Legal Juice

Judges say the darndest things. Take the case of the Honorable Gary W. Velie, a Superior Court judge in Clallam County, Washington. Back in 1988, in response to a complaint, he admitted "the use of racist and sexist language and embarrassing jokes." Not only was he not reprimanded, the complaint was dismissed "based upon [his] willingness to take corrective action." But ... sometime the next year ... per The Commission on Judicial Conduct of the State of Washington,

[Judge Velie] made a remark to attorney John Doherty in open court and in front of court report Penny Wolfe and clerk Tammy Woolridge that he [Doherty] looked like he had been "jacking off a bobcat in a phone booth." [I'm trying to imagine that level of dishevelment.]

In 1990, during the armed conflict between the United States and Iraq, [Judge Velie] remarked: "Nuke the sand niggers" in reference to [his] solution to the Mid-East crisis. The comment was made in the presence of others in the clerk's office coffee room in the courthouse.

While viewing a property in the course of his duties, with two attorneys in his car, Judge Velie "stated that 'Johnny,' a defendant in an old case, "had gone crazy from sucking too many cocks."

And there were a few others, like the time where he said, in open court, that he knows there are not many starving people. It's just that "there's a lot of them too stupid to cook what they are given... In other words, if you don't give them a Kraft dinner with the instructions written on the box, you give them other normal food, they don't know how to cook it."

So, what do you think happened this time? Suspension?

Continue reading "Judge Said What?" »

Before you hire a psychiatrist, you’d probably want to know a few things about him. For example, where he did his training, and what he charges per hour. You might ask him about the different therapeutic techniques he’ll be using.

And, of course, you should always ask whether he’s recently been caught carrying a loaded handgun into court to protect himself from an ex-wife who he thought took out a contract to have him killed.

Psychiatrist Jerry Gelb had some explaining to do after Melbourne Magistrates Court deputies, conducting routine searches at the courthouse’s main entrance, found a loaded .22 pistol and forty-nine rounds (!) of ammunition in his backpack. Confronted, Dr. Gelb (accompanied by his bodyguard) calmly explained that he was taking the weapon to court because it was a piece of evidence in an ongoing trial. Surprisingly, the deputies weren’t buying that story (perhaps because he later claimed that he had forgotten the gun was in his bag!), and the good doctor was arrested.

So, why was Dr. Gelb packing heat? Apparently, several of his patients – who Gelb now believes were working in cahoots – convinced the doc that his ex-wife put out a contract on his life. One of the hit-men then approached Dr. Gelb, claiming to have accepted the contract, and offered not to carry it out in exchange for $5,000. Next, in a plot twist described by the judge as “bizarre” and worthy of “a soap opera,” the hit-man became Dr. Gelb’s patient, and then a trusted friend – he even attended Dr. Gelb’s second wedding! This new “friend” had given Dr. Gelb the loaded weapon for protection against the next contract killer (who, presumably, wouldn’t be as friendly).

These hitmen had really gotten to the good doctor: when police raided his home, they found a shotgun, a slingshot, and a speargun (which he needed, of course, to do battle with his ex-wife’s scuba-teams of underwater hit men).

The truth eventually came out, and the conspiracy was revealed (that is, as Dr. Gelb told the court, he "now realized" that his criminal patients made up the whole thing!), but not before Dr. Gelb pled guilty to three weapons charges, with eight more pending. He already faces up to seven years of shrinking in prison.

Many folks who are wondering about the meaning of life, or what happens after death, turn to religion for answers. But if you’re wondering how to get out of a traffic ticket, you're on your own.

Take the case of Mr. Robert G. Loudon, a god-fearing resident of Memphis, Tennessee. On a sunny day in June, 1990, Mr. Loudon was stopped by police for making an illegal left turn. When asked for his license, Mr. Loudon replied that it had expired. The officer then prepared a citation for the illegal turn, and for driving without a license, and presented it to Mr. Loudon for his signature. Mr. Loudon refused to sign, because (as the court explains):

[Mr. Loudon] advised [the officer] that he could not be arrested because her God was not as big as his God. He referred to her as “an agent of the socialistic government and he felt that it was that type of government that was trying to brand him with this mark.”

Mr. Loudon refused to renew his driver’s license because doing so would require him to provide his social security number to the DMV. And why wouldn’t he do so? In a letter to the Tennessee Department of Safety, Mr. Loudon declared that:

[I]t is illegal for you or anyone else to deny me a renewal of my operator license because I neither have nor will get a Socialist Surveillance Number; and so to do will be a violation of Federal laws both civil and criminal, regardless of any “Laws” you claim to be acting under color of. ...

