Legal Juice

How the hell was this done? Somebody just waltzed into Victoria's Secret in Flagstaff, Arizona and stole 350 bras! Mind you, the store was open. And for some reason, the anti-theft tags did not trigger the alarm. The haul has a retail value of about $15,000. For more on this (not much), click here.

So was Amy Schneider. She opened a can of green beans, and poured them out. Then she noticed a bean that looked a little bit too large. And it had teeth. And it was a snake head, about the size of a golf ball! So claims Ms. Schneider in a recently filed lawsuit. You can read more about this, and a little bit about what the federal government's guidelines allow to be in your food (yikes!), here.

(No, that's not the shirt!) Ilinois high school senior David Clark will have to think twice, though he's worn the shirt before, without incident. But not this time. So what did it say? "I [heart] My Wiener" with a picture of a dachsund under it. See, David's dachsund was hit by a car and killed a few months back. The shirt is David's way of honoring his dog.

Unfortunately, Principal Wes Choate didn't see it that way. He gave David 3 choices: change shirts, turn it inside out, or leave. When faced with these stupid choices, David made the best one: he left - even though it meant getting a zero in each class. David Sr. makes a good point about the arbitrary dress code, which prohibits

students from wearing any clothing that is disrupting to the educational process, interferes with the maintenance of a positive teaching and learning climate or compromises reasonable standards of health, safety and decency.

Here's what David Sr. has to say about the enforcement of the dress code:

They make the rules up as they go. It depends on what mood they are in that day. If you can't wear that [his son's] shirt, you shouldn't be able to wear one that says 'Coke.'"

Right on, Clarks. Principal Choate, lighten up. For more on this story, including a picture of David with the wiener dog shirt on, click here.

(For this story, you can safely put aside your position on legalizing marijuana. It's not about the pot.) So back in April 2006, then-Cpl. Edward Sanchez, of the Dearborn, Michigan police, called 911 and said:

I think we're dying... We made brownies and I think we're dead, I really do.

As you might imagine, this sparked an investigation, during which Sanchez resigned.

Not exactly your fall-on-the-sword type of guy, Sanchez first told investigators that, while he was sleeping, his wife took the pot out of his car. His wife (who admitted to taking cocaine from her husband's police car and using it during a 3-week binge!), truly a stand-by-your-man woman, told investigators that she tricked her husband into eating the pot brownies.

It wasn't long, though, before Sanchez cracked. He admitted that, not only had he taken the pot from his car, but he also made the pot brownies! And, per investigators, he admitted to taking the pot "off the street from unknown persons." Wow. So many laws broken, yet neither Sanchez nor his wife was charged with any crime! It's not over yet, though. Said Dearborn Councilman Doug Thomas, who said he will investigate the matter further:

If you're a cop and you're arresting people and you're confiscating the marijuana and keeping it yourself, that's bad. That's real bad. That's like apprehending a bank robber and keeping some of the money for yourself.

You can read more in the Detroit Free Press article by Jennifer Dixon here.

That is what Londoner Tim Brady was clocked at by the police. Of course part of the blame belongs to the car, a Porsche 911 turbo. Brady was, and I mean "was," employed by a company that provides high-end loaner cars. He badly wanted to drive the Porsche, but was denied permission to do so. No worries, though. He returned the following day - his day off - and took the car out for a spin with a co-worker.

While the police were busy ticketing someone for going a mere 115 MPH, Brady flew by. When stopped by the police, here's what he had to say:

Oh shit, oh shit, I've lost my job, everything. I've just got a new job.

And it's not like Brady was on the Autobahn. He flew through an area with cross streets, parking areas, and pedestrian access. I think the judge was probably a little pissed. The punishment? Ten weeks in jail, no driving for 3 years, and a fine of about $1,000.

Oh, and it took Brady 681 metres (about 7 football fields!) to stop! You can read more here.

Not that a lot of smart people ingest a pill of unknown origin from a drug dealer but... Emma Louise Fischer and Tara Jay Loane, both age 21, definitely put some distance between themselves and the rest of the ecstacy pack.

