Legal Juice

If you live in Kern County, California, the answer is ... there is no limit! That's got some folks mighty angry with Ms. Kimi Peck, who has at least 168 dogs insider her home, according to KGET News. That's a lot of dog hair. (Can you imagine washing and brushing all of those dogs?) Why so many dogs?

Peck says the animals at her house are society's throwaways: dogs deemed too vicious or turned over to animal shelters in the Southland over the last 15 years and facing certain euthanasia.

You can probably guess why she moved to Kern County.

"I would never have come up here if it weren't for the laws that stated it's ok to have as many dogs as you want as long as they are individually licensed and have rabies vaccinations," Peck said.

In fact ...

Peck says she never applied for special zoning or a permit because she was told by Animal Control that she didn't need one.

What's in store for Ms. Peck?

"We're going to go to the Board at the end of February, and ask the Board of Supervisors to make a determination there is a zoning violation there and to consider imposing administrative citations against [Ms. Peck]," said County Building Inspection Division Director Charles Lackey.

Think Ms. Peck is going to pack up and look for a more receptive locale? No chance.

"What do I say to them [her complaining neighbors]? Get a life. Get a life, you poor pathetic people," Peck said. "These are lies. And these people better be prepared for a lawsuit."

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Hey, look out for that ... lamppost. As reported by the BBC:

CCTV has captured the moment when two handcuffed prisoners' attempt to escape custody came to a crashing end as they ran into a lamppost.

The pair ran away while awaiting their court hearing in Hastings and managed to cross a street towards a car park before they were recaptured.

Thanks to our friends at www.lawandmore.co.uk for bringing this story to the Juice's attention.

Didn't I tell you not to complain about the calzone? But no, you wouldn't listen. As reported by the Sun Sentinel:

Flagler County authorities say a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect.

Joseph Milano, the owner of Goomba's Pizzeria, has been charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon and released on bail.

According to a police report, security footage from the pizzeria shows that Milano struck Richard Phinney with a gun. He then jumped over a counter and started to assault Phinney and his roommate.

Phinney was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said was prepared incorrectly. He was taken to a hospital after the incident with a bloodied head.

Is it just me, or would you like to try one of Goomba's calzones too?

Mr. Weusi McGowan was on trial in San Diego. It's clear that he was dissatisfied with both his lawyer and the jury. How do we know this? Per 10news.com:

At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on [his attorney's] hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

Ooooooh. What then? The jury was dismissed (whew) and the trial was postponed until another lawyer could be appointed. And in case you think this was the first time ...

The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.

What do you Mr. McGowan was alleged to have used in the case he was on trial for? Wrong! Not feces.

The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007. McGowan allegedly ransacked the man's apartment then stole some of the victim's belongings and took off in the victim's car.

Here's the source.

That headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP:

Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years.

TWO YEARS! What would you think happens to your body under those circumstances?

The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means."

So, the obvious question: What kind of boyfriend would let his girlfriend sit on a toilet for 2 years without getting her help? Answer: A dude who said that, hey, she stayed in the bathroom of her own free will. Legally, what's going to happen to the "worst boyfriend over a two-year period" ever?

Sheriff Whipple said his office may charge the boyfriend with mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Sitting on his toilet for 2 years? I'd say that definitely made her "dependent" on him.

Target the store, that is. I don't understand what drives a foot fetishist, though when I think about the sweet, gentle curve of the arch, the juicy meat of the big toe ... oh, sorry. Anyway, I don't know what Robert James, Sr. of Montgomery County, Pennsylvania was thinking when he went to Target, posing as a podiatrist. He identified himself as a doctor, and asked a woman what kind of shoe she was wearing because he was concerned about her arch support.

In furtherance of his Hippocratic oath, Dr. James got on his knees and "began to manipulate her toes and touch her foot" according to Officer Patrick Malloy. Then the jig was up. The woman told Target's security about the good doctor. They found Mr. James in his car. He was [cover your kid's eyes] playing with himself. What did the fuzz do? "Um, sorry to interrupt you, doctor..." No, they hit him with charges of indecent exposure and open lewdness. And surely he was charged with foot fondling? Nope. It's not a crime in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania! Perhaps coincidentally, next year's FLAP convention (Foot Lovers and Podiatrists) will be held in ... Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. [not]

No! I told you not to tell me that! As reported by The Cincinnati Enquirer:

The 88-year-old Blue Ash woman arrested after refusing to give a 13-year-old neighborhood boy his football back after it landed in her yard has sued the youth's parents, alleging emotional distress.

