Legal Juice

Yup. A 30-year-old Toronto man was riding the bus. After making eye contact with the man next to him, the friendly guy said "hello." This was too much for the unfriendly guy, who, as reported in The National Post, then asked

Why do you say hello to me? I don't know you.

Um, er, okay. Nevermind. No such luck for the friendly guy.

The victim apologized on the bus, and again when they got off, but the man pulled out a knife and stabbed him. The victim was taken to hospital and received numerous stitches.

Friendly guy is doing alright. Unfriendly guy remains at large. You can read a little more here.

Robert Johnson REALLY wanted to be a telemarketer. The only problem? He is missing 18 teeth. But Johnson wasn’t going to let that stop him. He applied for a telemarketing position, went through three days of training, and received generally positive evaluations from the telemarketer. Everything seemed to be going so well... until Johnson was let go because he “mumbled on the phone and was not a ‘good match’ for the job.”

So Johnson sued the telemarketer under the American’s with Disabilities Act (the "ADA"). Describing his condition as a “cosmetic disfigurement consisting of some prominently visible absent front teeth,” Johnson claimed that his rejection was a pretext for discrimination. The federal district court didn’t buy the argument, so Johnson appealed.

What happened?

Continue reading "This TOTALLY Bites!" »

Dude really wanted the motorcycle, so he came equipped - with a blow torch, gas cannisters, a screwdriver and a claw hammer. Problem was, he was a little bit to loud. The homeowner's 4-year-old son heard some noise, and woke his dad. So dad chased him down the street, then realized he was buck naked. By then the would-be thief was well on his way - without his tools or the motorcycle, though he had managed to melt the lock on the motorcycle.

Neighbors had seen a man with a dark jacket and gloves (see police artist sketch below) dragging a wheelie bin through the neighborhood, looking around to see if he was being watched. Hmmmmmm. If you have any information on this crime, call the South Wales Police at 029 2022 2111 (collect!). (You can read the entire story here.)

By who? A principal! According to Anita White, a teacher at New Braunfels Middle School in San Antonio, Texas, here's what principal John Burks said to her and three other teachers:

He stated if the scores were not to his liking, he would kill us all and then kill himself. He was very emphatic, he was not laughing, he was not being funny.

The last thing he said (was) you just don't know how ruthless I can be.

Damn! You can read more here.

A fella in Palo Pinto County Texas, known as "Bayou Bob," has been arrested for selling alcohol without a license. Not just any alcohol, mind you, but vodka with a rattlesnake in every bottle. It helps that Bob Popplewell is a rattlesnake rancher. When the police raided his ranch, they found 429 bottles of vodka with snakes in them. Bob's defense? It's an "ancient Asian elixir" that's medicinal, so it's not bootlegging.

How did he get busted? A complaint prompted an undercover buy. Who complained? Bayou Bob thinks it's the "tree-huggers." Why? Per the Star-Telegram:

Popplewell got crosswise with animal-rights groups last year when he shipped thousands of turtles to Asia, where turtle meat is considered a delicacy. He said the same "tree-hugging" activists are now pressuring the TABC to go after him.

Bayou Bob has vowed to fight all of the charges. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Tyler J. Meverden of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, went to the bank to make what he probably thought was a routine deposit. There was just one problem, as reported in the Door County Advocate:

The money Tyler J. Meverden, 21, tried to deposit at a Sturgeon Bay bank reeked of marijuana, according to a Sturgeon Bay Police Department investigation into the incident.

How strong was the smell?

The odor was so noticeable and so distinctive that a teller put the cash — $4,000 in bundled bills — into a plastic bag.

How right was the teller?

The contact between the bills and marijuana was so intense that when the Sturgeon Bay Police Department tested a bill, the chemicals reacted positively for marijuana, according to a department report.

The money tested positive for pot! Zoinks! And when the police searched his residence, they found about one pound of weed. And if that's not bad enough, his residence is very close to an elementary school and a ball field, making him eligible for enhanced penalties. And if that's not bad enough, this bust was actually a probation violation.

He was serving probation from convictions in 2005 and 2006 for possessing marijuana, possessing drug paraphernalia, bail jumping, obstructing police, battery and criminal damage to property.

Separate drawers, dude. Separate drawers. (Here's the Door County Advocate story.)

Can you say that on TV in Australia? Hell yes. Chef Gordon Ramsay, of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" in Australia (and "Hell's Kitchen" in the U.S.) drops some serious f-bombs. Per The Daily Telegraph,

... celebrity chef Ramsay slipp[ed] in the f-word more than 80 times in one episode.

Shazam! Should the government get involved?

