Legal Juice

Criminals don't always make the best decisions. Here's an excellent example, as reported by the South Asian Post:

Angry villagers in eastern India [Jharkhand] burned eight robbers and beat four others to death, police said. About 20 robbers raided a remote village in Jharkhand state, but were surrounded by hundreds of villagers, who began chasing them, the police said. “Four were beaten to death, while eight took shelter in a house, which was set on fire by the villagers,” Mohamed Nehal, a senior police officer, said. Armed villagers stood guard to ensure none of the robbers escaped.

Yikes. Some vigilante justice, a lot of deterrence ...

Yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court's latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it:

It is OK to say ''Who the f*** do you think you are?'' to a boss as an ''instinctive'' reaction to being reprimanded, Italy's highest court said Thursday.

The expression was ''disrespectful but not threatening'' and was not the sort of ''full-blown insubordination'' that might justify a sacking, the Cassation Court said.

The court's ruling, which sets precedents, came in the case of a Naples rest home assistant who was fired when he blew his top after his boss scolded him for breaking plates. The supreme court first OK'd the F-word two years ago, earning world headlines, but has since flip-flopped on the issue.

In July 2007, in its landmark ruling, the court cleared an Abruzzo town councillor who told the mayor to ''f*** off'' during a stormy town meeting because the expression was now ''common usage''.

But it changed tack a few months later by ruling bosses couldn't say employees were ''doing f***-all''.

A similar case last May saw the court take another view, saying mayors could use the word to swear at contractors.

But last July it said bosses must not swear at their staff in a case where a Sicilian company director accused an employee of not understanding ''a f***ing thing''.

Ravi, the husband, wanted an omelette for dinner. And he's not real flexible (at least he wasn't at the time). Wife Kavitha, a school teacher, didn't feel like cooking no stinkin' omelette. After an argument, she began chopping onions for the omelette. After another argument ensued, she took that old knife and planted it right in Ravi's chest. Do NOT mess with Kavitha! (And, generally speaking, don't argue with a knife-wielder.) The fuzz took Kavitha away, while neighbors took Ravi to the hospital. Here's the article. (Trust me, my write-up is better.)

Tired of the same old billboards? You wouldn't be, if you were in Sweden. Some Swedish legislators were upset by mobile billboard ads for strip joints. Per The Local:

“It’s degrading to continually be confronted with cars whose main purpose is to drive around Stockholm’s streets in the evenings – with naked women as the focal point – serving as advertisements for strip clubs,” wrote Sylvia Lindgren and Veronica Palm ....

“Motor-borne advertisements for strip clubs are definitely not in line with an egalitarian view of people. It’s a degrading view of women and sends the wrong signals, especially to children, young people, tourists, and others who find themselves in the public spaces of our streets and city squares.”

So they "introduced a motion that would have required permits for vehicles used to tow billboards through city streets." What do you think? Did it pass? Nope. And ...

As a result, Stockholm’s strip clubs are free to continue sending trucks and trailers rolling down the city’s streets featuring scantily clad women in seductive poses in an attempt to lure customers to their clubs.

The floodgates are open! Look for more scantily clad women, and an uptick in traffic accidents ...

It's been a slow few days in Lake Oswego, Oregon, a town where, apparently, folks will call the police for just about anything. Here are a few highlights from the police department's records, as reported by the Lake Oswego Review:

3/16/09 3:21 p.m. A rusted out van has been parked in a driveway for the past few years. [The ... rust ... must ... be ... stopped ...]

3/16/09 7:39 p.m. A girlfriend was yelled at by her boyfriend and attacked by his dog at George Rogers Park.[It seems like it sorted itself out. Why call the police?]

3/16/09 11:08 p.m. Odd-looking furniture was seen inside a house.[Words escape me.]

3/17/09 5:44 a.m. An elderly man in a wheelchair at a convenience store kept asking people for a ride. He had somehow gotten out of his adult care home. ["Somehow?" Maybe by using his wheelchair?]

