Legal Juice

They did. They summoned him to court (on charges of creating a law and order problem!), and 3-year-old Mukesh Prasad came with his daddy. The Magistrate was pissed. The summons was immediately dismissed. How did this happen? Seems a couple of police officers in Sultanpur, India were looking for Mukesh's 19-year-old brother, Sunil. As reported in The Indian Express:

Since he [Sunil] was missing, the police moved an application in the court to book his brother. The application was moved on April 22, and Mukesh was asked to appear on May 9.

Um. Er. Sorry. What became of the summons-happy officers? They were suspended. You can read more (just a tiny bit) here.

You would not believe the frequency with which doctors sexually abuse their patients. In doing research for these posts, I come across cases similar to this at least several times each week.

According to a woman examined by Arkansas Dr. Clarence Jay Arendall, here's what happened, as reported by the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette:

[The woman] said in the lawsuit filed March 12 that she visited Arendall for an ear infection in the past five years but that during the examination, he lowered her pants, touched her genitals, fondled her breasts and made sexual comments to her.

The suit also claims that Arendall made her addicted to pain pills. He prescribed the pain pills to her and had her pick them up each week at his office after hours, and continued to increase her prescription until she was taking 240 pills a week, the suit states.

The woman experienced seven seizures, of which Arendall was aware. And he knew that the pain medication was associated with seizures but continued to increase the dosage, the suit states.

He also threatened to have her husband fired from his job if the woman told anyone about his conduct, according to the lawsuit.

Maybe these are just baseless allegations? Unlikely. Consider this: The prosecutor said that

Alma Police Chief Russell White told him last week that investigators had received complaints from 15 to 20 women who claimed to have been sexually abused by Arendall.

Dr. Arundell has been charged with second-degree sexual abuse, and is being investigated regarding the additional 15-20 complaints received by the police. And his medical license was suspended pending the outcome of a disciplinary hearing. You can read more here.

Philadelphia Traffic Court Judge Willie F. Singletary knows a thing or two, OR 55, about traffic tickets. That's because, a year ago, his driver's licenses was suspended through 2011 due to 55 traffic violations totalling $11,427, as reported by the Philadelphia Daily News. And he was elected Traffic Court Judge after he got busted!

Now, though, having been in office only since January 7, 2007, he's looking at a different kind of trouble.

The state Judicial Conduct Board issued a complaint yesterday charging Willie F. Singletary, 28, with five counts of misconduct for soliciting campaign donations from the Philadelphia First State Road Rattlers Motorcycle Club on April 22, 2007.

Here's what allegedly went down. How do people think this kind of thing won't come out?

Then, Singletary asked each biker to give him $20 for his campaign, in violation of state judicial conduct rules, according to the 11-page complaint.

"There's going to be a basket going around because I'm running for Traffic Court Judge, right, and I need some money," he said, according to the complaint.

"Now, you all want me to get there, you're all going to need my hook-up, right," he continued. "It costs money," he added. "I have to raise $15,000 by Friday. I just hope you have it."

I'll give the Judge this: He eliminated the need to read between the lines. And it's on YouTube, right here!

Shazam! Here's the article.

Here's what William P. Smith, Esq. said to the Judge in a Florida Bankruptcy proceeding:

Mr. Smith: I suggest to you with respect, Your Honor, that you're a few French fries short of a Happy Meal in terms of what's likely to take place.

Billy, Billy, Billy. You didn't just say that to a Judge? In a court where you were admitted solely for the purpose of that particular case? He did. The "Order to Show Cause Why William P. Smith, Esq. Should Not Be Suspended from Practice Before This Court Including Revocation of His Current Pro Hac Vice Status" was issued in In re South Beach Community Hospital, LLC, Case No. 06-10634-BKC-LMI. Whew. I'm out of breath.

Remember the post the other day about the doctor who got a one week suspension for having a sexual relationship with a patient? Well, Dr. Mark Blaylock got a one month suspension for ... putting a picture of a government official in the trash! For real. Dr. Blaylock is the chief medical officer at the Manguzi Hospital in South Africa. It would appear that health MEC [Member of the Executive Council] Peggy Nkonyeni took great offense at this most heinous crime. So who will really suffer as a result of Dr. Blaylock's suspension? Per allAfrica.com:

Ironically, Blaylock will make more money working as a locum doctor in the private sector during this month's suspension than he does as a senior doctor at the rural hospital.

