradley, who has racked up six felonies and four misdemeanors by the age of 25, agreed with the judge, saying, "I'm not the best criminal."

This had to hurt ...

Bradley asked for home arrest, but Giguere instead ordered him back to jail for six months.

Not a good sophomore year for Mr. Bradley.

Okay so the guy had a knife, but it was a butter knife. And the motel clerk didn't think much of it either. Per the Rapid City Journal [South Dakota]:

The front desk clerk told police a man pointed a butter knife at her and asked her for money. When she refused, the man left the hotel, walking west, police said.

The clerk gave police a detailed description of the man. Police searched the area, and about 7 p.m., an officer noticed a man matching the description of the robber standing outside an apartment in the 900 block of Fillmore Street, just north of the hotel. Police recovered a knife they believe was used in the attempted robbery.

Police arrested Robert Lee McKinney, 34, of Rapid City. He has been charged with first-degree robbery and is in custody at Pennington County Jail.

What's he looking at?

First-degree robbery is a class 2 felony with a maximum penalty upon conviction of 25 years imprisonment and a $50,000 fine.

Shazam!