[Australian] Liberal Senator Cory Bernardi said the dropping of the "c-bomb" during a recent 9.30pm episode had gone too far.

Do not mess with a man with a bunch of knives, or the network that broadcasts his show.

Channel 9 hit back yesterday, saying 1.5 million viewers would know better than "one person in Parliament" about what they wanted to watch on TV.

So what does Senator Bernardi want? " ... a study of the effectiveness of the broadcasting code of conduct." Good luck with that, considering chef Ramsay's other program "The F-Word," was reviewed by the Australian Office of Film and Literature Classification, and received just an "M" for moderate coarse language. For more, click here.

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital]," [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."

Ma'am, I want to LIVE on your island! Yes, we understand. Oh - one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative - he brought the wrong horse!

Austin Texas attorney Adam Reposa, in court representing a man charged with DWI, was not pleased with a particular objection made by the prosecution. As reported by keyetv.com,

Travis County Court at Law #6 Judge Jan Breland put Adam Reposa into the lockup after he made what is described in court documents as "…a simulated masturbatory gesture with his hand while making eye contact with the Court…"

Mr. Reposa posted the $1,000 bail and was released. He's laying low now, right?

When Reposa's law office was contacted by phone, the person answering said she was instructed by Reposa to tell the media a vulgarity, which won't be printed here.

Damn you censors! Here's the source.

How can that be? I have no idea. As reported in the Edmonton Sun:

According to the agreed facts, the victim disclosed to her parents that Lister had sexually assaulted her on approximately six occasions between September 2005 and June 2006 when she was between 11 and 12 years old.

The girl said she'd been alone with Lister in the day-care van when the incidents took place and could only recall details of the last assault, which involved him telling her to lie down on the bench seat and then fondling her.

If you are incredulous now, it gets worse.

Court also heard Lister had worked as a janitor for the Edmonton Public School Board and as a bus driver for Edmonton Transit until he was convicted of rape and gross indecency in 1981 and sentenced to six years.

One has to wonder how many other victims of this predator are out there, given the 25 years just between these 2 convictions. So what was the punishment?

Lister was ordered to be under a nightly curfew for the two years, to take counselling, to perform 150 hours of community service and to stay away from young children.

He was also placed on the national sex offender registry for 20 years, ordered to submit his DNA to the national DNA databank and banned for life from going to any parks, playgrounds, pools, daycares or any other places where there are children under 14.

Oh, plus two years probation. BFD! This guy is a predator. UFB. No justice. Here's the source.

Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times,

When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, "Who's that guy carrying the meat down the street?" Scola recounted yesterday.

The dude was loaded up with 20 pounds of Scola's frozen meat. So Scola chased him and caught him.

"What are you doing with my food?" Scola said he asked the suspect. "I'm really hungry, man," the suspect replied.

As Scola began taking the meat back, the dude "raised the 5-pound, frozen solid log of prosciutto above his head, presumably to hit Scola." Bad move, meat man. What did Scola do?

"I slammed him with the ham in the face," Scola said from his kitchen yesterday. The would-be thief, stunned and with a gouge on his face, dropped the meat and ran.

He may still be running. The police couldn't find him. And don't think that Scola is a coldhearted, greedy guy.

"I felt bad," Scola said of the suspect's injuries. "If he had come in and said he was hungry, I'd have given him a breakfast."

Having once been homeless himself, he gives back to the community by donating leftover food to a local shelter. And it's unlikely the thief was stealing the food to eat because it takes several days to thaw out. Here's the Gloucester Daily Times article.

Actually, Dayton, Ohio resident Tony Henderson only thought the woman he propositioned was a prostitute. Actually, she was a police officer. So what happened that fateful night in April 2006? As reported by the Court of Appeals of Ohio, Dayton Police officer Dyan Briggs was working as a prostitution decoy. She testified that

Mr. Henderson asked me if I was working, to which I replied I was. Mr. Henderson then stated, come on, and motions for me to follow him back across the street ... And I said what do you want. And he said I want to make love. And I said, okay, you want to have sex. What do I get. He said what do you get. I said, yeah, what do I get.

A fair question, but it raised a red flag for Mr. Henderson.

"He's like man, you sound like a cop. [Walk away, dude. Walk away.] I was like I'm not a cop. And he's like, well, I got some candy. [Doh!] And I said you have candy. And he said, yeah, I got candy. And I said what kind of candy do you have. He said bubble gum. I said what flavor. He said bubble gum. I said is it grape or what. And he said it's strawberry. I said is it sugarless.

Mr. Henderson apparently grew tired of the chit-chat.