3/17/09 10:07 a.m. A shoeless man was seen walking on Highway 43. [No! The shoeless man is back!]

3/17/09 2:53 p.m. A man with a possibly stolen shopping cart was stopped and questioned. He claimed to have permission to use the cart. [Hey, I think that guy was in my town too.]

3/18/09 12:46 a.m. A female neighbor banged on her own door. [Damn you door banger!]

3/18/09 12:25 p.m. A woman has been followed while out walking for the past five years and is getting worried. [She's just now getting worried?]

3/18/09 7:16 p.m. Five cars were parked for more than five minutes in a timed parking area.[The ... fives ... are ... everywhere...]

3/18/09 9:43 p.m. A possible juvenile delinquent threw a ball of mushy paper at a person’s car. ["Possible?" Why is this kid still at large?]

3/21/09 10:31 p.m. A strange, slinking man was seen lurking around a neighborhood.[I was not "slinking." I mean, I was home watching TV.]

3/21/09 11:20 p.m. A man was seen walking in circles and talking to himself. [Still at home, watching TV. Not much going on here.]

That's all for now. Maybe we'll check in on Lake Oswego another time.

If I titled the post "Vanessa Bryant, Vanessa Bryant ...." would you know who I was talking about? No. But like Prince, Shaq, and Magic, everybody knows who Kobe is. Now they're also going to know a little more about his wife Vanessa, thanks to a lawsuit filed by the couple's former housekeeper, Maria Jimenez, for wrongful termination, among other things. Here are a few of the allegations from the Complaint:

Among other abusive comments, Vanessa called Maria "lazy," "slow," "dumb,""a fucking liar" and "fucking shit." [expletives inserted]

On another occasion, Vanessa derided Maria after Maria said she needed to see a doctor but the Bryants had not paid for her medical insurance. "You're a fucking liar," Vanessa said. [expletive inserted]

Uncool, but check this, um, shit out:

On the final incident, Vanessa screamed at Maria for putting an expensive blouse in the Bryants' clothes washer. Then Vanessa demanded that Maria put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for the blouse.

Snap! There's PLENTY more. To view the entire Complaint, click here.

So this British woman (Penny Batkin) is driving her disabled son (he's 4, can't walk or talk, and has frequent seizures) to a hospice when she hears him gasping for air, as reported by The Telegraph. Of course she immediately pulls over to resuscitate him, which she does. Apparently almost everything in Britain is captured by CCTV (closed circuit television). Unfortunately for our heroine, patrolling CCTV-camera-wielding traffic wardens taped her pulling over - illegally, and fined her £100 ($145 US).

Surely the ticket would be dismissed when the authorities received her written explanation, with supporting documentation from the doctor? Nope. But she is pressing on with her appeal with the help of a disability advice charity called Richmond Aid.

A spokeswoman said: "It is absolutely shocking to discover that Richmond Council's parking office cannot find it in their hearts to rescind a parking fine incurred by a desperate mother who had no choice if she was to save the life of her child. We are so appalled we struggle to find the words."

*#@!&+%^! (That's the Juice also struggling to find the words.) Here's the source.

Here are some interesting excuses offered by speeding drivers, as recalled by a Tennessee judge and some police officers, as reported by The Murfreesboro Post:

... When he asked why she sped, the driver replied, “My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal.” Spence wrote her a ticket anyway. He figured she could bring medical proof to court if she wanted to contest the ticket. She paid it without a hearing.

Smyrna Police Traffic Officer Casey Hughey stopped a speeding driver and asked about the reason for traveling so fast. “My colonoscopy bag is leaking,” the driver replied. “Prove it,” Huey said. When the driver proved his case, Huey simply told the driver, “Have a nice night.”