It all started when the police busted a drug dealer, and started checking the numbers on his cell phone. They put names to the numbers, and then addresses with the names. Our young ladies happened to be on the dealer's phone. When the police went to their house, they found another cell phone. On that phone was a video of 2 girls who filmed themselves ... snorting ecstacy! Brilliant! Not surprisingly, they pleaded guilty. You can read more here.

I think it's safe to say that Ilinois Junior High School Special Education Teacher Patrick E. McCarthy won't be teaching again for quite some time, if ever. As reported in the Daily Herald, here's what he's been up to just this school year:

In one incident, McCarthy threw cookies and called a 12-year-old an obscenity after the student took a treat without asking, [Assistant State's Attorney] Palac told Cook County Judge Kay Marie Hanlon.

In another instance, Palac said, McCarthy became agitated with a non-verbal 12-year-old and shoved him face-first into a metal cabinet.

Another time, she said, he made a child put on a weighted vest and jump for 40 minutes straight on a trampoline, forcing him to keep going even when he began crying. The boy had bruises on his legs afterward, Palac said. His parents told police he later had a seizure.

McCarthy also tied a student to his chair with a jump rope, Palac said. The child was able to wriggle free, but McCarthy later got behind him, crisscrossed his arms, squeezed his cheeks and shoved his body against a wall, pressing his own body up against him, Palac said.

Damn! Must have had a really bad summer. So what happened to Mr. McCarthy? Aside from being placed on administrative leave, he was charged with 3 counts of aggravated battery and 1 count of unlawful restraint. To read more, click here.

So what did it say? I don't know! This dude appeared before McCracken (Kentucky) District Judge Chris Hollowell wearing an "inappropriate" t-shirt. (James Hinman was in court on a contempt charge for failing to pay a traffic fine.) Said hardcore criminal Hinman: "The shirt isn't really obscene, but it does imply something obscene." What did it say?!

Said the Judge about the incident: "I'm not trying to be the fashion police, but what he was wearing was extremely disrespectful and inappropriate." Damn it! AP reporter, what did it say?

"The T-shirt used an altered spelling of an expletive that implied an obscene phrase."

Shizzle. I give up. Oh, and what about turning the shirt inside out? Hinman offered, but the Judge refused. You can read more here. Don't go! I found it. Dumbass self-censoring media makes you scour the net for a friggin' shirt! Here it is, really.

Yup. Now maybe he wasn't a household name, but he was making some serious cheese - $2 million a year. Former Bengals linebacker James Francis (1990 - 1998) owes $905,000 in back child support for two children! He hasn't made a child support payment since 2000. And where is Mr. Francis right now? He's in jail. Guess why. Because he was convicted of .... failing to pay child support! And when he was charged with violating his probation, he didn't show. Now he's looking at spending 11 months in jail. You can read more here and here.

No doubt the taser is effective in protecting police officers. It's equally clear that it is way overused - when there is NO imminent threat to police officers. And I'm not just talking about this dude at the Kerry speech. Just go on YouTube and search "taser."

Back to the latest victim - Shawn Manrose of Omaha, Nebraska. He came home drunk one night, without his keys. A neighbor saw him trying to get into the front door of his home, and called the police. Shawn says he told them it was his house, and that he wasn't a burglar. He admits that he used profanity and would not take his hands out of his pockets. But does that mean he should have been juiced? Well he was, and then he was busted for obstruction of justice and resisting arrest. The verdict? Guilty! The sentence? Seven days in jail. Shawn is out on bail pending appeal.

This statement by prosecutor Marty Conboy highlights the misuse of tasers: "Unfortunately this young man, at his own house, if you look at it objectively, could have avoided a lot of this problem by complying with some simple requests of the officers." Yes master. Whatever you say master. Here's the question, Marty: Was the kid a threat to the officers? It sure doesn't seem like it. It seems more like they were pissed off because he wouldn't follow their orders, and because he cussed at them. So they tased him. It's a bad road we're going down. You can read more here.