A hospital source who asked not to be named said that, ultimately patients would suffer most as the hospital was short-staffed and Blaylock's skilled would be greatly missed.

They sure showed him. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

You are psychologist Andrew Jacobs, and you need a psychiatrist to treat your wife for depression. Not surprisingly, you refer her to the same Harvard-trained psychiatrist you've been referring people to for 10 years. Surprisingly, this man, Kansas Dr. Douglas Greenens, tells your wife that she is in an unhealthy marriage. He then has a sexual relationship with your wife while she is still his patient! You find out, so he ends the doctor-patient relationship, but soon thereafter, resumes the intimate relationship. Your wife then divorces you and marries ... Dr. Greenens.

What punishment do you think the Kansas Board of Healing Arts handed down for this major violation of professional ethics? Before I tell you, let me also share with you some additional information that the Board had in its possession, as reported by The Topeka Capital-Journal:

Investigators with the Kansas board also have benefit of the Missouri healing arts board's confidential 300-page report on Geenens' out-of-bounds association with women. Geenens was publicly reprimanded by Missouri regulators and, to escape broader discipline, agreed in October to "retire" his license in that state.

Snap! 300 pages? On top of this incident? The punishment: a one-week suspension of his license! UFB! (Also, his practice will be supervised for 2 years, and he has to attend a course.(La di da.) Maybe he's emerged from all of this a changed man?

Jacobs said Geenens bragged that a member of the healing arts board secretly promised him the board wouldn't hand down a severe punishment. Meanwhile, Geenens filed an ethics complaint against Jacobs in Missouri, but the case was dismissed a year later.

Was that it for Greenens? He (or more likely, his insurer) took a relatively small hit:

Jacobs filed a civil lawsuit, later settled for $100,000, alleging Geenens prescribed psychiatric drugs to cause his wife to accept the doctor's advances.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

They can run for president. Of the United States. No shit. All you have to do is pay a $1,000 fee and you're on the ballot. That's just what Keith Russell Judd, a felon who is locked up in federal prison until 2013, did. You can read more (just a little bit) in this Idaho Mountain Express article.

So this woman is on a Delta flight that lands at Logan International Airport in Boston. As she would make sure everyone knows, she is FAMOUS! As reported in The Boston Globe:

The general manager of WHDH Channel 7 was arrested after an allegedly drunken, obscenity-laced tirade at Logan International Airport in which she threatened to call a news crew and put a state trooper "on TV and ruin [his] life," according to a police report.

Randi Goldklank flailed her arms and screamed at State Police when they took her into custody after her Delta flight landed Sunday night, according to the report. She had to be helped off the plane by two crew members, according to the report, and struck a trooper in the chest, breaking the prescription glasses in his pocket.

How much did she have to drink?

... she was overheard by police telling medical personnel that she had had "about three dozen drinks." Goldklank smelled of alcohol and was so intoxicated that police had difficulty booking her, the report stated

Holy Moses! Here are a few of her comments:

"I'm a big shot in Boston and I'll have your [expletive] jobs."

"You think you're a [expletive] tough guy, just you watch and see what the [expletive] happens to you when I get out of here."

You know I don't delete expletives, but "The Globe redacted the obscenities ..." Something changed because, after being so belligerent, Ms. Goldklank told one of the troopers:

'You think I’m cute and I think you're cute, just drive me home.'

Check out her defense:

Goldklank defended her behavior to the Boston Herald Monday night and told the paper she was inappropriately touched by a male passenger seated beside her.

But ...

There was no mention of the male passenger in the State Police report. Trooper Eric Benson, a department spokesman, said this morning that “there has been no complaint made to the State Police alleging any such improper contact.”

Ms. Goldklank is on administrative leave. You can read more (including the police report - the link is in the 4th paragraph) here.

This is a strange one. See if you make the same call the jury did. Here's the scene, as described in The Oregonian:

The petite 24-year-old Beaverton woman got out of the shower wrapped in a towel, stopped to watch a couple minutes of TV and then sat down on her bed.

While putting lotion on her legs, she realized a man was standing in her closet, staring at her with bright blue eyes. He was wearing a lacy negligee with fishnet stockings open at the crotch, a woman's miniskirt, sheer white blouse and long, brown wig.