I do not have a SSN because that number is now becoming the mark of the beast against which we are warned in the Bible at Revelation 13:16-18, 14:11, and other places. I have committed my life to follow the Lord Jesus, Christ, and I cannot permit myself to be defiled with your number, as it would surely defile me.

The heathen court wasn’t convinced. Risking the fire and brimstone of Mr. Loudon’s vengeful God, the court affirmed his sentence, whereby he was ordered to pay a $108 fine and serve thirty days at the Shelby County Correctional Center.

The case is Tennessee v. Loudon, 857 S.W.2d 878 (Tenn. Crim. App. 1993).

Respected CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corp.) Radio reporter Bob Keating was ticked off! Seems that Mr. Earl Hamilton, a health care activist, called Mr. Keating a government "toady" who was not to be trusted. Well sir, how would you like a box of chocolates smeared with raw chicken and dirt?

That's just what reporter Keating sent to Mr. Hamilton. Keating blew the surprise, though, warning Mr. Hamilton about what he was about to receive. He then confessed to his employer, and got psychiatric help. And the ramifications? Should Keating have been fired? A labor arbitrator decided that a three-month suspension was appropriate. When the CBC appealed that, they won, with a three-member panel saying he should be fired. But then that was appealed, and the British Columbia Court of Appeal said that the chocolate surprise was not a firing offense.

Only one problem - Keating does not want his job back! (The case was pursued by his union, against his wishes.) He is now the manager of media and trade relations for Kootenay Rockies Tourism. Though he is happy with his new job, he has found the restrictions - staying 50 feet away from chocolate, raw chicken, and dirt - sometimes difficult to work around. [Okay - the restrictions are bogus.] In any event, said Keating, "I've moved on... I made a mistake. It cost me a career... I want to put it behind me." Here's hoping he has.

All of these laws are on the books. Click on the statute and see for yourself.

No tattoos? Yup, no tattoos!

It shall be unlawful for any person to tattoo or offer to tattoo any person. As used herein to "tattoo" means to insert pigment under the surface of the skin of a human being, by pricking with a needle or otherwise, so as to produce a permanent indelible mark or figure visible on the skin. Provided, however, that the provisions hereof shall not apply to any act of a licensed practitioner of the healing arts performed in the course of his practice. §21-841

I'm in trouble with this next one:

Profane swearing consists in any use of the name of God, or Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost, either in imprecating divine vengeance upon the utterer, or any other person, or in light, trifling or irreverent speech. §21-904

No "holy shit?" No "damn you to hell?" No "sweet Mary, mother of God?" What about "holy crap?" Not to worry too much, though. The penalty:

Every person guilty of profane swearing is punishable by a fine of One Dollar ($1.00) for each offense. §21-905

Kids, watch your butts because:

... nothing contained in this Act shall prohibit any parent, teacher or other person from using ordinary force as a means of discipline, including but not limited to spanking, switching or paddling. §21-844

Damn, switching or paddling? Well, at least the fraternities have one less thing to worry about.

Again with the duels!

Any person guilty of fighting any duel, although no death or wound ensues, shall be guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment in the State Penitentiary not exceeding ten (10) years. §21-662

Oh no you didn't just try and serve me with those legal papers on Saturday.

Whoever maliciously procures any process in a civil action to be served on Saturday upon any person who keeps Saturday as holy time, and does not labor on that day, or serves upon him any process returnable on that day, or maliciously procures any civil action to which such person is a party to be adjourned to that day for trial, is guilty of a misdemeanor. §21-912

You can probably guess where this one is going. Judge Biddle, of Douglas County, Colorado, and prosecutor Laurie Steinman admitted that they had sex in the courthouse, on multiple occasions, in multiple places. Though the affair was apparently the subject of courthouse gossip, it only appeared on the official radar when Judge Biddle's fourth wife reported it to the Chief Judge. (Honestly, when you marry the "Larry King" of the courts, could this surprise you? Yes, apparently it can. "I'm shocked and thoroughly disgusted," said wife #4, after reading the complaint.) Per the allegations set forth in the Complaint filed with the Colorado Supreme Court:

The relationship began last spring, with Biddle offering to mentor [!] Steinman in his chambers over morning cups of coffee.

Both admit they had sex a number of times in . . . Judge Biddle's judicial chamber during the summer of 2006 [including on July 4th @!*^&#!]

