Legal Juice

Surgery is scary enough. I'd like to know that my doctor is certain that operating while on crack would be a bad thing. It's not that California ear, nose and throat specialist Li Quang Nguyen actually operated while on crack, but check this out, as reported by the OC Register:

In July 2007, Dr. Nguyen was staying at the Howard Johnson Express in Huntington Beach. Police responded to a call that maids could not enter the locked room for cleaning. Police found Nguyen in a deep sleep. Police removed rock cocaine, a clear vial of liquid cocaine, a glass pipe and a lighter, the documents say.

Hard to say "what crack" in those circumstances, right?

Nguyen admitted to police that he had freebased cocaine the day before but said he was not "hooked," according to the documents. In April, he pleaded no contest to drug charges and was ordered to enter an 18-month treatment program.

Okay. Looking good, until the disciplinary hearing for his medical license...

... during his hearing, Nguyen said he knew nothing about the drugs and "went so far as to testify that he did not know if it would be dangerous to perform surgery under the influence of cocaine."

The board's disciplinary documents say, "He claimed he could not know if this would be dangerous since he had never tried it, but such an assertion made by a trained physician is simply preposterous and rather frightening."

What, what, what? Dr. Nguyen, who had a previous disciplinary action, had his license revoked. To read more, click here.

If he wanted to kill himself before, just imagine how he must feel now. Joe Clapper of Lincoln, Nebraska shot himself in the head, with his girlfriend in the room. He must have wanted to send her some kind of message, doing it with her right there in the room. Well he did, with a bullet. When Mr. Clapper shot himself in the head, the bullet ricocheted off his skull and hit his girlfriend in the chest!

Mr. Clapper pleaded guilty to assault, and was sentenced to one year in jail. The Judge also ordered him to pay $18,862.72 in restitution for his girlfriend's medical bills. Clapper's lawyer argued that, because of a 2000 U.S. Supreme Court case, the amount of the award had to be submitted to a jury and proved beyond a reasonable doubt.

Clapper won! at the appellate level. The Nebraska Supreme court said otherwise, ruling 6-1 that a criminal defendant has no right to a jury trial on the amount of restitution. You can read the entire article here.

These folks were caught (and some were busted for) having sex in all kinds of places. As reported by The Mirror, the places are ...

On a cop car

For some people having sex in public just isn’t daring enough and they must take it that extra mile by, for instance, having sex on a police car. But not just any old cop car, one that has bobbies in it.

A randy Dutch couple – known for their clogs and proclivity to fornicate in full view of emergency service personnel - decided the bonnet was the place to bonk and say they didn’t notice the two cops sitting in the car (eating donuts and watching, no doubt).

The police got out of their car and politely asked the couple to stop and go somewhere else, as the law doesn't specifically prohibit people from having sex on top of a cop car but does state that police officers need to be available for duty.

In church

Sometimes the Holy Spirit takes over in church and people leap to their feet to praise the Lord. A couple in Cesena, Italy, put a whole new spin on worship when they 'took communion' in the confessional booth during morning mass.

The police were called after members of the congregation heard ‘grunts and moans’. The couple – who were drunk – were cautioned for obscene acts and disturbing a religious function, which ‘religious function’ was disturbed we ask?

At school

That hotbed of hormones is a well known breeding ground for dangerous sexual liaisons but it’s not so controversial if two teachers get together on campus, unless they do it in front of a security camera.

That’s exactly what one stupid, married principal in North Carolina did. Not once, but many times with various women. He had the presence of mind to do it behind closed doors but neglected to turn off, or avoid, the security camera pointing directly at his desk. Video was later released forcing him and his co-stars to resign.

In a car park (parking garage)

A car park isn’t a particularly unusual place to find a copulating couple but this month two love cheats were exposed in Scotland when they “got carried away”. Gillian Stalker and John McDougall denied 'dogging' after having sex in a car and moving the romp outside into the car park at Irvine beach in Ayrshire.