Murfreesboro Police spokesman Kyle Evans, a former traffic officer, said he stopped a man and inquired about the reason for speeding. “The reason I was going so fast is because I couldn’t see the speedometer,” the driver said. Evans peered inside the car and the speedometer appeared fine. The driver explained. “Sir, I had my head so far up my butt there’s no way I could possibly see how fast I was going,” the driver said. “After a few short laughs and a warning citation, he was on his way,” Evans remembered. “It was the most original excuse I’ve heard in my 10 years as a traffic officer.”

Tennessee Highway Patrol Trooper Kay Peay clocked a man driving more than 100 mph on U.S. Highway 231 South (Shelbyville Highway) one cold morning. “Why are you going that fast?” Peay asked. He replied he was trying to get his window to defog because he couldn’t see. “Let me get this straight,” Peay said. “You’re going 100 mph because you couldn’t see?” “Right,” the driver answered. He got a ticket.

THP Sgt. Rick Smith said he’s had several drivers ride right behind him when he’s driving with his lights and sirens on while responding to an emergency call. In one case, a “silver-spoon-fed 18-year-old driving a Mercedes” chased Smith responding to an crash call. Finally, Smith got behind the driver and pulled him over. The driver complained at the scene and later to Judge Loughry that Smith entrapped him. “He told the judge I said he was a smart a--,” Smith said. “The judge told him he tended to agree with me.”

Say what? Yuk. Nice one. Dork. Mama's boy. Click here to read more.

I guess, once upon a time (and still? - okay, let me have it, Tremontonians), certain animal behavior was popular in Tremonton, Utah. From the Tremonton City Ordinances:

13-221. Unlawful Acts. It shall be unlawful for any person to ... (4) ... let any male animal to any female animal for the purpose of providing entertainment or viewing to any person.

Zoinks! Here's a link to the Ordinances.

No, not that. Read on... So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly "poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric," per The Telegraph. But that wasn't the end of it.

Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.

Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: "Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric's little finger." After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.

Ouchee! You can read more here.

OMFG. Make sure you click on the link at the end of the post to see a picture of mailman Gary Bloom's face. He was just making the rounds in Springfield, Missouri when the dog literally attacked HIS FACE. As reported by ky3.com:

The Springfield-Greene County Health Department quarantined the dog for a mandatory 10 days. The dog's owners now face fines from the city for having a loose dog and a possible lawsuit from the United States Postal Service.

Said the owner, after the attack:

"He is a good dog."

Really? And you're sticking with that?

If there is a worse driver out there, I'd be shocked (unless it's the guy in this Juice post). As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O'Neill's driving history:

Her driver’s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21. In 1984, it was suspended again.

Still forbidden to drive, she got a new licence under a different name.

When that, too, was suspended, she got a third.

In 1995, according to parole documents, O’Neill rolled her car on Highway 401, breaking her back in two places. She was charged in March of that year with driving while under suspension and got 15 days in jail.

Five years ago, after she [ran a red light, and] dragged a pedestrian to his death in a crosswalk, a court banned her from driving for 10 years. [At the time of this hit-and-run, she was driving with TWO suspended licenses, under different names.](She was also convicted of perjury for lying at her bail hearing about her criminal record and multiple licence suspensions.) She only served 9 months for killing this man!

Before you get to angry (#!@*&%!), consider this:

Recently she declined repeated interview requests, saying she has consulted psychiatrists to cope with the trauma of the fatal crash.

“I’m trying to get over it,” O’Neill said when reached by phone. “I have a life and I’m trying to get on with it. I just want to live my life. “

Really? Trying to get over it? By ....

Not longer after that conversation, with five years left on her driving ban, O’Neill got behind the wheel of a Lincoln Town Car registered to her husband, another suspended driver.

On Aug. 28, two Record journalists watched as she drove the shiny red car out of her Toronto parking garage and disappeared down the street.

All told,

[Ms. O'Neill] has been involved in at least 15 collisions, often in rented or borrowed cars.