On a number of occasions, Judge Biddle would 'sneak' into the women's shower facility in the courthouse early in the morning to shower with Ms. Steinman.

Steinman prosecuted 2 cases before Judge Biddle without disclosing their relationship.

And the remainder of the diddle fallout?

[Thanks to Cindy Hill for steering Legal Juice to this story.]

Continue reading "Judge Biddle, Rhymes With ...." »

George and Maxine Maynard, Jehovah's witnesses, were going to find out. Obscuring the motto was a misdemeanor. Believing the "Live Free or Die" motto to be repugnant to their moral, religious and political beliefs

in May or June 1974 Mr. Maynard actually snipped the words "or Die" off the license plates, and then covered the resulting hole, as well as the words "Live Free," with tape. This was done, according to Mr. Maynard, because neighborhood children kept removing the tape.

Mr. Maynard was found guilty on three separate charges and, upon refusing to pay the fines, was sentenced to, and served, 15 days in jail! He then filed suit in federal court, asking the judge to declare the statute unconstitutional. He won! (at least at the trial level.) The judge prohibited further enforcement of the law against Mr. Maynard. Of course, the state appealed, and the United States Supreme Court agreed to hear the case. I'm sure you can guess who won.... Maynard! The Court framed the issue as follows:

whether the State may constitutionally require an individual to participate in the dissemination of an ideological message by displaying it on his private property in a manner and for the express purpose that it be observed and read by the public.

The Court's answer: "We hold that the State may not do so."

The juxtaposition of the slogan "Live Free or Die" with the act of trying to force someone to display it is just a little ironic, don't you think? (On another note, for a number of years, New Hampshire has been the only state that does not have a mandatory seat belt law [though that may change this year] despite the fact that, because of this, they forgo millions of dollars in federal funds.) By Chester, nobody's going to tell those New Hampshirites they have to buckle up. "Live Free or Die" baby!

The case is Wooley v. Maynard, 430 U.S. 705 (1977) and may be read in its entirety here.

Per the Court, Ken Parks

attacked his parents‑in‑law, killing one and seriously injuring the other. The incident occurred at their home, some 23 km. [14 miles] from respondent's [Parks'] residence, during the night while they were both asleep in bed. Respondent [Parks] had driven there by car. Immediately after the incident, the respondent went to a nearby police station, again driving his own car, and told them what he had done. Respondent claimed to have been sleepwalking throughout the incident.

Mr. Parks was charged with first degree murder and attempted murder. So how did the trial go? Per the Court:

At the trial respondent presented a defence of automatism. The testimony of five expert witnesses called by the defence was not contradicted by the Crown. This evidence was that respondent was sleepwalking and that sleepwalking is not a neurological, psychiatric or other illness. The trial judge put only the defence of automatism to the jury, which acquitted respondent of first degree murder and then of second degree murder. The judge then acquitted the respondent of the charge of attempted murder. The Court of Appeal unanimously upheld the acquittal. At issue here is whether sleepwalking should be classified as non‑insane automatism resulting in an acquittal or as a "disease of the mind" (insane automatism), giving rise to the special verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

So does he walk on the "insanity" issue too? The Supreme Court says ... the acquittal was proper. Parks did not have a "disease of the mind," so the trial court properly refused to give the jury that option.

To read the entire Canadian Supreme Court case, click here.

Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California's finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I'm sure Bolles now wishes he hadn't consented. He probably thought he had nothing to hide. Ah, but he forget about ....... the soap! Yes, soap. For some odd reason, the police field-tested Bolles' bottle of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap. Using the handy-dandy Narcopouch 928, the police determined that Bolles had GHB (gamma hydroxyl butyrate - the "date rape" drug) in his soap!

Never doubting for a second that the results could be erroneous, the Newport Beach police charged Bolles with a felony and took him to jail, where he spent the next 3 1/2 days. The soaps maker came to his defense. Ten days after being bailed out, a confirmation test done by the police crime lab came back negative, and the charges were dropped.

But that's not the end of it. The soap's manufacturer has been using the Narcopouch 928 GHB test kit to test a variety of products. So far, products from the following companies have produced false-positives: Neutrogena, Tom's of Maine, Johnson & Johnson, Palmolive! Concerned about all of these false positives, Dr. Bronner's is calling for police departments across the United States to stop using the Narcopouch 928.