Gillian Stalker, 40, said she was aware of another man watching them from his car but denied police claims that the area was busy with dog walkers and children and said neither she nor her lover would normally have sex in public.

The self-employed saleswoman told the court: "John and myself had engaged in some sexual activity in the car. "But as there was not much room, and also because it was a nice day, we decided to continue outside and in a public place."

She said she and McDougall did not take much notice of the man watching them "as we were getting a bit carried away, as you do in a situation like that".

In a bank

The French are well known for their sexual passion and one couple just couldn’t hold back when they found themselves alone in the bank.

The duo was caught by a group of teenagers armed with a mobile phone across the street. Be warned, the video is explicit, but the woman’s reaction when she realised she’s been sprung is priceless. She faints.

In the cockpit

In 1916, the first ever known case of sex on a plane resulted in a plane crash – probably because it was the pilot who was immersed in the action. Is this why it’s called the cockpit?

The National Transportation Safety Board has also attributed one fatal accident to a pilot being distracted by extra-curricular activities noting that she made an “improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight.”

Clear evidence that while joining the mile high club may be fun it’s not such a great idea if you’re in charge of keeping the plane up.

At work

One quite night in England a Polish contractor working late on a children’s hospital decided the stress of the day was just too much and he needed to relieve himself. There beneath him lay Henry, a vacuum cleaner with a great big cartoon smile on its face. Who could possibly resist?

A passing security guard saw the man in flagrante and asked him to clean himself, and the vacuum, up before leaving the premises.

On a crane

Have you ever looked at a crane and thought ‘Pwoar, I’d really like to get down on that’? Thought not. But Florida couple Justin Dunn and Nicole Albert climbed up on a crane in broad daylight to bump and grind.

The couple got off with just a warning, as Dunn's father owned the crane and it was private property. They were told to try to be more discrete in the future.

In jail

In Boston Legal lawyers are prone to frenzied expressions of affection on the law books so perhaps we should expect high jinks of a David E. Kelly kind in real life?

Prison tends to evoke unfortunate images best left untouched but nothing as outrageous as a Seattle public defender getting caught having sexual relations with a triple-murder defendant she was representing.

Train tracks

This September a couple in South Africa decided that having sex in the path of a fast-moving train was a good idea...

When the train pulled into the station and the conductor shouted out the window for the couple to move they decided to finish off rather than save their own lives.

Here's the source.

Think of the last place you would burn rubber. As reported in The Age:

... [a] P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license], 20, who picked up his Holden sedan from the police impound yard at Preston, paid a release fee, got in the car, revved the engine, acknowledged his friends, and did a burn-out as he drove out. He was seen fishtailing the car down Beecher Street before being arrested later that day.

Smooth. Very smooth.

Everyone in Valentine, Nebraska can now breathe a huge sigh of relief because the Butt Bandit has been arrested. It's not clear why they call him the Butt Bandit since neither his butt, nor any other part of him, ever stole anything. To the contrary, he actually leaves something behind [bad pun, I know], his butt (and/or groin) prints in vaseline or lotion. As reported in The North Platte Bulletin:

The rash of bizarre behavior began in May 2007. Valentine police already had fielded about 20 different reports by this time a year ago.

Rewards offered through Crime Stoppers failed to provide any leads. No physical structure has been damaged, although producing the printings probably involved indecent exposure, officials believe.

The charges? They haven't been filed yet - perhaps because they're tring to come up with the crime? Criminal vaselining? First-degree buttprinting? Here's the source.

Things are crazy in the Hoosier state, where Ms. Liz Ferris got the vanity plate "BE GODS" nine years ago. Because she let the renewal lapse, she had to reapply. Her application was rejected! Why? Per The Indy Channel:

"We do not permit personalized license plates with references to deity," said BMV [Bureau of Motor Vehicles] spokesman Dennis Rosebrough.

Well, somebody might want to explain to Ms. Ferris (who filed suit after her renewal was rejected) how this makes any sense since the STATE OF INDIANA is issuing license plates that read ...In God We Trust! Yup, and the Indiana Court of Appeals just ruled that the plates are constitutional.

