Legal Juice

As reported by The College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, here is the story of Dr. John Geoffrey Limbert of Victoria, British Columbia:

This family physician cared for a female patient for five years during which time she had two pregnancies. Subsequently, he established himself as a full-time sex therapist [I think you can guess where this is going] and she sought his professional advice. During this therapy he began to embrace her for progressively long periods of time. He advised her against having sexual relations with her husband and the marital relationship deteriorated considerably.

On one occasion during a pelvic examination he made inappropriate sexual remarks about her pelvic anatomy and breasts.

Later, they became involved in inappropriate activity related to the act of urination, which they called "water sports", which was repeated up to three times weekly. The patient fell in love with the doctor. Ultimately the interaction was discovered by the doctor's wife.

Then what?

The doctor apologized to the patient for his inappropriate behaviour, entered into therapy and consented to his therapist reporting his behaviour to the College.

So what happened to Dr. Limbert?

[He] was charged with professional misconduct for having engaged in sexual impropriety with a patient (among other things). He pleaded guilty to professional misconduct but not to incompetence. [Not misconduct! UFB!]

The Committee had no difficulty in accepting the plea of guilty and revoked the physician's licence. Upon receiving the doctor's undertaking not to appeal the decision, there was no need to consider the allegation of incompetence...

Sorry, no f-bombs. But, here's a little tale courtesy of John Browning of The Southeast Texas Record:

Father Luis Alfredo Rios of St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Crystal Lake, Ill., was sued for making a "wrongful sermon" by one of his parishioners, Angel Llarona. Llarona left two voicemail messages for Father Rios complaining about the quality of his sermonizing.

The next Sunday, Father Rios allegedly played the voicemails for the congregation, and commented on Llaroma's effectiveness as someone in charge of religious education for the parish. The priest allegedly asked the congregants "what should we do, should we send him to hell or to another parish?" Now, Mr. Llarona wants at least $50,000.

Since the First Amendment precludes judges from inquiring into religious doctrine or belief, only a few courts have taken on such "wrongful sermon" cases.

In 2004, a New Mexico court rejected defamation claims against a priest who denounced the deceased at a funeral service. The judge wryly noted that churches have been "talking about sending people to hell for many a year. People aren't shocked by it."

The moral of the story: Don't ever leave a voicemail you wouldn't want the entire world to hear! How could you not know this? Alec Baldwin anyone?

Parents get divorced. Dad converts to Judaism, and wants son circumsised - and Mom doesn't. Now if I were to to tell you that the son istwelve years old, who else do you think they should ask? Yes, junior, of course! You would think someone would have thought of this before the case worked its way up to the Oregon Supreme Court! Nope - not in the 3 years the parents have been litigating this issue. So the Court sent the case back with instructions to determine what junior wants. That shouldn't take long. You can read more (just a little bit) here.

Here's how Georgia Dr. Totada R. Shanthaveerappa promoted his "Integrated Medical Specialists" and "Integrated Chemotherapy Specialists" clinics, as reported in the Gwinnett Daily Post:

He advertised that his clinic practiced "safe and effective, nontoxic, scientifically-based alternative" medicine that could "cure or control most cancer and other chronic disease," according to court documents.

Per the doctor's lawyer, he admitted injecting 5 patients with DNP, a weed killer. But that's not what he was busted for. It was health care fraud that did him in. Seems that when he submitted claims to insurance companies, he masked the drugs and treatments he actually provided. I wonder why ... So what happened to Dr. Shanthaveerappa? His license was suspended back in 2005, and last week, he got 5 years probation (after already serving 400 days of home detention). That was for the insurance fraud. As for the weed killer injections - zippy. Apparently the authorities could not demonstrate that any harm came of it.

Yes, electricity and sex occasionally cross paths, but this is insane. Toby Taylor (37) and his wife Kirsten Taylor (29) of York County, Pennsylvania apparently used a live electrical cord to sexually stimulate each other (according to Mr. Taylor). This time, though, the shock ended up giving Ms. Taylor a heart attack and killing her. Mr. Taylor was charged with involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment, and is free on $100,000 bail.

New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn't take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone. (What, that's a crime?) When McDonald was charged, bail was set at $5,000. He posted it, and left.

Fast forward to January 15th. Per The Aspen Times:

McDonald, who rode a Greyhound bus from New York to Aspen for his court hearing, told District Judge James Boyd that he was broke and needed the $5,000 bond money he put up to get out of jail. Boyd checked repeatedly with McDonald to make sure the suspect knew he was going to be taken into custody.