When I drive, if the conditions don't meet to my liking (e.g., there are other cars on the road) I am a fountain of profanity. Words and phrases flow from my mouth that I don't even recognize. And it doesn't matter who is in the car. That is why I wouldn't last long in Oklahoma. Here's the law:

§21-906. If any person shall utter or speak any obscene or lascivious language or word in any public place, or in the presence of females, or in the presence of children under ten (10) years of age, he shall be liable to a fine of not more than One Hundred Dollars ($100.00), or imprisonment for not more than thirty (30) days, or both.

Are you shitting me? I can't even cuss in front of my wife? One trip through town and I wouldn't see my kids 'til I'm a grandpappy. You can read the statute here.

Maybe you were not the best history student? The case of Richard Lance McLaren, and his wife Evelyn, demonstrates why it’s important to pay attention, at least just a little bit.

McLaren and his wife, residents of West Texas, apparently forgot that the Lone Star State was, in fact, a state. After appointing himself “Chief Ambassador and Consul General” of the “Republic of Texas,” Mr. McLaren decided the time was right to strike the final blow for independence.

On April 27, 1997, in the name of the Republic of Texas movement, the McLarens and their followers abducted a West Texas couple and held them hostage as "prisoners of war" for 13 hours in the Republic of Texas "embassy" near Fort Davis, Texas. This kidnapping incident led to a seven-day standoff between the Republic of Texas followers and approximately 300 law enforcement officers, and ended in the surrender of the McLarens and most of the Republic of Texas followers.

As part of an "International Agreement and Terms of Cease Fire,” ending the standoff, the would-be revolutionaries earned the right to litigate, once and for all, whether Texas was a free and sovereign nation. The 77 named defendants in their suit included the President, Vice-President, several U.S. Congressmen and Senators, the United States, the Republic of Mexico, and the United Nations. Their choice of forum, naturally, was the United States District Court for the District of Columbia, where District Judge Paul L. Friedman, after long and careful deliberation, decided:

In 1845, Texas became the 28th state of the United States of America. The Republic of Texas no longer exists.

Mr. McLaren is now the undisputed Chief Ambassador and Consul General of a ten-by-ten cell, serving a 99-year sentence for kidnapping and other crimes. So kids, pay attention in history class!

The case is McLaren v. U.S. Inc., et al., 2 F.Supp.2d 48 (D.D.C. 1998).

Said the judge: "It seems to me, despite your age and despite your infirmities, you have deliberately, for a period going on for 10 years, made life a misery for your neighbours." So what exactly did 81 year-old Dorothy Evans do to her neighbors that got her 6 months in jail (a sentence that the judge said would have been much longer had she been younger)? Per the testimony of her neighbor, Angela Casa, Ms. Evans:

Drew a white chalk mark around Mrs Casa's car, while she was sitting in the vehicle outside her home, and swore at her through the car window before hitting her with her walking stick;

Told their 13-year-old daughter she was a witch and would cast a spell on her family and kill her pet dog;

Dropped her trousers and mooned Mrs. Casa's mother;

Displayed photographs of the Casa's home in her garage window alongside a piece of paper with the word "scum" written on it;

Told Mr. Casa to "go back to Italy"

Called Mrs. Casa a prostitute; and

Tried to run Mrs. Casa off the road.

Per the judge, the Casas are "eminently reasonable people," and "[Ms. Evans] made their lives a misery, as was apparent both at the trial and by the witness impact statements." He told Ms. Evans that "It's abundantly clear you will not change." Well, at least the Casa family will have 6 months of peace and quiet. (You can read more on this story here.)

(Click here to read the prior post about the shoe fetishist.)

He was sentenced to 12 months, but the judge suspended the entire sentence. To read the entire article, click here.

Timothy Walker (who, per his lawyer, "developed a bizarre theory that all adult males were smelly") was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in New South Wales, Australia. He felt that he was not getting the proper medical attention. So, he told the staff he was feeling better, and was discharged. Eleven days later, he was feeling "a mixture of negative things." He grabbed an extension cord, and climbed a 30-foot tree in his back yard with the intention of hanging himself.

At the top of the tree, "things just didn't seem as hard as they did before," said Mr. Walker. "I felt better than I had for a long time, so I started to climb down." Then tragedy struck. Mr. Walker fell, fractured his spine, and is now a quadriplegic.

Mr. Walker is suing the Wentworth Area Health Service for negligence, claiming that more should have been done for him. As to why he sought no medical treatment in the eleven days after his discharge, he said it was because he "didn't get any help at the hospital." The civil suit is currently underway.