"Er, hello, is Ms. Ferris home? Uh, ma'am, we've reconsidered your renewal application, and you can go ahead and get your "BE GODS" license plates again. How can we do that with our new "no deity" rule? Well, we'll just grandfather you in 'cause you had it before the rule. Everybody okay?" Nope.

Ferris said she intends to move forward with the lawsuit in hopes the policy will be changed.

"You can develop a system that can monitor and … be fair to all parties and yet still allow reference to deity," Ferris said.

Ferris said she isn't seeking monetary damages from the BMV.

You can read more about Ms. Ferris and her case here, and about the "In God We Trust" case here.

I would say "only in America," but this happened in Scotland, pursuant to European human rights laws.... Seems that in some Scottish prisons, for a number of years, the prisoners had to "slop out" (clean out) their own toilets. And? Per the Daily Record:

The slopping-out bonanza began in 2004 when knife-wielding mugger Robert Napier used European human rights law to win a court case against the prison service.

So now Scottish prisoners, and ex-prisoners, are cashing in. As for the title of the post ...

A drug dealer used his s2000 compensation payout for "slopping out" in jail to buy heroin to sell to his pals.

The taxpayers' money allowed scheming junkie Joseph Torano to get a discount on the drugs by buying in bulk.

Here's how the bust of Mr. Torano went down:

Police raided the house after a tip-off. Hannah Kennedy, prosecuting, said Torano appeared from a bedroom in his underwear and a wrap of heroin fell out of his boxer shorts.

Detectives saw something in his mouth, which turned out to be another package of drugs, and a full body search uncovered a third stash.

And check out the language this Member of Parliament used to describe the situation, which has already cost the Scottish taxpayers millions:

"The SNP Scottish government will end slopping out and clean up the mess these administrations have created."

Get it? "... clean up the mess ..." Brilliant! LAWL. To read more (quite a bit) click here.

About 12 years ago, Ocean City, Maryland resident Richard Brueckner disappeared - right when Richard Thelander was "born." Now these are just the allegations against Brueckner/Thelander (as reported in The Maryland Coast Dispatch), but it sure doesn't look real good:

The charges against Brueckner ... include about half a dozen cases where he forged his ex-wife’s name to obtain credit cards, which he quickly maxed out to their limits. The amounts ranged from around $5,000 on the low side to as high as $14,000 on another with several different amounts obtained in cash and merchandize on credit cards in between.

He also cleared out several of the couple’s other accounts and holdings, leaving his wife facing bankruptcy and a years-long struggle to clear up the financial mess.

Cash in hand, Brueckner (now Thelander) headed west. He ended up in Arizona, where he became the Superintendent and Chief Executive Officer of a new 3-campus charter school! The Superintendent and the CEO! Nice background check there, Pace Preparatory Academy. He also got remarried, and apparently started buying up some real estate.

Things either weren't going that well, or maybe it was just time to move on. Thelander applied for Panamanian citizenship - under the name "Richard Brueckner-Thelander" - and was accepted. It won't matter, though, because he was busted a month ago, and is in the process of being extradited back to Maryland to face a whole host of charges. I wonder what they'll call him in prison? You can read more (and there's plenty more) here.

For an update on this story, click here.

For a further update, including how the court disposed of the charges, click here. Hint - it was a great deal for Mr. Brueckner. Do you think it was "just?"

Um, a douchebag. Yeah, I'm sure I wouldn't be too thrilled if I were featured in a book called "Hot Chicks With Douchebags." As reported by RadarOnline, Mr. Michael Manelli was pissed enough to file a lawsuit against the publisher and Mr. Jay Louis, the author of the book and the creator of the website www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com, for including him in the book.

The lawsuit includes claims for libel, negligent infliction of emotional distress, intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy, and loss of goodwill. Click here for the RadarOnline story, which includes a link to the Complaint filed in Clark County, Nevada.