"And he's like, fuck you. And I said, you offered me candy. And at that point Detective St. Clair drove up in his car and I believe he placed Mr. Henderson in a set of handcuffs."

Snap! Busted for soliciting a prostitute by offering a stick of gum! Fast forward: Mr. Henderson is before a Judge, and arresting officer Raymond St. Clair testifies:

I asked Mr. Henderson why he asked her, being Officer Briggs, for sex, and Mr. Henderson replied because she's a whore. And I asked why did you offer her bubble gum for sex, and Mr. Henderson replied because I have no money."

Click here to find out the judge's decision.

Continue reading "What Happens If You Offer Gum To A Prostitute?" »

Not the good kind of "unforgettable," though. A fellow named Stephen Chang was at the Hot Lap Dance Club, when, he alleges in his lawsuit, he got a lap dance that was - sorry - not so hot. Seems he caught a heel in the eye, causing "serious injuries." And this was no cheapee, either. The cost? $40 per dance, plus a $50 one-time club membership fee, and a $10 admission fee.

It must have been a really, really major injury (or a serious lapse in judgment), as Mr. Chang is a married securities trader in his early 30s. This can't be good for his career, or marriage. Here's a little more.

Mr. Smith (that's his name, really) was sentenced to 21 years for six drug offenses. He requested a new trial, fired his lawyer, and represented himself at the hearing on his request for a new trial. Mr. Smith's "first use of profanity occurred when he used the word 'fuck,' apparently for emphasis [Well I never!], in recalling an earlier conversation with his trial counsel who allegedly invited [Smith] to [appeal] based on ineffective assistance of counsel at trial." The Judge warned him, but damned if it didn't slip out again. Contempt #1. Six pages of trial transcript later, f-bomb number 2, and Contempt #2. And what do you think Mr. Smith said after the second contempt? "Shit." Really. The Judge let that one go.

No more bombs for 37 pages of trial transcript. But when it became clear that Mr. Smith was SOL, he interrupted the Judge with "That's bullshit. That's bullshit." The Judge ignored the BS-bombs. Mr. Smith later dropped the B-bomb (bitch), also ignored. But when it came time to sentence Mr. Smith for Contempts 1 & 2, things heated up a little bit.

THE DEFENDANT: What is the maximum on contempt, sir?
THE COURT: What is the maximum on contempt? If I am going to give you in excess of six months, I believe I have to give you a jury trial, is that correct ...?
[STATE'S ATTORNEY]: Yes.
..........
THE DEFENDANT: ... from day one, you have been prejudiced to the defense .... I am not asking you to believe me. I am only asking to bring forth witnesses in this case who could testify --
THE COURT: I asked you if you had anything you want to say as to what sentence the Court should impose --
THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. You know what? You can give me six more months, motherfucker, for sucking my dick, you punk ass bitch. You should have a white robe on, motherfucker, instead of a black. Fuck you.
THE COURT: I find you in contempt again.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you in contempt again.
THE COURT: I find you three times in contempt --
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you. And fuck.
THE COURT: On each charge, the Court will impose a sentence of five months to run consecutive to each other and consecutive to any sentence you are now serving or obligated to serve.
THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. You better leave now, you, Ku Klux Klan.
THE COURT: The Court will adjourn. [Not so fast, there.]
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you, you, Ku Klux Klan --
(Whereupon, the Proceedings were concluded.)

So what do you think the Maryland Court of Appeals decided - three contempts or one?

Continue reading "Judge Hit With F-Bombs, S-Bombs, BS-Bombs ..." »

For those of you in the United States who are worried about the steady erosion of privacy rights (count me in), transplant yourself to the United Kingdom for a moment. As reported in The Guardian, here's a suggestion from Britain's most senior police forensics expert:

Primary school children should be eligible for the DNA database if they exhibit behaviour indicating they may become criminals in later life.

Gary Pugh, director of forensic sciences at Scotland Yard and the new DNA spokesman for the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo), said a debate was needed on how far Britain should go in identifying potential offenders, given that some experts believe it is possible to identify future offending traits in children as young as five.

Five years-old! And if you're thinking that this could never happen, consider this:

Last week it emerged that the number of 10 to 18-year-olds placed on the DNA database after being arrested will have reached around 1.5 million this time next year. Since 2004 police have had the power to take DNA samples from anyone over the age of 10 who is arrested, regardless of whether they are later charged, convicted, or found to be innocent.

So DNA samples of innocent 10-year-olds are alreadly being collected! And when he reads this, I'll bet President Bush (yes - he's a big fan of the Juice - especially the "Get A Life" entries) will be envious beyond words:

Concern over the issue of civil liberties will be further amplified by news yesterday that commuters using Oyster smart cards could have their movements around cities secretly monitored under new counter-terrorism powers being sought by the security services.