I lack the imagination to make these stories up. Seems that young Ms. Marin (age 18) was recently picked up for trying to pinch a pair of shoes at a London store called Lizard. While the police were detaining her, she managed to secure her weapon - her right breast - and let loose with a stream of milk at the officer. For this, she was charged with assault!

Update: Ms. Marin appeared in court and pleaded "not guilty." The matter was continued.

Is this justice? In 1987, Jimmy Lee Page was on trial in Austin, Texas for murder. A jury acquitted him (with several of them even shaking his hand.) Yet Page is still in jail for that very same murder. Back in 1975, Page was convicted of killing his friend (according to Page, he and his friend were shooting beer cans when Page accidentally grazed his friend's thigh, then continued shooting when his friend tried to retaliate) and sentenced to life in jail. He was paroled in 1986. So how can he still be in jail for a crime he didn't commit?

According to the parole board, he did commit the crime. They heard from only one witness, a police detective. Amazingly, that's all it takes. Despite having been acquitted by the jury, Mr. Page has been in jail ever since for committing that very same crime. Last year, 91 other parolees in Texas met the same fate. After either being acquitted in court or having the charges dropped, they were returned to jail anyway.

As for Mr. Page, who has been denied parole 12 times: "It can just go on for the next 20 years. It's been hard. It's not the time. Doing time for no reason — that's hard."

Only in Montana (really - it's the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It's called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Only one problem with the law - folks from around the world are using it. Because of language issues, it takes the court clerks quite a spell to do the paperwork. So, a bill has been introduced requiring one of these folks to make the trip to Montana. ("Do you, proxy, take this man/woman to be that-person-who-is-paying-you's husband/wife?" "Yes, he/she does." "You may now #%@*#! the bride/groom." It's unclear, as of this writing, exactly what the legal limits are on the proxy's interaction with the bride/groom, post-solemnization.) Maybe Borat shoud have hit a double-proxy wedding in Montana on his way to meet Pamela?

No, unfortunately for movie audio-video engineer and independent filmmaker Dwayne Buckle, it didn't go down like that. Buckle was selling his DVDs on a New York City sidewalk, when things went really, really bad. Here's Buckle's version:

As a group of women walked by, he spoke to one of them because he found her attractive.

A heavyset woman in the group said something rude."She started dogging me out, being loud and disrespectful. I think I called her an elephant [a common epithet on the streets of NYC - "you, you elephant!"] and told her I wasn't talking to her."

Per a police source, one of the women said "She's my girl, and no one hits on my girl!" Buckle said they trashed his looks and his clothes, and one of them spit on him. The seven women surrounded him and attacked him and whipped him with belts.

Afterward, he began picking up his tapes, when he was attacked again. Per the Assistant District Attorney, a surveillance video shows that Patreese Johnson pulled a steak knife from her purse and stabbed Buckle with it.

Buckle was in the hospital for 5 days, and had surgery on his liver and stomach. Seven women were arrested and charged with assault, while Johnson was also charged with attempted murder.

What do the ladies say happened?

Continue reading "Seven Lesbians, A Man, some DVDs ..." »

Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:

Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903

Dear Brother Carter:

On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.

I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian

Brilliant! Berberian also sent the letter to several others, including the clerk of the Superior Court, posted it on the Courthouse bulletin board, and hand-delivered it to a courthouse police officer, who gave it to his superior, Officer Dodd (who Berberian had sued over ... metal detectors in state courthouses!).

Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said

Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis' courtroom.

Berberian then went back to the courtroom where he was trying a domestic matter. Soon thereafter, the Chief of the Courthouse Police (Captain Dodd) entered the courtroom. Per the court:

When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, "Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd." The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: "Be careful with it. Don't pull the [*930] pin. It might explode."

It didn't. Remotely, the pin was pulled by the Fire Marshal, and nothing happened. The grenade "was filled with an inert metallic substance incapable of exploding." What was Attorney Berberian's fate?

Continue reading "The Man Brought A Grenade Into The Courthouse... And He's A Lawyer!" »

So the police respond to a call regarding a gas station burglary. At the scene, they see old Bullock trying to hide. When told to halt, he runs - and crashes through a plate glass window. He was caught and taken to the hospital. When the cuffs were removed, and put on with his hands in front of him so he could be treated, he ran again! He was caught again, charged with unauthorized entry and simple escape, and convicted on both counts. As a multiple offender, Bullock was sentenced to 17 years at hard labor. (Shazam!) You can imagine this did not sit real well with him. Per the Court, "After the trial judge granted an oral motion for appeal and the appellate counsel was appointed, the following dialogue occurred between the trial judge and defendant:

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Back here, padner [sic]. Let the record reflect the defendant just told the Court twice "fuck you."

