Legal Juice

As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia:

This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice. During this therapy he began to embrace her for progressively long periods of time. He advised her against having sexual relations with her husband and the marital relationship deteriorated considerably.

On one occasion during a pelvic examination he made inappropriate sexual remarks about her pelvic anatomy and breasts.

Later, they became involved in inappropriate activity related to the act of urination, which they called "water sports", which was repeated up to three times weekly. The patient fell in love with the doctor. Ultimately the interaction was discovered by the doctor's wife.

Then what?

The doctor apologized to the patient for his inappropriate behaviour, entered into therapy and consented to his therapist reporting his behaviour to the College.

So what happened to Dr. Limbert?

[He] was charged with professional misconduct for having engaged in sexual impropriety with a patient (among other things). He pleaded guilty to professional misconduct but not to incompetence. [Not misconduct! UFB!]

The Committee had no difficulty in accepting the plea of guilty and revoked the physician's licence. Upon receiving the doctor's undertaking not to appeal the decision, there was no need to consider the allegation of incompetence...

Sorry, no f-bombs. But, here's a little tale courtesy of John Browning of The Southeast Texas Record:

Father Luis Alfredo Rios of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Crystal Lake, Ill., was sued for making a "wrongful sermon" by one of his parishioners, Angel Llarona. Llarona left two voicemail messages for Father Rios complaining about the quality of his sermonizing.

The next Sunday, Father Rios allegedly played the voicemails for the congregation, and commented on Llaroma's effectiveness as someone in charge of religious education for the parish. The priest allegedly asked the congregants "what should we do, should we send him to hell or to another parish?" Now, Mr. Llarona wants at least $50,000.

Since the First Amendment precludes judges from inquiring into religious doctrine or belief, only a few courts have taken on such "wrongful sermon" cases.

In 2004, a New Mexico court rejected defamation claims against a priest who denounced the deceased at a funeral service. The judge wryly noted that churches have been "talking about sending people to hell for many a year. People aren't shocked by it."

The moral of the story: Don't ever leave a voicemail you wouldn't want the entire world to hear! How could you not know this? Alec Baldwin anyone?

Parents get divorced. Dad converts to Judaism, and wants son circumsised - and Mom doesn't. Now if I were to to tell you that the son istwelve years old, who else do you think they should ask? Yes, junior, of course! You would think someone would have thought of this before the case worked its way up to the Oregon Supreme Court! Nope - not in the 3 years the parents have been litigating this issue. So the Court sent the case back with instructions to determine what junior wants. That shouldn't take long. You can read more (just a little bit) here.

Here's how Georgia Dr. Totada R. Shanthaveerappa promoted his "Integrated Medical Specialists" and "Integrated Chemotherapy Specialists" clinics, as reported in the Gwinnett Daily Post:

He advertised that his clinic practiced "safe and effective, nontoxic, scientifically-based alternative" medicine that could "cure or control most cancer and other chronic disease," according to court documents.

Per the doctor's lawyer, he admitted injecting 5 patients with DNP, a weed killer. But that's not what he was busted for. It was health care fraud that did him in. Seems that when he submitted claims to insurance companies, he masked the drugs and treatments he actually provided. I wonder why ... So what happened to Dr. Shanthaveerappa? His license was suspended back in 2005, and last week, he got 5 years probation (after already serving 400 days of home detention). That was for the insurance fraud. As for the weed killer injections - zippy. Apparently the authorities could not demonstrate that any harm came of it.

Yes, electricity and sex occasionally cross paths, but this is insane. Toby Taylor (37) and his wife Kirsten Taylor (29) of York County, Pennsylvania apparently used a live electrical cord to sexually stimulate each other (according to Mr. Taylor). This time, though, the shock ended up giving Ms. Taylor a heart attack and killing her. Mr. Taylor was charged with involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment, and is free on $100,000 bail. You can read more here.

New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone. (What, that's a crime?) When McDonald was charged, bail was set at $5,000. He posted it, and left.

Fast forward to January 15th. Per The Aspen Times:

McDonald, who rode a Greyhound bus from New York to Aspen for his court hearing, told District Judge James Boyd that he was broke and needed the $5,000 bond money he put up to get out of jail. Boyd checked repeatedly with McDonald to make sure the suspect knew he was going to be taken into custody.