Don't laugh. This is serious stuff.

The suit contends that members of the Tanis household "have thrown objects against the side of Ms. Jester's house, into her gardens and onto her porch."

The Tanises and their minor children "regularly and without permission" enter Jester's yard to retrieve footballs and other play items that have been "carelessly tossed" onto her property, the suit adds.

See what I mean? Very serious stuff. Oh, the pain! This is exactly the kind of case a personal injury lawyer hates to see. Click here to read more.

[Warning: kids, leave the room.] Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to £2, exactly the required fee. I can answer her question the same way I answer my kids on occasion [the occasion being that I can't think of a reason] - because. Ms. Hodges is not one to take such things (including a £60 [$120 US]) fine lying down. She e-mailed the council, and, per The Guardian, here's how it responded:

Despite clear instructions on the reverse of Mrs Hodges' vouchers warning that you can only use two vouchers at any time, the council decided to use its discretionary powers and revoke the fine.

However, this cancellation came with the proviso that should Mrs Hodges get another parking ticket, that fine will not be cancelled.

So kids, remember today's lesson: while 2 x 1 = 2, don't assume that 4 x .5 = 2. Click here to read more.

Calvin Edwards of Fort Pierce, Florida takes his chicken VERY seriously. Just ask his brother. Per The Treasure Coast Palm:

The brother said he and Edwards were “scuffling over chicken wings when Calvin pulled a small pocket knife and threatened to cut him” ...

Not just chicken, but chicken wings. Now it's all making sense ... But surely Mr. Edwards has a different version?

Edwards said his mother and brother started yelling at him and said he “needed to defend himself.”

The charges? Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and battery. Pretty serious, since the brother only had a scratch on his wrist, and the knife was never found.

This one is bizarre, even to the Juice. Shaun Michael Burke has been charged with seriously beating a woman with a rubber dildo (wrapped in duct tape) while he robbed her house. The police also suspect that her dog bit Mr. Burke - for the last time. He has also been charged with killing the dog by duct-taping it to a tree (causing asphyxiation). Mr. Burke is in deep shit if the blood in the dogs mouth turns out to be his. (The attacker was wearing a leather mask.) Click here to read the full story in the Daily Mercury.

Maybe you wouldn't be so impressed if I told you that Elizabeth Okazaki pretended to be a student for 4 months at UCLA, even obtaining a BruinCard that allowed her to use the recreational facilities (where she stored some of her stuff!) and the libraries. She just got busted, and booted. But her prior stint?

She posed as a physics graduate student at Stanford University for four years! Apparently Stanford is a real destination for fake students. They recently discovered that a woman who lived in a dorm and attended classes for a year was a fake student! Crazy. You can read more, mostly about the UCLA story, here.

Kathleen Jennings, age 19, is getting hosed. This young lady is no reprobate. She is a Cub Scout leader who works with disabled children! And she is an A student, and is studying math at Manchester University. She's never been in any trouble before. She is now, and here's why: While riding the train, she put the tips of her flip-flops on the unoccupied seat in front of her. Said the big bad railway man: "Are you comfortable?" She immediately put her feet down. Not good enough.

Ms. Jennings was charged with “wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience” of other rail passengers. Actually, I'd say that's what the railway man did. Just to reinforce the kind of young lady we're talking about, this was her reaction upon being charged:

I was crying my eyes out. I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong. I have never been in trouble before and, working with children, I do not want a criminal record.

She will have to pay an attorney, and could face a fine of up to £150 ($218 US). Brilliant!

And Ms. Jennings is not alone. Since the "no feet on the seats" policy was implemented in February 2007, the company operating the trains, Merseyrail, has taken about 250 people to court! Mercy! If you want to read about another scofflaw who was busted under this 120-year-old rule, click here.

In Italy, you can be a part-time Judge and a practicing attorney. So there were these identical twins, one of whom was a part-time Judge and a lawyer. The other sister had finished law school, but was not a practicing attorney, or so everyone thought.

Seems the Judge (Gabriela Odisio) was double-booked, and asked her sister to stand in for her! And it worked the other way too, with Patrizia sitting as a Judge for her sister. It worked for 3 years! How did they get busted? Slip of the lip. A client overheard them talking about it!

When the moment comes, I think it's safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy's Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy's. I don't want to believe that little Wendy, with those cute red braids, would allow this to occur. And remember, these were just allegations.

