Legal Juice

People often ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal." In the not-so-fine print, I read the following:

Do not take Xyzal if you are allergic to Xyzal ...

I had to read it again, and again, because it was SO STUPID. I'm trying to think of an equally stupid analogy, but ... my ... head ... is ... about ... to ... explode ...

But there's more. The "don't operate heavy machinery while taking this drug" warning is very common. But what about driving your car?

"Patients taking Xyzal should avoid operating machinery or driving a motor vehicle."

You can't take this allergy drug and safely drive a car? Doesn't this eliminate MOST PEOPLE IN THE DEVELOPED WORLD? And just to be sure it wasn't a misprint, I checked the company's website, and found the same warning! Brilliant!

Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

What did she say happened?

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

"She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Who do you believe? Regardless, she was arrested for misdemeanor battery after "... the deputy saw the injury, [and] photographed it ..." Yow!

Seriously, I thought you were someone else ... As reported by The Arkansas Times:

Best reason not to work under your car

In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it. Man was charged with assault, among other felonies, and got no satisfaction from the crime since, uh, it wasn't his girlfriend the car fell on. Some other woman. No word on whether his plea was, “Oops, sorry! Meant to kill somebody else.”

As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He's been indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails:

[Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I'm Patrick I'm in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden. Since he supports Hezballah, he's an anti-Semitic motherfucker, and the only good Arab is a dead Arab.

[Voice mail to an Institute employee:] Hello Valerie, you fucking Arab American shit. James Zogby and you are all Hezballah supporters. The only good Arab is a dead Arab... You God [inaudible] bitch.

[E-mail to two Institute employees; all e-mails sent to work addresses:] Zogby's anti-Semitic, anti-American statements (and those of the AAI in general) are abhorrent, repulsive and disgusting. The only good Lebanese is a dead Lebanese (as the IDF knows and is carrying out in its security operations, God bless them.) Fuck the Arabs and Fuck James Zogby and his wicked Hizbollah brothers. They will burn in hellfire on this earth and in the hereafter.

Oh, and there's plenty more here.

P.S. What happened to Mr. Syring? He pleaded guilty to federal civil rights violations. You can read more here.

Check out these fellas, as reported by The Arkansas Times:

Worst dillweeds

Several people were arrested in April and charged in a series of burglaries in the Hillcrest section of west Little Rock after they pawned a digital camera that contained pictures of them displaying and bragging about all the loot they'd stolen, including the camera.

Doh! Reminds me of the "wet bandits" from Home Alone.

I immediately thought of "Fight Club" when I read this story. As reported by Forbes.com:

For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.

Quoting Fawn Leibowitz's "Animal House" friends, "Ewwwwww!" But is it legal?

Using fat to fuel cars might be environmentally friendly, but it's definitely illegal in California to use human medical waste to power vehicles, and Bittner is being investigated by the state's public health department.

To read more (a fair amount) click here. (One guess - What is the main ingredient in the soap in "Fight Club"?)

Continue reading "Doctor Used WHAT To Power His Car?" »

Englishman Elliot Carnell caught one hell of a break. After drinking 15 pints of beer at a Christmas party, Carnell punched his ex-wife's Sri Lankan boyfriend in the head - 6 times! Oh, and he hit his ex-wife and her daughter when they tried to stop him. Carnell copped to the racially aggravated assault, and was sentenced to 150 hours community service and alcohol counseling. But wait ...

As if that sentence wasn't light enough, it gets worse. When Carnell showed up to begin his community service (picking up litter), he was ordered to stop! Why? Because he's a truck driver, and officials were concerned that, with the additional work [the community service], he would exceed the maximum of 48 hours per week for a truck driver! And he might be tired and get in an accident. Said Mr. Carnell:

I was a bit bewildered by what happened but I'm happy. I was willing to do the punishment.

Said Ms. Carnell:

I'm really upset. It's not right. Now he's free to go to the pub drinking with his friends and causing trouble. He should have gone to jail. It's not a strong enough punishment. He must be laughing.

Probably. And this is not Mr. Carnell's first racially related assault. His prior conviction was for popping a German dude wearing an England football shirt. You can read more (just a bit) in the Daily Mail article.