Here's the prosecutor's explanation:

“I’ve never seen it because most people don’t want to go to jail,” Deputy District Attorney Gail Nichols said. “But obviously he doesn’t mind. Essentially he’s revoking his own bond, and hey, why not? Now he has a place to live.”

Such a great place, too. Who wouldn't revoke their own bond just for the 3 squares? Here's the rest of the article.

Here's a wacky story from Patna, India:

Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom’s more sober brother instead, police said.

“The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride’s family and local villagers chased him away,” Madho Singh, a senior police officer, told Reuters.

The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom’s place beside the teenage bride at her family’s invitation, witnesses said.

“The groom apologized for his behavior, but has been crying that word will spread and he will never get a bride again,” Singh said by phone.

The German police pulled this guy over and gave him a breath test. The results? Ten times the legal limit! So they busted him for driving while intoxicated, right? Nope. He was riding down the road in his wheelchair! Was he charged? As reported in The Fayettesville Observer:

Police said that because the man was technically traveling as a pedestrian, he could not be charged with a driving offense.

“It’s not like we can impound his wheelchair,” the spokesman said. “But he is facing some sort of punishment. It’s just not clear yet what exactly that will be.”

Regular Juice readers no doubt remember this "Motion for Continuance." This one is not quite as funny (the bar is now pretty high), but it's still juiceworthy. In the Louisiana case of Harrell v. Spencer, et al., defense counsel filed, I shit you not, an "Unopposed Motion To Continue Trial Due To Conflict With The LSU Tiger's National Championship Game." In his supporting Memorandum, defense counsel states:

All counsel to this matter unequivocally agree that the presence of LSU in the aforementioned contest of pigskin skill unquestionably constitutes good grounds [under the statute - for continuing the trial]. In fact we have been unable through much imagination and hypothetical scenarios to think of a better reason.

What do you think the Judge did with the Motion? Granted. Trial continued to February 11, 2008. Okay, now I have a problem. February 11th is George Washington's birthday. Really. As Stephen Colbert says, "Look it up." You can read the Motion, Memorandum and Order here

Think again. You are not a "manual scavenger." As described by writer Sunil Kuksal:

The term ‘manual scavenging’ describes the daily work of manually cleaning and removing human feces from dry (non-flush) latrines across India. Workers, mostly women and young boys, are also referred to as ‘night soil workers’, a Victorian euphemism that hides the repugnance of the word ‘shit’... Using a broom, a tin plate and a drum, they clear and carry human excreta from public and private latrines, more often on their heads, to dumping grounds and disposal sites.

Did I mention that the Indian government passed a law banning the employment of manual scavengers in 1993? It doesn't seem to matter, since, as Mr. Kuksal notes:

The practice is on in almost all states, including Bihar, Maharashtra, Jammu & Kashmir and even Delhi. The Indian railways is one of the largest employers of manual scavengers.

And in an affidavit, the railway admitted that it has about 30,000 open-discharge toilets [that need to be cleaned manually]. How many people do you think are doing this job in India? According to the Indian government, 343,000. Why would anyone do this job? Per Mr. Kuksal, it's caste-based, and is forced on the dalits by caste pressure.

Wow. There is an aerobics instructor in Winnipeg who regrets the day she said "hello" to Alanna Phizacklea, who attended the gym where the victim taught. Apparently, that "hello" was all it took, because there was nothing else that transpired between the two of them. Since that day, though, Phizacklea has been stalking her relentlessly. It started in June 1999 when Phizacklea showed up at the victim's house. Per the Judge, "What followed ... were phone calls in the middle of the night, letters, seemingly chance encounters everywhere." Here's Winnipeg Free Press reporter Mike McIntyre's chronology (his article can be read here):

Police were finally called in January 2000 when Phizacklea went to the victim's home and began pounding on her door for several minutes. She was arrested and pleaded guilty the following month to criminal harassment. Phizacklea was given a suspended sentence and two years of probation with an order to stay away from the victim.

Phizacklea was re-arrested in 2002 after making dozens of angry phone calls to the woman. At one point, she even dropped off an envelope with $1,000.