Here's the prosecutor's explanation:

“I’ve never seen it because most people don’t want to go to jail,” Deputy District Attorney Gail Nichols said. “But obviously he doesn’t mind. Essentially he’s revoking his own bond, and hey, why not? Now he has a place to live.”

Such a great place, too. Who wouldn't revoke their own bond just for the 3 squares? Here's the rest of the article.

Here's a wacky story from Patna, India:

Villagers at a wedding in eastern India decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom’s more sober brother instead, police said.

“The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride’s family and local villagers chased him away,” Madho Singh, a senior police officer, told Reuters.

The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom’s place beside the teenage bride at her family’s invitation, witnesses said.

“The groom apologized for his behavior, but has been crying that word will spread and he will never get a bride again,” Singh said by phone.

The German police pulled this guy over and gave him a breath test. The results? Ten times the legal limit! So they busted him for driving while intoxicated, right? Nope. He was riding down the road in his wheelchair! Was he charged? As reported in The Fayettesville Observer:

Police said that because the man was technically traveling as a pedestrian, he could not be charged with a driving offense.

“It’s not like we can impound his wheelchair,” the spokesman said. “But he is facing some sort of punishment. It’s just not clear yet what exactly that will be.”

Regular Juice readers no doubt remember this "Motion for Continuance." This one is not quite as funny (the bar is now pretty high), but it's still juiceworthy. In the Louisiana case of Harrell v. Spencer, et al., defense counsel filed, I shit you not, an "Unopposed Motion To Continue Trial Due To Conflict With The LSU Tiger's National Championship Game." In his supporting Memorandum, defense counsel states:

All counsel to this matter unequivocally agree that the presence of LSU in the aforementioned contest of pigskin skill unquestionably constitutes good grounds [under the statute - for continuing the trial]. In fact we have been unable through much imagination and hypothetical scenarios to think of a better reason.

What do you think the Judge did with the Motion? Granted. Trial continued to February 11, 2008. Okay, now I have a problem. February 11th is George Washington's birthday. Really. As Stephen Colbert says, "Look it up." You can read the Motion, Memorandum and Order here

Think again. You are not a "manual scavenger." As described by writer Sunil Kuksal:

The term ‘manual scavenging’ describes the daily work of manually cleaning and removing human feces from dry (non-flush) latrines across India. Workers, mostly women and young boys, are also referred to as ‘night soil workers’, a Victorian euphemism that hides the repugnance of the word ‘shit’... Using a broom, a tin plate and a drum, they clear and carry human excreta from public and private latrines, more often on their heads, to dumping grounds and disposal sites.

Did I mention that the Indian government passed a law banning the employment of manual scavengers in 1993? It doesn't seem to matter, since, as Mr. Kuksal notes:

The practice is on in almost all states, including Bihar, Maharashtra, Jammu & Kashmir and even Delhi. The Indian railways is one of the largest employers of manual scavengers.

And in an affidavit, the railway admitted that it has about 30,000 open-discharge toilets [that need to be cleaned manually]. How many people do you think are doing this job in India? According to the Indian government, 343,000. Why would anyone do this job? Per Mr. Kuksal, it's caste-based, and is forced on the dalits by caste pressure.

If Alexander Yermilov is saying this, you should listen. If not, you might find yourself on the business end of an ax. As reported by UPI:

Prosecutors said a man in the Chita region of Russia killed two friends he found dismembering his pet dog so they could prepare a meal.

The regional branch of the Prosecutor General's Office said Alexander Yermilov took an ax to his friends whom he found butchering his Great Dane when he returned to his home in Natsigun in December, The Moscow Times reported Thursday.

After Yermilov struck Irina Maryasova and Nikolai Sedunov several times, killing them on the spot, he called the police and confessed, prosecutors said.

Prosecutors said the reason why the two killed the dog or wanted to eat it was unknown.

Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor's security camera. Why Austin, why? As reported by the UPI:

Police allege the teenagers torched the Chevy Tahoe in the early hours Sunday as an act of revenge after a fight.

Gary Darpel, a neighbor of the torched car's teenage owner, said the victim explained to him why he was targeted.

"They got into this fight. He broke it up, but they thought he was instigating it, so they came for retribution," Darpel said.

Jones was arrested after seeking treatment at a local hospital.

Not a good night for young Mr. Jones.

So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here's a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions:

I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example. On this occasion, I have failed to do that.

Okay. Sounds good.

"But I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before."