Straight from Judge in the case, as reported by The Palm Beach Post:

"This case presents the strangest facts and set of circumstances that I've witnessed in my 28 years as a lawyer," Circuit Judge Jorge Labarga said as he sentenced Dean to life in prison.

So what happened?

... Marlow [the "victim"] found his apartment in the Villages neighborhood in West Palm Beach ransacked and saw Flint [the deceased] leaving on foot and Dean driving away.

Note - Christopher Dean, who was sentenced to life in jail for his co-burglar's death - was driving away from the scene.

Marlow pursued Dean up through the neighborhood and eventually back down Interstate 95. There he encountered Flint, 25, who had jumped a fence and was waiting alongside the highway for Dean to pick him up.

Marlow initially told police that, as his SUV approached, Flint turned and appeared to point something at him. Marlow said he ducked in his seat as his Suburban ran off the road and struck the suspected burglar.

So co-burglar Flint is killed by the burgled guy, and burglar Dean gets life in jail. How does that happen?

Under state law, a person can be charged with felony murder if someone else dies while the person is committing a felony crime.

Yes, burglary is wrong, but not this wrong. To read more (a fair amount) click here.

Actually, "Snowzilla" is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News:

It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz.

Camera crews came from Russia and Japan.

Russia's just across the pond (wink!), but Japan! But, alas, not everyone was keen on Snowzilla and his legions of fans.

So, city officials have deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard.

A few weeks ago, city code enforcers left three red signs at Snowzilla's bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist.

The city also tacked a public notice on the door of the Powers family home at 1556 Columbine St.

You bastards! You killed Snowzilla! And it's unlikely he'll be brought back to life. Why?

Under the city's nuisance abatement order, if [Mr. Powers] tries, he could get arrested.

Bunch of Scrooges.... Here's the source.

Beyond a reasonable doubt, this violates the 8th Amendment's prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment. Seems that Colorado Judge Paul Sacco was tired of seeing the same rockers in his courtroom for noise violations. It was obvious to him that the fines were not a deterrent. So he came up with a new form of punishment, as reported by 9news.com:

"These people should have to listen to music they don't like."

What would that be? Barry Manilow! NOOOOOOOOO! And Barney the Purple Dinosuar! Uncle! I give! Please .... just ..... stop ....

Does it work?

Judge Sacco says it has really cut down on "repeats."

Still, I'm left wondering, do the ends justify the means? Here's the source.

Yes, you read that correctly. A police officer and a cow. As reported by CBS.com, a Bulington County, New Jersey police officer has been charged with ...

...four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.

June through December? Oh my. Here's the source.

For service of court papers. For real. As reported by the BBC:

Mark McCormack, a lawyer in Canberra, persuaded a court to allow him to use the unusual method after other attempts to reach them failed.

The couple's home is being repossessed after they reportedly missed payments on a loan of over A$100,000 ($67,000; £44,000).

Mr McCormack says he resorted to Facebook to trace the couple after unsuccessful attempts to contact them at their home address and via email, and they failed to attend a court appearance on 3 October.

Will the legal documents being served be posted on the couple's Facebook wall (of shame)? Nope.

In granting permission to use the social networking site, the judge stipulated that the papers be sent via a private email so that other people visiting the page could not read their contents.

Not that they would have been too titillating, since the legal case is a foreclosure. Click here for the source.

A 19-year-old New Zealand man named Eptai Taiwhanga, as reported by 3 News ...

...walked into Westport police station drinking alcohol and carrying cannabis resin.

Maybe he thought it was a pub?

Unsurprisingly, except to him perhaps, he was hit with breaching Westport's liquor ban and possessing a Class B drug.

Judge Jane McMeeken said Taiwhanga was "incredibly stupid" and fined him $400.

"You had cannabis in your pocket and drew attention to yourself by drinking in a police station."

Doh!

What was so unusual about this ATM withdrawal in Beaumont, Texas? Well, it wasn't that Mr. Leandro Sanchez made the withdrawal around 3 a.m. It was simply this - he took the entire ATM! From a bank! With a forklift! I guess he didn't think it would set off an alarm. It did. Here's the source (kfdm.com).