Then she screamed twice, ran to another room and called police. The man fled without saying a word ...

The man in the closet was Eric Triton Kincaid, age 29. How did the police catch him? By tracing the DNA on the meth pipe he left in the woman's closet. Mr. Kincaid was charged with first-degree burglary, attempted first-degree sexual abuse, and invasion of personal privacy. His defense?

He was high on methamphetamine, he said [to the jury], and went to the Beaverton apartment complex on March 3, 2007 because he was invited to have sex by a woman he barely knew. But when he saw the woman sitting on the bed half naked, he realized she was the wrong woman and that he was in the wrong apartment. Basically, he was as surprised as she was, he said.

Okay, how did he end up in that apartment?

Kincaid said the woman he was going to meet was staying with friends and gave him directions that neither of them were too sure about. He arrived at what he thought was the right apartment, and when he turned the doorknob, it opened.

Think the prosecutor is buying that explanation? Me either.

The prosecutor told jurors it was more likely that Kincaid tried every basement apartment door until he found one that was unlocked. Investigators couldn't find the mysterious friend Kincaid knew only as "Kate."

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, what do you think?

Continue reading "Um. What Address Did You Say This Was?" »

Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

...out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Doh! And you know what else he had on him? A pocket knife and rolling paper! What did the deputies do? They tased him, bro! But it didn't work because of his clothing. Mr. Williams was otherwise subdued and taken into custody, where he is looking at not just probation violation, but a few new charges too.

If you missed it, check out yesterday's entry regarding some strange "justice" in Eutawville, South Carolina. Here's some more of that there strange justice. This is the side of the story of three fellas who were pulled over by the Eutawville police:

They had finished a day of fishing, and were driving through Eutawville, with a boat in tow. Big mistake - driving through Eutawville, that is.

The Eutawville police pulled them over, they were told, because of a broken taillight on the boat.

The officer said he smelled marijuana. (Good one!) The driver said "I don’t smoke marijuana.” Said the officer, "You’re lying.”

The police then searched the car for almost 2 hours, and told them they found a marijuana stem in the truck. (A twig?)

All three men were strip-searched.

Strip-searched? What about the cavity search? Wonder what they do to real alleged criminals? The driver got a ticket for the broken taillight, and one of the passengers got a ticket for marijuana possession (the police said they found a marijuana (sunflower?) seed in his pocket). What happened to the stem? Said Police Chief Russell Parker: “We don’t strip-search people, ma’am."

I guess we'll find out, because these three fellas are filing a civil suit. (You can read more - about 2/3's of the way down, here.)

How the hell was this done? Somebody just waltzed into Victoria's Secret in Flagstaff, Arizona and stole 350 bras! Mind you, the store was open. And for some reason, the anti-theft tags did not trigger the alarm. The haul has a retail value of about $15,000. For more on this (not much), click here.

So said Plaintiff's attorney Rob Serafinowicz in a case now being tried in the Waterbury Superior Court in Connecticut. The case involves allegations by Neil Perrotti that, when he was 17 years-old, former Middlebury First Selectman Edward B. St. John sexually assaulted him. As reported in the Hartford Advocate:

[Serafinowicz asked] Judge Jane S. Scholl to force St. John to submit to a photograph of his penis, fully aroused.

Why would this be relevant?

Serafinowicz explained that the photograph was crucial to his case because Perrotti, in a statement he gave to State Police about the alleged incident, claimed that St. John’s penis bent to the left when aroused.

What arguments did Serafinowicz advance in support of this request?

“It would seem Mr. St. John would want to do this to set the record straight,” said Serafinowicz without a hint of sarcasm.

Serafinowicz also offered to drop the whole matter if St. John would just admit that his penis is bent when in a state of arousal. “Then this is moot.”

What do you think the judge decided?

Continue reading "Bent Penis Is Key To Case?" »

Yes, this is the subject of a lawsuit in Arizona. Nathan Thinnes sold his house to Glenn Melton, who bought it for his daughter, Kelly Zegers. Thinnes did not disclose that his neighbor was a REAL problem. When Melton discovered this, he asked Thinnes to take the house back, which he refused to do. An added twist, both seller Thinnes and buyer Melton are in the real estate business! So why is the neighbor a problem? As reported in The Arizona Republic:

One day, Melton's wife went to visit Zegers and witnessed the neighbor's behavior firsthand. When she called police to ask if there were any complaints, the officer found so many that he asked if the address was an apartment complex.