LOCK HER UP! Oh, and don't forget about her criminal history, unrelated to driving.

In 1979, under the last name Cloutier, she was sentenced to five years in prison for the beating and robbery of a 62-year-old man while she ran a Toronto brothel. According to media accounts of the trial, while the victim was being entertained by a 16-year-old prostitute, O’Neill and another man robbed him of jewelry, a camera and cash, before beating him so badly he was blinded in one eye.

To read more, click here.

Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your "friend" testifies ...

"I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink."

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here's what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

"Why am I treated like a cunt?"; "Who's the bitch giving orders?"; "You calling me drunk?" [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: "Don't patronise me... fuck off."; "The bitch couldn't speak English who's denying to serve me."; "You bitch, you can't even speak English."[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior. Here's the source.

Nobody likes a noisy neighbor. What if you lived next to a bar that cranked out music - outside - from 9 p.m. - 3 a.m., from 5 speakers, nonstop? Such was the fate of some folks in Barcelona, Spain. As reported at canada.com:

A court in Barcelona said three persons living near the city's Donegal pub "developed depressive anxiety syndrome that needed medical treatment" due to the noise ...

Oh, and did I mention that the pub owner never got a permit for the outdoor sound system? If you think this is not a jailable offense, you'd be wrong. The owner "received a record jail term of five and a half years for "torturing" his neighbours with loud music from his sound system judicial officials said Monday." (The pub has closed in 2006.)

Ironically, I've often read that one of the hardest things to get used to in prison is ... the constant noise.

Perhaps the Apple iTouch has been out so long that it's no longer "hot." A 15-year-old Ohio boy would beg to differ. Seems he bought an iTouch in November 2008. As alleged in the Complaint filed in Federal Court in Ohio:

On December 4, 2008 ...Plaintiff ... was sitting at his desk with his Apple iTouch in the off position in his pant’s pocket. [He] heard a loud pop and immediately felt a burning sensation on his leg.

Uh oh.

[He] stood up and realized his Apple iTouch had exploded and caught on fire in his pocket.

[He] immediately ran to the bathroom and took off his burning pants with the assistance of a friend. [Give that kid a, uh... Zune.] The Apple iTouch had burned through [his]pants pocket and melted through his Nylon/Spandex underwear, burning his leg. [He had second degree burns.]

Yikes. The Juice wishes the boy a speedy recovery. Props to tomsguide.com for catching wind of this case. (You can read the Complaint by clicking here.)

Nobody likes getting a speeding ticket. But how far would you go to beat it? If you are Australian Judge Marcus Enfield (former Judge, that is), you'd go pretty damn far. As reported at abc.net.au (and brought to The Juice's attention by John in Australia), Mr. Enfield got a speeding ticket in 2006. What was his defense?

[H]e claimed his car was being driven by a friend, Teresa Brennan.

Mind you, this was A JUDGE TESTIFYING UNDER OATH. The problem:

It later emerged that [Ms. Brennan] had died in 2003.

Newman! Mr. Brennan pleaded guilty to "making a false statement under oath and trying to pervert the course of justice." He is awaiting sentencing.

No doubt you should always be on time for a court appearance. But let's say you don't have a ride, and there's this car sitting over there ... Yup, he [allegedly] stole it! As reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Spinnie, 42, of Norwood, is accused of stealing a Chevrolet Uplander on Tuesday in order to get to his 9 a.m. arraignment at the Hamilton County Justice Center. He was due there to face a judge on a charge of receiving stolen property filed Monday in which he was accused of stealing $1,800 worth of jewelry.

But Spinnie never made it to his hearing. A Cincinnati police officer spotted him driving the Uplander outside the justice center and arrested him on a charge of receiving stolen property. Spinnie told the officer he paid a man $10 to use the vehicle.

Am ... out ... side ... the ... justice ... center ... Nooooooooooooo!!!! Missed it by that much!