Having been charged with OUI (operating under the influence), Jorge Pinto appeared for a Hearing before Judge James McGovern of Bristol County, Massachusetts. The problem? Pinto was drunk - in court! The Judge was tipped off to this, so he ordered a breathalyzer test. It showed that Mr. Pinto's blood alcohol level was .08, over the limit. And how did Mr. Pinto get to court? He drove!

According to the report in the Taunton Daily Gazette, despite the fact that he knew Mr. Pinto drove to court, Judge McGovern let him go! And?

Minutes later, state police pulled Pinto’s car over and he was arrested for drunk driving after failing several field sobriety tests.

An assist to Assistant District Attorney Casey Smith "for pointing troopers in the direction of Pinto’s car after he left court." But that's not the end of it. There are allegations that Judge McGovern tried to sweep the whole thing under the rug.

Reports say [Assistant County Attorney] Smith told police that upon hearing the information, the judge told her, “Well I assume that [Pinto] will be brought back to this court today for arraignment... and I’m telling you right now I’m inclined to dismiss the entire thing.” ...

According to reports, [Sgt. Thomas] Higginbotham remarked that the interference from the court was “completely out of line and likely amounted to judicial misconduct.”

Is the Judge in the soup?

[District Attorney spokesman Gregg] Miliote said any allegations of wrongdoing by a state judge are handled by the Massachusetts Commission on Judicial Conduct. The agency’s Executive Director Jill Pearson would not say if there is a complaint regarding McGovern.

Click here for the source.

Let's just say you're divorced, and your ex-wife calls to tell you one of your kids is being held for ransom. I think most folks would pay up. Just suppose, though, that your ex-wife called to say that one of your children was again taken hostage, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! For real. This woman told her ex-husband that one of their kids (sometimes their son, sometimes their daughter) had been kidnapped SEVEN TIMES over a five-year period! And you know how many times he paid? Six! For a total of £530,000 ($808,000 US!). As reported by The Telegraph:

In the summer of 2001, she told her estranged husband, named only as Pedro GM, who was living in a different town, that strangers had entered her home and taken her daughter Sara, demanding payment of 30,000 euros (£23,000) for her safe return.

A year later, she claimed that the girl had been taken again, this time to settle a drug debt, and asked her husband to cough up 48,000 euros (£38,000) for her release.

In 2003 she again approached her husband, this time claiming that their son Emilio had been snatched after she failed to pay 36,000 euros (£28,000) she owed to a clothing wholesaler. He once again paid the money and the child was “returned” unharmed.

In 2004, she faked another kidnapping, again of her teenage son Emilio, claiming that drug dealers were demanding 54,000 euros (£43,000) for a package of cocaine that the boy had lost. Once again, the father paid the ransom demand to his wife to pass on.

In December 2005 and January 2006 she again claimed that their son had got himself in trouble and was being held to ransom, but this time she said he had been taken by members of a gypsy family who wanted blood money totalling 180,000 euros (£142,000) because he had taken the virginity of a 13-year old relative.

Finally, in Sept 2006 she and her friends concocted a story claiming that Emilio had again been abducted from outside their home in the Madrid suburb of Fuenlabrada. On this occasion, the boy himself called his father, claiming his attackers were torturing him and were threatening to kill him unless a ransom of 252,000 euros (£200,000) was paid.

How were they caught?

Minutes later [after the boy called his father] he was spotted in the street having a drink with friends, said the private detective hired by Pedro G M to investigate the case.

I think it's only appropriate to end this post with some quotes about greed.

"To be perfectly honest, what I'm really thinking about are dollar signs." Tonya Harding

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed” Gandhi

"I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Greed is a fat demon with a small mouth and whatever you feed it is never enough." Janwillem van de Wetering

"How did I get involved in a terrible film like Best Defense? The door opened and four men came in carrying a check." Eddie Murphy (Note that, although it might seem criminal, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress is a civil claim.)

And my favorite:

"Money doesn't talk, it swears." Bob Dylan

In case you missed it over the weekend, check out this uncensored Blago post.

Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

"They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper," said Wagar.