She pleaded guilty in January 2003 and was given time in custody of 25 days followed by probation. A psychiatric report described Phizacklea as having "periodic obsessive ruminations" about the victim.

A third arrest followed later that year when Phizacklea repeatedly breached her probation by confronting the victim at various locales, including a grocery store where she made an obscene gesture and uttered a threat.

Phizacklea was sentenced in August 2004 and told court she planned to get away from her victim by moving to Calgary. She was given time in custody of 16 days plus a six-month conditional sentence.

Phizacklea was arrested in December 2004 for breaching her conditional sentence by following the victim in a vehicle. She was allowed to eventually resume her conditional sentence.

Phizacklea was arrested a fifth time in August 2006 for breaching her probation orders by confronting the victim in a grocery store, writing her letters and making phone calls. Phizacklea was given the equivalent of six months in jail, plus probation.

She was released from custody in early November - and immediately went after the victim in a terrifying incident outside a city bank. Phizacklea forced her way into the woman's car, grabbed her arm and began speaking of her ruined life, inability to find a job and even told the victim, "I forgive you." She only let her go when the woman promised not to call police. She did, and Phizacklea was arrested for a sixth time and has been in custody since last Nov. 6.

So what did the Judge do this time? He sentenced her to 26 months in jail. Hopefully they'll monitor her outgoing mail.

If Alexander Yermilov is saying this, you should listen. If not, you might find yourself on the business end of an ax. As reported by UPI:

Prosecutors said a man in the Chita region of Russia killed two friends he found dismembering his pet dog so they could prepare a meal.

The regional branch of the Prosecutor General's Office said Alexander Yermilov took an ax to his friends whom he found butchering his Great Dane when he returned to his home in Natsigun in December, The Moscow Times reported Thursday.

After Yermilov struck Irina Maryasova and Nikolai Sedunov several times, killing them on the spot, he called the police and confessed, prosecutors said.

Prosecutors said the reason why the two killed the dog or wanted to eat it was unknown.

Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor's security camera. Why Austin, why? As reported by the UPI:

Police allege the teenagers torched the Chevy Tahoe in the early hours Sunday as an act of revenge after a fight.

Gary Darpel, a neighbor of the torched car's teenage owner, said the victim explained to him why he was targeted.

"They got into this fight. He broke it up, but they thought he was instigating it, so they came for retribution," Darpel said.

Jones was arrested after seeking treatment at a local hospital.

Not a good night for young Mr. Jones.

So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here's a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions:

I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example. On this occasion, I have failed to do that.

Okay. Sounds good.

"But I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before."

Doh! What were the circumstances of his arrest? As reported in the Daily Mail:

The drama happened on the M1 northbound at Tibshelf, Derbyshire, at around 6.30am on December 27 last year.

A shocked motorist told police he nearly smashed into Malcolm's car, which was straddling the middle and fast lanes of the motorway.

The other driver pulled over, woke up Malcolm, persuaded him to move to the hard shoulder, and then phoned 999.

Malcolm's blood alcohol level was more than double the legal limit. In addition to blaming the ref, Malcolm did have one more comment to try and distance himself from the crime:

"I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car. "I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

Wow. And how exactly did you get there, Malcolm? By getting shitfaced, and then driving to your parking spot in the middle of the road? NO EXCUSES. Just cop to it, and people will respect you a lot more. (I'm sure that ref is looking forward to his next match with you.) Here's the article.

It's just a bunny, right? Wrong, as Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School in Kissimmee, Florida learned. Her crime? She wore sweat pants with a Playboy bunny and the word "Playboy." The time? Two days of detention! From a UPI article, here are the highlights:

Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School, said a dean approached her at school and instructed her to change out of her black Playboy sweat pants, which she did. She was forced to stay for an hour after school for two days, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday.

Johnson said there was nothing inappropriate about her attire, despite Playboy's connection to soft-core pornography.

"The bunny is just a logo," she said. "There's nothing objectionable about that."

"They're black sweats," Johnson said. "They are thick, cotton, exercise pants... I was dressed tastefully."