Doh! What were the circumstances of his arrest? As reported in the Daily Mail:

The drama happened on the M1 northbound at Tibshelf, Derbyshire, at around 6.30am on December 27 last year.

A shocked motorist told police he nearly smashed into Malcolm's car, which was straddling the middle and fast lanes of the motorway.

The other driver pulled over, woke up Malcolm, persuaded him to move to the hard shoulder, and then phoned 999.

Malcolm's blood alcohol level was more than double the legal limit. In addition to blaming the ref, Malcolm did have one more comment to try and distance himself from the crime:

"I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car. "I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

Wow. And how exactly did you get there, Malcolm? By getting shitfaced, and then driving to your parking spot in the middle of the road? NO EXCUSES. Just cop to it, and people will respect you a lot more. (I'm sure that ref is looking forward to his next match with you.) Here's the article.

It's just a bunny, right? Wrong, as Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School in Kissimmee, Florida learned. Her crime? She wore sweat pants with a Playboy bunny and the word "Playboy." The time? Two days of detention! From a UPI article, here are the highlights:

Elizabeth Johnson, a junior at Gateway High School, said a dean approached her at school and instructed her to change out of her black Playboy sweat pants, which she did. She was forced to stay for an hour after school for two days, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday.

Johnson said there was nothing inappropriate about her attire, despite Playboy's connection to soft-core pornography.

"The bunny is just a logo," she said. "There's nothing objectionable about that."

"They're black sweats," Johnson said. "They are thick, cotton, exercise pants... I was dressed tastefully."

The school district's dress code does not bar students from wearing any specific clothing brands, but allows officials to ban clothing with "offensive, suggestive, or indecent" messages or images.

Hugh Hefner must be loving it - giving the Playboy brand some juice with the youngsters. Brilliant!

Precisely what Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein should have asked himself. He had helped his union-member client obtain an arbitration hearing with the client's employer, Kraft Foods. Although the union had a lawyer at the arbitration representing the client, Gerstein was there too in a "nonrepresentative capacity." When the arbitrator asked if anyone objected to Gerstein sitting in, Kraft's attorney, Ms. Nimz, said that she did. She stated that the union's agreement with Kraft "provided that employees who filed grievances were to be represented by the union's attorney and did not have an independent right to be represented by private counsel." The arbitrator agreed, and Mr. Gerstein was booted out. Ten days later, he sent Ms. Nimz a letter including the following paragraph:

More importantly, as far as I am concerned, in the twenty-six years that I have practiced law, I have never met, in a limited basis, a more despicable self-made piece of dog shit than you. You are a fucking slime-ball and a fucking slime-bag and I piss on your existence. What I want to tell you specifically is to take this letter and jam it up your asshole, resulting in severe paper cuts. You are a used condom of the highest order.

Ouch! So what did the diciplinary commission do with this? Very little. Mr. Gerstein was censured (the equivalent of "you've been a bad boy"). If you're really, really bored, you can read the opinion by clicking here, entering "Marvin Ira Gerstein" and clicking on entry #7.

How about, unknowlingly, marrying your twin sister? They were separated at birth, and adopted and raised by different families. When they met as adults, there was an "inevitable attraction." [Creepy, no?] After they got married, they learned that they are twins. All together now - YUK! The marriage was annulled. To read more (very little) click here.

Did you think I meant that figuratively? Nope - literally. Tyrone Clarke, of Trinidad & Tobago, came to court with two bags of "human feces" in his pockets! As reported in the Trinidad & Tobago Express:

On January 8, Maharajh-Brown, who was presiding in the Eleventh Court, screamed and fled the courtroom after Clarke dipped into his side pocket and pulled out a plastic bag which he threw.

The first bag missed Maharaj-Brown, but hit the wall behind her, causing the bag to burst and spill onto the wall and Maharaj-Brown.

As Clarke dipped his hand again into his pockets, [police prosecutor] Carty quickly rose from his seat and positioned himself in the middle of Maharaj-Brown and Clarke, in a bid to protect the magistrate.

You know the crime. The time? One year, six months and 28 days hard labor. Oh, and there are still those charges of arson and malicious damage that brought Mr. Clarke to court.

If you're David Binner of Doylestown, PA, the answer is:

Go Fuck Yourself.

Who knew there was still a place that issues $5 parking tickets? Now David, did you really think that would just slide right through? It didn't. The police chief deemed it obscene and charged David with disorderly conduct. So what happened? David apologized, and the charges were withdrawn. And what would have happened if the case went to trial? According to Keith Williams, David's lawyer, they would have won. As reported in The Intelligencer:

Williams said there was a similar case elsewhere in Pennsylvania where a judge ruled that use of the F-word does not amount to disorderly conduct.