Not that there is ever a "good" time to commit burglary ... But if you're a burglar by trade, you definitely do not want to break into a house when ... it's filled with police officers! As reported by The Age:

TWO men who broke into a Melton [Australia] house at midnight — while police were already inside carrying out a drug raid. The officers, acting on a tip-off that the house was being used to grow hydroponic cannabis, had just arrested a man in his 20s when the burglars broke in through a side window. When they saw the police, they allegedly attacked the officers before running off. They were arrested a few days later.

How can I be so sure? Because, in that bathroom, for several months, was the body of a deceased 90-year-old woman. Seems that Alan Bushey, the leader of a religious group called the Order of the Divine Will (6 members!) told member Tammy Lewis (yes, it was her bathroom), that Ms. Middlesworth (the deceased, and also a sect member) would rise from the dead. In the meantime, Ms. Lewis was cashing Ms. Middlesworth's Social Security checks! And did I mention that her 12 and 15 year-old kids were living in the house with her?

So what happened to Ms. Lewis? She was facing all kinds of charges, including felonies, but will only have to serve 7 days in jail. Everyone agrees that she was under Mr. Bushey's spell. I think he'll be doing considerably more time. Click here to read more (a fair amount).

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How appropriate that I stumbled across this law the same day I saw our first snowflakes here in Washington, DC. Now, imagine - if you can - a law that both Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann would agree goes too far. That law outlaws throwing snowballs! And the offending municipality is ... Grand Forks, North Dakota. Here's the law:

9-0123. Throwing rocks, snowballs, and other objects.

(1) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object into, upon, against, or at any building, structure, automobile street, alley, or other public or private property.

(2) It is unlawful for any person to throw or cast, or encourage, aid or assist others in throwing or casting any rock, stone, snowball, or other object upon or at any person or persons. (Ord. No. 4125, § XIX, 3-20-06)

They have outlawed snowball fights! And even throwing a snowball at ANYTHING! Absurd.

And what about this: you would also technically be breaking the law if you skipped a stone (or a rock!) in a creek. Check it out:

It is unlawful for any person to throw ... any rock, stone ... into ...any ... public or private property.

Well done! A beautifully crafted law. Click here (click on Chapter IX, and scroll down to 9-0123) to see this wacky law.

You may want to consider the case of a man who got into it with Nebraska resident Tango Crenshaw. After the 2 vehicles nearly collided, per the Lincoln Journal Star: The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him. After the other driver parked in front of Crenshaw’s motor home and confronted him...

Five months after he threw an ax at a car that had nearly collided with his motor home, Tango Crenshaw was sentenced to 37 days in jail for two charges stemming from the incident.

Crenshaw, 51, 718 W. P St., had pleaded no contest to two misdemeanor counts: third-degree assault and criminal mischief. He had originally been charged with second-degree assault and use of a deadly weapon to commit a felony.

Lancaster County Judge James Foster sentenced Crenshaw to 30 days in jail for the assault charge and seven days in jail for the weapon charge. The sentences are concurrent, and the first is scheduled to begin Dec. 1.

Crenshaw on June 13 turned at Northwest 48th Street and West Adams when he nearly hit a car. The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him. After the other driver parked in front of Crenshaw’s motor home and confronted him, Crenshaw brought out the ax.

The other driver ran to his car and attempted to make a U-turn and drive away. Crenshaw threw the ax, which hit the door and sailed through an open window. The blunt end hit the driver in the ribs, according to police.

So, Bernard Wood was free on bond for breaking into 2 homes in the same neighborhood on successive days in June. What does he do with his time while out on bond? He returns to that same neighborhood, and breaks into another home! Only this time he left a card with his name on it, saying "I did it." That's actually only a slight exaggeration. Here's what happened, per the Lynchburg, Virginia News & Advance (11/16/08):

“He ate the chicken like it was a cob of corn ... And then he just left it there.”

...he washed down [the] chicken with a bottle of orange juice ...

It didn’t take much detective work to match his greasy fingerprints on the orange juice bottle to those on file [from the June robberies].