The school district's dress code does not bar students from wearing any specific clothing brands, but allows officials to ban clothing with "offensive, suggestive, or indecent" messages or images.

Hugh Hefner must be loving it - giving the Playboy brand some juice with the youngsters. Brilliant!

Precisely what Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein should have asked himself. He had helped his union-member client obtain an arbitration hearing with the client's employer, Kraft Foods. Although the union had a lawyer at the arbitration representing the client, Gerstein was there too in a "nonrepresentative capacity." When the arbitrator asked if anyone objected to Gerstein sitting in, Kraft's attorney, Ms. Nimz, said that she did. She stated that the union's agreement with Kraft "provided that employees who filed grievances were to be represented by the union's attorney and did not have an independent right to be represented by private counsel." The arbitrator agreed, and Mr. Gerstein was booted out. Ten days later, he sent Ms. Nimz a letter including the following paragraph:

More importantly, as far as I am concerned, in the twenty-six years that I have practiced law, I have never met, in a limited basis, a more despicable self-made piece of dog shit than you. You are a fucking slime-ball and a fucking slime-bag and I piss on your existence. What I want to tell you specifically is to take this letter and jam it up your asshole, resulting in severe paper cuts. You are a used condom of the highest order.

Ouch! So what did the diciplinary commission do with this? Very little. Mr. Gerstein was censured (the equivalent of "you've been a bad boy"). If you're really, really bored, you can read the opinion by clicking here, entering "Marvin Ira Gerstein" and clicking on entry #7.

How about, unknowlingly, marrying your twin sister? They were separated at birth, and adopted and raised by different families. When they met as adults, there was an "inevitable attraction." [Creepy, no?] After they got married, they learned that they are twins. All together now - YUK! The marriage was annulled. To read more (very little) click here.

Did you think I meant that figuratively? Nope - literally. Tyrone Clarke, of Trinidad & Tobago, came to court with two bags of "human feces" in his pockets! As reported in the Trinidad & Tobago Express:

On January 8, Maharajh-Brown, who was presiding in the Eleventh Court, screamed and fled the courtroom after Clarke dipped into his side pocket and pulled out a plastic bag which he threw.

The first bag missed Maharaj-Brown, but hit the wall behind her, causing the bag to burst and spill onto the wall and Maharaj-Brown.

As Clarke dipped his hand again into his pockets, [police prosecutor] Carty quickly rose from his seat and positioned himself in the middle of Maharaj-Brown and Clarke, in a bid to protect the magistrate.

You know the crime. The time? One year, six months and 28 days hard labor. Oh, and there are still those charges of arson and malicious damage that brought Mr. Clarke to court. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

If you're David Binner of Doylestown, PA, the answer is:

Go Fuck Yourself.

Who knew there was still a place that issues $5 parking tickets? Now David, did you really think that would just slide right through? It didn't. The police chief deemed it obscene and charged David with disorderly conduct. So what happened? David apologized, and the charges were withdrawn. And what would have happened if the case went to trial? According to Keith Williams, David's lawyer, they would have won. As reported in The Intelligencer:

Williams said there was a similar case elsewhere in Pennsylvania where a judge ruled that use of the F-word does not amount to disorderly conduct.

“The F-word isn’t what it used to be,” he said. “It doesn’t have a sexual connotation anymore.”

Williams explained: The word has to have a sexual connotation to be considered obscene, and it needs to be obscene to be considered disorderly conduct.

You can read more (not a lot) here.

Hmm. Maybe not when your car totally reeks of pot - from the 2 ounces you're carrying! As reported in the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

John Fleming certainly did not hinder his own apprehension.

Following an argument with another driver over a parking space in a Route 10 lot in East Hanover, Fleming followed the driver while dialing 911.

Patrolman Tom McPartland, who responded to the call, smelled the scent of raw marijuana wafting from the car when Fleming rolled down his window to talk to the patrolman.

It seems Fleming, a 39-year-old West Orange florist shop employee, had two ounces of pot packaged in 12 plastic bags when the car was stopped on Ridgedale Avenue last May.

He was charged with possession of over 50 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school, and possession of drug paraphernalia, police said.

The other motorist involved in the parking lot spot spat was not charged. Fleming ultimately was sentenced to two years' probation.