Shazam! An apartment complex? Must be a big number.

Melton learned that the neighbor had called 911 hundreds of times, saying that people were breaking in, or that her sister was shooting poison at their elderly mother's legs. Once, she met police at the door while holding a shotgun.

You might wonder "Was this still going on at the time of the sale?"

And just days before closing the house sale, the former owner called the police after he and his dog were pelted with potatoes the neighbor was throwing at unseen intruders in the oleander bushes between the two yards.

[After the shotgun encounter] the neighbor was handcuffed and taken away in a squad car and stayed away until after Zegers moved in.

Oops. How are things going now?

"She screams and yells at people that are passing by," Melton said. "When my daughter's in the backyard, the neighbor's yelling at her and making verbal threats."

The case is pending in the Maricopa County Superior Court.

Remember when a bunch of people at UCLA Medical Center snuck a peak at Brittany Spears' electronic medical records? No? I didn't either. Well they did. As reported by California Healthline:

The Department of Public Health said 53 employees, including 14 doctors, at UCLA Medical Center breached Spears' records on two occasions.

They were disciplined or fired, right?

None of the physicians quit or were fired.

What what what? None of the physicians? Then the nonphysicians must have skated by too, right? Nope.

18 [nonphysician] employees resigned, retired or were dismissed after the violations were discovered, according to UCLA data.

I'm guessing this is why:

In the past, UCLA has said physicians are overseen by a group of their peers, while other employees report to the human resources department.

Lovely. Here's the source.

"Down on the floor!" - or something like that - said the knife-wielding, would-be robber of the Cigarette Outlet in Des Moines, Iowa. Although employee #1 complied, #2 (Ruth Wright) didn't, and grabbed a couple cans of chewing tobacco. Per the Des Moines Register:

Wright threw two cans of chewing tobacco at the man, one of which bounced off his face. A customer tackled the robber, but the robber broke off and ran out the door. Wright then called the store’s manager, who contacted police.

Ouchee. The almost robber? Old Mr. Wrong, "still wearing his black mask and a jacket, fled west on foot."

Zoinks. Judge Kerry Evans was before the Ontario Judicial Council in 2004. The charges included:

patting the groins and buttocks of co-workers;

French-kissing co-workers;

force-feeding Jujubes to his co-workers; and

engaging in oral sex with a court worker in his office washroom.

In his defense to the "oral sex in the washroom" charge, Judge Evans submitted photographs of his shaved genital area, taken by his brother. Why, you might wonder? Because if the incident really happened, surely his accuser would have mentioned the unusual appearance of his groin area. Brilliant! The old "shaved balls" defense. (Actually, for a variety of reasons, probably not the photographs (!), he prevailed as to that allegation.)

Alas, Judge Evans resigned from the bench in 2004 before he was sanctioned for misconduct. He recently applied for reinstatement to the bar, and got it! He may return to the legal profession after spending 2 years working for another lawyer, which he is now doing. To read more about this, click here.

Have you ever been hit by a sausage? No? Then maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge authorities in Manchester, England who are prosecuting a 12-year-old boy for throwing a cocktail sausage at a neighbor. And it hit him on the shoulder! And this crazy judge said he couldn't believe such a case had been brought before him! What the hell is wrong with those English judges? Clearly this boy must be stopped. To read more (though not much more on this story) click here.

Per a report in Reuters India:

Singapore bans sex between men and any man found to have committed an act of "gross indecency" with another man could be jailed for up to two years. There is no legislation on sex between women.

Okay, so this authoritarian country would allow a commercial showing women kissing? No way. A cable operator was fined for

airing a commercial for a song that featured "romanticised scenes" of lesbians kissing and portrayed the relationship as "acceptable".

Please explain.

"This is in breach of the TV advertising guidelines, which disallows advertisements that condone homosexuality," the media authority said.

Now it all makes sense? Here's the source. And here's an article on Singapore's "law and order" society" that puts this in context.

Hey, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it's a close call, and there's no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post:

The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000. Three women - two probation officers and a former public defender - accused him of groping, inquiring about their underwear and asking for sex. He threatened to "bury" one if she told. Three additional women stepped forward with similar stories.