Oh, and the Juice is monitoring your activities, too. For example, he knows that, right now, YOU ARE NOT WORKING. GET BACK TO WORK! Here's The Guardian article

.

In Kansas (and probably lots of other states), absolutely. By law, the Bible reins supreme, and stands alone. Here's the text of Kansas statute 19-1906:

Bibles for prisoners; ministers to have access to jail. The sheriff of each county shall provide at the expense of the county for each prisoner under his charge, who may be able and desirous to read a copy of the Bible or New Testament, to be used by such prisoner at proper seasons during his confinement; and any minister of the gospel desiring to aid in reforming the prisoners and instructing them in their moral and religious duties, shall have access to them at seasonable and proper times.

Now I've got nothing against the Bible (or the New Testament), but providing it as a basic right? But what about, say, the Old Testament, the Qur'an (Koran), the Talmud, Vedas (Hinduism), the Tripitaka (Buddhism), the Book of Mormon (I'm being open-minded), Dianetics (I'm being very open-minded. I think they're nuts, but our government accepts them as a religion.) And don't forget about the right to access to "any minister of the gospel ... at seasonable and proper times." Here's a link to the Kansas statute.

Okay, it wasn't just another day for one Dunkin' Donuts worker. On that day last month, John Greco, age 46, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, decided to pick up some coffee at the drive-thru, without any pants on! So when he picked up his order, his toolkit was there for all to see. The ever-vigilant worker got his tag number, leading to Greco's subsequent arrest for public lewdness. Per the AP report:

Police released a statement Thursday saying it was "unknown how Mr. Greco took his coffee that day."

Ba-da-bing. Everybody's a comedian.

Yes, "right to dry," not "right to die," though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe:

If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry. (The proposal in New Hampshire died in committee, but proponents say they plan to try again next session.)

And why is this a good idea?

"People think it's silly, but what's silly is to worry so much about having to look at your neighbors' undies that you would prevent them from conserving energy," said Vermont state Senator Dick McCormack, a sponsor of "right to dry" legislation. "We're not making a big deal over clotheslines; we're making a big deal over global warming."

Sign me up. This I why I will NEVER live in a condominium, or anywhere with a homeowner's association. Too many friggin' rules. Here is the Rulies [my word - somebody please add to Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia - props to me] argument:

"If you imagine driving into a community where the yards have clothes hanging all over the place, I think the aesthetics, the curb appeal, and probably the home values would be affected by that, because you can't let one homeowner do it and say no to the next," said Frank Rathbun, a spokesman for the Community Associations Institute, a national group based in Virginia that represents thousands of homeowner and condominium associations, many of which restrict clotheslines.

Mercy! Here's to line-drying. And here's the Globe article (with a lot more on this story.)

And that headline is not hyberbole. As reported by the AP:

Law officers in western Kansas are investigating the bizarre case of a woman they say sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years.

TWO YEARS! What would you think happens to your body under those circumstances?

The sheriff said the woman's muscles had atrophied and that medical personnel had to remove her from the toilet because she was bound to it by "natural means."

So, the obvious question: What kind of boyfriend would let his girlfriend sit on a toilet for 2 years without getting her help? Answer: A dude who said that, hey, she stayed in the bathroom of her own free will. Legally, what's going to happen to the "worst boyfriend over a two-year period" ever?

Sheriff Whipple said his office may charge the boyfriend with mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Sitting on his toilet for 2 years? I'd say that definitely made her "dependent" on him. If you are really bored, you can read the Kansas statute here to see what you think. Click here for the story.

A helluva lot. As reported in The Brisbane Times:

Court documents reveal the GP [general practitioner], known only as DAP, began having sex with patients as early as 1987.

He was twice suspended from practicing in 1996 and 2001.

He ... faced disciplinary action after admitting to maintaining sexual relationships with at least eight female patients, including the daughter of an elderly woman.

The Brisbane doctor, who cannot be named to protect the identity of his victims, was twice jailed in 2005 for repeatedly sexually abusing his 10 and 11 year-old daughters.

His own daughters too! And after all that, the Health Practitioner's Tribunal still would not yank his license. Instead, they suspended him for 5 years, concluding that his epilepsy affected his behavior! At long last, Dr. DAP's rein of terror is over. The Brisbane Supreme Court of Appeal overturned the Tribunal's suspension and banned this serial sexual predator from ever practicing medicine again. Here's the source. (And it happens in the U.S. too.)