If you're scheduled to work on Sunday in South Carolina, how about this little ditty from the South Carolina Code:

Any employee of any business which operates on Sunday under the provisions of this section has the option of refusing to work in accordance with Section 53-1-100. Any employer who dismisses or demotes an employee because he is a conscientious objector to Sunday work is subject to a civil penalty of treble the damages found by the court or the jury plus court costs and the employee's attorney's fees. The court may order the employer to rehire or reinstate the employee in the same position he was in prior to dismissal or demotion without forfeiture of compensation, rank, or grade.

No doubt invoking this statute will put you on a path straight to the top.

Is it criminal to be incredibly rude and demeaning? If so, then this New Yorker dining out in Galveston, Texas is surely guilty. Here's what happened, as reported in The Galveston County Daily News:

A Galveston officer was enjoying an early dinner at 4:15 p.m. Monday at Salsa’s Mexican and Seafood Restaurant, 4604 Seawall Blvd., when he overheard a conversation between a man and a woman, said Lt. D.J. Alvarez, a Galveston Police Department spokesman.

“The man said to the female, ‘I can’t believe you’re so f------ stupid,’” Alvarez said, who was reading from a police report of the incident made public Tuesday. “‘What the f--- were you thinking?’”

Like I said, demeaning and rude, but criminal?

“The manager was offended by the curse words,” Alvarez said. “And the man was arrested when the manager came forward to complain about the breach of peace.”

The man was charged with a misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct, Alvarez said.

I haven't been to Galveston, but I'm guessing that, like probably everywhere else on earth, there are more pressing problems than 2 f-bombs dropped in a restaurant. (Judge Juice says: Unidentified f-bomber, two hours with Miss Manners [Noooooooooooo!!!!!]; Lt. Alvarez, fight some real crime.)

The Juice abhors vagueness. The European Union register of hand-luggage restrictions (which, by the way, was secret until last year!) prohibits passengers from bringing "any blunt instrument capable of causing injury" on the plane, as reported by The Austrian Times. Pretty vague right? Right, as Vienna, Austria resident Gottfried Heinrich learned the hard way.

[Mr.] Heinrich was thrown off a flight to Antalya, Turkey, at Vienna International Airport in 2005 for having his tennis rackets with him – after having already cleared general-security screening.

Thrown off the plane! Mr. Heinrich was pissed!

Heinrich was so angry that he brought a compensation case against the Austrian authorities for having failed to inform him he was carrying banned items.

And ...

The Austrian court said the matter was of such great importance to all airline passengers in the European Union that it referred the case to the ECJ [European Court of Justice] in Luxembourg. After winning his case yesterday, Heinrich is now able to pursue his compensation case at a Vienna court.

Here is the ECJ's reasoning:

... the unpublished European Union (EU) register of hand-luggage restrictions could not be enforced because passengers had no way of knowing exactly what was prohibited.

What else had passengers not not known they were not allowed to take in the cabin?

... skateboards, golf clubs and fishing rods ...

Go figure. Here's the source.

So the police respond to a call regarding a gas station burglary. At the scene, they see old Bullock trying to hide. When told to halt, he runs - and crashes through a plate glass window. He was caught and taken to the hospital. When the cuffs were removed, and put on with his hands in front of him so he could be treated, he ran again! He was caught again, charged with unauthorized entry and simple escape, and convicted on both counts. As a multiple offender, Bullock was sentenced to 17 years at hard labor. (Shazam!) You can imagine this did not sit real well with him. Per the Court, "After the trial judge granted an oral motion for appeal and the appellate counsel was appointed, the following dialogue occurred between the trial judge and defendant:

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here, padner [sic]. Let the record reflect the defendant just told the Court twice "fuck you."

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: No, you, Mr. Bullock.

THE COURT: Three counts in direct contempt of court consecutive, 18 months. Do you want to go for two years?