Laura Johnson, now a county court judge, reported that when she and Berman were prosecutors, he invited her to his home to help with some cases. Johnson told investigators Berman disappeared into his bedroom, then returned carrying cocktails - and wearing only a maid's apron.

Wow. So what did Judge Berman do? He stepped down three days before the judicial commission hearing.

Fast forward a few years. In 2005, Berman was hired as an assistant state attorney, where he was apparently doing okay, until recently. According to recently released personnel records,

Berman ... was suspended without pay for 10 days after asking a secretary, "Wanna be naughty?"

Mr. Berman's defense?

In his written response to the allegations, he said he was merely admiring the woman's engagement ring and said, "It's not too gaudy."

So was it "gaudy" or "naughty?" Not a tough call. So on top of the 10-day suspension,

Berman was ordered to avoid contact with the woman, who was not identified. He was further warned that if any similar complaints were lodged, he would be fired, according to the disciplinary report signed by Chief Assistant State Attorney Paul Zacks.

Here's hoping the maid's apron doesn't make another surprise appearance.

Okay, so after discovering the glitch (the man's account was only debited 1/1,000th of the amount withdrawn!), he made an additional 171 withdrawals, to the tune of about $25,000. And yes, it was in China, where he could have been sentenced to death (for real). But really, isn't a life sentence just a little bit harsh? Yes, said the Guangdong Provincial High People's Court. After a retrial, Xu Ting was sentenced to 5 years. Here's what his father had to say:

He is innocent He just made a silly mistake. So he should be set free.

Dude - 171 "silly mistakes?" After which your son was on the run for a year before being caught? Xu said he won't appeal. To read more (just a bit), click here.

People always ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the "A" section of yesterday's Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called "Xyzal." Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name "Xyzal." In the not-so-fine print, I read the following:

Do not take Xyzal if you are allergic to Xyzal ...

I had to read it again, and again, because it was SO STUPID. I'm trying to think of an equally stupid analogy, but I can't!

But there's more. The "don't operate heavy machinery while taking this drug" warning is very common. But what about driving your car?

"Patients taking Xyzal should avoid operating machinery or driving a motor vehicle."

You can't take this allergy drug and safely drive a car? Doesn't this eliminate MOST PEOPLE IN THE DEVELOPED WORLD? And just to be sure it wasn't a misprint, I checked the company's website, and found the exact same warning! Brilliant!

I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here's what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man’s injuries to be self-inflicted.

“You’re a controlling asshole who went to Honduras to find a submissive Hispanic woman to marry,” Ludwig recalled telling the man. “I guess I can call him a liar, but not an asshole.”

Props to the judge. What did the Arkansas Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission do with this? They issued a letter of reprimand, the first he has received in his 25 years as a judge. How did he respond to the reprimand?

I’ve probably said more outrageous things over the years. I was probably due.

Nicely done, sir. Here's the source.

In October 2006, as reported in The Montgomery Advertiser:

[Then attorney Stuart] DuBose, pleaded guilty to violating the State Bar's rules and was suspended from the practice of law for 45 days. But the state Supreme Court ruled that the penalty wasn't sufficient.

The following month, "attorney Dubose" won the election, and became "Judge Dubose." So? Well ....

... DuBose took office Jan. 15, 2007, and the next month challenged the State Bar's disciplinary action, arguing, among other things, that the Bar was "divested of its jurisdiction" to discipline him once he became an incumbent circuit judge.

Ludicrous, right? Wrong!

The [Alabama] Supreme Court ruled that DuBose is entitled to have the disciplinary proceedings initiated against him by the State Bar stayed until he's no longer serving as a circuit judge.

Wacky. But it's not over for Judge Dubose because, while the attorney discipline action against him has been stayed,

The Judicial Inquiry Commission made 60 separate allegations against DuBose in January, covering his conduct on the bench and as a private lawyer before he took office in January 2007.

As a result, he is on leave with pay, and could be booted from the bench. And if that happens, here comes the Alabama Bar Association with its disciplinary proceeding.

At least, don't fall asleep in Melissa Nadeau's class. Why not? Just ask Vinicios Robacher, a 15-year-old student in Danbury, Connecticut. When Vinicios crashed, Ms. Nadeau allegedly awoke him by slamming [the palm of] her hand down on his desk so hard that it injured his left eardrum! The boy's parents have filed papers with the Danbury town clerk, as the AP reported, which is "a prelude to a lawsuit." Here's the source.