So Mr. Wagar decided to fight back.

This year, Wagar borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his son and waited outside. It wasn't long before he saw a group of about 20 kids approaching his house from the east, through a soybean field. He confronted them and asked them to leave. They refused and began throwing eggs at him. That's when Scott unleashed his secret weapon.

"I figured that fox urine against eggs was probably equal force, and so I should be okay," said Wagar.

Using a Super Soaker squirt gun, Wagar sprayed the teens with fox urine. One teen grabbed him around the neck, and when he wouldn't let go, Wagar bent his finger back.

Question: Where do you get fox urine, let alone enough to fill a Super Soaker? Regardless, though sentiment in town seems to be on Mr. Wagar's side, he was charged with 5th degree assault for spraying the little miscreants, who have not yet been charged. Click here to read more.

Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don't think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia:

A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a "supernatural figure" for three days without food and water. Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house's owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday. He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital. The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a "supernatural figure" shoved him to the ground. Abdul Marlik could not immediately be reached and other police officials declined to comment.

Regular readers know one of the Juice's least favorite phrases is "expletive deleted." So, straight from the indictment (with very brief intro's) are the f-bombs uttered by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (and his wife!).

On squeezing some money from his authority to appoint President-Elect Obama's replacement in the Senate...

ROD BLAGOJEVICH later stated, “I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying. And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” Later, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the Senate seat “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.”

In regards to the Senate seat, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated “I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”

Showing his love and respect for President-Elect Obama ...

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that the consultants ... are telling him that he has to “suck it up” for two years and do nothing and give this “motherfucker [the President-elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states that he will put “[Senate Candidate 4]” in the Senate “before I just give fucking [Senate Candidate 1] a fucking Senate seat and I don’t get anything.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH raised the issue of whether the President-elect could help get ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife on “paid corporate boards right now.” Advisor A responded that he “think[s] they could” and that a “President elect . . . can do almost anything he sets his mind to.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states that he will appoint “[Senate Candidate 1] . . . but if they feel like they can do this and not fucking give me anything . . . then I’ll fucking go [Senate Candidate 5].”

Later in the conversation, ROD BLAGOJEVICH said he knows that the President-elect wants Senate Candidate 1 for the Senate seat but “they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. Fuck them.”

Tidbits relating to (1) some Chicago Tribune writing Blagojevich didn't particularly like and (2) the state's assistance in the sale of the Cubs (the same man owns both) ...

In another call between ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A that occurred a short time later on November 3, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A discussed an editorial from the Chicago Tribune regarding the endorsement of Michael Madigan and calling for a committee to consider impeaching ROD BLAGOJEVICH. During the call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife can be heard in the background telling ROD BLAGOJEVICH to tell Deputy Governor A “to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.” [His wife too!]

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said Tribune Owner should be told “maybe we can’t do this now. Fire those fuckers.” ["this" meaning aiding with the sale of the Cubs, and those "fuckers" meaning the offending Chicago Tribune writers]

ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that because of the impeachment articles, “we don’t know if we can take a chance and do this IFA deal now. I don’t want to give them a grounds to impeach me.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that “our recommendation is fire all those fucking people, get ‘em the fuck out of there and get us some editorial support.”

Trying to encourage contributions to "Friends of Blagojevich" ...

According to Individual A, after Individual B left the meeting on October 6, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that he was going to make an upcoming announcement concerning a $1.8 billion project involving the Tollway Authority. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that Lobbyist 1 was going to approach Highway Contractor 1 to ask for $500,000 for Friends of Blagojevich. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that, “I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they perform by the end of the year. If they don’t perform, fuck ‘em.”

Mothertrucker! That boy has a mouth on him! To read the entire indictment,click here.

Sure, it's not a frontal attack on Christmas. Nevertheless, municipalities are chipping away at old St. Nick. As reported by The Telegraph:

[crossing guard] Kevin Simpson has decorated his lollipop [crossing sign] each year for Christmas to spread some festive cheer among the children arriving at Berrywood Primary School in Hedge End, Southampton. But this year, after he placed extra tinsel around the edge of the circular sign, an anonymous member of the public complained to his employers, Hampshire County Council. Despite protests from parents council officers banned father-of-two Mr Simpson from using the tinsel.