Like the Juice said, might has well have left a note ...

I could not make this shit up! [Sorry.] A priest in Morganfield, Kentucky is suing Shithead's owner and the city for allowing the dog to be buried near a veteran's memorial. It's not the name that upsets Father Gerald Baker: "What are we saluting? A flagpole with a monument to the dog? It's offensive. Any Christian, any American should understand why this is offensive."

Shithead's owner, Judy Hagan, (an American, and maybe a Christian too!) feels otherwise: "What right does he have to come to this town and put somebody else down for something they have done that he knows nothing about. It's not a disgrace. I didn't do it for a disgrace. If that's the way people wanna take it, then that's their problem."

Said Father Baker: "This woman in her arrogance and her ignorance, demanding she has the right do this? Well we'll just see." Yes, we will. You'd think this just happened, right? Nope. Shithead was laid to rest, with the city's permission, in 1999. You can read more in a FirstCoastNews.com article here.

Really. With a saw. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm:

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him but he still wouldn't take the medicine. Fitzgerald raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

"When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police," the [police] report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn't notify authorities.

The charge? Aggrevated battery. Does this kid have any history? Funny you should ask ...

The victim's pregnant 19-year-old daughter said Fitzgerald has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a "C-section."

Wow. That's more disturbing than the saw incident. But there's more ...

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze.

Yikes! And ...

The 19-year-old daughter's husband said he found Fitzgerald looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

SFM.

This is no way to treat your cobbler. As reported by The South Asian Post:

A Punjab police constable is suspended after he allegedly fired at a cobbler following an argument. The officer claims the weapon went off accidentally as he tried to control heavy traffic, but cobbler Nand Lal, who was shot in the leg and hospitalized says the officer disagreed with his political point of view and opened fire.

Must have been some really heavy traffic, since apparently a gun was required to control it ...

Such is not the case with Donald J. Jacobs, Jr. of North Platte, Nebraska. Per the North Platte Telegraph:

According to the police report, Jacobs was intoxicated and assaulted his girlfriend with the pot when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner. The assault caused the food to be tossed throughout the residence, as he struck her with the pot, according to the report.

More importantly, the victim "...had a cut on the bridge of her nose and a bruise on her face. ... it must have been a significant hit because the handle of the pot was broken." Damn! Oh, and it was 3:30 a.m. when the police arrived, and not for the first time.

"He definitely has a history," [police investigator Dale Matuszczak] said.

So what happened to Mr. Jacobs?

[He] was arrested and booked into the Lincoln County Jail on second-degree domestic assault, a Class 3A felony. The charges carry a maximum sentence of 5 years in prison and/or a $10,000 fine. Jacobs was arraigned Monday and held in custody on a $5,000 bail.

Wonder how he likes the food in jail?

Mr. John Renshaw built a 2-story, 2-bedroom house inside a ... barn! Totally inside a barn! Why? Because he knew he couldn't get a permit to build it, and, per The Telegraph,

[Council officers] think he attempted to use a loophole in the law that states that properties built without planning permission are allowed to stand if they have been lived in and undetected for at least four years.

So you're probably wondering how long he managed to keep the house hidden? Turns out, it doesn't matter.

... the High Court recently ruled the four-year period only begins when any sheilding is removed, meaning that even if he had managed to hide the house and live in darkness for four years, he faced having to knock it down the moment it was unveiled.

Doh! Doh! Doh! Mr. Renshaw was ordered to demolish the house, or face a very stiff fine. He apparently complied. Click here to read a little more.

A 1-year-old boy was waiting for a relative to pick him up at the police station in Schererville, Indiana because his mom was busted for drunk driving. So his dad drove to the station to get him, only he was drunk too, and was also busted for drunk driving. So his grandparents came to get him and ... yup, they had been drinking too! But, per the AP, grandma, who had been driving, wasn't legally drunk, "so officers escorted them home with the child." On the drinking front anyway, hopefully the apple won't be anywhere near the tree...