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: No, you, Mr. Bullock.

THE COURT: Three counts in direct contempt of court consecutive, 18 months. Do you want to go for two years?

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Two years direct contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Two years, six months.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.

THE COURT: Three years consecutive contempt.

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.

THE COURT: Three [**13] and a half years, Mr. Bullock. Three years, six months, direct contempt of court consecutive to the 17 years the Court just gave him.

MR. JOHNSON [DEFENSE COUNSEL]: Just for the record, note an objection.

THE COURT: That will be noted also. Let's go on the record as to James Bullock, so the Court of Appeals [sic] will know what happened. Mr. Bullock twice screamed "fuck you" to the Court after the Court had sentenced him. The Court found both to be in direct contempt and told the sheriff to escort him out of the courtroom. Mr. Bullock continued the entire way being escorted out of the courtroom, even after he was out of the courtroom before the sheriff's [sic] could [*458] put him in a holding cell, continued to scream "fuck you" at the Court. The Court finds that each time he did this to be in direct contempt. It is six months on each one consecutive to the 17-year sentence the Court had just give [sic] him on the other charges.

Damn! Three and a half more years for that? Old Bullock appealed. What do you think the Supreme Court of Louisiana did?

Continue reading "Lots of F-Bombs to Judge; "No You" says Judge to Defendant! The Result?" »

Defendant Howard Freeman sent two letters to the Judge. "On both of them the letterhead reads:

The Committee to Save the Judges From Hanging Even Though They Deserve It.

At the bottom of the stationery the following matter appears:

The Bible and history tell us that an oppressed people have never once regained their freedom until they had hung the `judges' and stoned the tax collectors to death; it is the fervent wish of the Committee that we can reason with the `judges' to quit interfering with our common law protections. Then we will have only the tax collectors to deal with. Redloh 2:25.

Shabang! And just what was Mr. Freeman convicted of, a conviction that he appealed to the Supreme Court of Wyoming? Driving the wrong way on a one-way street! Mr. Freeman claimed that the citation was defective, and that the law under which he was charged is unconstitutional.

Loser, on each claim! The Wyoming Supremes were not amused, nor were they put off by the threatening letters. Of the letters, the Court stated:

While these warnings are dire, it well may be that cases such as the one before us constitute a far more severe punishment. Our rules of appellate practice were designed, at least in part, to protect judges from such consequences.

And that was the final word in Freeman v. Town of Lusk, 717 P.2d 331 (WY 1986).

Some folks just don't know when to say "when." June Woo, age 82, died on November 15, 2002. More than 4 years later, she is still in the morgue because her family won't take custody of her body! Why?

According to the children, their mother was poisoned, a victim of "involuntary euthanasia." They will not take the body becasue they are demanding that an inquest be held to investigate the death further. I use the word "further" because here is what we know so far:

On November 14, 2002, Ms. Wu was admitted to the hospital due to acute respiratory and renal failure, along with other long-standing health problems (including end-stage lung disease);

Her family was told that she might not survive the night. Ms. Woo died the following day;

Her family insisted that she died due to being over-medicated;

An autopsy report revealed that Ms. Woo was not over-medicated, and that "this lady was frail, elderly and in a poor general state of health."

The coroner's office retained one of the country's top toxicology experts to review the matter, who agreed with the results of the autopsy.

Ms. Woo's family was told that, since their mother died of natural causes, there would not be an inquest.

Not good enough! To this day, the Woos still refuse to claim their mother's body! Although the government could bury her under the Burial Assistance Scheme, they have decided not to do so after discussing it with the Woo family. So Ms. Woo's remains remain in the morgue, almost 4 1/2 years after she died, with no resolution in sight. To read more about this story, click here.

I don't think retired teacher Margaret Lieder (age 58) or her partner, lawyer Larry Pierce (age 60) will be dialing either 411 or 911 anytime soon. When Ms. Lieder accidentally dialed "911" and promptly hung up, the police called back. Even though she told them it was a mistake, they told her officers were being dispatched anyway.