Other than being a spineless, anonymous weasel, what kind of person would complain about tinsel? Probably the same kind of folks who were behind these measures:

Westminster council banned Debenhams from playing Christmas carols at its store in Oxford Street, west London, over fears of "noise pollution".

Carol-singing Brownies and Guides were banned from the Marlowes shopping centre in Hemel Hempstead, Herts because of fears the girls would obstruct fire escape routes.

Last month, Wimborne council in Dorset threatened to ban the town's 400-year-old Christmas custom of firing muskets into the sky because of fears the noise would scare children. The custom dating back to the 17th century however was allowed to take place however following publicy outcry.

Plans for Christmas trees in the streets of Llandovery, Carmarthenshire, were also cancelled, after volunteers were told they risked breaking health and safety rules if they climbed ladders to put them up.

What's next, banning Festivus celebrations? Here's the source.

Regular readers know that the Juice is a hardcore free speech advocate. That said, I think most folks would agree with me that Pembroke Pines Principal Peter [damn you for not having a last name beginning with "P" !] Bayer grossly overreacted. As reported by CBS4:

On Friday, November 9th, 2007, then high school senior Katherine Evans posted a picture of her Advanced Placement English teacher, Sarah Phelps, on her page and called her "the worst teacher I've ever met."

Ms. Sarah Phelps is the worst teacher I've ever met! To those select students who have had the displeasure of having Ms. Phelps, or simply knowing her and her insane antics: Here is the place to express your feelings of anger.

Evans created the posting after school hours and on her computer at home.

Principal Bayer suspended Ms. Evans for 3 days and "forced her into lesser honors classes." The actual "charges?"

At the time, Bayer said Evan's actions constituted "Bullying/Cyber Bullying Harassment towards a staff member" and "Disruptive Behavior."

My response? WTF? NFW! Ms. Evans' response? The ACLU filed suit on her behalf, stating that the posting ....

... was "protected off campus speech" and it didn't contain any threats of violence, did not disrupt any school activities and "gave rise to a spirited exchange of opinions by students who disagreed with Evans, who ultimately proved her wrong in her assessment of the teacher."

So what does she want? " ... that the three day suspension be revoked and removed from Evan's permanent record." Nevermind "the force." May the Juice be with her.

In this post-9/11 world, we ask a lot of airport security personnel – they are, after all, our first line of defense against airborne terrorist attacks. We expect them to be vigilant watchdogs, keeping their eyes and ears open for signs of anything unusual in our nation’s airports.

But this is ridiculous.

Ms. Renee Koutsouradis had boarded her flight from Las Vegas to Tampa, and was waiting for the plane to leave the gate, when she was summoned to the front by flight attendants. She was escorted off the plane and down onto the tarmac, where she was informed that “something was vibrating” in her bag (guess what it was). The court explains what happened next:

On the tarmac, in the presence of three Delta male employees, and apparently in view of some of the other passengers still seated on the plane, the gate agent asked Koutsouradis to open her bag and take the batteries out of the vibrator. Koutsouradis alleges that, at this time, one of the Delta male employees . . . made sexually explicit statements toward her, causing the other men to laugh. She claims [he] licked his lips and said “What do [you] need that for?”, “Doesn’t your husband satisfy you?”, and “Come on Baby, let me satisfy you.”

Surprisingly, this smooth-talking luggage-handling lothario failed to win the heart of our heroine. In fact, she found his comments inappropriate and offensive. And so – this is a legal blog, after all – she sued the airline for infliction of emotional distress (among other things), claiming that its boorish bagman had caused her to suffer “panic attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder.”

How do you think she did at trial?

She lost! The United States District Court for the Middle District of Florida struck a mighty blow for freedom, upholding the rights of airport personnel to make sexually suggestive comments to weary travelers, so long as the conduct does not “surpass all boundaries of decency” and is “utterly intolerable in a civilized community.”

The case is Koutsouradis v. Delta Air Lines, Inc., 427 F.3d 1339 (11th Cir. 2005). To read the decision, click here.