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Two years direct contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Two years, six months.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Three years consecutive contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Three [**13] and a half years, Mr. Bullock. Three years, six months, direct contempt of court consecutive to the 17 years the Court just gave him.

MR. JOHNSON [DEFENSE COUNSEL]: Just for the record, note an objection.

THE COURT: That will be noted also. Let's go on the record as to James Bullock, so the Court of Appeals [sic] will know what happened. Mr. Bullock twice screamed "fuck you" to the Court after the Court had sentenced him. The Court found both to be in direct contempt and told the sheriff to escort him out of the courtroom. Mr. Bullock continued the entire way being escorted out of the courtroom, even after he was out of the courtroom before the sheriff's [sic] could [*458] put him in a holding cell, continued to scream "fuck you" at the Court. The Court finds that each time he did this to be in direct contempt. It is six months on each one consecutive to the 17-year sentence the Court had just give [sic] him on the other charges.

Damn! Three and a half more years for that? Old Bullock appealed. What do you think the Supreme Court of Louisiana did?

Continue reading "F-Bombs Hurled At Judge; "No You" Says Judge. The Result?" »

If you're going to break into a tavern and steal 4 1/2 cases of beer, it's not a good idea to leave YOUR LIBRARY CARD ON THE FLOOR. Yes, these are allegations, but it sure doesn't look good for 34-year-old Kristopher Lehnhardt of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. As reported in The Sheboygan Press, according to a criminal complaint:

A bartender at Cozy Bar, 116 E. Mill St., called police about 2:30 a.m. Feb. 22 after discovering lights on, a cooler open and a window screen cut in the basement.

She also found Lehnhardt's Mead Public Library card on the floor by a door, where it appeared to have been used in an attempt to unlock the door.

Missing were four cases of Miller Lite and six cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

I think the real story is that someone actually stole PBR. Anyway, so just the library card? Anything else? Um. Yeah.

A friend of Lehnhardt's told police Lehnhardt admitted taking the beer and putting it outside to pick it up later.

Thanks, "friend." Mr. Lehnhardt "could face up to 18 months in jail, if convicted on misdemeanor counts of theft and property damage."

What else would you put in a mail slot on a door other than a letter? A penis, or course. Such was the case with Mr. Bryan Owens. And it wasn't easy. As reported in The Sun:

Prosecutor Paul Caulfield said: “He had adapted the draft excluder to make a hole wide enough for him to stick his penis through so others could see it.

Owens was originally cautioned for the offence last September when a woman spotted him flashing his member on her way to work.

Despite the warning he was then collared doing the same thing a month later.

The defense? None. Mr. Owens pleaded guilty. Said the judge: “You have clearly got a problem which you need to overcome.” Indeed. The sentence was two years of supervision and five years on the sex offender registry. Here's the source.

Judge Paul Cosgrove was already having a bad day. He was at a meeting of the full Canadian Judicial Council, trying to keep his job. (A panel of 5 judges had voted 4-1 to remove him.) And at that meeting (per the Globe and Mail) ...

Adding to Judge Cosgrove's woes, security was so lax at the Council meeting that a man who managed to plant himself in front of him at one point interrupted the hearing to angrily serve Judge Cosgrove with what he claimed were legal papers.

The man quickly slipped out of the room after calling Judge Cosgrove, “you mother-fucker.”

Think maybe the Judge was proving to be difficult to serve?

Son of a biscuit! She did crash that funeral. As reported by FoxCarolina.com:

According to a[n] incident report, Nicole Leonard walked into the church while the funeral was going on and started dancing near the casket.

Sure, that's weird, but read on.

The report said that Leonard then started waving a wand around the casket before opening it and laying her hands on the deceased. Leonard then started tapping the deceased man’s head with the wand, which was described as a car antenna.

You might be wondering, as I did, what her connection was to the deceased. None!