For real. As reported in The Kansas City Star:

[Fulton Superior Court Judge Marvin] Arrington asked all white people to leave before he lowered the boom on the defendants, telling them that bad behavior in poor black neighborhoods drags down black advancement.

Why did the judge ask all the white folks to leave?

I wanted to have a fireside chat. And my grandmother said years ago that if you’re going to fuss at black people, you don’t need to do it in front of white people.

Zoinks!

Must have been "f-bomb the lawyer day." Mr. Aaron Wider is the owner and CEO of HTFC Corp. In a lawsuit brought by GMAC Bank against HTFC, Mr. Bodzin (GMAC's attorney) was attempting to take Mr. Wider's deposition. To say Mr. Wider was uncooperative would be an incredible understatement. Here are a few excerpts from the deposition:

Q. [By Atty. Bodzin] This is your loan file, what do Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald do for a living?
A. [By Mr. Wider] I don’t know. Open it up and find it.
Q. Look at your loan file and tell me.
A. Open it up and find it. I’m not your fucking bitch.
Q. Take a look at your loan application.
A. Do it yourself. Do it yourself. You want to do this in front of a judge. Would you prefer to
[do] this in front of a judge? Then, shut thefuck up.
Q. Sir, take a look--
A. I’m taking a break. Fuck him. You open up the document. You want me to look at something, you get the document out. Earn your fucking money asshole. Isn’t the law wonderful. Better get used to it. You’ll retire when I’m done.

Q. ... We’re going to adjourn this deposition if this happens again because you are offending every single person.
A. Don’t speak for anybody in here except yourself fuck face.
Q. I’m speaking for myself and I’m speaking for the Court Reporter.
A. If she had a problem with me she would say something. She knows it’s [not] directed toward
her. It’s directed to you because you’re a piece of shit and a piece of garbage and I’m the only
person in your life that is fucking up your world and I enjoy it. I enjoy it and when you sit there
and say I’m perpetrating a fraud I’m just better at the law than you are and you can’t get in the
fucking door and it’s pissing you off. Keep trying.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] Just how bad was the rest of the deposition? Per the court:

The above [which includes one more excerpt] are only a few examples of Wider’s hostile, uncivil, and vulgar conduct, which persisted throughout the nearly 12 hours of deposition testimony. In fact, Wider used the word “fuck” and variants thereof no less than 73 times. To put this in perspective--in this commercial case, where GMAC’s claim is for breach of contract and HTFC’s counterclaim is for tortious interference with contract--the word “contract” and variants thereof were used only 14 times.

So what did the court do with this? Click below to find out.

Continue reading "Witness Repeatedly F-Bombs Questioning Attorney - Hellish Deposition" »

So you're Troy Blackford, and you like to gamble. One day back in 1996, you're in the Prairie Meadows Racetrack and Casino (owned by the County), and you get ticked at a slot machine. You punch it and yell at it. As a result you are banned from ever returning to the casino. No matter. You keep returning and losing money. A few years go by, and you request that the ban be lifted. Denied. You still keep going back. You even get added to your wife's account, apparently due to a casino employee's error.

Then, Blackford's lucky day came, May 5, 2006 - or so he thought. As reported by the Des Moines Register,

Blackford ... sauntered up to Dynamite Jack, a 25-cent machine that showed promise. He bet the maximum amount - 45 quarters, or $11.25 per roll - and pushed the "Spin" button.

Lights flashed. The credit-count soared. Gamblers turned and stared as Dynamite Jack delivered $7,181.25, which boosted his total to nearly $10,000.

A female employee walked over, smiled, and asked for two forms of identification.

Uh-oh. It turns out that

Banned gamblers get flagged when they win more than $1,200, when employees recognize them, or when spouses call the casino ...

Police ticketed Blackford, took his winnings, read the trespass warning again, and watched him leave.

So, the casino is delighted to take your money when you lose. But when you win more than $1,200, they're still delighted to take your money! (So the money goes to a state account to help gambling addicts. A good cause, surely, but it's not the casino's money to give!) Now I can see the criminal trespass charge (which was dismissed), but taking his winnings? That's wrong. So Blackford took the case to court and ... lost. He will probably appeal.