“The F-word isn’t what it used to be,” he said. “It doesn’t have a sexual connotation anymore.”

Williams explained: The word has to have a sexual connotation to be considered obscene, and it needs to be obscene to be considered disorderly conduct.

You can read more (not a lot) here.

Hmm. Maybe not when your car totally reeks of pot - from the 2 ounces you're carrying! As reported in the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

John Fleming certainly did not hinder his own apprehension.

Following an argument with another driver over a parking space in a Route 10 lot in East Hanover, Fleming followed the driver while dialing 911.

Patrolman Tom McPartland, who responded to the call, smelled the scent of raw marijuana wafting from the car when Fleming rolled down his window to talk to the patrolman.

It seems Fleming, a 39-year-old West Orange florist shop employee, had two ounces of pot packaged in 12 plastic bags when the car was stopped on Ridgedale Avenue last May.

He was charged with possession of over 50 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school, and possession of drug paraphernalia, police said.

The other motorist involved in the parking lot spot spat was not charged. Fleming ultimately was sentenced to two years' probation.

As reported in The Star Ledger:

In nearby Hackettstown [New Jersey] in April, Jerry Mahaffey Jr. wound up in trouble, police said, for sitting at the computer in the middle of the night, naked and drunk, surfing the Web for porn.

This isn't a crime, unless you do it in the home of a complete stranger.

Mahaffey, 26, was charged with trespassing, lewdness and public intoxication. His case is pending.

Uh. Sorry.

I'm not saying Florida Judge Jorge Labarga was wrong. I'm just saying that, if 18-year-old Alexandria Severino believes in a higher being, she should now call him "Labarga." The crimes? Ms. Severino pleaded guilty to 2 counts of trafficking in ecstasy, and one count of trafficking in hydrocodone. The mandatory minimum for each count is 3 years. Guess how much jail time she'll be doing? Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

I'll call him Fuzzy because, well, I don't know his name. Since he's a minor and wasn't charged with a felony, his name has been withheld. Now technically, Fuzzy didn't actually "streak" across the Parkland High School (Pennsylvania) gym [during a basketball game!] because he had a sock on his ... jimmy. You're the school superintendent. What do you do? I would suspend him for a couple days. But nooooooooooooo, not Superintendent Louise Donohue. She booted him, for the rest of the year, to an alternative school (also attended by [former] knife-wielding students) run by a private company. Said Fuzzy of the punishment:

It's just because of the publicity, I think. I'm still sorry for what I did -- I would never do it again -- but that punishment is … out there.

We're with you, Fuzzy. To read more (a fair amount) click here.

It is possible, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer:

[The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

“Vandalism is always sad, but a lot of people do see the humor in this,” said Ellen Svendsvoll, of the National Rail Administration. “They got what was coming to them.”

The two vandals, identified only as men in their early 20s, went into the elevator late on April 21, waited for the doors to close, and started to kick them, she said. They kicked so hard that the doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sending an alarm to security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, which only jammed the doors more, so they called the police and fire department.

The firemen freed the two suspects, while the police waited outside.

Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

Dude! Dude! And here's what he told the disciplinary commission:

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would "get a kick out of this."

As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission's entire report here (search "Cwik" and click on the last result.)

This will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving - for the 13th time. He's also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn't happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn't give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I'm not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: "In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending." What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? Beware, Kiwis - Hogg has now obtained a learner's permit.

No, not that. This guy fell asleep while ... burglarizing a house! He must have been exhausted, because he slept through the homeowner coming home and calling the police, and the police coming to the home. So what finally woke the burglar up? A police officer tripped over him while gathering evidence and taking photographs! As reported in the Herald Sun:

An officer was having a look around taking photos when he tripped over something on the floor... A 30-year-old man from Keysborough, Victoria [obviously not cut out for a life of crime, like the guys in the video below] was swiftly arrested, interviewed and charged with burglary and theft.

To read more (very little) click here.

Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student's coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior "bizarre."

He said it didn't make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl.

"As if it was lost in cyberspace somewhere," Hernandez said. "A teacher with a master's degree and 20 year's experience doesn't do that. She says 'let's go find the owner now and return it.'

"Your concern wasn't to return the coat to the correct owner, but to protect your record on eBay."

So a jury found her guilty. The sentence?