“(It’s) kind of ironic and weird in its own right, especially for someone with no connection to the family or the deceased in any way that we can find,” [Laurens County Sheriff Ricky] Chastain said. [He happened to be at the funeral.] “(She) just picked this funeral at random to stop in and do what she did.”

Surely Ms. Leonard can clear this up.

According to the incident report, when Leonard was asked why she did it, she said that she thought it was the right thing to do at the time.

See? It all makes sense. (She was charged with "disrupting a funeral.")

No offense (really) to the kid who started all of this "no cussing" stuff (notice I didn't say "shit" - doh!), but really, are words in and of themselves "bad?" Has the word "shit," by itself, ever hurt anyone? What about "You're fat" or "You're ugly" or "You're stupid?"

Off my soapbox, and on to Mr. Anthony Ruano, who probably wishes I were King. Seems that young Mr. Ruano (age 18) had an argument with his dad, then headed across the street, spray paint in hand. On the wall of the building facing his dad's house, he wrote a 7-foot-long message - "Fuck You." Unfortunately for Mr. Ruano, that building WAS AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

As luck (bad) would have it, Mr. Ruano chose to do this during Los Angeles County's "No Cussing Week." Per The Contra Costa Times,

Ruano finds himself prosecuted under a City Attorney's Office plan to work to improve safety and security at the city's school campuses....

[He] was charged with one count of vandalism and could go to jail for a year and pay up to $10,000 in fines if convicted.

It's pathetic, but props to The Contra Costa Times for at least saying the graffiti rhymed with "Muck
Goo," placing it one notch above the legions of "expletive deleted" censors.

Is it just me (it often is), or is it a little strange for a couple to exchange cell phone videos of their genitals? Because that was Christopher Walker's explanation for sending a cell phone video of his genitals to ... not his girlfriend! Doh! Per the BBC:

When interviewed, Walker said he had been off work and and been drinking when he tried to send the call to his girlfriend, but had got the number wrong.

He said the footage of his genitals was meant for his partner ...

Hmm. Wouldn't his girlfriend's number be in his contacts, so he wouldn't need to dial it? Although he got probation, Mr. Walker will be a registered sex offender for 3 years, and must attend a community sex offender's group program. Here's the source. For a few more cell phone stories, click here.

Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait ...

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance ...

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That's the best you can do? How about "What was that, sonny? I'm a little hard of hearing." Or "I thought it was that 'non-alcoholic' beer."

Sure, I'll bet just about every one of you has talked on a cell phone while driving. But a Kettering, Ohio woman took it to another level. As reported by The Dayton Daily News:

Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangering after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding a youngster and talking on a phone while driving.

Police in the Dayton suburb of Kettering say the caller told them he saw the woman Thursday.

Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton.

He said the woman told officers she was breast-feeding and wouldn't let her child go hungry.

Burke said the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap while driving, not that she was breast-feeding in public. He said the child was under 2 years old.

Police say the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor.

Here's another multitasking story.

Truth - this defense was really used in court. The charge against Japanese pin-up Serena Kozakura was kicking a hole in a door, and then crawling through it to enter an apartment. She was convicted. On appeal, Serena's lawyer argued that, with a 44-inch chest, she could not possibly have fit through the hole in the door! The Judge agreed, and tossed the case. Said Serena,

“I used to hate my body so much, but it was my breasts that won in court.”

Shazam! Props to wizbangblog and Japundit for finding this story. Click here to see the story as posted on Weird Asia News (including photos and video).

That, Juice readers, is the question of the day. It will be answered when Sarah Welch has her day in court from ... (see YouTube video below).

As reported by TMZ.com:

Sarah Welch -- a model and former contestant on "The Bachelor" -- is suing several companies involved with the fashion show she worked at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood on October 18, 2007.

Welch claims she suffered "great injuries to her body, shock and injuries to her nervous system" after she fell through a hole in the runway which was created by the performer who went on before her. [She] is suing for negligence and is seeking unspecified damages.