... he has sex with her 12 days after operating on her! And then again 3 days after that!

Maybe he meant no sex with anyone but him? So what was the punishment be for California OBGYN Stuart Fischbein? An Administrative Law Judge who heard the matter recommended that Dr. Fischbein's license be revoked. The state medical board disagreed, and put him on conditional probation for seven years. When he sees female patients, there must be a chaperone in the room. He must also take ethics courses, and continue with his psychological counseling. You can read more here.

As reported in The Huffington Post, Patrick Syring, who "apparently" is a former State Department foreign service officer, really, really dislikes Arabs and the Arab American Institute. (He's been indicted for threatening the staff at the Arab American Institute.) Here are a few voice-mails and e-mails:

[Voice mail to the Institute:] Hello, I'm Patrick I'm in Arlington VA, and I think James Zogby is worse than Osama bin Laden. Since he supports Hezballah, he's an anti-Semitic motherfucker, and the only good Arab is a dead Arab.

[Voice mail to an Institute employee:] Hello Valerie, you fucking Arab American shit. James Zogby and you are all Hezballah supporters. The only good Arab is a dead Arab... You God [inaudible] bitch.

[E-mail to two Institute employees; all e-mails sent to work addresses:] Zogby's anti-Semitic, anti-American statements (and those of the AAI in general) are abhorrent, repulsive and disgusting. The only good Lebanese is a dead Lebanese (as the IDF knows and is carrying out in its security operations, God bless them.) Fuck the Arabs and Fuck James Zogby and his wicked Hizbollah brothers. They will burn in hellfire on this earth and in the hereafter.

Oh, and there's plenty more here.

... [allegedly] during a service, and flashes a gun. Old Wendell Hollingsworth's alleged cohort, Ms. Smith, walked around the church with a bag, collecting the parishioners money and other valuables. Ms. Smith pleaded guilty, and got 7 years - 6 for the robbery, and 1 more for old Wendell's gun. Quite the crew. Now when Wendell was in court the other day ...

in a wheelchair, he started kicking his lawyer, to the extent that a deputy zapped him with a taser. Should have read his jacket more closely. Back in '92, Wendell popped his lawyer, to the tune of 8 stitches. Restraints anyone? Or maybe his next lawyer ought to consider a preemptive pop, just to establish who's going to be doing the poppin' from now on. To read on, click here.

Dr. Alfredo Gonzalez, of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, learned this the hard way. While the doc was out, his burglar alarm went off. The police responded and, while searching for a burglar, instead found a $4,000 "BloomBox," and seven marijuana plants. Doh! And guess where doctor Gonzales works? He directs a drug treatment facility! Word is, per court documents, that Dr. Gonzalez was tired of getting hosed, so he decided to cut out the grower and the dealer. Having been charged not just with possession, but with distribution and possession with intent to distribute, perhaps he now understands the reason for the mark-up. Those folks have a little more at risk than a guy caught with a little Mighty Mezz. You can read more here.

So at long last, the slumlord, anesthesiologist Esmat Zaklama, appeared before Guttenberg, New Jersey Municipal Judge Frank Leanza. Here's a little history on Dr. Zaklama (from the New Jersey Law Journal):

"Dr. Zaklama has a history in North Jersey of being a slumlord," said Judge Leanza. Summonses issued to him by Guttenberg and other towns would go ignored for years, and fines continued to mount up. "The police had to find him and arrest him."

When Zaklama was finally brought before Judge Leanza in March 2006, he had amassed over $200,000 in fines.

Leanza said Zaklama had appeared before him once before and, facing high bail, appeared to fake a heart attack but then checked himself out of the hospital the next day without undergoing any tests.

So guess what Zaklama did when he appeared before Judge Leanza?

"He grabbed his chest again," said Leanza. "We [the judge and court staff] looked at him and laughed. We assumed he again feigned a heart attack." Eventually, Zaklama walked out of the courtroom.