There was no toilet paper! Mr. Chai had to use his handkerchief! When the nightmare ended, Mr. Chai did what I think most of us would - he sued Wendy's, seeking

$2.00 for the loss of a handkerchief, $5,000 'for the unreasonable risk to his health,' $2500 'for humiliation and negligent infliction of emotional distress,' and $5000 in punitive damages for Wendy's 'wanton act of failing to provide toilet tissue in contravention of the Ohio Food Services Rules.'

Wendy's lawyers hit the law books, then filed a one sentence reply to Mr. Chai's complaint: "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha." Actually, they asked the court to dismiss the claim "for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted." To Mr. Chai's horror [don't worry, he appealed], the court agreed.

The Court finds beyond doubt that the Plaintiff can state no cause of action upon which relief can be granted. The entire complaint consists of the Plaintiff's frustration and inconvenience caused by the temporary omission of toilet paper from the men's restroom area... The plaintiff had several alternatives and his lack of ingenuity caused an alleged $2 loss. This Court has held a scheduling conference [oh to be a fly on the wall for that one] and has considered the facts set forth in the motions and having spent adequate time reviewing the allegations and facts brought to the Court's attention, this Court finds that the Plaintiff is not entitled to proceed further with this action.

Well, this did not sit well with Mr. Chai, so he appealed. And what do you think happened?

Continue reading "Wendy's, Toilet Paper, And ... A Lawsuit?" »

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for "conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency"), and put on the sex offenders' registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you "swindle" folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude's flat?

... 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker."

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Here's the source.

Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn't in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn't have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, "I know you have money. It's a bank."

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he'll get in jail ...

All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:

Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.

And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.

The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.

Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?

They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.

Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.

Let's say you rob somebody, and then you're foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices. As reported in New York's "The Journal News" ...

[Lt.] Clark said the incident occurred Tuesday, when the victim, who works at the Scarsdale Public Library, left work about 9 p.m. to catch a bus home. About 20 minutes later, as he waited at the Post and Olmsted roads bus stop, he was attacked by a group of young men who police said beat him until he momentarily blacked out. They fled in a car after taking the man's briefcase.

Knocking the dude out? That's cold. Why'd they do it?

"The investigation revealed that this was a completely random attack, and that these young men set out to beat somebody up,'' Clark said. "Taking the briefcase was almost incidental. One of the men said that his mother had died recently, and that he was angry and just wanted to beat someone up."

Really? I didn't know random asskicking was one of the 5 stages of grief. Just how did the bust go down?

The next day, [the victim] received the taunting phone call, which he immediately reported to police. Within hours, Scarsdale Detectives Russ Morvant and Servando Rodriguez were able to trace the call to a house on North Kensico Avenue in White Plains. They found Marzano, of 100 N. Kensico Ave., there, along with Pacicca, of 1649 Hall Ave., and Brown.

Find anything else?

The detectives also found the stolen briefcase and other items belonging to the victim ...

Doh!

Certainly nobody (save some of the cheaters) would argue that it's wrong to cheat on your spouse. Likewise, just about everybody (save a few vengeful souls) would argue that Rajni Narayan, of Adelaides, Australia, went too far when she "... set fire to her husband's genitals..." As reported by the Press Trust of India:

An Indian-born Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband's genitals suspecting his fidelity has appeared in a local court with fresh charges of murder slapped against her.

Rajni Narayan, 44, who allegedly murdered her husband, in a bizarre manner by torching his genitals which set her Cleveland Avenue townhouse in Adelaides ablaze had later told her neighbourers "it's just a penis I wanted to burn I didn't mean this to happen" Narayan who suspected her husband of having an affair told the neighbours, "I am a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else."

Narayan was remanded to police custody until Friday and had to undergo a Psychological assessment as prosecutor said that her engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey house when his wife set his genitals on fire after dousing them with methylated spirit on Dec 8 last, Adelaide Now reported.

The blaze reduced to rubble the couple's USD 700,000 house and also damaged neighbouring houses. Satish Narayan, 47, succumbed to his burns in hospital last week, the paper said. After being produced before the local magistrate here the public prosecutor said the charges against the widow had been upgraded to murder. You can read more here.

Posted by John Mesirow | Permalink | Email This Post

Posted In: Odd Cases

You would think that even a petty thief would be mindful of the the old adage about "going to the well once to often." Not this guy. As reported by the Australian publication The Age:

A serial beer bandit who was caught after stealing beer on three separate occasions from the same house. Wendouree man Leigh John Parkes first stole beer and some loose change in January after seeing a carton of lager in an open garage. Parkes, 25, struck again two months later, lifting the roller-door and stealing 36 stubbies worth $50. Within weeks he was back, but when he found the roller-door locked, he forced open a window. He stole another carton of beer and some tools, worth $170. Parkes was jailed for six months.