When the police arrived, Ms. Lieder would not let them in, and again told them that everything was fine. When their guest left, three more police officers arrived. (Things must be good in British Columbia if this is all the police have to do!) Then things got really crazy. The police broke down the door and arrested both Ms. Lieder and Mr. Pierce. In the process Mr. Pierce suffered cracked ribs, among other injuries. These incredibly dangerous suspects (Margaret "Crazy Fingers" Lieder and Larry "Judo Lawyer" Pierce) were handcuffed and taken to the station. They were kept in jail overnight! When they were taken to court the next day, they were let go before they even got to a judge, without ever being charged! Well, I guess they had learned their lesson! (or the police realized they couldn't come up with any charges!)

Now maybe the police will learn their lesson, as they have been sued for assault, battery, trespassing, false arrest, false imprisonment, illegal search and abuse of authority.

A Chinese company called "Beijing Lunar Village Aeronautics and Technology Co Ltd," but operating as the "Lunar Embassy to China," offered land on the moon at the low, low price of 298 yuan (about $40) per acre. And just in case you need to check up on your plot, this ambitious company also registered to engage in space travel.

According to the company's CEO, Li Jie, they sold 49 acres to 34 clients in the first 3 days of operations! Unfortunately for the Lunar Embassy, a Beijing court shut it down, citing a 1983 treated signed by China. The treaty provides that

outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by other means... The exploration and use of outer space shall be carried out for the benefit and in the interests of all countries.

Snap! Naturally, with such a solid claim, the Lunar Embassy appealed ... and lost again. The Chinese government revoked their business license, fined them 50,000 yuan (about $6,250 dollars), and ordered that the investors be refunded their money.

Regular Juice readers may remember the Swedish transvestite who wanted to change his name to "Pia" but was not allowed to. Well, seems Mr. and Mrs. Tomaro want to name their daughter "Metallica." Her mom says that the name "suits her" because "she's decisive and knows what she wants."

Unfortunately, the Swedish Tax Board is also decisive, and knows what it wants. Apparently the name is too close to the word "metal," so the Tax Board refused to register it. The Tomaro's appealed the decision and won. Now the Tax Board has decided to appeal, and 6 month-old Metallica Tomaro still does not have an official registered name. "So what," you might ask? Well, without a registered name, Metallica can't get a passport. So, the Tomaros have had to cancel several trips until this is all sorted out!

Now I like women's shoes, but ... Hell, I don't even like men's shoes. For me, shoes are purely functional. Not so with 26 year-old mechanical engineer Omar Adb-el-Gowd, who told police that he has been obsessed with ladies shoes since he was 12, and that he has taken shoes "for sexual purposes" for years.

For Mr. Adb-el-Gowd, moving to the big city (London) was a HUGE mistake. He was blown away by the incredibly fine footwear. He stole shoes from women in London for over a year before that fateful day when, while stealing a shoe, he allegedly "sexually caressed" the calf and ankle of his victim. For that, he is on trial for sexual assault. Said the prosecutor:

He found that fashionable — to him — and sexually attractive shoes were to be found in greater abundance in the capital. He told police this was the trigger for him to go beyond simply taking shoes.

So, does Mr. Adb-el-Gowd prefer women's shoes over women? Per prosecutor Fitzgerald:

He said, although he was sexually attracted to women and had had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend as recently as November 2005, his past relationships with women had been somewhat complicated by the fact that he would find a particular girlfriend’s shoes more sexually attractive than the girl herself.

Note to prosecutor: Having sex 1 1/2 years ago is not "recent." For more details, click here.

And how is it that trial lawyers get so much bad press?

Psychiatrist Juan Ernest Tejeda Rosario was charged with sexual abuse, sexual impropriety, and "disgraceful, dishonourable and unprofessional conduct. The allegation made by two patients (of 15 and 16 years) include:

Tying a rope around the patient's genitals and leading him around the office;

Penetrating the patient with objects, including a riding whip and a toilet brush;

Piercing the patient's penis and genitals with a needle;

Engaging in intercourse with a patient while the man put his head in the toilet;

Having the patients perform oral sex on him and masturbate him;

Having the patients masturbate in front of him;

Paying $3,000 to one of the patient's girlfriend (who was also his patient!) to keep her quiet.

So what do you think happened at the disciplinary proceeding, scheduled to last 16 days?

Continue reading "You Would NOT Want This Man As Your Doctor" »

The contest put on by Sacramento radio station KDND was called "Hold your wee for a Wii." Eighteen contestants drank lots of water over a 4-hour period. They would be disqualified if they urinated. Contestant Jennifer Strange drank almost 2 gallons of water, then began to experience headaches and disorientation. So she dropped out of the contest and went home.