Dude had 60 pot plants growing in 2 rooms. As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], there was a fire in his apartment building, leading to the discovery of the weed. So how much time do you think he's facing? Zippy. Nada. Squadoosh. Sure he doesn't have a record, but if it happened to you or me, fuhgeddaboutit. We're doing time. But not Mr. Graham McConnell, who actually had a pretty good story, which might even be true. Per The Paisley Daily Express:

[His lawyer said] “He is a man who has been using cannabis for some time and made the foolish decision to cultivate the drug in order to avoid coming into contact with those who traffic in the drug."

“He had decided to grow a lot of the stuff, dry and freeze it and, by doing so, not become involved with those who traffic in drugs on the street.”

True or not, that's a tough sell. Mr. McConnell was sentenced to 300 hours of community service. Here's the source.

You're not going to believe what this formerly respectable couple did to try and avoid a £60 ($88 US) ticket and three points. And it's not like it would have put the wife over the top - her driving record was spotless. So Mrs. Diane Rodger, a lecturer [professor] was doing 40 mph in a 30mph zone when she was nailed by a speeding camera. Instead of just paying the fine, what did she and her husband Michael (a magistrate!) do? As reported in the Mail Online:

After consulting an internet website for tips on challenging speeding tickets, they altered the car's appearance.

They changed the style of the Skoda's number plate and removed stickers from its windscreen in a bizarre attempt to persuade police it had been 'cloned' and that she was not the driver...

Then they tried to weasel out of it.

Over the next three months Nottinghamshire Central Ticket Office, which deals with speeding fines, received five letters contesting the ticket, all signed by 'Mr Rodger JP'.

They variously claimed he had no knowledge of the offence, that the car was regularly used by others, that the car may have been 'cloned', that the car was parked in Nottingham city centre at the time of the offence and that the captured image was not clear enough to identify the driver.

The letters also claimed that the middle letter on the number plate was indistinct and that his vehicle did not have stickers in the windscreen, unlike the images of the speeding car.

So the cops went to their house to ask them about the letters. What did they say?

Mrs Rodger stated she had, while Mr Rodger claimed he had signed them without reading them. Thomas Elmer, defending Mr Rodger, said: 'It was his wife who wished to evade the penalty but it was their joint idea how to go about it."

Partners in an asinine crime. The Judge agreed.

The couple wept as Judge David Brunning told them they had been 'staggeringly stupid' and that he had 'just been persuaded' not to send them to prison. Instead, they were each given six-month jail sentences, suspended for two years.

They were also ordered to carry out 300 hours of unpaid work each and to pay £5,000 costs between them after admitting intending to pervert the course of justice.

Here's the source.

"Why me?" the 64-year New York homeowner had to be thinking after burglar Luis Hidalgo broke into his home and bit his ear off! So badly that it couldn't be reattached! And Hidalgo punched and kicked the homeowner, and whacked him in the head with a karaoke machine. Okay, so why this house? Mr. policeman?

"This guy just randomly picked this house," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a police spokesman. "There were no proceeds and there's no connection between the victim and the subject. Obviously, his behavior was such that there may have been some drug involvement."

Ya think?

As you'll see, this defense is not available to everyone... As reported by The Times:

The driver was a belly dancer who had stopped in her car in a restricted parking zone in London. She had left her vehicle stationary with the engine running, and walked off with some props into the building where she was to perform. She was issued with a [ticket] ...

On what grounds did she contest the ticket?

She explained that her conduct was necessary because in her car she had snakes that she was about to use in her “exotic dance routine”. She needed to leave the engine running, she explained, in order to keep her reptiles warm to stop them from falling asleep. If they fell asleep they would, the appeal was told, be difficult to rouse quickly enough for their impending stage performance with the dancer.

Could you say no to a belly dancer with that defense? I didn't think so. Neither could the court. "Her appeal succeeded and the fine was cancelled."

Or else another blawg will win :( ... Anyway ... for the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). Yada, yada, yada.

PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE! It will take about 10 seconds.

Sounds crazy, right? But that's apparently the way it went down. As reported by WLWT.com:

Jamel Sechrest, one of 50 people accused of being members of the "Taliband" wasn't happy that his trial is set for February and told Judge Robert Ruehlman "That's f---ing bulls--t."