The same house, 3 times within less than 3 months? Should get some extra time just for that ...

Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ...

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

So what have the neighbors done?

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

The results?

... inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia's example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban's yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

"We don't do pretty," said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. "What's one person's junk is another person's art."

I'm with Cato Institute "expert on private property rights" Roger Pilon who suggested that the neighbors should "lighten up."

Certainly it's no State v. Johnson, but the Buldoni case will have to do for today. As reported at myCentralJersey.com, here's what happened in a case involving Mr. Buldoni, before Judge Emery Toth:

After pleading not guilty, Buldoni, also known as Luis Martinez, tried to explain the offenses to Toth.

But Toth was having none of it ...

Toth suggested that the reason Buldoni got arrested was for failing to appear in court in November 2007 for the summonses. But Buldoni told the judge he was wrong.

This is not usually something judges like to hear.

"All right. Well if you'd stop getting arrested, then you wouldn't have any of these problems, right?" the judge said.

Snap!

"Excuse me, your honor?" Buldoni replied.

"I don't want to have a debate with you," the judge said. "I don't want to have an Oprah Winfrey conversation with you...See you around."

(Are we clear?! Crystal, sir.)

As he was leaving the video-conference room, Buldoni made a noise, which Toth later described as "raspberries."

"I don't want to tell you what you really are, but I'm a street guy. So when I said, "See you later,' hey, I didn't really get offended when you gave me the old fist up in the air. That's okay. I didn't really care about that. But when you give me the raspberries when walking out and you give me some kind of disrespect, I'm telling you that's contempt in the face of the court. You're going to jail. You'll stay there for another 30 days...you open your mouth, you give me any more attitude, I'm going to give you some more jail time."

Okay, 30 days ... um, hold on ...

"Appreciate it," Buldoni said.

"Okay, I'm giving you 40, 45 days," Toth said.

The exchange grew even more heated. Buldoni made another remark that the transcript lists as indiscernible.

"Sixty days. Get out of here," the judge said.

"No, give me 70," Buldoni said.

"Seventy-five," Toth said.

The quarrel continued until Buldoni got 180 days.

Did he serve all 180 days? Apparently so, according to Judge Toth. So why was this exchange reported? Because Judge Toth recently had a disciplinary case filed against him as a result of this case!

This man clearly belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. "Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly," said an official.

How 'bout those security guards?

"Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU's Experimental School at noon," the official said. "Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke," the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn't stop a naked man? Nope. ...

...this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn't tase him.

And if that wasn't enough excitement on campus for the day ...

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey's body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That's more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

Here's the story from ABC News (that's the Australian Broadcasting Corporation):

A Darwin man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Stuart Highway.

The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat.

Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.

He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters. He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.

He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle. Magistrate Sue Oliver says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct she expects of someone much younger.

Just to recap: While driving 91 miles per hour (without a license), dude was filming himself while masturbating. And, he had a loaded gun, pot pipes, and pot plants with him in the car. Oh my.

I sure didn't. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn't sleep - and was almost there when I got to the definition of "mayhem")

Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5001)

Now wide awake, I read on:

CANNIBALISM DEFINED -- PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who willfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. (2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. (3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5003).

So, if you're ever in Idaho, (1) watch your back, because someone can legally eat you if the cupboard is bare, (2) don't drink anything red, and (3) if you're not sure what it is, don't eat it!

Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)?

That he wear underwear.

For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is "... well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man." Unfortunately, that's apparently all he wears - a blanket. As his lawyer described it ...

"He wears high-risk clothing. It's a way of life rather than a deliberate attempt at lewdness."

"High-risk." Nice touch. What did the Judge think?

Judge Tom Broadmore was sceptical of Ms Dixon's explanation: "I was walking down Courtenay Place and I'm sure he was exposing his genitals. It's just not something the public should have to tolerate."

Counselor?

Ms Dixon suggested making the wearing of underwear a bail condition as a "precautionary measure".

Done? Done.

The judge agreed to bail on condition that Hana not enter licensed premises, other than supermarkets, not drink alcohol and that he wear underpants or boxer shorts while in public.

Posted by John Mesirow | Permalink | Email This Post

Posted In: Wacky

Does it really matter if "Pig-pig" is a pig or hog? Turns out it does. As reported by The Tacoma News Tribune:

A pig named Pig-pig was at the center of a courtroom drama this spring in Tacoma Municipal Court. The weighty legal question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

Seriously, the question for the learned legal scholars: Is a pig a hog?