SHE DIED THAT DAY - from water intoxication. Her family has sued the radio station, among others (Click here to see the lawsuit on The Smoking Gun).

What about criminal responsibility? Do you think anyone involved is being prosecuted for this? Nope. The District Attorney decided not to charge anyone at the station because Ms. Strange could have stopped anytime, and because "there were no observable indications or symptoms that [she] was experiencing a serious medical emergency..."

Throughout the years since our nation’s inception, the American courtroom has been the stage for some rather formidable legal battles. Marbury v. Madison, Brown v. Board of Education, and Bush v. Gore come to mind. Sometimes, however, it is highly unlikely that some of the biggest match-ups ever make it to the Law School curriculum. Such is the case of a recent Seventh Circuit decision (remember, these Judges are just below the Supreme Court) between two competing individuals: Pull My Finger® Fred and Fartman.

As described by Circuit Judge Wood, Fred “is a white, middle-aged, overweight man with black hair and a receding hairline, sitting in an armchair wearing a white tank top and blue pants.”

In contrast, Fartman “is a white, middle-aged, overweight man with black hair and a receding hairline, sitting in an armchair wearing a white tank top and blue pants.” Did I say “In contrast”? My mistake...

OK, OK, so neither Fred nor Fartman are actually individuals who appeared in the courtroom. Each are, however, plush dolls who “fart” when one squeezes their respective extended fingers. They also make crude jokes following their flatulence, such as “Did somebody step on a duck?” and “Silent but deadly.”

A copyright infringement case against the producers of Fartman, JCW Investments, Inc., d/b/a Tekky Toys v. Novelty, Inc. provides some rather humorous reading. As the Judges come to the surprising revelation that “there is a niche market for farting dolls, and it is quite lucrative,” they must embark upon rather philosophical debate about the difference between the “idea of” and the “expression of” the “comic archetype [of] ‘a typical man wearing jeans and a T-shirt in a chair doing the ‘pull my finger’ joke’”.

Alas, Fartman’s legacy comes to a disappointing end as the Court decides that he is, in fact, too close to being Fred’s twin to have not violated the copyright. Quite humorously, though, and in a possible foreshadow of the Judges’ own venture into that “niche market for farting dolls,” Judge Wood posits his own expression of that comic archetype:

Novelty could have created another plush doll of a middle-aged farting man that would seem nothing like Fred. He could, for example, have a blond mullet and wear flannel, have a nose that is drawn on rather than protruding substantially from the rest of the head, be standing rather than ensconced in an arm-chair, and be wearing shorts rather than blue pants.

Right on, Judge Wood, right on...

For a picture of Pull-My-Finger Fred, click here. To read the entire decision, click here.

Although there are usually two sides to every story, in this case, both are a little whacky. There is no dispute that Mr. Fulmer shot Mr. Penny, who suffered a fractured femur, and a broken nose and cheek. Penny had scratches on his neck, torso, face and hands.

The shooting took place in Fulmer's house. Here is Penny's version:

Appearing jealous over the affection the cat was showing Penny, Fulmer attacked him and then shot him.

Here's Fulmer's version:

Because Penny was mistreating Napolean (the cat!) and acting strangely, Fulmer asked Penny to leave. Penny then tackled him, and while they fought for the gun, it went off, hitting Penny in the leg. He was just defending himself and his pregnant wife against the "drunken and aggressive" Penny. [Penny was legally intoxicated.]

The trial in the Nova Scotia Supreme Court took 4 days. So what do you think the jury decided?

Continue reading "Hands Off The Cat - Or I'll Shoot!" »

Winnipeg attorney Ingrid Chen was caught on tape telling the head of a biker gang that she wanted her clients attacked or even "dead." He also told Ms. Chen that "the first visit is a nice visit. After that, if I have to break legs, I break legs." Ms. Chen's lawyer said that she just made a "few stupid mistakes."

Queen's Bench Justice Greenberg disagreed, stating that Ms. Chen "took professional misconduct to a whole new level." Said the Justice, "Not surprisingly, there is no case law on how to deal with a lawyer who hires a thug to collect money from her clients."

Ms. Chen was convicted of extortion, sentenced to 18 months in jail, and taken away in handcuffs. Quite a disappointment for her, as she was seeking to avoid jail altogether. Click here for more details of Ms. Chen's collection methods.