The Judge hit him with a 6-month contempt sentence, stating:

"You don’t say bulls--t in the courtroom."

What about "fucking bullcrap?" I know, I know. The Judge was probably so pissed off that he forgot to say "fucking bullshit." I'm just telling you what he said.

Here's a classic post with an extended give-and-take between an f-bomber and a judge. If you like that one, here's another. Enjoy!

For the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). Blah, blah, blah.

PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE!

So here's what Joseph Decker, of Hughestown, Pennsylvania, had on the back window of his truck:

IF YOU'RE IN AMERICA & CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH GET THE FUCK OUT!

I think that's idiotic, and I don't think Joe (Decker, not "the Plumber") would have a problem with my opinion. As reported by WNEP:

"Some people give me thumbs up, they say, 'Yeah, that's the way it's supposed to be.' Some people say, 'Oh, that's stupid you shouldn't have that on there.' Everybody has an opinion," Decker said Tuesday.

The Juice is a First Amendment diehard, but the local fuzz? Nope.

[Mr. Decker] was recently cited by Hughestown police for disorderly conduct because of the "obscene language" on his truck. He's fighting that charge.

And he's going to win. He has the law on his side, and a lawyer, Barry Diller, who has won 2 similar cases recently.

Dawn Herb of Scranton was charged for swearing at her overflowing toilet. People outside heard her. A judge ruled Herb's First Amendment right to free speech was violated. She won a settlement of $19,000.

Dyller said he also won a settlement of $19,000 for a man from Larksville charged with swearing at police.

Is it just me, or does it seem like these cases are worth somewhere in the neighborhood of, say, $19,000? You can read more (a little bit - and see a picture of the truck) here.

For the second straight year, the ABA (American Bar Association) Journal selected Legal Juice as one of the 100 best legal blogs (from a pool of 2,000+). It is one of ten in the "Quirky" category.

From the ABA's announcement of the top 100: "Half the blogs on last year’s inaugural Blawg 100 list didn’t make the cut this year. That’s a testament to the quality of this year’s honorees, and evidence of the increasing amount of valuable information all legal blogs are publishing." [Valuable information on Legal Juice? Really?]

PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE FOR LEGAL JUICE!

Come crunch time, I guess we all occasionally make the wrong decision. This would appear to be just such an occasion. As reported by The Naples Daily News:

When caught red handed with a pair of stolen $16 earrings, Naples police say a Golden Gate teen turned to drastic measures to get rid of the evidence — he drank them.

How do you drink earrings?

Police say Colburn was caught shoplifting the glamorous $16 jewelry by JCPenney loss prevention officer Leonardo D. Gonzalez just after 1 p.m. on Saturday. Gonzalez watched as Colburn selected a pair of earrings from the jewelry department, took them out of the box and placed them into a bottle of vitamin water, police said.

Colburn then left the store without paying for the earrings, reports said.

Gonzalez confronted Colburn about the earrings, and began escorting him back to the JCPenney loss prevention office. It was then, police said, that Colburn gulped down the rest of the vitamin water, earrings and all.

It's not looking good for Mr. Colburn, but it's still word against word, right? Nope.

When police arrived, Colburn was arrested and transported to NCH Downtown Naples Hospital for an X-ray. On the X-ray image, the earrings were observed inside Colburn, police said.

Damn that contraption! To read more (a fair amount), click here.

What's up with these crazy hoons? As reported by The Age:

A P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license] was caught doing burn-outs in a police station car park. The 23-year-old hoon left a 20-metre skid-mark in the Craigieburn police station car park before driving off. Police later impounded his VN Commodore for 48 hours.

That's a 65-foot skid mark! In a police parking garage! Here's another hoon story.

Yes, the kid was busted for farting in school, and otherwise "disrupting" his class. From TheLedger.com, here's the story:

A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities say he was "passing gas" and turned off his classmates' computers.

According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy "continually disrupted his classroom environment" by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School student was arrested Nov. 4. A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.

To read a totally unrelated school flatulence story, click here. And for a few other flatulence stories (relating to the law, of course), click here and here.