The saga began back in 2006 when a Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department inspector told Judson Morris III he was not permitted to keep a hog at his house within the City of Tacoma. Chapter 5.32 of the Tacoma Municipal Code forbids it.

Morris fought the charge, and his public defender successfully argued that the swine at Morris’ house was not a hog, and therefore not subject to the city ordinance.

It was, he said, a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. The city rules don’t say anything about pigs, the attorney argued.

The judge dismissed the case, but the city appealed to Pierce County Superior Court. A judge there reversed the dismissal and ordered the case sent back to Tacoma Municipal Court.

A jury trial is scheduled for Jan. 14. Seriously.

Somehow I doubt they'll be able to look to the legislative history to resolve this one ...

As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune:

In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car – on an airport runway. According to court documents, the man, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway – and floored it. He hit 105 mph before the car sheared off a runway light, went airborne and landed upside down at the bottom of an embankment, court records said. He suffered minor scrapes, police said. His passenger was more seriously injured. The man pleaded guilty to DUI and had his pilot’s license, er driver’s license, suspended 90 days.

Motha trucka!

If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE:

Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage. When she went to check on the noise, she says she found a man sexually assaulting her four year old female rottweiler.

Police arrested Josh Coman, 20, for aggravated burglary of a home and criminal sodomy. Coman pleaded guilty last year to a similar crime involving a dog in Reno County. Police say the state's new Magnum's Law, designed to protect animals from abuse, does not cover sexual assaults. However, state law prohibits sexual contact between humans and animals.

Authorities say Coman knew the family of the dog he reportedly attacked. Investigators plan to present their case to the District Attorney later this week.

A serial dog cornholer? Dude has some serious issues (not that a one-timer doesn't ...) Here's the source.

If you or I ever try to pull the shit that Tennessee doctor Robert E. Grindstaff admitted to doing, fuhgeddaboudit. While he was in the hospital, here's what went down, per The Kingsport Times-News:

[from August 3 through September 8] unlicensed personnel at Grindstaff’s Pinecrest Family Practice in Johnson City treated 115 patients by evaluating and questioning them about their needs and calling in refills for prescriptions without consulting a physician.

... during those dates If the patient required a Schedule II controlled substance, a member of Grindstaff’s staff took a note to Grindstaff to have him sign the prescription without his review of the patient’s records.

During the same time period, Grindstaff’s office billed patients for nursing visits despite the fact the doctor was not in the office and there are no nurses or staff members at the practice “with any formal training or experience in any medically related field.”

Really serious shit, right? Apparently not. Dr. Grindstaff did not even have his medical license suspended!

The board placed Grindstaff’s license on probationary status for two years, during which he must complete an educational seminar on prescribing controlled drugs, a comprehensive physician assessment, and a clinical education program.

The board further ordered Grindstaff to pay up to $1,000 of the cost of the health department’s prosecution of his case.

Excuse me, but la-di-fucking-da! This punishment was imposed notwithstanding that ...

According to the board, Grindstaff’s actions violated both state statutes and medical practice acts governing gross malpractice, unprofessional conduct, prescribing and dispensing drugs, and medical record keeping.

Please, tell me it's not just me. Absent some incredible mitigating factors, this guy should have had his license revoked.

If you fancy a little weed with your milk delivery, you could have had it, for a little while. As reported by The Belfast Telegraph:

An OAP milkman supplied cannabis to pensioners to ward off their aches and pains, a court heard today.

Robert Holding, 72, delivered the drug - which he kept in an egg box - while doing his daily milk round. Burnley Crown Court heard that he had 17 customers and built up his trade through "word of mouth".

Judge Beverley Lunt said Holding said in his police statement that the cannabis "was for elderly people who had aches and pains". Philip Holden, for the defence, said Holding's customers "were of a certain age" and he built up his clientele through "word of mouth".

Mr Holden said it was a "somewhat bizarre case".

Holding, of Fair View Road, Burnley, Lancashire, pleaded guilty to supplying cannabis resin, a Class C drug, between April 1 and July 18 this year. He also admitted possessing cannabis resin on July 17. The case was adjourned for a pre-sentence report. Holding was released on bail and will be sentenced at Burnley Crown Court on February 6.

Judge Lunt warned him: "You must understand these are serious offences and in my judgment the likely outcome is an immediate custodial sentence."

"Serious offences?" A little weed for some old folks who are in pain, or maybe just looking for a buzz? I might have agreed, but we just got this new milkman, and life is now different shades of mellow ...