Judge Marco Hernandez ordered Elizabeth Lucinda Logan, 42, to perform 150 hours of community service over the next six months and serve 18 months of probation. She must also pay a little over $1,300 in court costs, fines and restitution. She is not to use online auctions during the probation period.

No eBay? That is cold. But wait! Logan's lawyer may request a new trial based on jury misconduct. Really.

What did Canadian elementary school teacher Maria Pantalone do that resulted in her pleading guilty to assaulting a 12-year-old boy? Hint #1: She threw something at him. Hint #2: It was brown. Need another hint? Hint #3: It smells really, really bad. Yes, it was feces! And the kid was not even one of her students! Why did she do it? "I couldn't take it anymore. It was total, total frustration," she testified, as reported in the Toronto Star. The punishment? Zippy. No fine or jail time. She was suspended, but with pay. Her future as a teacher remains uncertain. Yes, there are several nagging questions: Where did she get the human feces? What could the kid possibly have done to drive her to do it? We're unlikely to find out because there is a publication ban to protect the minor's identity. Damn! Here's the article.

... with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there's more. Here's the story from the Salem News:

Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.

Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.

As a crowd began to gather, Sawicki allegedly tipped the whole thing over.

He was arrested and spent two weeks in jail, but his campaign went on as the 54-year-old resorted to tactics that seemed to resemble, well, bathroom humor.

Days before Election Day, Sawicki was seen on a Route 114 traffic island sitting on a toilet (a real one) that he had dragged across the street. At one point, he even held a fishing rod and dropped a hook into the toilet basin.

A sign on the back read what most had already concluded: "My campaign is in the toilet."

But Sawicki may have had the last laugh.

And 712 voters (11 percent of voters) cast at least one of their votes for the alleged toilet-tipper.

Here's the article. (This story is at the end.)

Here are some choice 2007 legal-related highlights from an article in the Arkansas Times:

Worst citation: A Little Rock bicycle rider was cited in May for shouting “Turn on your lights!” as two police cruisers sped past him on Seventh Street near the state Capitol. One of the policemen stopped and wrote the cyclist a ticket for expressing “dislike” of how the police were doing their jobs. Dismissed, of course. Is there such a thing as a ticket that an officer can give himself for being a prick?

Worst nap: Police arrested a Camden motorist in May and charged him with DWI when he fell asleep at the wheel after placing a to-go order in the drive-through lane at McDonald's.

Worst class to attend if you're a raccoon: An agri/shop teacher killed a live, caged raccoon with a nail gun in November at the start of a Huntsville High School class on wildlife skinning. School authorities saw no need for a reprimand or anything, and in fact with all the attention the coon-killer teacher became something of a folk hero at Huntsville, one admirer showing support by killing and skinning a dog and hanging the carcass on the gatepost of another Huntsville teacher who was thought to have reported the original coon-killing to the Humane Society.

Worst geezery: A state appeals court in March upheld a lower court's ruling that an 85-year-old Hot Springs psychologist should pay about $1,000 a month in alimony to his estranged wife, a psychiatrist, age 52. The court said the man squandered the couple's marital assets (earned mostly by the wife), using the money to buy cars and expensive lingerie for young Chinese women and to give them large sums of cash, instead of using it to pay bills. Last straw was said to be a box with a snake inside that turned up on the wife's driveway, with a note inside saying, “Die, Bitch.” From guess who.

Worst packing: David Huckabee, son of the erstwhile governor, was arrested in April when Little Rock National Airport authorities found a loaded pistol in his luggage as he attempted to board a plane. He said he forgot it was in there.

Worst trunk surprise: Police found a missing car and returned it to its owner, a North Little Rock woman, in February, without bothering to check out the smell coming from the trunk, which the woman found to contain the body of her slain husband, who had also been reported missing.

Best news for sadists: In opposing a legislative measure in March to prevent the torture of household pets and horses, the outdoor editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette warned homeowners that if the bill passed they could be arrested if their pussycat hassled birds at a yard feeder. Such nonsense, fanned by the Farm Bureau, frightened legislators into voting to let the sicko torturers, abusers, and starvers of Arkansas animals proceed with their fun.

Best hole: A sheriff's deputy lunched at the International House of Pancakes at Benton in March, then went into the men's room and blew a hole in the ceiling with his service revolver, then exited to explain to customers and employees that the bang they'd heard wasn't a gunshot but rather the sound of a commode lid falling. Then he made a rather hasty departure. The Benton Courier ran a big picture of the hole.

You can read the entire Arkansas Times article (long, and with some entertaining entries) here.