So why is Judge Leanza, a judge in good standing for 17 years, facing a reprimand? Because after hearing Zaklama's excuses for ignoring all those summonses, he called it "a lot of bullshit." Zaklama told the judge that he had not answered the summonses or warrants because he was away. How did Judge Leanza know this was bullshit? Because he had run into Zaklama in different town halls on numerous occasions! Frankly, it's bullshit that the judge is facing any charges! Here's hoping he walks. You can read more here.

Did Dr. Rhys Cullen really think he could write prescriptions for 50,000 tablets of Sudomyl (used to make Meth) over a 2-year period without anyone noticing? And, did he really think that, after being told by the High Court in February 2007 not to prescribe Sudomyl, that they wouldn't be watching? (He must have, because he started doing it again that month!) That last bit led to his suspension. A hearing on the charges against Dr. Cullen will take place from September 24 - October 5, 2007. To read more about this New Zealand doctor, click here.

What mission? Apparently to become an irritant to everyone in town. He's having some success, too. George Gerhold was a policeman in North Jersey for 25 years. Perhaps he shouldn't have retired. Here's what he's been up to since then, per NewJersey.com:

Police Chief William Smith confirmed that Gerhold has driven down his cul-de-sac when children are playing in an effort to chase them away. Smith said it's technically illegal for kids to play on the street and Gerhold seems determined to enforce the letter of the law. But deliberately driving a car on the street when children are there? "He waits until the kids are in the street" the chief lamented.

In July 2007, he signed nearly 40 citizen complaints for what he claimed were parking violations on his dead-end street by visitors to a townwide garage sale. When some of the alleged violators showed up in court Tuesday to fight these complaints and the $54 fine, Gerhold wasn't there. And instead of dismissing the complaints, the judge postponed the hearing!

In another case, Chief Smith said, Gerhold charged a landscaper with criminal trespassing after branches the landscaper cut on a neighbor's tree fell into Gerhold's yard. The landscaper picked up the branches, but Gerhold filed his complaint anyway – and won the case. "I couldn't believe it," the chief said.

Damn! Next time you have a problem with someone in your neighborhood, just think how much worse it could be! You can read more about Mr. Gerhold here.

"Give me your phone and your keys," said the mugger, or something like that. Then, he took her shoes off, and LICKED HER TOES! Shazam!

Other than the slobber on her toes, and most likely being totally freaked out, the woman was unharmed. The mugger/toe licker was busted a few blocks away. You can read more (very little) here.

I could not make this shit up! [Sorry.] A priest in Morganfield, Kentucky is suing Shithead's owner and the city for allowing the dog to be buried near a veteran's memorial. It's not the name that upsets Father Gerald Baker: "What are we saluting? A flagpole with a monument to the dog? It's offensive. Any Christian, any American should understand why this is offensive."

Shithead's owner, Judy Hagan, (an American, and maybe a Christian too!) feels otherwise: "What right does he have to come to this town and put somebody else down for something they have done that he knows nothing about. It's not a disgrace. I didn't do it for a disgrace. If that's the way people wanna take it, then that's their problem."

Said Father Baker: "This woman in her arrogance and her ignorance, demanding she has the right do this? Well we'll just see." Yes, we will. You'd think this just happened, right? Nope. Shithead was laid to rest, with the city's permission, in 1999. You can read more in a FirstCoastNews.com article here.

Not only did 64-year-old Dr. Suma Mondal repeatedly fail an English exam, as reported in This Is Lancashire,

She was under professional review by her peers since October 2001 as senior staff attempted to improve her levels of performance.

In January 2003, her colleagues became so concerned about progress that they reported her to the General Medical Counsel ("GMC").

When her case was heard in May 2006 (quite a backlog, there!) the GMC required her to undergo a five-month assessment.

In September 2006, she was banned from practicing medicine for a year.

That year having passed, Dr. Mondal applied for reinstatement. Guess what? She got it! There are conditions, though. She must pass an English language test within 12 months, and must pass a GMC competency test too. Kind of makes you wonder about all of those patients she was seeing during the 3 1/2 year it took for the case to get to the GMC hearing. To read more, click here.