Vietnam veteran and court reporter Ronald Tolkin was in the right place at the right time. That place was a courtroom in Brooklyn, New York. Others present: prosecutor Carolyn Pokorny, defendant Victor Wright, Judge Block, and U.S. Marshal Alvarez. As reported by nymag.com, after lunging at Ms. Pokorny with a contraband razor, "[Wright] was tackled first by ... Tolkin, who later reconstructed the incident based on digital recordings. His unofficial transcript, first leaked to AbovetheLaw.com, is excerpted below."

(Time noted: 3:30 p.m.)
(Whereupon Judge Block takes the bench.)
Ms. Pokorny: Hello.
Court Reporter: Good afternoon, Your Honor.
Mr. Rabkin: How are you? How are you, Judge?
The Court: Fine, and you?
…
The Court: Is [defense attorney] Mr. Batchelder here?
Courtroom Deputy Clerk: Yes. He is in with Mr. Wright.
The Court: All right.
(Whereupon Mr. Batchelder, the defendant, and Deputy U.S. Marshal Alvarez and Deputy U.S. Marshal Vavasis enter the courtroom.)
Courtroom Deputy Clerk: Well, Mr. Wright looks better today. He looked like he was depressed and a broken man the last time.
(Whereupon the defendant turns toward Ms. Pokorny and attacks her.) (Whereupon there is screaming.)
Court Reporter: You cocksucker, get off of her. Get off of her. Get off of her. You cocksucker, get off of her.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Get off of her.
Court Reporter: I will beat the shit out of you, you motherfucker. You cocksucker. Who the fuck do you think you are?
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Get off.
Court Reporter: Try it on me, man. I’ll kick you in the fuckin’ balls.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Get off her.
The Defendant: I apologize.
Court Reporter: You apologize, you piece of shit.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Get off of her.
The Defendant: They are choking me.
Court Reporter: You fuckin’ put your hands behind your back, you cocksucker.
…
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Move your hands behind your back. Move them now.
Court Reporter: I got one. I got one hand. I got one. I got one.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Put your hands behind your back.
Court Reporter: Get the other one. Cuff from the other.
U.S. Marshal Vavasis: You fuckin’ asshole. You motherfucker.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Leave him there now.
Court Reporter:: You cocksucker.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Leave him there.
Court Reporter: Fuckin’ shit. Son of a bitch. I’m all right. Where is Carolyn?
Courtroom Deputy Clerk: I told her to leave.
…
Female Court Security Officer: 10-4 control, we need an ambulance. 10-4. In 10-C we need an ambulance to be called, please.
Control: 10-4.
Court Reporter: Is she all right, Carolyn?
Female Court Security Officer: She wants an ambulance.
Court Reporter: Good. All right. You will have to put this over.
Courtroom Deputy Clerk: No shit, Sherlock.
Court Reporter: Yeah.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: She is feeling okay but she got like some bruises.
Court Reporter: You better get an ambulance.
U.S. Marshal Vavasis: We are just going to take this guy in the back—
Control: 10-4.
Court Reporter: This is going to be put over anyway.
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Yeah, I know.
Court Reporter: It can be put over because we are not doing nothing today. I have it on audio. I have it all on audio. That fuckin’—
(Telephone ringing.)
The Court: The Marshals are here?
Court Reporter: Two Marshals are here. They took him down. They took him down, Judge. Carolyn is going to have an ambulance to go to the hospital.
The Court: What happened to her?
Court Reporter: She got all bruised, Your Honor. She wants to go to the hospital. I guess we are going to put this over?
The Court: Yes, it is going to be put over.
Court Reporter: Yes.
The Court: But why didn’t the Marshals respond? [The panic button] did not work, Mike? I am terribly concerned about this.
Courtroom Deputy Clerk: All right. In the old building we had to press it in.
(Telephone ringing.)
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: Look what I found.
(Whereupon the Marshal picks up a razor blade.)
Court Reporter: What is that, a razor?
U.S. Marshal Alvarez: It is a razor blade. He was going to cut her.
Court Reporter: Great.
...
Court Reporter: Let me turn this off.

Here's the source.

This one is just really strange. Per wtol.com:

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table.

Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr. Price looking at? A felony!

What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

And if all that isn't bad enough, a neighbor videotaped the latest incident. Said Police Captain Johnson,

Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around.

Here's the source.